I “Figuratively”” want to KILL everyone who misuses “Literally”

Sunday

Can we PLEASE educate these contestants?!?  Literally does not mean what you think it means!  More often than not, you should be saying figuratively.

Onto the episode, we picked up in the middle of the rose ceremony & Clare’s break-down.  I loved that Chris Harrison basically told her to put her big girl panties on & get back out there.  She finally got herself contained, went back to face the group, & blamed it on “allergies”.  Somewhere, Juan Pablo is saying eees okay!

Predictably, Mikey T & Jonathan went home & Juelia remained obliviously smitten with Joe.  I have to say, for someone so dumb, Joe was a master manipulator & played Juelia effortlessly.

Samantha arrive early the next day; Chris Harrison’s greeting was basically, “Hey Samantha, who are you?”  Classic!  Of course, this sets off the rest of the episode(s) down the rabbit hole.  Jomantha (Joe + Samantha) seemed very staged & setup to me, especially after watching unREAL.  Their date was pretty gross, didn’t see any “hard bodies” for People Magazine.  They definitely kissed like they knew each other prior to Bachelor in Paradise…I smell a Nick Viall situation.

Here’s the thing, I don’t care if they were in touch before Bachelor in Paradise; however, if you are already starting something off-camera why come on the show?  You don’t win anything.  You’re not promoting your business.  No reason to whore yourself out on TV & drag poor Juelia through the mud to do it.  Juelia remained classy, if not naive, the whole time.

Somewhere around this time, Carly admitted that she was hard up & horny for Kirk.  They got a date card & we also learned that she missed her brother’s wedding for BiP…hope it wasn’t his first wedding!  I have to admit, I love Kirly!  Around this same time, Dan dumped Ashley S.  Too bad, because I liked them together, but now the Onion will come out for sure.

Next, Megan “got lost” trying to find Paradise.  I am so sick of her dumb act; that is not a great way to get attention!  One of my many pet peeves.  Megan, being dumb, went straight for JJ, asked him on her date after he got done saying that he is unemployed, & lives at home with his parents…oi with the poodles already!

Tweets from Sunday:

BiP Sunday 3

 

Monday

Ok, so I missed the first 15 minutes of Monday night, but from what I can tell Juelia was a boss when she confronted Joe.  Jomantha looked so guilty!  By the way, you should check out Samantha’s Twitter…she is the worst!  Samantha insisted that she didn’t plot with Joe, yet she cornered him & coached Joe on exactly what to say in his confessional.  Smells like plotting to me.

Meanwhile, aside from the chaos at the resort, we see JJ & Megan’s date on a yacht.  He basically insulted her constantly, but she didn’t seem to notice.  Maybe she is that dumb???  She can go on home…as Ashley S would say, “Bye Felicia.”

The Joe, Samantha, Juelia, Jared, Tanner, JJ, Dan (basically everyone) drama continued…

Amber (who the hell?) showed up during this episode, looking for love with Dandy Pants.  This may be the cutest couple that we can’t remember.  Their date consisted of locals bullying them into kissing…somehow, I think they survived it.  They’re boring.

The best part of this whole episode was the previews…this season has been so lame, so far, if those previews are to be believed!!!

Tweets from Monday:

BiP Monday 3

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