Tonight’s episode began with everyone eating & hanging at the bar. Samantha, being the anti-drama person that she is, pulled Joe aside to tell him that she can’t stop thinking about him, blah blah blah. She then pulled Justin aside to break up with him before they even got started.
Justin decided to take Amer on the date, to which she agreed. There are so many problems with this: 1.) Amber is still only interested in Dan. 2.) She wore a bikini in public, nowhere near water, with wedges, & a net. 3.) Justin is severely sunburned. 4.) Why is it so splotchy? Did he put Sam’s initials in tape to get a suntan design?
Meanwhile back at the house, Chris Bukowski showed up for yet another Season in the Bachelor franchise. Even Chris Harrison seemed embarrassed & baffled that Chris is back yet again. Dear God, why?!? Side note – a former contestant, Ashley Spivey, blogged Emily’s Season & called him Crazy Baby Eagle Face & I shall too! So, CBEF went straight to the bar & promptly got shitfaced. He claimed to be here for Tenley; who isn’t here for Tenley? She turned Crazy Baby Eagle Face down in the most Disney Princess way she possibly could. Josh took Chris’ date card, & Chris stumbled off into the night. I personally wanted him to end up in the bird cage with Ashley’s parrots.
Around this time, Dan broke up with Amber & decided he too loves Samantha. Seriously, does she have a magical vagina or what? She is a praying mantis looking for her next mate to destroy. Samantha told Dan that she felt “love at first sight” for Joe. Yet, somehow, Dan managed to get Joe sent home.
Ashley I. gave Jared a letter, very reminiscent of Rachel’s letter to Ross. FRONT & BACK! I think Jared is still reading that letter. How delusional do you have to be for a guy to keep breaking up with you & yet, you go back for more. Get some self-respect! You’re crazy Ashley I., but you deserve better than that. Jared deserves more, as well, because he clearly isn’t interested in her.
Tweets from Sunday:
Monday night’s episode began with Juelia getting stung by a jellyfish…y’all this is one of my biggest fears! One of the many reasons I would not be invited to Paradise. In another Friends moment, Tenley was a super awesome friend & peed on Juelia’s foot.
Chelsie (who?) arrived. Carly gave her the low down on who was with whom, & told her to take Dan on a date. She took Nick. Both of these people hold no interest for me.
Mackenzie also showed up. If you don’t remember her, she was from Chris Soules’ season & has a kid named Kale. She took Justin on her date, which Amer was broken hearted about (rolls eyes). Mackenzie & Justin gave each other mud baths & got “Mexican married.” Mackenzie is ready to have more salad named children & Justin wants a Mexican divorce.
The best part of the episode is when Jaclyn showed up!!! She basically came to stir shit up! “I don’t care who is a couple.” LOVE IT!!!!
We leave this episode with Kardashley taking a bored & misearble looking Jared on an overnight date. The previews next week look awesome!!!!
Monday night Tweets: