Bachelor Recap Week 3: Cankles, Hammer-Toes, & Bitches! Oh My!

Y’all, as I write this blog my Christmas tree is still up and decorated.  I did manage to unplug it; maybe I’ll leave up until the Chinese New Year…try not to judge me too harshly.

Week 3’s episode starts with Amanda & Lauren B. discussing Olivia’s mean girl tendencies.  Meanwhile, Olivia is elsewhere in the house assuming she will get the 1 on 1 date card.

Much to her disappointment, Lauren B got the 1 on 1 date.  Ben picked her up in an old school convertible; convertibles are good in theory, but in in reality it is not great for date-night hair.  Ben takes Lauren up in a little yellow plane that bares striking resemblance to Snoopy’s Red Baron plane.  Now, I find it very interesting that a flight attendant is scared of a 2-seater plane…doesn’t give me high hopes for the quality of service she provides as a flight attendant.  After flying over the Mansion, they land in the middle-of-nowhere, where of course a hot tub is waiting for them.  Uh, hello!  California is in a drought, people!  Clearly ABC was forced to buy the hot tub that Kevin Hart skinny dipped in, & ABC is getting their money’s worth.  If you paid attention to the bloopers, Ben totally farted in the tub while making out with Lauren.

Back at the house, Caila had a melt down realizing that Ben is dating multiple women.  This from the girl that dumped her boyfriend once she found out Ben was the Bachelor.  I’m not going to lie, during most of this screech cry fest, I thought this was Rachel.

Ben and Lauren finally remove themselves from the hot tub for a romantic dinner they’ll never eat.  Ben asks really probing questions, which I love.  It is such a nice departure from most Bachelor/ettes who have nothing to say, so they just suck face all night.  Both Lauren and Ben shared great personal details about themselves.  Lauren said she wanted to meet Ben’s family, and then caught herself, “Whoa, let’s back it up!”  Laughter ensues and Lauren B. gets the first rose of the night.  Que the awkward concert…grrr.  Who is Lucy Angel?

The Group Date consisted of: Amanda, Haley, Jennifer, Shushanna, Leah, Amber, Lauren H., Olivia, Jami, Rachel, Lace, & Emily.  Clearly, such a large group can only mean one thing – sporting competition of some kind with skimpy clothing optional.

The girls were split into two teams of Stars vs. Waldo Stripes.  Does anyone else think Rachel looks a tad like Winnie from the Wonder Years and Catherine Lowe’s lovechild?  At this point, I’m pretty sure Amber & Jami are the same person.  The teams practice their “ball handling skills,” which are pretty much non-existent.

Back at the house, JoJo and Jubilee have an emotional conversation about the possibility of not being Ben’s type.

At the Coliseum, Chris Harrison showed up to break the news to the ladies that whichever team lost the soccer match (is that what it’s called?) would be sent back to the house.  The video below describes the women’s reactions.

Olivia announced that she was competitive and aggressive…SHOCKER!  Emily and Haley kept referring to a Twin-Off; pretty sure they cancel each other out, but what do I know?  I loved watching Ben watch the game; his reactions were so enthusiastic!  Emily was a surprisingly good goalie for Team Stars.  I love that she refers to soccer as “Balls flying at my face” – like she’s never had that before.  Rachel somehow hurt herself, and immediately Olivia says, “I’m going to take advantage of it.”  Unfortunately, Olivia’s team (Stripes) won as Amber made the final goal.

The girls moving onto the date are Amber, Olivia, Haley, Jami, Leah, and Lace.  Olivia snagged Ben first, and the ladies proceeded to tear her apart.  Olivia loves to rub everyone’s face in her perceived connection with Ben.  Amber, Lace, and Haley criticized Olivia’s hammer toes and Halitosis, which prompted Jami to narc on them.  Somehow, Amber got the rose on this date…I just can’t get on board the Amber train.  Wasn’t a fan on Chris Soules’ season, nor Bachelor in Paradise.

Jubilee got the second 1 on 1 date and had the best profanity filled reaction.   Ben arrived (late!) with a helicopter in tow; apparently Jubilee is terrified of heights.  She made a flippant remark, asking “Does anyone else want to go on my date?”  this remark rubbed the women the wrong way and earned her the stink eye for life…bitches be crazy.

Chris Harrison’s reaction to Jubilee’s flippancy:

Chris Harrison's reaction to Jubilee

Confession time, I’d be irritated that my date showed up 20 minutes late too; however, I think her sarcasm is lost on the women left at the house.  Sucks for them!

As much as I like Jubilee, she is so awkward…more so than the concerts for 2.  Did she seriously spit caviar out?!?  She then explained that she was obsessed with hot dogs.  The gluten chick from the first night would lecture her for hours.  Is it me, or does Ben keep calling her Julie?  Their date took a more serious turn, at dinner, when Jubilee explained that she had Survivor’s Guilt as she was orphaned in Haiti because her entire family was killed…crying now.  I imagine being a war veteran would also give someone guilt among other issues.  I truly think Survivor’s Guilt is a real thing, and lots of circumstances can bring this on.  Jubilee got the rose, much to the dismay of the ladies the next morning.

At the Cocktail Party, Ben arrived visibly upset and announced that two of his family friends had been killed in a plane crash the night before.  As usual, Olivia stole grabbed Ben first.  Olivia’s conversation went something like this, “I know it’s been a hard day for you, but we all have our issues.  For instance, I hate my legs & the girls are making fun of my cankles,” as she breaks down in tears, which she later interprets as Ben being in love with her.  I like to imagine that Olivia’s theme song, running through head, is a play on “Let’s Talk About Sex.”  Let’s talk about me, baby.  Let’s talk about cankles & knees.  Let’s talk about all the good things that you invisibly show me!

Side note: Emily’s impression of Olivia is on point!

Luckily, Amanda got the next private moment with Ben and he got the comfort he was looking for.  The ladies crazy bitches were especially cruel to Jubilee at the Cocktail Party.  Now, let me begin this by saying that I believe the girls without roses at cocktail parties should have first dibs on Ben.  However, the fact that Amber was the ring leader in taking down Jubilee, for hogging Ben, is a huge issue as she too had a rose.  All the drama, and attempted confrontations, caused Jubilee to seclude herself in a bathroom.  Ben, and then Amber, chased after her attempting to console her…fanning the tears away always works.  Basically, Amber made herself look like an ass, and I bet Ben was wishing he take back her rose.

This episode was suspiciously lacking in the Lace department.  Just in the nick of time, she pulls Ben aside…presumably to make eye contact.  lace shocked us all by admitting that their was no connection and she removed herself from the competition (yes, it’s a competition at this stage).  She told Ben that she wanted to work on herself, which I fully support.  I hope to see her at Tulum with Jorge the Bartender!

Results from the Rose Ceremony:

Bachelore Ben's Ladies - Week 3

My favorite Tweets of the night:

Tweets - Week 3

A lot of the women showed an ugly side of themselves this week.  Hopefully, they are all embarrassed watching this back.  Until next week…

   Kiss Hug,

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