RHONY Recap: 4 Tits Down

Tonight’s episode of RHONY began in Jules & Michael’s apartment.  Jules made eggs for Michael & struggled through making coffee for him.  Apparently, she is always an hour late to school because Jagger wants to take a tub.  But whatevs, it’s private & they want her money.

Moving on, Bethenny met with Dorinda & Carole to treat herself, not cheat herself.  Anyone else notice that this is the same place that Jason always bought jewelry for B?  The jewelry excursion was for Bethenny’s birthday.  Evidently, her party will be a tailgate chic theme in the Hamptons.  Carole & Luann are staying with B, & Dorinda & John are staying with Ramona.  Say what???  Once again Dorinda excused John’s odd behavior…it rubs all the women the wrong way.  Eww, Dorinda Nair’s his back…vomica!  All roads lead to Ramona, eventually, & her incessant chatter about herself, which also rubs the women the wrong way.

Across town on the Upper East Side, Lu & Sonja are drinking Rose & eating beet chips (pink chips & pink champagne as Sonja called them) while they discuss all the women. 1) Ramona’s lack of friendship with Sonja, 2) Carole crawled up Bethenny’s anus (who uses that word over a**hole?), 3) Sonja adores Juicy John, 4) Dorinda was in the Berkshires over the summer.  Apparently, Sonja also sage’d her kitchen to rid it of demons, which Luann found to be bizarre (me too!).  First of all, why would the demons hang out in the kitchen?  Second, do you have to buy special sage & where does one get this special sage?

On the same side of town, Dorinda joined Ramona for lunch.  Ramona de-Mario’d the apartment & now it’s hot as Hell.  Avery & Hannah are both juniors in college, but are in very different places (physically & maturity), according to D & R.  The lack of curtains in Ramona’s place gave Dorinda hot flashes.  The hot flashes caught Ramona, so much so, that they continued their lunch while sitting atop the AC vents.  Hilarious!

Some night later, Carole & Bethenny met for dinner.  Adam is officially Carole’s boyfriend, but she is scared of the L-word.  I don’t see this relationship lasting too much longer, simply because Adam wants things Carole can’t give him.  She is very aware of this…in terms of summers left.  Apparently, Carole is still ticked at Luann & would like to throw a drink in her face, but instead politely ignores her.  We also learned that Luann stalked B all summer…perhaps to keep Carole away from B’s a**hole?  Uncool, all uncool.  It’s the Fall of Zero F*cks, y’all!

Dorinda stopped by John’s business to pick up her outfit for the party.  She told him that Sonja & Luann won’t make it as they already had Countess & Lady Morgan plans.  He made plans for him to stop by the brassiere party.  Meanwhile, Ramona calls Bethenny to wish her Happy Birthday.  Ramona asked B if she should tattle on John to Dorinda regarding Viagra-gate.  The most honest thing that Ramona has ever said on this show, “I try to say something, but it always comes out wrong.”  Duh, that’s why she has at least 4 nicknames that I can think of off the top of my head in the Bravosphere.  I honestly think Dorinda is with John for the free dry cleaning!

We finally made it to Dorinda’s Bra Horror Show Party (4 tits down!).  There were lots of bras, panties (I hate that word), lingerie, chicken cutlets, & booze.  What could go wrong???  Did anyone else notice that Dorinda greeted everyone Oprah style?  “Hhhiiii Jules!  There she issss.”  Bethenny arrived a little late wearing Tito’s jacket.  Carole lamented that she never had to face the discomfort of wearing a bra…you hush it!  Who has smaller boobs, Jules or Carole?  Did you notice that Jules “washed” her hands in the ice bucket & then someone used said ice to make Carole’s drink????  Yucky.  Somehow, I don’t think that’s very Kosher.

Look, yes Carole, Jules, & Bethenny are all skinny B*tches.  I get the sense that Carole has always been thin & never had to work for it.  I feel like B maybe had to work at it a little before she came up with Skinnygirl & perhaps was avoiding her Mommy Dearest issues via food.  None of us know Jules well enough (yet) to speculate if she has a problem; however, her home segments always show her cooking but not eating.  We’ve got our eye on you, Taylor Armstrong style.  No Skinny Shaming here…mmm’kay?

Dorinda made all the women write down what they thought their bra size is.  The Experts schooled them all, but didn’t measure – they did it all by eye.  They basically told Carole that she needed a training bra…poor Carole.  And they don’t have a bra that even fits Jules’ mosquito bite boobs.

Dorinda mentioned Luann & all hell broke loose.  It lead to Luann’s shiftiness, then to Ramona’s hurt feelings over Carole’s lack of interest in her post-divorce love life. At Dorinda’s insistence that they not pretend, Bethenny brought up the subject of John, which lead Dorinda to go Hood Rat on them.  Bethenny said, “You feel the need to be selling John to us.”  Everyone vehemently agreed in their confessionals, but didn’t particularly want to face the wrath of Hood Rat D!  Carole nailed it when she said that Dorinda seemed practiced at defending Juicy John.  Ramona, not one to be left out, decided to air personal dirty laundry from the Plaza.  I think Dorinda did deserve to know about Viagra-gate, but should have told privately.  To Be Continued…

Favorite Tweets of the Night: RH Week 2

What did y’all think of tonight’s episode?  Do any of you follow Dorinda on Twitter – she angry-tweeted the entire episode.  Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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