Southern Charm Recap: Pinky Rings are a Deal Breaker

This episode picked up where we left off last week with the infamous, “Look, I would be mad too if a girl slept with my best friend a week after she slept with me.”  Cam immediately jumped to Whitney’s defense; #NewCraig easily put Cam in her place.  “You can’t come up with a reason why you hate Kathryn.”  Craig pointed out that Whitney & Cameran are dividing the group over their petty treatment of KDen.  Whit’s defense was that he slept with her wwwaaayyy before TRav…is this a legit defense?  I think not.  Whitney informed Craig that this would affect their friendship.  Craig smoothly pointed out that this has gone on long enough, 3 years now, & he is still pissed about the Delaware trip.  Shep actually agreed with Craig, but not in the group setting.  I’m not a fan of Naomie’s interjection, siding with Whitney…like she would even know.  She’s new, y’all.  Shep finally spoke up telling Whitney to shut up, which Whit totally glossed over, yet he thanked him for saying “Shut the fuck up, this is my house.”  I think he thought Shep was talking to Craig…maybe he was talking to both?  Okay, so Craig was actually right, but he ruined his credibility when he said to Whitney, “Did you really think the parents thing wouldn’t come back up again?”  I think we all bowed our heads in disgust at that point.  Whit’s vehement reaction was so dramatic & he utterly denied everything & basically had a tantrum…makes me think he doth protest too much???

Why would Kathryn lie about sluttin’ it up with both Whitney & Thomas, especially after everyone knew she’d hooked up with Sheppy-Poo?  This makes her look worse, so Cam’s horrible treatment & Whit’s unrelenting hatred has me totally dumbfounded.  I also can’t wait for the reunion when they have to defend themselves against video footage.  Shep calls for champagne (I always support this); meanwhile Danni called out the group, specifically Cam, for treating KDen like shit & continuing a friendship with Thomas.  Double-standards, much???  “If you’re going to blast Kathryn, then blast Thomas too.”  Cam thinks that both Kathryn & TRav are going through a nervous breakdown, & she doesn’t want to be around it.  Okayyyy, then don’t associate with TRav either.  I think Cameran may be having a nervous breakdown herself.  Loved the kitchen talk between Shep & Craig.  Since when does Craig dip?  #gross  Cameran tells Craig to apologize to Whitney.  PS – WTF is on Whitney’s lip?  I’m hiding behind my pillow now for fear of catching it through my TV.  Craig basically explained his theory again in a much calmer tone, to which Cam & Whit stared at him in utter disbelief.  #theyreallmorons  Once again, Naomie made Craig feel worse, as she was embarrassed; Craig ruined her night.  I might be done with her.

The next morning, most of the Charmers left Linville early.  Danni went to Austin, sad that I missed her.  Whitney & Cam headed back to Charleston early.  I do not understand why Cameran so adamantly defends Whitney, almost blindly so.  Craig is no longer in her circle of trust.  Once again, I cannot wait for the reunion!  Meanwhile back home, Kathryn & Dawn are trying to wrangle Kensie into wearing a bow.  They FaceTime’d with TRav, as Kathryn oddly called him; she also informed him that her due date has been moved up 3 weeks.  Thomas volunteered to assemble the changing table.  It was a kinda sweet moment.  Back in Linville, Shep & Landon made breakfast for the final four.  Shep pointed out that, “Craig isn’t a menace to society, just a menace to himself.”  I think this applies to ALL of the Charmers from time to time.  Over at Ms. Pat’s house (long time no see) she rang her bell for Michael to bring her martini satchel.  Get it, a satchel for an Altschul…hahaha!  She’s on her way to visit Whitney in his ISIS prison camp new loft.  He was busy cranking metal…whatever that means.  I guess that was music?  She asked about the trip to Linville, clearly fishing for gossip.  Whit was more focused on seeing Larissa, as he hasn’t seen her for months.  Ms. Pat has 4 engagements rings collecting dust waiting for Whitney to make a move…I think they’ll be there for a long time yet.  I didn’t realize Patricia had been married so many times.  Whitney is planning a Guy’s Trip to LA with Shep & Thomas…Craig has been conveniently left out.  Randomly Pat & JD were at the bank, I didn’t know anyone still did this, & JD told Patricia that Craig is his bitch…yeah, a bitch with a stake-hold in the company.  Whit & Mama P had a good laugh over this.

Sometime later, Thomas spent a significant amount of time trying to get a hold of Kathryn.  He finally resorted to calling Dawn to figure out what the deal was.  Turns out KDen was pissed that TRav made plans to go to LA for a Boy’s Weekend.  Y’all this trip was planned the same week Kathryn was due to give birth; she had every right to be infuriated.  Thomas makes such a showing of being the concerned father, & always being there for his children, blah, blah, blah.  This proves what kind of Dad he is…absentee.  My friend is pregnant right now, & I’m on standby for the month surrounding her due date.  Thomas claimed to be thinking rationally, but really he was just thinking douchey.  Dawn is like the Kathryn & Thomas whisperer…she definitely needs a raise.  Over at Craig & Naomie’s, Naomie once again took Whitney & Cam’s side of the issue.  Guess we know which team she’s on…not #TeamCraig.  She is sick of hearing about it…we all are Naomie, we all are.  Naomie did advise Craig to be Elsa in the case of Kathryn vs. the Southern Wasps.

Switching coasts to Whitney’s LA pad, which is a mid-century modern abode.  He actually washed his own windows…color me shocked!  Thomas called Whitney, while he was “doing his chores,” to decline the Boy’s Trip invitation blaming it on Kathryn’s volatile reaction.  I understand that Whitney despises Kathryn, but to invite TRav out-of-town during the final month of pregnancy is uncouth even for him.  Didn’t she bust his blue balls for this last season?  Maybe in his blind hatred for KDen, Whitney subconsciously schedules clandestine outings that would take Thomas away from the birth of his children???  Thomas feels manipulated by Kathryn…umm, I beg to differ.  I think Whit is equally manipulative.  Back in the Holy City, Cam & Craig met up for the most awkward lunch.  Side note, I love that Cameran eats like a 9 year old.  Cam still maintains that Craig spewed lies & rumors.  The only thing I agreed with Cameran on, during this episode, is that “Kathryn is a hot button for Whitney, not because he has the hots for her but because he simply doesn’t like her.”  Truer words may never have been spoken this season, but what is the reason that Whitney doesn’t like Kathryn???  #Craigstheory  Random question, did they eat lunch in a convenience store?  Did Cameran join the Junior League or something to become such a snob towards Kathryn & Craig?

After the commercial break, we finally got to see their morning routines.  Look at Bravo always bringing us back to basics.  We settle on Kathryn opening her door to a flower delivery, where she somehow managed to spill “flower juice” all over herself.  What exactly is flower juice?  Can it be used for a cleanse?  Where can I buy said cleanse? They were from Thomas, & the note simply said “I’m very sorry.”  I’ll go ahead & say that that is not a real apology & mostly just a platitude.  But, I guess it worked.  Whitney called Shep about the Boyz Trip; Sheppy basically invited Craig along claiming that he would vouch for him.  In his confessional, Whitney said that Craig would “have to get down on all fours, which he’s good at, & beg for forgiveness.”  Could Whit be anymore of a Tool McDouche Nugget?  Shep said it best, “Grudges are for losers.”  Craig stopped by Kathryn’s to gossip about the mountain.  He confessed to stirring it up & confronting Whitney about their relationship, but basically told KDen that there was no hope for her & the friend circle.  I’m firmly on #TeamKathryn & think this whole thing is stupid. #Munchhausenanyone  Craig has decided to wash his hands of it, & Kathryn is focusing on her babies.

Larissa, the mystical girlfriend, finally made her seasonal appearance.  Whit made stir fry for them & and performed a horrible song, which she laughed through.  Was he singing for real?  Was he channeling Elvis?  Why does he wear a hideous pinky ring?  That is a deal breaker.  Yikes, Whitney is trying so hard to make this relationship real & Larissa could not be less interested.  Back on the East Coast, Shep waxes on poetically about Monday Night Football.  Sadly, this may be where Shep & I fall out of love, or the one night we have separate interests. 😉  Craig met up with Shep for a drink.  Once again, they rehashed the mountain trip.  Shep has officially garnered an invite for Craig to LA…Guy’s Trip is back on!  Basically Craig best be on good behavior. #behaveyourself

Thomas showed up at Kathryn’s to assemble a changing table.  TRav basically greeted Kensie before she left for the park…that’s his parenting style y’all.  15 second intervals.  Thomas basically ignored Kathryn’s attempts at an adult conversation, & she finally called him out on his lack of eye contact & attention.  Thomas had the audacity to tell KDen that the Guy’s Trip was Whit’s celebration of the birth of his baby boy.  Kathryn was having none of it.  #actionsdefinereality  So awkward…

My favorite Tweets from the night are below.  Disclaimer: I may have missed a few as I was trying to avoid #TheBachelorette Tweets.  SC - Week 8.1SC - Week 8.2SC - Week 8.3

What did y’all think of tonight’s show?  Looks like Landon finally admits her feelings for Shep in the previews.  Run Shep, run…to my waiting arms!

Look back Tuesday evening for my thoughts on Night One of The Bachelorette.

Until next time, have a great week.

Kiss Hug,

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