The Bachelorette Week One

I’m having a bad night, so this blog will be mostly impressions as they arrive to the mansion & then once inside.

First impression of JoJo, in front of the mansion, is that her dress is beautiful.  She had a fantastic attitude.  Is it just me, or can you see her underwear through her dress?

  1. Jordan – 27 – CA: QB, Aaron Rogers brother, looks like Shawn B.  Super hot & I’m already pegging him for Bachelor material.
  2. Derek – 29 – FL: Banker, seemed shy.  Has a nice Southern drawl.  He used to look like Harry Potter.  He was so nervous.
  3. Grant – 28 – CA: Firefighter.  Dissed Ben right out of the gate.
  4. James F. – 34 – TN: Boxing Club Owner.  Came for a relationship, not a rose.  Was not photogenic against the ABC blue background.
  5. Robby – 27 – FL: Swimmer.  He walks weird, & brought her a bottle of wine.  JoJo said her mom would like him.
  6. Alex – 25 – CA: Marine, short.  Has a twin brother.  Did push ups for JoJo, with her on his back.
  7. Will – 26 – NJ: Engineer.  Dropped note cards, wears a pinky ring.  Joke fell flat.
  8. Chad – 28 – OK: Real Estate Agent.  Way too touchy feely.  Creeper.
  9. Daniel – 31 – Canada: Model.  Actually looks like my friend Daniel.  Tool McDouche Nugget.
  10. Ali – 27 – CA: Bartender. Got out of the limo & waved like a dork.
  11. James Taylor – 29 – TX: Singer Songwriter.  Got out of the limo singing, which is always awkward.  He was nervous.
  12. Jonathan – 29 – Canada: Sales Rep.  Arrived wearing a kilt.  Eww, said he was Scottish below the waist – who does that?  What does that even mean?  He brought the black bar back.
  13. Saint Nick – 33 – North Pole: Father Christmas.  What is this?  So creepy, but funny.  You know he had to be hot in that costume.
  14. Chase – 27 – CO: Sales Rep.  Wore a faux mustache thing.  Such a bad joke.
  15. Jake – 27 – CA: Landscape Architect.  Easily the most impressive job.
  16. Sal – 28 – FL: Operations Manager.  Gave her blue balls to squeeze.
  17. Coley – 27 – IL: Real Estate.  Super cheesy joke about taking JoJo off the market…get a life, your name is Coley.
  18. Brandon – 28 – CA: Hipster.  He’s very tall.  Has never seen The Bachelorette.
  19. James S. – 27 – AZ: Superfan.  He looks a little plastic.  Was very excited to meet Chris Harrison.
  20. Nick S. – 26 – CA: Salesman.  Did the splits.  Reminds me of an O’Connell brother.
  21. Vinny – 28 – FL: Barber.  Brought JoJo toast, to toast her with.  He likes to wink.
  22. Peter – 26 – IL: Manager.  He brought a stuffed heart to be her Man Crush Monday.
  23. Evan – 33 – TN: Erectile Dysfunction Specialist.  He called her girlie – not okay.
  24. Wells – 31 – TN: Radio DJ.  He brought All-4-One to serenade her.  Was that the real group?  He is cute.
  25. Christian – 26 – CA: Telecom Consultant.  Arrived on a motorcycle.
  26. Luke – 31 – TX: Veteran.  Arrived on a unicorn, “Coconut.”  My personal favorite.

JoJo is worried that she hasn’t had an instant connection with the guys because they are all so nervous.  She & Jordan had great chemistry.  Chase is a front runner as well.  Will had the first super awkward kiss, though he did make a grade school fortune teller, so props for that.  Jordan pulled JoJo aside again for a real kiss.  His hair is a bit Flock of Seagulls for my taste.  Cue creepy music & Chris Harrison…duh, duh, duh.  First Impression Rose (FIR) is on the table.

Wells has a great sock game.  Evan’s hair is so gross.  Brandon might have a Ben Flanjik vibe going on.  Chad’s ego is the size of the universe, I don’t know how he stands up.  Daniel is so awkward.  He had to explain his joke to JoJo.  The guys are starting to drink a LOT.  Daniel is the lush so far.  His clothes are the first to come off – going home right?  Into the pool he went.  All those interns are now furious that his splash snuffed out all the votive candles.  The guys keep interrupting her in the confessional room.

Ali played the piano for JoJo, quite well I might add.  Pretty good for a bartender.  Saint Nick surprisingly made a good impression on JoJo.  Chase is giving me Luke Bryan vibes…  James T. is almost too sweet for his own good.  He’s giving me a redheaded Charles Kelley vibe.  Luke brought JoJo cowboy boots.  He so good looking; seems like the strong silent type.  Jordan got the FIR.  Chad was so jealous!  Just as the Rose Ceremony was starting Jake Pavelka showed up.  Can we please stop trying to make him happen already?!?  Thank God, he only arrived for a pep talk…go home Jake.

No Tweets from night one.  Standings below:  Suitors - Week 1

What did y’all think of the first episode?  I think the guys she sent home were good choices.  You can’t get rid of all the bad ones the first night.

Hope y’all come back next week…I promise these will get better the more guys get sent home.

Kiss Hug,

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