BIP Recap: The Least Dramatic Finale Ever

This recap will be fairly short, as I felt like there were little to no surprises.  Thanks a lot Mike Fleiss for spilling the Bachelor beans a week too early.

Tiara (the chicken girl) showed up on the next to last day in Paradise.  Y’all, she didn’t bring her chicken – how are we supposed to know who she is?  The only Tierra/Tiara I want on my TV is the one with a dented forehead full of sparkle!  Nick sweet talked Tiara’s date card for him & Jen – pretty bold move.  The only thing I’ll say about Nick & Jen’s date is that I give Jen props for attempting to speak Spanish as much as she was able to the locals. There is really no need to discuss the date further now that we know he is the next Bachelor.  It kind of put a damper on watching them.

Brett is Bradley Cooper’s character from Wedding Crasher’s.  He decided to break things off with Izzy because he liked Lauren better.  I could not care less about Izzy; she brought this on herself.  Izzy became slightly hysterical & decided to leave Paradise right then & there to pursue things with Vinny.  Did anyone notice that she was leaving the resort by walking towards the ocean?  Girl, you don’t have to swim to Florida.  She magically wound up in the BIP airport van & called Vinny.  vinnyHe didn’t know who it was & turned her down cold.  Vinny is too good for her!  I’m still secretly wishing Vinny & Sarah got together.

Rose Ceremony:
Josh: Amanda (ugh)
Nick: Jen
Grant: Lace
Evan: Carly
Brett: didn’t give a rose out; the only non-douchey thing he’s done.
Wells: Ashley

This has been the MOST PDA cast ever!!!  Is it really necessary to makeout as you accept the rose?  I. Think. Not. pda

The next morning Chris showed up to do some hosting duties by informing the remaining couples that they would be going on their respective Fantasy Suite dates.  Wells decided he did not want the responsibility of de-virginizing Ashley & promptly dumped her…smart move.  Where’s Daniel – he’d be happy to do it.

Dates (Pre-Fantasy Suite):
Grant & Lace: matching tattoos & friendship bracelets
Evan & Carly: weird naked painting (of course!)
Nick & Jen: really terrible surfing (I could watch Nick fall all day)
Josh & Amanda: watching kids play soccer?

Who is crazier?  Grace for getting matching tattoos from a guy named Chops wearing a belly shirt, or Amanda just for being with Josh?  To be fair to Nick & Jen, the water looked pretty rough for surfing.  Josh might have ruined pizza for me, & for that alone I will hate him forever. josh

Moving on to the morning after…Evan & Carly had breakfast while Evan rapped a sweet love song to her, then left in a robe.  Grant awakens to major doubts – could it have been the tattoo? He left in his robe too.  Nick & Jen were awkwardly cute?  Amanda & Josh were gross as normal, but I did like that they finally really, really addressed her kids.

All the guys met with Neil Lane to pick their ugly engagement rings.  Neil threw major shade at Nick & Josh, which I loved.  SOS to Neil – please stop with the halo rings.  Enough is enough.  I still think Jade has the best ever Neil Lane ring. jades-ring

The only engagement I truly watched was Carly & Evan’s because they are the only ones I care about succeeding.  ALL the engagements sounded like the vows they may never say, & were each about 10 minutes too long.  The only couple not to get engaged prematurely was Jen & Nick.  Hmmm, I wonder why???

My favorite Tweets from the night: 5-15-25-35-45-55-65-75-85-95-105-11

What did y’all think of the Finale?  Did Mike Fleiss’ Nick as the Bachelor announcement ruin it for you too?  On a positive note, I am thrilled that BIP got renewed for a 4th season; however, if Ashley shows up then I will boycott.  There are plenty of other crazy people in this franchise to exploit.  I’m looking at you Olivia.  I’m looking at you Tierra.

Until January for Bachelor recaps…sad face.  If you’re a Bravo lover, then keep checking back!

Kiss Hug,

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