Y’all this is my first season to watch Below Deck purposefully, & the first episode of the season for me to recap. I’ll do a quick cast analysis (you know how I love those).
Captain Lee: a lovable, no-nonsense hard-ass. Makes a mean Painkiller.
Chef Ben: a typical temperamental Chef. However, he really tries to see the best in others & seems like a generally nice guy.
Kate: I adore Kate. Like any good leader, she delegates her least favorite tasks to the other stews. Have you ever heard her give people a font – it’s pretty fantastic. What would I be, Kate?
Emily: she’s adorable, if not a little reserved. Nico & Kelley have major crushes on her…she’s totally not interested.
Sierra: rocks for brains, y’all. I know that’s rude, but seriously it’s bad. Sometimes the truth hurts. Kelley compared her to Lorena Bobbit last night.
Kelley: he is so hot! I think he’s from Texxas, which adds a point in his favor. He seems to be chasing Captain Lee’s approval, which may have to do with past seasons…not too sure.
Nico: I love Nico, he’s my favorite. He is so young, so he makes stupid decisions sometimes. Ahem, he should be with Lauren, ahem…
Lauren: I think Lauren is the Joey Potter of the cast. You know the lovely, super cool girl next door, whom the guys friend zone. They’ll realize what they could’ve had when she’s no longer available.
Kyle: WAY better than Trevor. I can only understand about half of what he says, but he seems fairly evolved. He’s obsessed with Sierra…not sure what that says about him in the long run.
This week’s show picked right up where they left off last week. The deck hands were setting up the pool for the drunkest guests so far this season. Kyle’s shoulder somehow came out of socket, which Lauren nonchalantly just popped right back in.
Moving along…two of the drunk guests went tubing & flipped near the coral reef. It’s just like Gidget! Nico (aka Moondoggie) rescued them…because according to them it was a near death experience. Pretty sure their heads never went under water. Nico, Nico – he’s our man. If we can’t have him, no one can! GOOOO Nico!
Meanwhile back on the boat, Captain Lee was roaming around trying to get his staff to answer their damn walkie-talkies. Kate was having phone sex with Ro, Ben was so
childishly obviously jealous, Kelley was in the john, Emily was on her break, & Sierra flat out forgot to wear her walkie. Needless to say the Cap’n was not thrilled. In defense of Kelley, I would not want anyone to hear me in the bathroom with bubble guts, nor would I want to hear anyone else. He was protecting the Captain, right?
Captain Lee asked Sierra to make the guests Painkillers (the famous drink in the area); y’all she was planning to give each guest a cup of pain pills. Thank Gawd, Captain Lee came to the rescue. He even taught her how to make the drink. What can he not do?
Side note: I need his recipe.
Moving on to pulling up the anchor, the Stud of the Sea is unimpressed with the deck hands & their lame hand signals. Inside, Kate is still texting Ro instead of working. Ben does not handle this well…he’s unhinging a bit. Poor Ben was expecting to get laid this entire charter season, & his go-to chose a woman. HAHA! Emily & Ben seem to have some chemistry, so I wonder if that is going to anywhere.
Side note: Why must Ben & Kate ALWAYS fight over dinner?!?!?
On another note: how can these guests eat dinner so late?! I’m usually done by 7 or 7:30.
The next morning, Captain Lee is still pissed at the deck crew…this time about salty windows. Kelley made the mistake defying Captain Lee & pointing out that they take care of the outside, & the inside is Kate’s domain. However, I don’t think Cap’n is scared of Kate – he just favors her.
Poor Lauren was next to get the wrath of Captain Lee. These hand signals are crazytown to the Captain, which infuriates Lauren. She was essentially setup to fail, but it will eventually be for her benefit because she won’t mess up again. Kelley managed to calm her down. Anyone else notice how salty those windows were that they were standing in front of?
So, even though the crew did an overall shitty job on this charter Captain Lee rewarded them with a night in a resort all to themselves. Funny how bad behavior always seems to get rewarded.
I LOVED the crew watching Kelley workout on the monitors with commentary.
As they were heading off the boat, Ro showed up to surprise Kate. All the guys (& some of the girls) think she is 6 feet tall of wasted lesbian-ness. Ro’s laugh is the most obnoxious thing I have heard since the Nanny.
The lovahs proceeded to gross everyone out with their PDA all over The Valor & the resort. It’s the car wreck Ben cannot turn away from.
Emily is still unimpressed with Kelley, yet he doesn’t take the hint. I’m pretty sure he grabbed her boob going down the slide. Does he truly think he’s playing it subtle??? I think laying down in her crotchal area IS NOT subtle.
Finally, Kyle made his move on Sierra, yet they got in a disagreement over Jesus & his ability to feed the poor. What is happening here? It brought them together somehow. Kelley warned him that she’s a lunatic – Lorena Bobbit style.
My favorite Tweets from the night:
What did y’all think of this week’s episode?
Until next week…