VPR Recap: Dog Poop for Brains

Okay, I’m not going to lie…last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules was kind of a snooze.  That said, this blog will be fairly short as I share my initial thoughts during the show.

So Jax was clearly trying to get Brittany to break up with him, right?  Regardless of what happened between Brittany & Kristen, it was very obvious that Jax’s constant gleeful gossip upset Brittany.  That alone should have been reason enough for him to shut his stupid mouth, but noooo – Jax likes to learn things the hardest way possible.  This seems like a classic case of boy meets girl in Vegas, boy dates girl long distance, then boy moves said girl to LA, girl gets an LA handshake, boy tries make girl so miserable that she dumps him.  By George, I think I’ve hit the nail on the head!  Brittany got Jaxed. jax-ass

The Toms got couples massage; I love that they wanted a spa day together.  They should go ahead & get married while it’s still legal.  couples-massage

Meanwhile, Katie heads to Stassi’s apartment where Stassi is hoping to be made Maid of Honor.  Katie brought her a Princess Water instead.  Is Princess Water what Asa makes on Shahs?  Or is that Diamond Water?

At the prompting of LVP, James began his Apology Tour.  Thinking Scheana would be the easiest, he started with her.  And so it continues… I’ve determined that the entire cast of VPR are equal opportunity assholes.  Needless to say, Scheana didn’t accept James’ apology, more like they both took the opportunity to say “Peace be with you”…on opposite day.

My only thoughts on Lala this week are:

  1. She’s gorgeous.
  2. Love her relationship with her Mama.
  3. Did she really just order wine after her mom told her she needs to quit drinking?
  4. The girl cannot sing.

Tom & Katie discuss wedding plans…I have a few thoughts about that too:

  1. I don’t mind a prenup, but do they actually have anything of value?
  2. Can we please agree to stop using burlap at weddings?
  3. Did they really get married on a Wednesday? weding-planning

Oh yeah, there was a Puppy Fundraiser…seemed kind of sparse.  James half-heartedly apologized to Katie for calling her fat, which she did not accept.  This is a perfect example of how all these fools remain on the show – cyclical drama.  In his confessional, James maintains that he thinks Katie is fat & Scheana had a nose job – the truth as he sees it.

My lesson for James is this: you can tell the truth without body shaming.  See last week’s VPR Recap if you want to know how it’s done.

Towards the end of the fundraiser, James reminded the patrons to pick up the dogs’ shit; Brittany promptly picked Jax up & threw him in the trash.

It truly pains me to say this, but Kristen was right to scold Jax.  After her bizarre account of the infamous Kentucky Muffin Night of Bliss (that she conveniently can’t remember), she attempted to rationalize Brittany’s reaction to Jax.  She too got Jaxed.

My favorite Tweets from the night: s5e2-1s5e2-2s5e2-3

What did y’all think of the episode?

Week 2 of Christmas playlists will be up on Friday!  Tomorrow I will post this week’s Stranded With…

Kiss Hug,

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