VPR Recap: Ding Dong, White Kanye Is Gone!

The episode opens with Ariana telling us that her brother has moved in with her & Tom, & it has severely hindered their sex life.  How does Ariana EVER want to have sex with Tom & that hair?  Side note: her brother looks just like her, but with a beard & a man bun.  Lala joins them, & she informs us that James has found a girl stupid enough to actually date him & that she’s a pageant girl.  Oddly enough, said girlfriend looks like the lovechild of Lala & Christina (one of the B-list SURvers).   Lala & those hoop earrings…does Utah have a Bronx? lala

Kristen, Katie, & Stassi (KKS from here on out) meet for lunch to discuss many things.  1) She is getting veneers & I’m jealous of that.  2) They bitch about Scheana casually talking to Lala while at work. 3) Stassi got a marble trashcan that is too heavy to empty.  Why do they make something so dumb?

Meanwhile at SUR, Lala attempted to do her job by talking to Scheana & Brittany about the upcoming night.  Scheana then basically tells Lala that Katie won’t let her talk to her.  Scheana texted KKS about Lala, & they applauded her lack of professionalism.  If a “friend” ever told me who I could & could not talk to, it wouldn’t be an issue because said “friend” would cease to exist to me.

Schwartz headed to therapy to pursue a resolution for his skittishness.  His concerns are not unfounded.  The therapist gave him homework…as in he has to tell Katie that he went to therapy.  When asked if he was sure that he wanted to get married, he said yeah, but couldn’t hold eye contact with Dr. Brandy.  Tom goes home to find Katie adult coloring…  Tom actually completed his homework.  I will say that he did not eloquently voice his fears; however, Katie got extremely defensive & closed herself off from any conversation.  Katie immediately got mad, & ate her feelings.  eating feelings.gif

Back at SUR, Jax opened his fat mouth & created drama where there wasn’t any.  He told LVP about Lala & Scheana’s non-conversation.  Jax made perfect sense for once.  “Kristen, Katie, & Stassi share one brain, & if you don’t think the same way as them then you can’t be friends.”  They pray on Scheana because she needs their acceptance.

How funny was it when Brittany’s dress kept unbuttoning during her confessional?  Her dress either hates James Kennedy or Jax.

Kristen’s teeth look nice, & she has the best dentist EVER.  He insisted on a champagne diet.  Sign me up.  Scheana arrived with another bottle of champs.  KKS immediately harassed Scheana for even having a conversation with Lala, to tell Lala that they will no longer be having conversations.  Honestly, they work together – they should be able to have a civil, professional shift with Lala.  These girls should not work in a restaurant.  There is always soooo much drama there.  In a real professional setting it is easier to avoid drama.

At SUR, a nobody (Gigi???) claims to have hooked up with James – of course she tells Jax.  First, don’t ever admit to sleeping with James Kennedy.  Second, don’t tell Jax – you clearly wanted your 15 minutes.  This of course gets back to James, which sends him spiraling…SUR staff is the worst at playing telephone.  I was so embarrassed for the way he spoke to Lisa & she just took it!

Side note: it annoys the shit out of me that Jax, Kristen, et al are so bothered by how Lala obtained her Range Rover.  Who cares if her boyfriend got it for her?  Let’s not pretend that Jax & crew haven’t done worse things for less.

Tom Schwartz-i-poo visited his bestie Tom 1 at SUR.  Schwartz decided to ask Ariana to be a groomsman, which I love, but it feels a bit like an eff you to Katie.  Katie kinda deserves it.  As Sandoval said, fair is fair, so Ariana got an ass steak as well.  I loved this scene – it made my heart smile.  groomsman

My favorite line of the entire episode was when Ken said, “I’ll knock your spark out.”  I laughed so hard.  Poor Tom 1 got scolded by Lisa for not telling James to chill…umm, he did right before they took shots of whiskey.  Finally, FINALLY James Kennedy officially got fired.  Only took as long as it did to fire Kristen.  Hopefully he doesn’t try to cling to fame as Kristen has managed to do.

Favorite Tweets from the night: s5e4-1s5e4-2s5e4-3s5e4-4

What did y’all think of this week?  Aren’t you so glad that the White Kanye West is finally gone?

Check back later this week for the 4th Christmas Playlist of the season.

Kiss Hug,

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