This recap will be short & sweet because, to be honest, I am losing interest in this season. I was thrilled Nick was selected to be The Bachelor, but this season as a whole has been a let down. The producers are focusing too much on the drama surrounding Corinne, which was fine the first couple episodes, but it has worn thin. We are about to go to hometowns, & I don’t feel like I know any of the girls, or Nick, or their “love” stories.
Without further ado…
- I am THRILLED that Rachel is the next Bachelorette!!! I don’t even mind that the season has been somewhat spoiled, although I always thought Rachel would come in second to Vanessa. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if Raven beat Vanessa though…
- Vanessa got the first 1 on 1. It was pretty tame until she confessed her love, & Nick basically shaded Ben Higgins for telling more than one girl that he loved her. Vanessa’s fragile
egoheart can’t handle that, y’all. Oh, they also went snorkeling in a shipwreck…The Little Mermaid much?
- Corinne, Kristina, & Raven got the Group Date. I felt like Nick played “Are you nervous yet?” while applying sunscreen to Kristina’s inner thigh…very close to the promise land. They swam with sharks; Raven was the only one excited about it – that’s on brand for her. Raven got the rose…cue Corinne’s impending meltdown.
- Corinne felt like she was the third wheel to Nick & Kristina. Welcome to every group date with you Corinne. I honestly hadn’t realized that Corinne has yet to have a true 1 on 1; that just goes to show that Nick is only interested in getting into the bone zone with her.
- Danielle went on the second 1 on 1. They rode bikes on the world’s most boring date. Here’s the thing: I really like Danielle, but I don’t think she was cast for Nick & she’s too introverted for this atmosphere. She is a horrible conversationalist (Nick isn’t great either)…I don’t think she asked Nick one question about himself or his life. It was like pulling teeth getting her to give him more than one word answers…to opened ended questions mind you. Danielle got sent home from the date. I believe a few Bachelor alum live in Nashville that would be happy to date Danielle. I’m looking at your Luke, Wells, & James Taylor.
- In the midst of Corinne’s spiral, she has the genius idea to seduce Nick. We finally get to her Platinum Vagine bit they’ve been teasing all season! This does not go according to plan for many, many reasons…a) Nick’s just not that into you, b) you can’t walk in 6″ Louboutins, c) you were too aggressive, & d) Nick has got villain-ized for this in the past.
- Did anyone else notice that on Corinne’s walk of shame, she walked past the automatic doors (that opened) in lieu of the push door? Bizarre.
- Rachel received the last 1 on 1, which was the shortest date ever. They went to a locals only bar. Where can I get those rattan koozies? Rachel came home from the date in daylight hours!!! Such a rarity.
- I feel like that bartender was angling for Jorge’s job in Paradise…I think I heard a rumor that he won’t be on this summer.
- Where was Vanessa during the rest of the episode? Was she napping?
- Kristina went home. Nick did not make her suffer through a Rose Ceremony, because apparently Nick is allergic to roses &/or ceremonies.
- Nick cried more this episode than all the past Bachelors combined…or me on my period. He’s a walking, talking Lesley Gore song.
My favorite tweets from the night:
The one thing I was happy about during this episode was that we got some of the old Chris Harrison back. I miss days of yore, when Chris was around (looking alive), doling out advice, & actually doing his job instead of phoning it in.
Here’s a funny text exchange between Mama J & me.
What did y’all think of the episode? My bracket is so screwed. I thought this week’s dates would have been perfect for Alexis…can’t wait to see her in Paradise.