Southern Charm Recap: Roaming to The Bar

As per ushe, the cast began this episode with their morning routine.  Craig woke up allergic to his cat, Shep got ghosted by his mom, & so on and so forth.

Whitney stopped by for coffee (???) with Thomas; Whitney states that he is single again.  Thomas says that he should hookup with girls in the bathroom at the bar, “What are public bathrooms for?”  He solidified his old Republican Congressman roots right there; if I’m not mistaken there was a scandal a few years ago about Congressmen hooking up in airport bathrooms, specifically Republicans?  Not too sure, as I was about 15 years old, right in T-Rav’s wheel house, & didn’t care about the news back then.

During this whole scene, I was singing:

“‘Cause the boyz n tha hood are always hard
You come talking that trash we’ll pull your card
Knowing nothing in life but to be legit
Don’t quote me boy, ’cause I ain’t said shit”

Not sure why, but that popped in my head.  Bonus points if you know that song…brings me way back to my high school days.  Y’all, how gross is Thomas? Thomas is gross

Kathryn visited Danni; did Danni look different to anyone else?  Our dear Kathryn revealed that she was humiliated & disappointed in herself to fail her drug test & losing custody of her kids.  She spent the summer in rehab, working on herself.  Danni, like the rest of #TeamKathryn, admire Kathryn for her bravery & tenacity for trying to better herself.  Kathryn is hopeful that she will regain joint-custody with Thomas.  She does admit that she is leery to reconnect with some former friends – ahem, Jennifer Snowden, ahem.

Y’all, I’d forgotten than Jenn had an affair with Thomas at some point…

Which moves us right along to Cameran visiting Jenn after having given birth to Baby Ascher 4 weeks prior.  Cam is still uncertain about her own desire to have children, but she looked like a natural holding the baby.   I will say that I think Cameran ultimately will decide that she wants to meet the child that her & Jason can create, but perhaps she is dreading being pregnant.  I get it.  It’s hot 10 months out of the year in Charleston, so being pregnant sounds extra miserable in the South…not to mention the changes to your body.  Although, I hear pregnancy clothes are like pajamas…silver lining?Cameran

Jenn says that newborn’s poop doesn’t stink – lies.  However, she seems to be doing well as a new mom…I’m sure the nanny helps.

BLandon is still keeping up the facade that her website is real…it’s roaming out there somewhere.  I think she’s trying to channel Sonja Morgan in every way…fake businesses, interns, younger men… Landon

Shep & Craig meet up at the batting cages, I guess for Shep to harass him. I don’t blame Shep for questioning Craig, but there’s an obvious answer since Craig isn’t a practicing lawyer.  I think at this point Craig has not taken The Bar, but has instead taken to the bar. Just kidding, those blood shot eyes are from allergies.  Craig thinks Shep is jealous of him, thus Shep removes him from the group text.  Basically, Shep, Cam, & Whit think Craig is full of shit.

Y’all, personal antidote, I HATE group texts & always remove myself.

We move along to a “Firends Who Lunch” montage.  Cameran wants Shep & Chelsea to fall in love.  Meanwhile, Shep, Whitney, & Austen just want to have fun.  The boys talk about Landon’s abysmal attempt to gain investors for her blog.  We now despise Landon even more.

“Nomi” comes home from a long day of working towards her Master’s degree to find Craig doing a whole lot of nothin’.  What happened to Gentry Bourbon?  Didn’t Craig invest in it?  Naomie secretly agrees with Shep & wishes Craig would figure himself out.  I think Craig really wants to be Martha Stewart?  On Twitter last night, I asked Craig to build me a container garden – he sent me photos of his.  I have to say, I’m jealous of his produce & his product. Craig's GardenLooks at those tomatoes!  Is that a melon?

Landon decided to throw a launch party for ROAM.  She should have named her blog something else, there are just too many jokes to make with this one.  In fact, I’d rather roam away from this lame party & hang out with Kathryn.  Y’all this was the dumbest get together; none of the guests even bothered to check out the blog without being dragged to an iPad by her intern or Bam.  Mama J hates the name Bam…in my head I say it like Emril.

Whitney brought a Daisy as his date, let’s just say that she was overly enthusiastic & leave it at that.  She was also dressed as a flapper. Whitney's Date

Craig told Cameran that he knows that they have a group text making fun of him.  Cameran promises that they only make fun of his Instagram.  Hahaha.  This conversation had me knee-slappin’-laughin’ (KSL).

Shep pulled Landon aside to give her feedback, which was the point of this shindig I thought?  Shep explained that Lando was gettin’ too big for her britches & that her potential investors couldn’t stand her.  Same.  Landon, just being Landon, blamed all her woes on them.  “If I’m not bitchy, then I get walked all over.  If I am a bitch, then they call me a bitch.”  Well, the investors see your for the pot & kettle you are, honey child.  She stormed out of her own party because Sheppy was a big meanie head.  Pouting

In her confessional, Landon told Shep “to go F himself,” & that he had never had a job. Correct if I’m wrong, but Shep owns two bars in Charleston, has Shep Gear (I bought a corduroy cap that is too hot to wear in Texas – I’ve got to support my man right?), & according to this episode has invested in an app.  I think those things qualify as jobs…  Owning a business is a job, maybe not a 9-5 kind of job, but that’s just good business.

We ended the episode with Cameran as the third wheel to Shep & Chelsea’s date.  I’m undecided on Chelsea – she is infringing on my claim to Shep, after all.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E2.1

What did you all think of the episode?  There was not enough Kathryn for my taste, but I digress.  Why does T-Rav always talk to himself in French?

See you back here on Wednesday for RHONY!

Kiss Hug,

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