Southern Charm Recap: Heart Aches

This recap is going to be shorter than I anticipated because I have become increasingly annoyed with last night’s episode.  It was very disjointed – specifically the lunch between Jennifer & Kathryn.

Apparently Cameran was Homecoming Queen & a white witch in high school.  She still believes in spells.  She’s basically Louise from Teen Witch.  Cam bought a creepy looking love spell voodoo doll for Shep.Cameran

Shep is super out of shape, which he realized from his game of 1 on 1 with Austen…that dad bod tho’.  This is cause for concern for our dear birthday boy.  His board certified doctor told him to take it easy on the booze.  It was the “No shit, Sherlock” heard round the world low country.  No more buttery nipples with co-eds for Sheppy.

Thomas confided to Whitney the he has magic pants that guarantee his success with the ladies.  Whitney spoke for all of us when he told TRav to “never say that out loud again.” Now if Thomas does indeed have “Hot Pants”, they are more of the liar, liar pants on fire variety.  Feeling down in the dumps, Thomas decided to pursue Landon hardcore, even though she’s wasting time with a 25 yo.

Things that annoyed me about Landon last night:

  • Her bangs…because duh.
  • Her judgement of her boy toy for never having been to NYC; which makes him ignorant about the world according to Landon.
    • I take particular issue with this.  I’ve never been to NYC, but that in no way means I don’t know about the world.  I’ve evacuated people from ISIS.  I’ve also held a tax-paying job since I was 14 – has Landon ever done that?
      • In case you were wondering, my job at 14 was a face painter at Reunion Ranch.  I specialized in bluebonnets.
  • On her date with Thomas, I thought all her “yeahs” sounded more like a cat than a dolphin.  I seriously thought there was a cat outside my window.  Landon’s new name is Meowllory.
  • Her constant maligning of Shep’s character.

When it comes to Thomas, Kathryn will never think rationally; he has set her up to not trust another woman around him.  She is justified in that because TRav is the ultimate Tool McDouche Nugget.  The lunch with Jenn & Kathryn seemed spliced together to make us feel a certain way.  I didn’t love the stone cold side of Kathryn, but her relationship with Jenn did start on precarious terms.  Did Jenn not sleep with Thomas?  I have no ill feelings towards Jenn, or Kathryn, but I think they cannot be friends at this time. Kathryn seemed unaffected & Jenn seemed like an emotional mess, & as a new mom she probably was.  I did not enjoy seeing Jenn defend Landon last night on social media – that makes me question her again.

Craig, Craig, Craig… He has the weirdest hobbies – gardening, sewing, real estate (not that weird), fashion design, bourbon…  Naomie was 100% correct about Craig’s recent life choices.  He is a dreamer, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but he shouldn’t belittle his girlfriend for bringing some much needed levity to the relationship.  Focus Craig, focus!  Tough love for Craig.  First, get a full-time job with a 401k & health benefits, then you can have as many side hustles as you want.  For a 28 yo – you are the screw-up in your relationship.  This annoyed me so much.  Naomie wants her man to be her equal; right now, she is pulling all the weight.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E5.1SC4E5.2SC4E5.3

What were your thought on Kathryn?  A lot of people turned on her last night.  What about Craig?  Is #OldCraig back to stay?  Is Craig still involved with Gentry Bourbon?  Did Shep make it a whole week without booze?

RHONY Recap will be on Wednesday night or Thursday morning.

Kiss Hug,

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One thought on “Southern Charm Recap: Heart Aches

  1. I’m always amazed someone can actually make it thru an hour of any Andy Cohen/Bravo b.s. so I can read a recap without personally suffering Landon/Craig/TRav/Whitney/Shep/Patricia/Cameron…did I miss anyone? I saw a ‘promo’ with Craig…wow, has he taken over the self righteous position from Cam? I always feel intelligent for not wasting my time watching these shows after I read a ‘recap’. THANKS

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