Southern Charm Recap: It’s So Hard to Say Sari

The Charmers would pick the premier night of The Bachelorette to get more interesting… giphy

Did Chelsea compare her lady bits to pork or a port?  I couldn’t understand that thick drawl.  Thomas is apparently now the official tour guide of Charleston.  Kathryn reached out to Whitney to make amends…I thought they did this at the Reunion?

Getting right in to the nitty gritty, we join Craig & Naomie at therapy.  I need a therapy sesh to recover from theirs.  I am #TeamNaomie all the way, but they are both in that place of looking at the bottom line (it’s all your fault, not mine), while we – the audience – can see the bigger picture (neither is always right).  I’m not sure they will get to the bigger picture.

Austen & Landon go on a date meet for drinks; Landon’s drink of choice was a shot of tequila & a Michalob Ultra.  She Drinks like I did at 23.  Landon did reveal that Charlotte the Dog was the flower girl/ring bearer at her first wedding, much to Austen’s chagrin.  Austen basically called Landon a gold digger…he called it as we all see it.  Shep is conveniently back on the wagon & happened to show up at the same bar as his two cast mates.  Landon basked in the glow of calling Chelsea Austen’s girlfriend in front of Shep.  Shep took it well cringey. Shep

Thomas met up with his father.  Like many men from the South & old as dirt, he had corny jokes & bad dentures.  This segment made Thomas seem a little more human & gave us some insight into why he is such a douche canoe now.  Papa Rav was a prick to young Thomas, & left his mother to care for TRav & his special needs brother.  Thomas kinda raised himself, but is still always seeking the approval from his father, who could not care less.

Austen & Chelsea had another date, & just when I was writing them of as boring Austen had to make us all cry.  He shared his ugly cry story about the death of his older sister when she was 10 & he was 7.  This broke my heart…I ugly cried Bachelor style. Austen

To lighten the mood, we head over to Patricia’s mansion & met her friend Georgette.  So, side note – I wasn’t looking at the TV during Georgette’s first appearance & I didn’t realize that it wasn’t Pat talking – they sound the same y’all!  They are in cahoots to make the world’s ugliest caftans.  Watch out Asa & Kyle.  They plan to throw a dinner party with an Indian theme.  I’ve also decided the Michael wearing a lab coat to make drinks is very mad scientist.

Meanwhile, across town in the most blatant set up ever Kathryn got her hair done by Chelsea.  I actually think Chelsea & Kathryn could be a good match as friends.  Chelsea would never sleep with Kathryn’s man, & she would provide a levity when Kathryn starts to wander too close to the Crazy Train.  Kathryn admitted that she sent Thomas a letter to apologize as part of her 12 steps.  In her confessional, Kathryn got emotional explaining how grateful she was to Thomas for making her a mother, etc.  JD joins Thomas at his office, where he shared Kathryn’s letter.

Not to go off on a tangent, but the hand writing in that letter is why cursive should still be taught in school.  No offense to Kathryn, but her handwriting is what I imagine Kensie’s to look like.

Thomas, being the worst, thinks Kathryn is trying to trap him.  Ugh!  Can he be a decent human being for once?

Cameran looked beautiful in her sari at Patricia’s.  Landon was dressed for a toga party, & Daisy was dressed as Daisy from Great Gatsby.  They were not allowed to say four letter words per Georgette’s instructions at dinner…we all assume she meant curse words, but it seemed all four letter words were taboo.  An Indian Healer showed up as the special guest & read their futures.  She correctly predicted that Cameran would be pregnant in 2017 & Craig would pass The Bar in 2017.  During this time I realized, for the first time, that Craig’s last name is perfect for a lawyer.  Get it Con-Over…lawyer’s have that reputation…  The healer also said that Naomie & Craig were soulmates – I give them another year before they call it quits.

The Healer said that Shep would only marry once he becomes afraid of being alone.  On the other hand, Landon’s true love was in the room.  Don’t you find it odd that Patricia is continuously trying to hook up Landon with Thomas, but not Whitney?  Hmmm… hmmm

Whitney hijacked Thomas’ turn in the hot seat by revealing that Kathryn had sought him out for a reconciliation.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, Cameran has a major reaction to this & thinks it is so inappropriate.  Landon was just being Landon.  Craig & Shep immediately defend Kathryn & can’t believe this group is so against Kathryn wanting to say she’s “sari.”  Appalled, Georgette deems the party is over.

Okay, so this season I have had a love/hate relationship with Craig.  Why is he such an ass to Naomie, but will defend Kathryn to the death?  Maybe when Craig & Naomie break up Kathryn will finally give him a chance?

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E8.1SC4E8.2SC4E8.3

What did y’all think?  Do you agree that #SouthernCharm is about to get good?  Is anyone watching Savannah?

I’ll check back in the week for RHONY.

Kiss Hug.

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