Southern Charm – PreCap

Y’all, I am so excited!  May favorite Bravo show will be gracing our TVs in 3 days!!!  That’s right, I’m talking about Southern Charm, Season 5!  Cast

Instead of recapping the cast, as per ushe, I am going to precap (new term for y’all) my hopes for each cast member this season.

First off: ding dong, the dolphin is GONE!!!! Buh-bye Landon, I won’t miss you at all. Landon

Austen:
I’m kind of indifferent to Austen…I could take him or leave him.  I think in his second season his true colors will come out.  Hopefully more like an Erika Jayne & not an Aviva Drescher.

Cameran:
A great person to follow on Instagram!  Cam can really do no wrong in my book.  Her pregnancy will be fun to watch.

Chelsea:
I’m glad Chels is an official cast member!  It looks like she is still hung up on Austen, could he possibly be leading her on?  Sounds like a typical dude to me.  From the preview, it looks like Chelsea gets along well with the other women. Chelsea

Craig:
I’m so glad that Craig & Naomi break up this season; their relationship had become too toxic to watch.  Craig was a real dick when we ended last season.  I also hope he gets a real job, perhaps practicing law somewhere.  Here’s a picture of Gizmo taking Naomi’s side…I’m still neutral-ish. Gizmo

Kathryn:
Y’all, to be honest, I most excited see Kathryn…duh.  With her new bob, it seems like she has gained perspective, wisdom, friends, life lessons, you name it… She seems really put together for most of the preview.  Of course, her kids will always be her trigger, so I’m sure Thomas will manipulate that.

Shep:
Now, I couldn’t watch Relationshep because I didn’t want to ruin my illusions of my beloved Sheppy.  So, my hope is that he just keeps being Shep, but maybe a little less Shep.  You hear what I’m screaming?  Last season he left a sour taste in my mouth.  I hope he is more a man-adult this season, rather than a man-child.  I also hope he’s still single for my own selfish reasons…think he likes short, extra curvy women?

If you need a good person to follow on Twitter, he’s a great choice.

Thomas:
God, can we get this douche canoe off my TV.  Landon’s gone, so can he go next?  Thomas

Looks like he has a new girlfriend that loves to torture Kathryn as much as he does.  I’m already annoyed with him, just by looking at his stupid face in the cast photo.

B Cast (Danni, JD, Jennifer, Liz, Naomi, Whitney?):
Danni: I wish they’d go ahead & make her a full-time cast member; I love her!  She’s also a fantastic artist, check out her IG, who knew? Danni

JD: I really hope he didn’t cheat on Liz, but if you hang around Thomas trash long enough, eventually you become trash.

Jennifer: Is she back to her stirring ways?  She looks great in the preview.

Liz: She is such a kind woman.  If JD did cheat on her, I hope she takes everything he is worth.

Naomi: She lost about 100 pounds of uselessness…I’m obviously talking about Craig.  She also got a new nose & it looks fab!  Naomi

Whitney: I want the same Whitney we had last season back!  I adored that Whitney!

Are y’all as excited as I am for Southern Charm to return?

Kiss Hug,

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