So, I made the tragic mistake of watching Episode 2 right before Episode 3, & they are running together in my head! I can’t remember what happened on which date, so hang in there with me.
First Date: Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, Jean Blanc, Colton
The guys gave Becca & her girlfriends some pampering at the least spa-like spa I’ve ever seen. Do you think the real spa was going through a renovation & so they filmed in the holding room for all the chairs? Did they spend this episode’s budget on Richard Mark & the rights to Right Here Waiting?
So, Tia & Colton know each other & it’s super awkward. Becca, clearly uncomfortable, addressed the issue with Tia almost immediately. I loved that TinkerBekah asked if Colton though Tia was going to be The Bachelorette. Ouch. Becca basically wanted to know if they slept together, & according to both parties they did not. Colton is back in Becca’s top 4 now. Too bad she forgot Jason, I mean Joel Maisel, I mean Jason’s name.
Tell me these aren’t the same guy.
I’m betting some of these people will once again get the chance to paint each other’s nails in Paradise.
At the evening portion of the date, Jordan had some real quotable gems.
“He’s a dried up chicken.” – talking about David (the Chicken).
“You’re a skeleton of a man.” – speaking to David. Jordan, I think you meant shell.
“Karma is Karma.” – referring to David tattling (cardinal sin) to Becca about Jordan’s 4,000 Tinder matches.
Let’s discuss the Tinder thing for a sec…
4,000 Tinder matches / 365 days per year = 10.958 matches per day
4,000 Tinder matches / 52 weeks per year = 76.923 matches per week
That’s a lot of time spent swiping right. “Modeling” might be his career, but Jordan Tinders like it is his job.
Back to the quotes…
“You are something I would like to see myself next to.” – talking to Becca. Jordan, that’s not how you speak to women.
“Attached to me is professionality. It’s in the way I walk; it’s in the way I talk. Okay? If you want to try and wreck my image, you’ll never succeed. And, you want to know why? Because my image is me. Hey — cheers to you being a bitch.” – once again fighting with David.
Wills is all of us.
The best part of this entire group date was the reactions to the various Jordan/David arguments from Jason & Wills.
Colton reconfirmed that he is here for Becca & didn’t sleep with Tia, so naturally they madeout a few times & he got the group date rose.
Second Date: Chris
They go to Capitol Records where Richard Marx was right there waiting for them. Y’all they totally didn’t know who he was, right? Also, has Richard had some work done???
PS – what is Becca wearing? That look is not cute, girl.
This date was kinda lame. They had to write a song. Chris’ daddy issues bubbled to the surface. I don’t think Becca is that into him, I just can’t get past his similarity to Chandler Bing’s roommate with the goldfish.
Chris got the
Meanwhile back at the house, we are greeted with lots of blood…David’s blood to be exact. We see him being gurney’d out of the house. Chris Harrison informs us all, including Becca, that David fell off the top bunk, face first on the tile floor, & that he is in ICU. To be fair, top bunks suck & face wounds always bleed a lot.
Third Date: Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, & Blake
Football. Lincoln sucks at drills & kinda cheats his way through them just like he did on the obstacle course from last week. Clay, being the only player on his team, injures his wrist tying up the game. I don’t quite understand how he did this, but he too had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
Two ambulances in one episode? Mike Fleiss must have had such a hard-on.
Clay managed to get his wrist in a sling & headed back to the group date, which ultimately got him the rose.
Cocktail Party: Clay told Becca that he needs to have surgery on his wrist, & has to leave because his football “career” takes care of him & his entire family. Que the convulsing ovaries heard ’round Bachelor Nation. I suspect we’ll see this gentle giant again.
Favorite Tweets from the night:
My favorite part from the previews for next week is when David returns, just in the nick of time for the Rose Ceremony, with his face blurred out. Jordan eloquently points out that David “looks like a chicken that crossed the road & got hit by a bus.”
What did y’all think of the episode? Are we tired of Jordan yet? I still enjoy laughing at him. I suspect David & Jordan will e on the 2-on-1 date in two-ish weeks.
Until next time…