Southern Charm: Birth Control Plan

Is it just me, or have we seen entirely too many bedroom scenes with Thomas?  He is not attractive and I don’t need to see him in any state of undress.  I also do not need to see him with whichever girl (yes, I mean girl) happened to share his bed from the night before.  This time it happened to be Ashley, at least he’s dating her, but the two of them talking about their sex life is all the birth control I need!!!!  Thomas on my tvI was utterly disgusted.  Looking at them makes me want to gouge my eyes out, & listening to them makes me want to cut my ears off…I was in a real conundrum last night.  Creepy Thomas

Moving along…  Is it weird that a host of a baby shower controls the guest list?  I would think the person of honor would get to invite whomever they want.  Not the case when Patricia is in charge, which segued nicely over to Kathryn with Kensie & Saint.  I’m actually really impressed by how articulate Kensie is; how old is she?  Three?

Y’all, I know we are only three episodes in, but can we give Kathryn the award for Most Improved?  She has grown by leaps & bounds.  I feel like a proud big sis or something.  Look how far she’s come!

I was equal parts tickled & grossed out by Cameran & Whitney’s session with the birthing coach.  All I could think about was that women poop when they give birth.  I know it’s supposed to be natural & beautiful & all that, but gross.  If I ever have children, they will be adopted.   I loved the look on Cameran’s face during the session, it was as horrified as it was excited.  Also, Elvis the neighbor’s dog, made his TV debut!

They chatted about the theme of the baby shower, which I totally don’t get.  Maybe I’m too young, at 34, to know?  Maybe I’m not WASP-y enough?  I am still confused, even after several people tried to very nicely to explain it to me on Twitter last night. Baby Shower 1 Baby Shower 2

I’m going to breeze through the bromance because it was boring.  Austen wants Craig to slut it up now that he is free from Naomie’s clutches.  Craig wishes he was gay.  Shep thinks Craig should now go by Grill Shakespeare.  Oh, and apparently all the bars in Charleston are Cheers to Austen…get it?  I think that covered it.

Chelsea joined Cam at her doctor’s appointment, & she was more emotionally invested than Cameran was.  I loved this friend moment!  Bravo is really playing up the women empowerment on this show.

I’m skipping over Thomas’ convo with his dad because that really made me want to fill my ears with acid.  However, while touring Craig’s new pad, Kathryn revealed that she & TRav hooked up after last season’s reunion.  I believe this is their M.O.  Paraphrasing Nene Leakes, “Close your legs to Thomas Ravenel.”  Kathryn, you are better than this.

We finally arrive at the baby shower…that Kathryn wasn’t invited to, yet somehow JD made the list.  Patricia was dressed like Big Bird’s drunk aunt.  I still don’t understand the theme?  Audrey Hepburn & Jackie O…if they wore colors?  Whitney had a super gross cake made for Cameran.  Craig monogrammed his gift.  Naomie chastised Craig, for what I don’t know.  JD & Liz did a “Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am” appearance.  Patricia had no time for Naomie.  Did I miss anything?  Oh yeah, Ashley looked like a damn fool.

Favorite Tweets: S5E3 Tweets

What did you think of the episode?  Are we loving Kathryn or what?

See y’all next week!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Good Ol’ Douches

Okay, the last two weeks have been crazy busy, so I haven’t gotten to watch Southern Charm in real time.  So, instead of a traditional recap, I want to RANT about Thomas, JD, & the other “Good Ol’ Boys Douches.”  Thomas & JD

Let’s first start with Ashley.  I have three things to say about her, so far:

  1. She’s trying too hard.  Take that as you will…I mean it in all the ways you are thinking.  Ashley Quote
  2. She’s loves her camera time; does this make her an opportunist?
  3. No offense to Chelsea, but Ashley looks like the lovechild of Chelsea & Landon. ChelAshDon

Now let’s move on to Thomas.  I’ve long said that TRav was a narcissist and master manipulator.  That opinion hasn’t changed.  I’ve also claimed that he is a sociopath and probably a contributor to the #MeToo movement in Charleston; I 100% believe he got Kathryn into drugs & then used it against her.  However, I want to throw something at you and see if it sticks.

Thomas is a functioning alcoholic & drug addict.  I think he targets younger women to manipulate date.  And, because they are much, much younger they are eager to please, and therefore, susceptible to trying “fun new things.”  Drugs.  Alcohol.  Sex.  Any combo of these.  Maybe they dabble with drugs & such in the bedroom?  Then these young, jaded women get addicted to drugs & Thomas, but associate both with love because they became addicted in the bedroom.  Once Thomas tires of them, he casts them aside, & then uses their addictions to either destroy their reputations or to reel them back into his web of crazy.

As much as I love Kathryn, she made a comment on last week’s episode that “she still loves Thomas.”  It wasn’t past tense, y’all.  She has come such a long way, and I feel like he could easily pull her back in.  I think Thomas is also playing Ashley for a fool, and if she’s not careful she will wind up as Kathryn 2.0.  Their date at the end of last week was proof of my theory.

JD Madison.  Where do I even start?  I don’t know much about him or Liz, or him & Liz.  However, in my experience is that if you hang out with Thomas trash long enough, eventually you too become trash.  I find it really hard to believe that JD didn’t cheat on Liz & lose all of her trust fund on bad business deal.  It now makes so much sense why Danni turned down working for Gentry Bourbon a couple seasons ago.  She knew what we didn’t know yet.  What happened to Craig’s money that he invested?

I personally came alive when Naomi skewered JD like the douche kabob he is.  I also give praise to Kathryn for calling Austen, Whitney, & JD out for looking at the women like they were crazy for not tolerating their behavior any longer.  The Good Ol’ Boys club is dying…I hope.  Cheering

Word on the street is that Liz is furious with Naomi for going after JD.

Austen falls into this Douche category as well, but to what extent I’m not yet sure.  He basically went after one of Chelsea’s friends & flaunted it in her face.  Classic douche move.

Favorite Tweets: S5E2 Tweets

What do y’all think of the season so far?  Shep is looking down right saintly right now.

My next Southern Charm post will be on Friday.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm – PreCap

Y’all, I am so excited!  May favorite Bravo show will be gracing our TVs in 3 days!!!  That’s right, I’m talking about Southern Charm, Season 5!  Cast

Instead of recapping the cast, as per ushe, I am going to precap (new term for y’all) my hopes for each cast member this season.

First off: ding dong, the dolphin is GONE!!!! Buh-bye Landon, I won’t miss you at all. Landon

Austen:
I’m kind of indifferent to Austen…I could take him or leave him.  I think in his second season his true colors will come out.  Hopefully more like an Erika Jayne & not an Aviva Drescher.

Cameran:
A great person to follow on Instagram!  Cam can really do no wrong in my book.  Her pregnancy will be fun to watch.

Chelsea:
I’m glad Chels is an official cast member!  It looks like she is still hung up on Austen, could he possibly be leading her on?  Sounds like a typical dude to me.  From the preview, it looks like Chelsea gets along well with the other women. Chelsea

Craig:
I’m so glad that Craig & Naomi break up this season; their relationship had become too toxic to watch.  Craig was a real dick when we ended last season.  I also hope he gets a real job, perhaps practicing law somewhere.  Here’s a picture of Gizmo taking Naomi’s side…I’m still neutral-ish. Gizmo

Kathryn:
Y’all, to be honest, I most excited see Kathryn…duh.  With her new bob, it seems like she has gained perspective, wisdom, friends, life lessons, you name it… She seems really put together for most of the preview.  Of course, her kids will always be her trigger, so I’m sure Thomas will manipulate that.

Shep:
Now, I couldn’t watch Relationshep because I didn’t want to ruin my illusions of my beloved Sheppy.  So, my hope is that he just keeps being Shep, but maybe a little less Shep.  You hear what I’m screaming?  Last season he left a sour taste in my mouth.  I hope he is more a man-adult this season, rather than a man-child.  I also hope he’s still single for my own selfish reasons…think he likes short, extra curvy women?

If you need a good person to follow on Twitter, he’s a great choice.

Thomas:
God, can we get this douche canoe off my TV.  Landon’s gone, so can he go next?  Thomas

Looks like he has a new girlfriend that loves to torture Kathryn as much as he does.  I’m already annoyed with him, just by looking at his stupid face in the cast photo.

B Cast (Danni, JD, Jennifer, Liz, Naomi, Whitney?):
Danni: I wish they’d go ahead & make her a full-time cast member; I love her!  She’s also a fantastic artist, check out her IG, who knew? Danni

JD: I really hope he didn’t cheat on Liz, but if you hang around Thomas trash long enough, eventually you become trash.

Jennifer: Is she back to her stirring ways?  She looks great in the preview.

Liz: She is such a kind woman.  If JD did cheat on her, I hope she takes everything he is worth.

Naomi: She lost about 100 pounds of uselessness…I’m obviously talking about Craig.  She also got a new nose & it looks fab!  Naomi

Whitney: I want the same Whitney we had last season back!  I adored that Whitney!

Are y’all as excited as I am for Southern Charm to return?

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Final Thoughts on Season 4

Okay, so I kinda failed big time at blogging Southern Charm this season.  I felt like I was saying the same thing every week…you know – they aren’t that charming, Craig & Naomie need to break up, Landon is awful, Shep is an old frat boy, blah, blah, blah.  I basically got sick of myself & them, so I focused on The Bachelorette instead.

But, after the finale I decided to recap my thoughts of the season as whole, by individual.

Austen:
I honestly thought Austen was a very “safe” addition to the cast.  If he lasts another season, I think we’ll see his real personality – hopefully not the was we saw Landon’s on her second season.  I get what people say, he is the younger version of Shep; they do look kinda similar & clearly have the same taste in women.

Cameran:
I’m back on board the Cameran Express.  It doesn’t bother me that her husband isn’t a part of the show, but I do hope we get to see her mothering skills next season. I feel like she allowed herself to open up to Kathryn, & perhaps see a different side of her. However, in the same breath she bulldozed Shep & Chelsea into getting together.

Chelsea:
Oh Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea…  I like her, but there is something about her that annoys the shit out of me.  I do feel like she kinda played Shep & Austen against each other because she liked being pursued – what women doesn’t?  I loved that she was on #TeamKathryn as opposed to #TeamLandon.  Chelsea may be a “champion” for Kathryn.

Craig:
I have NEVER disliked Craig more than I did this season.  I think he has a drug problem, I suspect Adderall…he has lost an astonishing amount of weight.  He was angry all the time, the way he treated & spoke to Naomie was disgusting. Craig seems like a lost soul, but he’s also the worst Type A ever.  Craig’s ambition is waning.

Jennifer:
So, at the end of last season I decided I liked Jennifer after all.  Well, I’m a fair weather foe because I’m back to distrusting her.  I do not trust anyone so buddy buddy with Landon.  I’m delighted that Ascher is a happy healthy baby, but as a 30-something woman, she leaves a lot to desire in a friend.

Kathryn:
I’m so proud of Kathryn this season.  She’s definitely not out of the woods, but she has made huge strides in her recovery.  I think she handled herself well with the entire cast; although, I do still wish she could eloquently say what’s on her mind in the heat of the moment.

Landon:
Ugh, nothing nice to say about Landon…except that I slightly liked her better than Craig. She’s just not a girl’s girl.  She only cares about herself, & will knock out anyone in her way, especially on the way to steal your man.  She’s gross & I wish this would be her last season.

Naomie:
I pretty much agreed with everything she said to Craig this season, but she came off as a nagging brat.  Her delivery wasn’t great.  However, she never “gossiped” about Craig, she was simply venting to her friends.

Shep:
Whew, Shep!  Talk about someone who’s a lost soul…  He got a deservedly bad edit this season, which I was surprised by since he is getting his own show. Now, most of y’all know that I am ride or die for Shep, but even I was a little disenchanted with him.  Mama J was not impressed at all!  I do get annoyed when people say that Shep only gets “mailbox money,” which by the way, how can I get some of that?  Shep does own a couple bars & a cap/t-shirt line, so I assume he makes money from that?  Shep might be a bit full of himself, but I thought his analysis of Craig & Landon was spot on.  His comment about the Bay of Pigs was hilarious.

Thomas:
Yuck!  Thomas is the scum of the earth, always & forever.  He fathering skills did not impress me.  His human skills did not impress me either.  I find him to be a vile human being.  He can have Landon.

Whitney:
I found Whitney to be very charming this season.  That is all.

What did y’all think of Season 4?  Who do you love? Hate? Love to hate?

Until next season…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Emotional Rollercoaster

Y’all, this episode was so emotional!  I legit cried myself to sleep because it brought up unexpected feelings for me.  I found myself relating to Cameran, Shep, & Landon – words I never thought I’d write about Landon.  I thought this particular episode seemed to be shown out of order & referred to things off camera, so instead of following the episode like I normally do, I will recap by situation.

Cameran & Chelsea:
Cam called Chelsea to get together for HH, but Chels was already planning to meet Kathryn to pick out outfits for a photo shoot.  FashionChelsea invited Cameran along, which she seemed happy to accept.  I think my girl Cam has really turned a corner from her bad attitude last season towards Kathryn…at least for now.  On the other hand, did Chelsea & Kathryn’s budding friendship not get filmed? I’m a little confused.

Landon & her Dad:
Landon drove out to some properties that her dad wants to develop.  He’s clearly showing her this because he’s tired of footing her bills; he’d rather have Landon on his payroll.  Daddy Clements is still real confused about “Roam” that has no name, us too dude, us too.  The only nice thing I’ll say about Landon, & I’ll deny it if you ask me, is that I appreciate that she wants to make it on her own.  I don’t have family that bank rolls my lifestyle, but I can definitely relate to wanting to be successful without the help of my parents.  Ugh, how dare Bravo make me feel sympathy for BLandon!

Kathryn, Cameran, & Chelsea:
Chelsea met up with Kathryn at a boutique so that she could become a “J. Crew Bitch,” which is now my new favorite thing.  Kathryn adamantly states that she is anything but in her confessional…pretty sure her outfit to Saint’s birthday party could’ve been straight out of the latest J. Crew catalog.  Hey, who am I to judge if you want to pay $180+ for a sweater.

Cameran showed up, grabbed a glass of wine, & demanded a fashion show…she also invited both gals to her birthday weekend in Key West..  Fashion Show

Chelsea & the Love Triangle:
Okay, here’s where I also get so confused…  It seems to me that Chelsea neither confirms nor denies when Shep &/or Cameran has point blank asked her about her status with Austen.  Austen will also not confirm if they are dating.

Chelsea tells Austen that Shep tried to kiss her a few times the night before; which infuriates Austen.  They were all three out together at Commodore, & Shep also said what he really thought of her & Austen – they don’t got it.

Shep & Austen…and Craig:
This was just bro by blow!  So, Craig, Whitney, Austen, Shep, & Shep’s friend Beau (how you doin’?) got together for drinks.

Oh hey, Beau: Beau

Sorry Sheppy, you’ll have to move on & forget about me.  Somehow, I think you’ll live. Can we still be friends?

Anyways, enough of my mooning over my new beau, Beau.  Austen laid into Shep immediately; the producers did a horrible job trying to villain-ize Shepparoni, as he had a reasonable comeback to each of Austen’s accusations & he apologized.  They seemed to bro it out, until that stinky weasel of man, Craig, just had to add his two cents.  He kept telling Austen that Shep was an awful friend & tried to fck Naomie, which obviously means he also tried fck Chelsea…blah, blah, blah.  I am hating Craig this season.  Does anyone else feel like Craig is still mad at Shep for sleeping with Kathryn season 1? Whitney, being his charming self, & my new boyfriend Beau tried to diffuse the situation. They both basically thought Austen was a diva & Craig was a shit-stirrer.  Shep ended up walking away with Austen no longer a friend…at least until next week. The Broforce is broken.  broforce

Just so we are clear, if you neither confirm nor deny your relationship status with a person I think that means anyone can keep pursuing you until you shut it down.

Kathryn & Kensie (and the father):
Over in the civilized world, Kathryn & Kensie enjoyed the cutest, sweetest, most lovely photoshoot.  I thought this was a really special scene for Kathryn, maybe even Thomas.  K & K

This part got me so emotional.  Kensie did not want to leave Kathryn’s side & essentially threw a tantrum, as Kathryn so eloquently put it – Kensie can’t express in words how she’s feeling, so crying it is.  Kensie was cognizant enough to go to Kathryn’s SUV & try to get in to go home with her.  This was so heartbreaking.  I bet they all just felt so helpless.

Shep & Cameran:
After Shep’s little incident last week, Cam checked in on her pal.  Shep was up, eating, & reading all before noon!  Once again Cameran encourages Shep to pursue Chelsea – I can see why Shep would be confused – mixed signals everywhere!  Cameran also pointed out that she & Shep were a lot alike – she has trouble with opening herself up to the possibility of motherhood & Shep has trouble opening himself up to love.  Sheppy disagrees & says, “I’m not afraid of getting hurt; I’m afraid of doing the hurting.  I have no connection.”  I totally related to Shep on the connection thing; the longer you go being single the easier it is to close yourself off.

Side note: Cam did admit to both Chelsea & Shep that she encouraged him where perhaps she should have let it be.  She just wants her friends to be in love y’all.  We all need a “my angel” in our lives, right?

Craig & Naomie:
These two morons head back to therapy to bitch at each other.  I honestly think this is the only time they actually communicate with each other.  Craig is right in saying that Naomie should have his back; however, in private Naomie should be able to voice differing opinions freely without retribution from Craig.  It’s a two-way street that neither seem to be able to navigation.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E10.1SC4E10.2

Cameran gets my vote for “Most Improved” since last season, Whitney is a close second.  What do you all think?  Is Shep a villain?  Is Cameran meddling too much? Where do we stand on Chelsea?

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Olive Branches

I reversed my watching order this week as The Bachelorette came on first instead of Southern Charm.  It would really help me out if Bravo could move Southern Charm to Tuesday, or maybe Sunday.  Although the ratings hold their own, #SouthernCharm is always trending on Twitter along with #TheBachelorette, which really messes with me pulling my favorite tweets.  schedule

The show opens on the Charmers doing their thing.  Kathryn is getting her namaste on. Landon asked Thomas out – he thinks its a date, she thinks they’re just two friends having dinner.  She totally led him on.  Cam calls “her angel” to talk about baby making & redecorating her lady cave, since Jason has his man cave.  Jason wants it to be a nursery. I actually think this was just an #ad for Home Goods.

We focus on Craig as he receives an email from his law school notifying him that he has finally passed, is now a graduate, & can finally take The Bar.  His parents were properly enthused; however, Naomie took all wind out of his sail.  Normally, I’m #TeamNaomie, but she really was rude to Craig.  Maybe it’s payback for him constantly referring to her as a child?  There is a time to support Craig, & a time to say “I told you so,” learn the difference Naomie.Craig

Landon & Thomas go on their date full of mixed signals.  Thomas kept winking at her, which was so creepy.  Landon giggled incessantly.  Landon confessed that Thomas would be ideal for her, but she can’t move past the gossip & Kathryn situation.  Thomas uttered, quite possibly the best line in SC history, “Go f@#$ thyself,” as his attitude towards gossip. I guess this was the code words for the drunk lady at the next table to lean over & rattle on & on about Thomas being Landon’s soulmate.  Landon seemed a bit uncomfortable, but I’m sure that’s because she wasn’t buzzed enough yet.

Sheppy organized a lunch for himself, Craig, Kathryn, & Cameran so they can all re-connect & make any amends necessary.  Shep perfectly pointed out to Cam that if she held Kathryn accountable, then Thomas needs to be held to the same standard.  He is absolutely correct in that.  In a round-about way, Cameran finally agreed while shading Kathryn in the process.  Progress is slow in the South, y’all.  Cameran dragged Whitney along, which made things even more awkward.  Honestly, Shep should have led the conversation to help ease the tension…it was his idea after all.  Finally, Cam extended the olive branch to Kathryn.  They basically all agree to move on & let bygones be bygones.  You guys, I’m finding Whitney to be so charming this season.Olive branch

Craig & Austen play a horrible round of golf (as in their skills), while bitching constantly about Shep.  Craig basically doesn’t have a nice thing to say about anyone but Kathryn. Was Craig wearing a woman’s sweater?  They both basically say that Shep doesn’t want a relationshep (get it?) with Chelsea, but that he wants to “conquer” Chelsea.  Since Chelsea is the girl version of Shep, I don’t think she’d mind.

Over at the Ravenel guest house, Thomas is planning Saint Julian’s first birthday with the nanny.  Kensie, who is potty training, chose the perfect moment of Whitney’s arrival to drop trow.  Hilarious!  Whitney is so uncomfortable around children.  He told Thomas that they all had lunch with Kathryn, & he thinks Thomas should give her a second chance.

Landon met up with her boy toy to confirm that she is indeed an old hen, & a stupid one to boot.  She had a bad day at the “office” & learned that Roam is already taken…duh! That could be determined by a simple Google search.  I’ve never incorporated a name, but guess what?  I Googled the name of my blog & then purchased the domain.  Business 101.  Landon, stick to what you know – gold digging.

Liz & Kathryn met for coffee; I found this scene sadly sweet.  The women end up sharing a small cake to celebrate Saint’s first birthday.  Liz delivered Thomas’ written response to Kathryn’s letter.  We end the episode with Thomas inviting Kathryn to Julian’s birthday party in the park.  Olive branches, y’all!

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E9.1

What did y’all think of our Southern Charmers last night?  I still find myself loving & hating Craig from one breath to the next.  What do you all think of Chelsea?  I like her, but something really bugs me about her…can’t put my finger on it.

I promise to actually post a RHONY recap this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: It’s So Hard to Say Sari

The Charmers would pick the premier night of The Bachelorette to get more interesting… giphy

Did Chelsea compare her lady bits to pork or a port?  I couldn’t understand that thick drawl.  Thomas is apparently now the official tour guide of Charleston.  Kathryn reached out to Whitney to make amends…I thought they did this at the Reunion?

Getting right in to the nitty gritty, we join Craig & Naomie at therapy.  I need a therapy sesh to recover from theirs.  I am #TeamNaomie all the way, but they are both in that place of looking at the bottom line (it’s all your fault, not mine), while we – the audience – can see the bigger picture (neither is always right).  I’m not sure they will get to the bigger picture.

Austen & Landon go on a date meet for drinks; Landon’s drink of choice was a shot of tequila & a Michalob Ultra.  She Drinks like I did at 23.  Landon did reveal that Charlotte the Dog was the flower girl/ring bearer at her first wedding, much to Austen’s chagrin.  Austen basically called Landon a gold digger…he called it as we all see it.  Shep is conveniently back on the wagon & happened to show up at the same bar as his two cast mates.  Landon basked in the glow of calling Chelsea Austen’s girlfriend in front of Shep.  Shep took it well cringey. Shep

Thomas met up with his father.  Like many men from the South & old as dirt, he had corny jokes & bad dentures.  This segment made Thomas seem a little more human & gave us some insight into why he is such a douche canoe now.  Papa Rav was a prick to young Thomas, & left his mother to care for TRav & his special needs brother.  Thomas kinda raised himself, but is still always seeking the approval from his father, who could not care less.

Austen & Chelsea had another date, & just when I was writing them of as boring Austen had to make us all cry.  He shared his ugly cry story about the death of his older sister when she was 10 & he was 7.  This broke my heart…I ugly cried Bachelor style. Austen

To lighten the mood, we head over to Patricia’s mansion & met her friend Georgette.  So, side note – I wasn’t looking at the TV during Georgette’s first appearance & I didn’t realize that it wasn’t Pat talking – they sound the same y’all!  They are in cahoots to make the world’s ugliest caftans.  Watch out Asa & Kyle.  They plan to throw a dinner party with an Indian theme.  I’ve also decided the Michael wearing a lab coat to make drinks is very mad scientist.

Meanwhile, across town in the most blatant set up ever Kathryn got her hair done by Chelsea.  I actually think Chelsea & Kathryn could be a good match as friends.  Chelsea would never sleep with Kathryn’s man, & she would provide a levity when Kathryn starts to wander too close to the Crazy Train.  Kathryn admitted that she sent Thomas a letter to apologize as part of her 12 steps.  In her confessional, Kathryn got emotional explaining how grateful she was to Thomas for making her a mother, etc.  JD joins Thomas at his office, where he shared Kathryn’s letter.

Not to go off on a tangent, but the hand writing in that letter is why cursive should still be taught in school.  No offense to Kathryn, but her handwriting is what I imagine Kensie’s to look like.

Thomas, being the worst, thinks Kathryn is trying to trap him.  Ugh!  Can he be a decent human being for once?

Cameran looked beautiful in her sari at Patricia’s.  Landon was dressed for a toga party, & Daisy was dressed as Daisy from Great Gatsby.  They were not allowed to say four letter words per Georgette’s instructions at dinner…we all assume she meant curse words, but it seemed all four letter words were taboo.  An Indian Healer showed up as the special guest & read their futures.  She correctly predicted that Cameran would be pregnant in 2017 & Craig would pass The Bar in 2017.  During this time I realized, for the first time, that Craig’s last name is perfect for a lawyer.  Get it Con-Over…lawyer’s have that reputation…  The healer also said that Naomie & Craig were soulmates – I give them another year before they call it quits.

The Healer said that Shep would only marry once he becomes afraid of being alone.  On the other hand, Landon’s true love was in the room.  Don’t you find it odd that Patricia is continuously trying to hook up Landon with Thomas, but not Whitney?  Hmmm… hmmm

Whitney hijacked Thomas’ turn in the hot seat by revealing that Kathryn had sought him out for a reconciliation.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, Cameran has a major reaction to this & thinks it is so inappropriate.  Landon was just being Landon.  Craig & Shep immediately defend Kathryn & can’t believe this group is so against Kathryn wanting to say she’s “sari.”  Appalled, Georgette deems the party is over.

Okay, so this season I have had a love/hate relationship with Craig.  Why is he such an ass to Naomie, but will defend Kathryn to the death?  Maybe when Craig & Naomie break up Kathryn will finally give him a chance?

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E8.1SC4E8.2SC4E8.3

What did y’all think?  Do you agree that #SouthernCharm is about to get good?  Is anyone watching Savannah?

I’ll check back in the week for RHONY.

Kiss Hug.

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Southern Charm Recap: They Are the Hunters, We Are the Foxes

Y’all, like Craig, I too am trying my hand at gardening.  Two weeks ago I cut a bunch of dead/ugly plants down to their stump in my flowerbed.  This past Sunday, I dug up all the gnarly roots with a pick & shovel…my body is now rejecting me.  I’m so sore!!!

The good news is that I should be ready to plant new flowers this weekend.  Mama J is coming to visit for Mother’s Day (this Sunday!), so I’ll let her boss me around in the garden.  Honestly, if I knew it was going to be this cumbersome, I may have never started.

I like to think that Craig would be proud of my start.

As always, the episode began with the morning routines.  Landon is apparently now a painter, Whitney a dog walker, Craig is stuck in traffic makin’ Cameran wait on him, & Shep has a coyote ugly leaving his place.  Sheppy lamented that his “piece” didn’t leave during the night like a good one-night-stand should.

Shep’s doc, from the Quack Shack, called to inform him that he is borderline alcoholic & that his liver is on the road to rejecting him.  He smartly decided to take a week off from drinking…just to see if he could.  Whitney & Patricia discussed Thomas’ lack of game, as TRav’s magic pants are now shit stained.  Patricia feels that Whitney should feel the same way about his love life.  Que the match-making dinner party.  Dare I say that Whitney may actually be charming this season?!?!  Stranger things have happened.

I don’t think I realized just how rude Craig can be.  He made Cameran wait for an hour to look at houses he can’t afford.  Cameran let Craig know that he has “Caviar taste on a Vienna sausage budget.”  Love Cameran!  Craig’s life philosphy reminds me of something my dad used to say, “I wish I had _______, & he had a feather up his ass.  Then we’d both be tickled.”  Cam reminds Craig that he should probably check in with Naomie before buying a rental property, to which Craig said, “ppp-shaw!” Craig

Kathryn & Shep reunite by doing yoga – it was so entertaining.  Best thing I’ve seen thus far this season.  Maybe Sheppy-poo & Kathryn could be Sober Buddies…  While they are bettering themselves, Austen & Chelsea went on another date.  I’m quickly losing interest in them.

Next up, Cameran & Shep had lunch with Ms. Estelle – the voodoo doll.  I think Cameran is all of us when she reiterates to Shep that maybe he needs to settle down.  I agree with her that Shep is bored.  Cam wanted to cast a love spell on Shep…he wasn’t into it.  Cam – I’m available for a love spell to be cast on me! love spell

I’m going to go ahead & skip over another spat between Craig & Naomie.  I’m afraid #OldCraig may be here to stay.  😦  He has no concept of reality…much like Landon.

At Patricia’s dinner party, Whitney helped her by putting out the place cards…you know because a party of 5 needs assigned seats.  Whitney thinks that not having a place card holder is roughing it – not so charming.  Whit & Cameran were basically there to make the setup between Thomas & Landon less obvious.  I, for one, think TRav & Blandon deserve each other.

They all blatantly make fun of Landon’s boy toy, which is a pretty shitty thing to do.  Landon is dating her 26 yo as a place card without the place card holder…she’s roughing it too.  I did love that Pat told Thomas he’d be a fool not to get a prenup from his next victim love.  Landon didn’t love that, which of course makes me happy.

Austen had dinner with his folks.  They basically told him to get a real job with a 401K & health benefits…sound familiar?  Craig needs this tough love heart-to-heart from Austen’s parents.

Moving on to the Sip & See party for Jennifer’s baby.  If I didn’t already love my Shepperoni so much, this episode would’ve sealed the deal.  He stole the show in the most endearing way.  Yoga – yes.  Holding babies – yes.  Playing with Kensie – yes!  Shep

Naomie showed up to the party without Craig, telling Cameran that he wasn’t ready to go yet, so she left without him.  I do not blame her at all!  Jenn caught wind of this, & in front of a few people asked Craig why Naomie was airing their dirty laundry.  There’s the Jenn we all know.  This of course escalated things making Jenn’s mom, in particular, uncomfortable.  Naomie again decided to leave Craig, & caught a ride home with JD & Liz.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E6.1SC4E6.2SC4E6.3

I’m not going to lie, this is the first episode this season that I’ve truly enjoyed.  What did y’all think?  Did you watch Southern Charm Savannah; I was not impressed.

RHONY will be up Wednesday/Thursday.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Heart Aches

This recap is going to be shorter than I anticipated because I have become increasingly annoyed with last night’s episode.  It was very disjointed – specifically the lunch between Jennifer & Kathryn.

Apparently Cameran was Homecoming Queen & a white witch in high school.  She still believes in spells.  She’s basically Louise from Teen Witch.  Cam bought a creepy looking love spell voodoo doll for Shep.Cameran

Shep is super out of shape, which he realized from his game of 1 on 1 with Austen…that dad bod tho’.  This is cause for concern for our dear birthday boy.  His board certified doctor told him to take it easy on the booze.  It was the “No shit, Sherlock” heard round the world low country.  No more buttery nipples with co-eds for Sheppy.

Thomas confided to Whitney the he has magic pants that guarantee his success with the ladies.  Whitney spoke for all of us when he told TRav to “never say that out loud again.” Now if Thomas does indeed have “Hot Pants”, they are more of the liar, liar pants on fire variety.  Feeling down in the dumps, Thomas decided to pursue Landon hardcore, even though she’s wasting time with a 25 yo.

Things that annoyed me about Landon last night:

  • Her bangs…because duh.
  • Her judgement of her boy toy for never having been to NYC; which makes him ignorant about the world according to Landon.
    • I take particular issue with this.  I’ve never been to NYC, but that in no way means I don’t know about the world.  I’ve evacuated people from ISIS.  I’ve also held a tax-paying job since I was 14 – has Landon ever done that?
      • In case you were wondering, my job at 14 was a face painter at Reunion Ranch.  I specialized in bluebonnets.
  • On her date with Thomas, I thought all her “yeahs” sounded more like a cat than a dolphin.  I seriously thought there was a cat outside my window.  Landon’s new name is Meowllory.
  • Her constant maligning of Shep’s character.

When it comes to Thomas, Kathryn will never think rationally; he has set her up to not trust another woman around him.  She is justified in that because TRav is the ultimate Tool McDouche Nugget.  The lunch with Jenn & Kathryn seemed spliced together to make us feel a certain way.  I didn’t love the stone cold side of Kathryn, but her relationship with Jenn did start on precarious terms.  Did Jenn not sleep with Thomas?  I have no ill feelings towards Jenn, or Kathryn, but I think they cannot be friends at this time. Kathryn seemed unaffected & Jenn seemed like an emotional mess, & as a new mom she probably was.  I did not enjoy seeing Jenn defend Landon last night on social media – that makes me question her again.

Craig, Craig, Craig… He has the weirdest hobbies – gardening, sewing, real estate (not that weird), fashion design, bourbon…  Naomie was 100% correct about Craig’s recent life choices.  He is a dreamer, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but he shouldn’t belittle his girlfriend for bringing some much needed levity to the relationship.  Focus Craig, focus!  Tough love for Craig.  First, get a full-time job with a 401k & health benefits, then you can have as many side hustles as you want.  For a 28 yo – you are the screw-up in your relationship.  This annoyed me so much.  Naomie wants her man to be her equal; right now, she is pulling all the weight.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E5.1SC4E5.2SC4E5.3

What were your thought on Kathryn?  A lot of people turned on her last night.  What about Craig?  Is #OldCraig back to stay?  Is Craig still involved with Gentry Bourbon?  Did Shep make it a whole week without booze?

RHONY Recap will be on Wednesday night or Thursday morning.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Shepic Paisley Pants

Sorry this post is up a little late…Life got in the way.  Let’s just get right into it, shall we?  Was it just me or was this episode bouncin’ around all over the place?

We start with Landon at Thomas’ Plantation for a polo match – she so badly wants to be Mrs. Ravenel.  Are we not past calling plots of land with hired help “plantations”?  Thomas was rude for shading Kathryn’s cooking skills.  Apparently Landon is an excellent cook, but I’ve yet to see her do anything other than drink wine.  She does that pretty well though.  Here’s a thought Thomas, date a woman your own age & chances are she’ll know how to cook.

Continuing on with the opening montage, Whitney was dressed like a seersucker Colonel Sanders, which Cameran found hilarious.  Austen has Chelsea saved in his phone as “Dream Girl.”  Craig still has no life, no goals, & no schedule much to Naomie’s despair.

On to the Polo Match… Thomas did greet his kids when they first arrived, which Craig no one saw.  Chelsea admitted that she only knew the Pretty Woman version of polo – same. Cam made Whitney hold St. Julien – he held the baby like Rachel Green.  Whitney

During a break in the match (between games?), Thomas was chillin’, relaxin’ all cool when a couple of tools started makin’ trouble with his kiddie brood with Landon, Craig, & Austen.  The nanny walked by on her way to the car to take the kids home, & Thomas barely acknowledged them.  This offended Craig, so much so, that he scolded Thomas – it went over real well as you can imagine.

As the best parent to no children, I am well aware that telling an actual parent how to do anything with their kids gives them the biggest thrill of their life.  ParentsCraig should not be giving Thomas parenting skills; however, Thomas was socializing & could have easily loved on his kiddos.  Landon clearly would make a fantastic step-mom…see gif above.  Landon says that’s the way parents are in the South – um, not in Texas.  Is it possible that Landon’s parents find her as insufferable as I do?  Cam pointed out to #OldCraig that Thomas is the only providing for the kids at this time, & Naomie bascially told  him to butt-out.  Note to Craig, probably should mind his own business in this regard because it will not go over well.  Note to Thomas, next time try saying something along the lines of “Bye Kensie, I love you!  See you soon!”

I loved it when Chelsea said to Austen, “Thomas’ team won?  It’s rigged!”

Shep came back to town just in time to celebrate his 37th birthday.  Whitney gleefully dream-crushed Shep’s amorous pursuits of Chelsea by informing him that she went to the polo match with Austen.   Austen decided that Shep is on a need-to-know basis, & right now he doesn’t need to know.

Kathryn (FINALLY!) is back-ish!  She joined Craig for sober drinks to catch up.  He barely waited for Kathryn to sit down before telling her what a “bad parent” Thomas is & mentioned that Landon was his hostess for the Polo soiree.  Kathryn nailed Landon from the get-go.  Craig should not be inserting himself into Kathryn & Thomas’ mess.  Kathryn now has visitation twice a month with the kids, which is a major accomplishment!

To me this is when the show started bouncing all over the place.  Austen & Chelsea meet up for their date.  Austen is in LUV, while Chelsea wants to get down to the nitty gritty.  Chelsea is playing Shep.  Why the hell is Landon mad at Shep for him giving her feedback at her Feedback Party.  Landon says, “I’ve pretty much succeeded at everything I’ve done.”  Umm, not your marriage, not your blog, not pitching business ideas, not being a decent person, not asking your dad for money, & not having a conversation.

Naomie & Cameran go on a manicure date – I wish I could replace Naomie on this date.  I want to have girl time with Cam. They bitched about Craig’s recent behaivor, but Cameran did give her sound advice, “Don’t go easy on him [Craig] just because you love him.”

Shep got his birthday haircut from Chelsea.  He didn’t seem to love his reputation…  As much as I love Shep, I think he fairly earned his reputation.  I think any woman wanting to settle down would be trepidation around him.  However, I feel like this love triangle may be a bit overproduced & contrived…it’s less of a love triangle & more of a lust triangle.

At the boat party, Shep greeted all his guests.  Cam was ping-ponging fro Shep to Shep trying to rekindle their connection.  I loved Cameran’s tough love for Shep.  “You’re gonna be Thomas.  Do you want to be a 55yo man with no shoelaces?”

Landon & Shep clear the air.  Landon’s not over it.   I think she’s still butt hurt that Shep doesn’t love her.  Once again Landon took an opportunity to shade Kathryn, as usual, “Yes, we slept together & now I’m pregnant.”

That’s basically all I got from this episode.  It was a little too disjointed for my taste.

Favorite Tweets from the Night:  SC4E4.1SC4E4.2SC4E4.3SC4E4.4

What did you all think of Shep’s birthday party?  Do you think Craig & Landon are basically the same person – #OldCraig?  Do we like Chelsea?  Austen?  Them together?

The RHONY Recap will be up tonight – I promise to get back on schedule!

Kiss Hug,

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