Southern Charm: Emotional Rollercoaster

Y’all, this episode was so emotional!  I legit cried myself to sleep because it brought up unexpected feelings for me.  I found myself relating to Cameran, Shep, & Landon – words I never thought I’d write about Landon.  I thought this particular episode seemed to be shown out of order & referred to things off camera, so instead of following the episode like I normally do, I will recap by situation.

Cameran & Chelsea:
Cam called Chelsea to get together for HH, but Chels was already planning to meet Kathryn to pick out outfits for a photo shoot.  FashionChelsea invited Cameran along, which she seemed happy to accept.  I think my girl Cam has really turned a corner from her bad attitude last season towards Kathryn…at least for now.  On the other hand, did Chelsea & Kathryn’s budding friendship not get filmed? I’m a little confused.

Landon & her Dad:
Landon drove out to some properties that her dad wants to develop.  He’s clearly showing her this because he’s tired of footing her bills; he’d rather have Landon on his payroll.  Daddy Clements is still real confused about “Roam” that has no name, us too dude, us too.  The only nice thing I’ll say about Landon, & I’ll deny it if you ask me, is that I appreciate that she wants to make it on her own.  I don’t have family that bank rolls my lifestyle, but I can definitely relate to wanting to be successful without the help of my parents.  Ugh, how dare Bravo make me feel sympathy for BLandon!

Kathryn, Cameran, & Chelsea:
Chelsea met up with Kathryn at a boutique so that she could become a “J. Crew Bitch,” which is now my new favorite thing.  Kathryn adamantly states that she is anything but in her confessional…pretty sure her outfit to Saint’s birthday party could’ve been straight out of the latest J. Crew catalog.  Hey, who am I to judge if you want to pay $180+ for a sweater.

Cameran showed up, grabbed a glass of wine, & demanded a fashion show…she also invited both gals to her birthday weekend in Key West..  Fashion Show

Chelsea & the Love Triangle:
Okay, here’s where I also get so confused…  It seems to me that Chelsea neither confirms nor denies when Shep &/or Cameran has point blank asked her about her status with Austen.  Austen will also not confirm if they are dating.

Chelsea tells Austen that Shep tried to kiss her a few times the night before; which infuriates Austen.  They were all three out together at Commodore, & Shep also said what he really thought of her & Austen – they don’t got it.

Shep & Austen…and Craig:
This was just bro by blow!  So, Craig, Whitney, Austen, Shep, & Shep’s friend Beau (how you doin’?) got together for drinks.

Oh hey, Beau: Beau

Sorry Sheppy, you’ll have to move on & forget about me.  Somehow, I think you’ll live. Can we still be friends?

Anyways, enough of my mooning over my new beau, Beau.  Austen laid into Shep immediately; the producers did a horrible job trying to villain-ize Shepparoni, as he had a reasonable comeback to each of Austen’s accusations & he apologized.  They seemed to bro it out, until that stinky weasel of man, Craig, just had to add his two cents.  He kept telling Austen that Shep was an awful friend & tried to fck Naomie, which obviously means he also tried fck Chelsea…blah, blah, blah.  I am hating Craig this season.  Does anyone else feel like Craig is still mad at Shep for sleeping with Kathryn season 1? Whitney, being his charming self, & my new boyfriend Beau tried to diffuse the situation. They both basically thought Austen was a diva & Craig was a shit-stirrer.  Shep ended up walking away with Austen no longer a friend…at least until next week. The Broforce is broken.  broforce

Just so we are clear, if you neither confirm nor deny your relationship status with a person I think that means anyone can keep pursuing you until you shut it down.

Kathryn & Kensie (and the father):
Over in the civilized world, Kathryn & Kensie enjoyed the cutest, sweetest, most lovely photoshoot.  I thought this was a really special scene for Kathryn, maybe even Thomas.  K & K

This part got me so emotional.  Kensie did not want to leave Kathryn’s side & essentially threw a tantrum, as Kathryn so eloquently put it – Kensie can’t express in words how she’s feeling, so crying it is.  Kensie was cognizant enough to go to Kathryn’s SUV & try to get in to go home with her.  This was so heartbreaking.  I bet they all just felt so helpless.

Shep & Cameran:
After Shep’s little incident last week, Cam checked in on her pal.  Shep was up, eating, & reading all before noon!  Once again Cameran encourages Shep to pursue Chelsea – I can see why Shep would be confused – mixed signals everywhere!  Cameran also pointed out that she & Shep were a lot alike – she has trouble with opening herself up to the possibility of motherhood & Shep has trouble opening himself up to love.  Sheppy disagrees & says, “I’m not afraid of getting hurt; I’m afraid of doing the hurting.  I have no connection.”  I totally related to Shep on the connection thing; the longer you go being single the easier it is to close yourself off.

Side note: Cam did admit to both Chelsea & Shep that she encouraged him where perhaps she should have let it be.  She just wants her friends to be in love y’all.  We all need a “my angel” in our lives, right?

Craig & Naomie:
These two morons head back to therapy to bitch at each other.  I honestly think this is the only time they actually communicate with each other.  Craig is right in saying that Naomie should have his back; however, in private Naomie should be able to voice differing opinions freely without retribution from Craig.  It’s a two-way street that neither seem to be able to navigation.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E10.1SC4E10.2

Cameran gets my vote for “Most Improved” since last season, Whitney is a close second.  What do you all think?  Is Shep a villain?  Is Cameran meddling too much? Where do we stand on Chelsea?

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Olive Branches

I reversed my watching order this week as The Bachelorette came on first instead of Southern Charm.  It would really help me out if Bravo could move Southern Charm to Tuesday, or maybe Sunday.  Although the ratings hold their own, #SouthernCharm is always trending on Twitter along with #TheBachelorette, which really messes with me pulling my favorite tweets.  schedule

The show opens on the Charmers doing their thing.  Kathryn is getting her namaste on. Landon asked Thomas out – he thinks its a date, she thinks they’re just two friends having dinner.  She totally led him on.  Cam calls “her angel” to talk about baby making & redecorating her lady cave, since Jason has his man cave.  Jason wants it to be a nursery. I actually think this was just an #ad for Home Goods.

We focus on Craig as he receives an email from his law school notifying him that he has finally passed, is now a graduate, & can finally take The Bar.  His parents were properly enthused; however, Naomie took all wind out of his sail.  Normally, I’m #TeamNaomie, but she really was rude to Craig.  Maybe it’s payback for him constantly referring to her as a child?  There is a time to support Craig, & a time to say “I told you so,” learn the difference Naomie.Craig

Landon & Thomas go on their date full of mixed signals.  Thomas kept winking at her, which was so creepy.  Landon giggled incessantly.  Landon confessed that Thomas would be ideal for her, but she can’t move past the gossip & Kathryn situation.  Thomas uttered, quite possibly the best line in SC history, “Go f@#$ thyself,” as his attitude towards gossip. I guess this was the code words for the drunk lady at the next table to lean over & rattle on & on about Thomas being Landon’s soulmate.  Landon seemed a bit uncomfortable, but I’m sure that’s because she wasn’t buzzed enough yet.

Sheppy organized a lunch for himself, Craig, Kathryn, & Cameran so they can all re-connect & make any amends necessary.  Shep perfectly pointed out to Cam that if she held Kathryn accountable, then Thomas needs to be held to the same standard.  He is absolutely correct in that.  In a round-about way, Cameran finally agreed while shading Kathryn in the process.  Progress is slow in the South, y’all.  Cameran dragged Whitney along, which made things even more awkward.  Honestly, Shep should have led the conversation to help ease the tension…it was his idea after all.  Finally, Cam extended the olive branch to Kathryn.  They basically all agree to move on & let bygones be bygones.  You guys, I’m finding Whitney to be so charming this season.Olive branch

Craig & Austen play a horrible round of golf (as in their skills), while bitching constantly about Shep.  Craig basically doesn’t have a nice thing to say about anyone but Kathryn. Was Craig wearing a woman’s sweater?  They both basically say that Shep doesn’t want a relationshep (get it?) with Chelsea, but that he wants to “conquer” Chelsea.  Since Chelsea is the girl version of Shep, I don’t think she’d mind.

Over at the Ravenel guest house, Thomas is planning Saint Julian’s first birthday with the nanny.  Kensie, who is potty training, chose the perfect moment of Whitney’s arrival to drop trow.  Hilarious!  Whitney is so uncomfortable around children.  He told Thomas that they all had lunch with Kathryn, & he thinks Thomas should give her a second chance.

Landon met up with her boy toy to confirm that she is indeed an old hen, & a stupid one to boot.  She had a bad day at the “office” & learned that Roam is already taken…duh! That could be determined by a simple Google search.  I’ve never incorporated a name, but guess what?  I Googled the name of my blog & then purchased the domain.  Business 101.  Landon, stick to what you know – gold digging.

Liz & Kathryn met for coffee; I found this scene sadly sweet.  The women end up sharing a small cake to celebrate Saint’s first birthday.  Liz delivered Thomas’ written response to Kathryn’s letter.  We end the episode with Thomas inviting Kathryn to Julian’s birthday party in the park.  Olive branches, y’all!

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E9.1

What did y’all think of our Southern Charmers last night?  I still find myself loving & hating Craig from one breath to the next.  What do you all think of Chelsea?  I like her, but something really bugs me about her…can’t put my finger on it.

I promise to actually post a RHONY recap this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: It’s So Hard to Say Sari

The Charmers would pick the premier night of The Bachelorette to get more interesting… giphy

Did Chelsea compare her lady bits to pork or a port?  I couldn’t understand that thick drawl.  Thomas is apparently now the official tour guide of Charleston.  Kathryn reached out to Whitney to make amends…I thought they did this at the Reunion?

Getting right in to the nitty gritty, we join Craig & Naomie at therapy.  I need a therapy sesh to recover from theirs.  I am #TeamNaomie all the way, but they are both in that place of looking at the bottom line (it’s all your fault, not mine), while we – the audience – can see the bigger picture (neither is always right).  I’m not sure they will get to the bigger picture.

Austen & Landon go on a date meet for drinks; Landon’s drink of choice was a shot of tequila & a Michalob Ultra.  She Drinks like I did at 23.  Landon did reveal that Charlotte the Dog was the flower girl/ring bearer at her first wedding, much to Austen’s chagrin.  Austen basically called Landon a gold digger…he called it as we all see it.  Shep is conveniently back on the wagon & happened to show up at the same bar as his two cast mates.  Landon basked in the glow of calling Chelsea Austen’s girlfriend in front of Shep.  Shep took it well cringey. Shep

Thomas met up with his father.  Like many men from the South & old as dirt, he had corny jokes & bad dentures.  This segment made Thomas seem a little more human & gave us some insight into why he is such a douche canoe now.  Papa Rav was a prick to young Thomas, & left his mother to care for TRav & his special needs brother.  Thomas kinda raised himself, but is still always seeking the approval from his father, who could not care less.

Austen & Chelsea had another date, & just when I was writing them of as boring Austen had to make us all cry.  He shared his ugly cry story about the death of his older sister when she was 10 & he was 7.  This broke my heart…I ugly cried Bachelor style. Austen

To lighten the mood, we head over to Patricia’s mansion & met her friend Georgette.  So, side note – I wasn’t looking at the TV during Georgette’s first appearance & I didn’t realize that it wasn’t Pat talking – they sound the same y’all!  They are in cahoots to make the world’s ugliest caftans.  Watch out Asa & Kyle.  They plan to throw a dinner party with an Indian theme.  I’ve also decided the Michael wearing a lab coat to make drinks is very mad scientist.

Meanwhile, across town in the most blatant set up ever Kathryn got her hair done by Chelsea.  I actually think Chelsea & Kathryn could be a good match as friends.  Chelsea would never sleep with Kathryn’s man, & she would provide a levity when Kathryn starts to wander too close to the Crazy Train.  Kathryn admitted that she sent Thomas a letter to apologize as part of her 12 steps.  In her confessional, Kathryn got emotional explaining how grateful she was to Thomas for making her a mother, etc.  JD joins Thomas at his office, where he shared Kathryn’s letter.

Not to go off on a tangent, but the hand writing in that letter is why cursive should still be taught in school.  No offense to Kathryn, but her handwriting is what I imagine Kensie’s to look like.

Thomas, being the worst, thinks Kathryn is trying to trap him.  Ugh!  Can he be a decent human being for once?

Cameran looked beautiful in her sari at Patricia’s.  Landon was dressed for a toga party, & Daisy was dressed as Daisy from Great Gatsby.  They were not allowed to say four letter words per Georgette’s instructions at dinner…we all assume she meant curse words, but it seemed all four letter words were taboo.  An Indian Healer showed up as the special guest & read their futures.  She correctly predicted that Cameran would be pregnant in 2017 & Craig would pass The Bar in 2017.  During this time I realized, for the first time, that Craig’s last name is perfect for a lawyer.  Get it Con-Over…lawyer’s have that reputation…  The healer also said that Naomie & Craig were soulmates – I give them another year before they call it quits.

The Healer said that Shep would only marry once he becomes afraid of being alone.  On the other hand, Landon’s true love was in the room.  Don’t you find it odd that Patricia is continuously trying to hook up Landon with Thomas, but not Whitney?  Hmmm… hmmm

Whitney hijacked Thomas’ turn in the hot seat by revealing that Kathryn had sought him out for a reconciliation.  For some reason unbeknownst to me, Cameran has a major reaction to this & thinks it is so inappropriate.  Landon was just being Landon.  Craig & Shep immediately defend Kathryn & can’t believe this group is so against Kathryn wanting to say she’s “sari.”  Appalled, Georgette deems the party is over.

Okay, so this season I have had a love/hate relationship with Craig.  Why is he such an ass to Naomie, but will defend Kathryn to the death?  Maybe when Craig & Naomie break up Kathryn will finally give him a chance?

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E8.1SC4E8.2SC4E8.3

What did y’all think?  Do you agree that #SouthernCharm is about to get good?  Is anyone watching Savannah?

I’ll check back in the week for RHONY.

Kiss Hug.

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Southern Charm Recap: They Are the Hunters, We Are the Foxes

Y’all, like Craig, I too am trying my hand at gardening.  Two weeks ago I cut a bunch of dead/ugly plants down to their stump in my flowerbed.  This past Sunday, I dug up all the gnarly roots with a pick & shovel…my body is now rejecting me.  I’m so sore!!!

The good news is that I should be ready to plant new flowers this weekend.  Mama J is coming to visit for Mother’s Day (this Sunday!), so I’ll let her boss me around in the garden.  Honestly, if I knew it was going to be this cumbersome, I may have never started.

I like to think that Craig would be proud of my start.

As always, the episode began with the morning routines.  Landon is apparently now a painter, Whitney a dog walker, Craig is stuck in traffic makin’ Cameran wait on him, & Shep has a coyote ugly leaving his place.  Sheppy lamented that his “piece” didn’t leave during the night like a good one-night-stand should.

Shep’s doc, from the Quack Shack, called to inform him that he is borderline alcoholic & that his liver is on the road to rejecting him.  He smartly decided to take a week off from drinking…just to see if he could.  Whitney & Patricia discussed Thomas’ lack of game, as TRav’s magic pants are now shit stained.  Patricia feels that Whitney should feel the same way about his love life.  Que the match-making dinner party.  Dare I say that Whitney may actually be charming this season?!?!  Stranger things have happened.

I don’t think I realized just how rude Craig can be.  He made Cameran wait for an hour to look at houses he can’t afford.  Cameran let Craig know that he has “Caviar taste on a Vienna sausage budget.”  Love Cameran!  Craig’s life philosphy reminds me of something my dad used to say, “I wish I had _______, & he had a feather up his ass.  Then we’d both be tickled.”  Cam reminds Craig that he should probably check in with Naomie before buying a rental property, to which Craig said, “ppp-shaw!” Craig

Kathryn & Shep reunite by doing yoga – it was so entertaining.  Best thing I’ve seen thus far this season.  Maybe Sheppy-poo & Kathryn could be Sober Buddies…  While they are bettering themselves, Austen & Chelsea went on another date.  I’m quickly losing interest in them.

Next up, Cameran & Shep had lunch with Ms. Estelle – the voodoo doll.  I think Cameran is all of us when she reiterates to Shep that maybe he needs to settle down.  I agree with her that Shep is bored.  Cam wanted to cast a love spell on Shep…he wasn’t into it.  Cam – I’m available for a love spell to be cast on me! love spell

I’m going to go ahead & skip over another spat between Craig & Naomie.  I’m afraid #OldCraig may be here to stay.  😦  He has no concept of reality…much like Landon.

At Patricia’s dinner party, Whitney helped her by putting out the place cards…you know because a party of 5 needs assigned seats.  Whitney thinks that not having a place card holder is roughing it – not so charming.  Whit & Cameran were basically there to make the setup between Thomas & Landon less obvious.  I, for one, think TRav & Blandon deserve each other.

They all blatantly make fun of Landon’s boy toy, which is a pretty shitty thing to do.  Landon is dating her 26 yo as a place card without the place card holder…she’s roughing it too.  I did love that Pat told Thomas he’d be a fool not to get a prenup from his next victim love.  Landon didn’t love that, which of course makes me happy.

Austen had dinner with his folks.  They basically told him to get a real job with a 401K & health benefits…sound familiar?  Craig needs this tough love heart-to-heart from Austen’s parents.

Moving on to the Sip & See party for Jennifer’s baby.  If I didn’t already love my Shepperoni so much, this episode would’ve sealed the deal.  He stole the show in the most endearing way.  Yoga – yes.  Holding babies – yes.  Playing with Kensie – yes!  Shep

Naomie showed up to the party without Craig, telling Cameran that he wasn’t ready to go yet, so she left without him.  I do not blame her at all!  Jenn caught wind of this, & in front of a few people asked Craig why Naomie was airing their dirty laundry.  There’s the Jenn we all know.  This of course escalated things making Jenn’s mom, in particular, uncomfortable.  Naomie again decided to leave Craig, & caught a ride home with JD & Liz.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E6.1SC4E6.2SC4E6.3

I’m not going to lie, this is the first episode this season that I’ve truly enjoyed.  What did y’all think?  Did you watch Southern Charm Savannah; I was not impressed.

RHONY will be up Wednesday/Thursday.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Heart Aches

This recap is going to be shorter than I anticipated because I have become increasingly annoyed with last night’s episode.  It was very disjointed – specifically the lunch between Jennifer & Kathryn.

Apparently Cameran was Homecoming Queen & a white witch in high school.  She still believes in spells.  She’s basically Louise from Teen Witch.  Cam bought a creepy looking love spell voodoo doll for Shep.Cameran

Shep is super out of shape, which he realized from his game of 1 on 1 with Austen…that dad bod tho’.  This is cause for concern for our dear birthday boy.  His board certified doctor told him to take it easy on the booze.  It was the “No shit, Sherlock” heard round the world low country.  No more buttery nipples with co-eds for Sheppy.

Thomas confided to Whitney the he has magic pants that guarantee his success with the ladies.  Whitney spoke for all of us when he told TRav to “never say that out loud again.” Now if Thomas does indeed have “Hot Pants”, they are more of the liar, liar pants on fire variety.  Feeling down in the dumps, Thomas decided to pursue Landon hardcore, even though she’s wasting time with a 25 yo.

Things that annoyed me about Landon last night:

  • Her bangs…because duh.
  • Her judgement of her boy toy for never having been to NYC; which makes him ignorant about the world according to Landon.
    • I take particular issue with this.  I’ve never been to NYC, but that in no way means I don’t know about the world.  I’ve evacuated people from ISIS.  I’ve also held a tax-paying job since I was 14 – has Landon ever done that?
      • In case you were wondering, my job at 14 was a face painter at Reunion Ranch.  I specialized in bluebonnets.
  • On her date with Thomas, I thought all her “yeahs” sounded more like a cat than a dolphin.  I seriously thought there was a cat outside my window.  Landon’s new name is Meowllory.
  • Her constant maligning of Shep’s character.

When it comes to Thomas, Kathryn will never think rationally; he has set her up to not trust another woman around him.  She is justified in that because TRav is the ultimate Tool McDouche Nugget.  The lunch with Jenn & Kathryn seemed spliced together to make us feel a certain way.  I didn’t love the stone cold side of Kathryn, but her relationship with Jenn did start on precarious terms.  Did Jenn not sleep with Thomas?  I have no ill feelings towards Jenn, or Kathryn, but I think they cannot be friends at this time. Kathryn seemed unaffected & Jenn seemed like an emotional mess, & as a new mom she probably was.  I did not enjoy seeing Jenn defend Landon last night on social media – that makes me question her again.

Craig, Craig, Craig… He has the weirdest hobbies – gardening, sewing, real estate (not that weird), fashion design, bourbon…  Naomie was 100% correct about Craig’s recent life choices.  He is a dreamer, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but he shouldn’t belittle his girlfriend for bringing some much needed levity to the relationship.  Focus Craig, focus!  Tough love for Craig.  First, get a full-time job with a 401k & health benefits, then you can have as many side hustles as you want.  For a 28 yo – you are the screw-up in your relationship.  This annoyed me so much.  Naomie wants her man to be her equal; right now, she is pulling all the weight.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E5.1SC4E5.2SC4E5.3

What were your thought on Kathryn?  A lot of people turned on her last night.  What about Craig?  Is #OldCraig back to stay?  Is Craig still involved with Gentry Bourbon?  Did Shep make it a whole week without booze?

RHONY Recap will be on Wednesday night or Thursday morning.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Shepic Paisley Pants

Sorry this post is up a little late…Life got in the way.  Let’s just get right into it, shall we?  Was it just me or was this episode bouncin’ around all over the place?

We start with Landon at Thomas’ Plantation for a polo match – she so badly wants to be Mrs. Ravenel.  Are we not past calling plots of land with hired help “plantations”?  Thomas was rude for shading Kathryn’s cooking skills.  Apparently Landon is an excellent cook, but I’ve yet to see her do anything other than drink wine.  She does that pretty well though.  Here’s a thought Thomas, date a woman your own age & chances are she’ll know how to cook.

Continuing on with the opening montage, Whitney was dressed like a seersucker Colonel Sanders, which Cameran found hilarious.  Austen has Chelsea saved in his phone as “Dream Girl.”  Craig still has no life, no goals, & no schedule much to Naomie’s despair.

On to the Polo Match… Thomas did greet his kids when they first arrived, which Craig no one saw.  Chelsea admitted that she only knew the Pretty Woman version of polo – same. Cam made Whitney hold St. Julien – he held the baby like Rachel Green.  Whitney

During a break in the match (between games?), Thomas was chillin’, relaxin’ all cool when a couple of tools started makin’ trouble with his kiddie brood with Landon, Craig, & Austen.  The nanny walked by on her way to the car to take the kids home, & Thomas barely acknowledged them.  This offended Craig, so much so, that he scolded Thomas – it went over real well as you can imagine.

As the best parent to no children, I am well aware that telling an actual parent how to do anything with their kids gives them the biggest thrill of their life.  ParentsCraig should not be giving Thomas parenting skills; however, Thomas was socializing & could have easily loved on his kiddos.  Landon clearly would make a fantastic step-mom…see gif above.  Landon says that’s the way parents are in the South – um, not in Texas.  Is it possible that Landon’s parents find her as insufferable as I do?  Cam pointed out to #OldCraig that Thomas is the only providing for the kids at this time, & Naomie bascially told  him to butt-out.  Note to Craig, probably should mind his own business in this regard because it will not go over well.  Note to Thomas, next time try saying something along the lines of “Bye Kensie, I love you!  See you soon!”

I loved it when Chelsea said to Austen, “Thomas’ team won?  It’s rigged!”

Shep came back to town just in time to celebrate his 37th birthday.  Whitney gleefully dream-crushed Shep’s amorous pursuits of Chelsea by informing him that she went to the polo match with Austen.   Austen decided that Shep is on a need-to-know basis, & right now he doesn’t need to know.

Kathryn (FINALLY!) is back-ish!  She joined Craig for sober drinks to catch up.  He barely waited for Kathryn to sit down before telling her what a “bad parent” Thomas is & mentioned that Landon was his hostess for the Polo soiree.  Kathryn nailed Landon from the get-go.  Craig should not be inserting himself into Kathryn & Thomas’ mess.  Kathryn now has visitation twice a month with the kids, which is a major accomplishment!

To me this is when the show started bouncing all over the place.  Austen & Chelsea meet up for their date.  Austen is in LUV, while Chelsea wants to get down to the nitty gritty.  Chelsea is playing Shep.  Why the hell is Landon mad at Shep for him giving her feedback at her Feedback Party.  Landon says, “I’ve pretty much succeeded at everything I’ve done.”  Umm, not your marriage, not your blog, not pitching business ideas, not being a decent person, not asking your dad for money, & not having a conversation.

Naomie & Cameran go on a manicure date – I wish I could replace Naomie on this date.  I want to have girl time with Cam. They bitched about Craig’s recent behaivor, but Cameran did give her sound advice, “Don’t go easy on him [Craig] just because you love him.”

Shep got his birthday haircut from Chelsea.  He didn’t seem to love his reputation…  As much as I love Shep, I think he fairly earned his reputation.  I think any woman wanting to settle down would be trepidation around him.  However, I feel like this love triangle may be a bit overproduced & contrived…it’s less of a love triangle & more of a lust triangle.

At the boat party, Shep greeted all his guests.  Cam was ping-ponging fro Shep to Shep trying to rekindle their connection.  I loved Cameran’s tough love for Shep.  “You’re gonna be Thomas.  Do you want to be a 55yo man with no shoelaces?”

Landon & Shep clear the air.  Landon’s not over it.   I think she’s still butt hurt that Shep doesn’t love her.  Once again Landon took an opportunity to shade Kathryn, as usual, “Yes, we slept together & now I’m pregnant.”

That’s basically all I got from this episode.  It was a little too disjointed for my taste.

Favorite Tweets from the Night:  SC4E4.1SC4E4.2SC4E4.3SC4E4.4

What did you all think of Shep’s birthday party?  Do you think Craig & Landon are basically the same person – #OldCraig?  Do we like Chelsea?  Austen?  Them together?

The RHONY Recap will be up tonight – I promise to get back on schedule!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Model Behavior

Y’all, I forgot how much I missed the Ba-Ba-Doo theme song!  As they always do, the episode started with the Charmers doing their morning things.  Austen ran ran along a river (???) with his hair floppin’ in the wind.  Landon rolled out of bed.  Thomas was already at the office complaining about bills – see the blue bloods are just like us blue collar folks.  What were those lime green glasses with dinosaur spots?  They can be seen from outer space.  eyes

Cameran & Chelsea met up at the gym to workout their skinny fat problems.  For one day in my life, I’d like to have skinny fat problems.  We do have proof that Cam does indeed live off gas station food, but somehow I think it’s more like once or twice during filming to “keep it real”.  Apparently Shep & Chelsea had a “PG” sleepover.  I’m not sure I buy that.  They are just havin’ fun y’all.

Craig & Landon meet up for a charcuterie plate…and to bitch about Shep.  Craig did mention that he & Naomie are working on a “charity thing”.  Landon advised us all that philanthropy is the way to be a socialite…like she knows.  The fact that Craig consistently called a Step & Repeat a Step & Release, shows that he has a long way to go.  #stepandrelease

Shep is at home packing for a trip for the weekend, & Naomie stopped by to pick up a silent auction item.  Naomie talked about Craig not knowing if a tsunami hit Haiti or an earthquake.  But, in the next breath told Shep not to talk badly about him…it was a little strange.  However, it was a constructive argument.  Shep is tough on his friends.

Life advice: if you can’t be honest in a friendship, then it’s a one-sided friendship (to your disadvantage) & you need to move on.

You guys, after texting with Mama J about who on this show has jobs, I realized that Craig & Landon (and Kathryn, but where is she?) are the only ones without jobs.  Yet, they complain about my Sheppy-Poo not working.  Let’s make a list, shall we?
Cameran – Realtor
Thomas – Realty Business Owner
Whitney – Producer
Austen – Beer Guy
Shep – Bar Owner
Kathryn – Jewelry Maker?
Craig – Gardener?  Investor in Gentry Bourbon?
Landon – gold digger Blogger

Moving on to Miss Patricia, she is heading out of town.  “You can never be over-educated or over-dressed.”  Whitney is dog sitting as Michael in on a much deserved vacay.

Meanwhile, Kathryn met with a potential modeling agency.  Why didn’t she wear makeup?  Kathryn, my friend, we both suffer from blonde eyelashes – NEVER leave home without mascara.  I love that Kathryn is self-reflective & openly shares her struggles with us.  This makes me love her even more.  #TeamKathryn

I feel like I say this every week, but Thomas speaking French to himself gives me the heebie-jeebies.  He is so disgusting.  Thomas thinks that if he had pursued an older woman, his life would be different.  DUH.  But, Thomas you don’t look at age appropriate women; quite frankly age appropriate women wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Landon swung by Thomas’ house for yet another charity event – a polo match.  Landon has always been annoying, but never have I thought she sounded more like a robot. Does she read cue cards?  Is she trying to remember her script? robot

Naomie has realized that #NewCraig is regressing back into #OldCraig.  He was such an ass this episode.  Does he still work for Gentry Bourbon?  Craig says that he reasons any worry out of his brain, thus he doesn’t get stressed.  Craig, dear, you have no problems as you have no responsibilities.  Craig then accused Shep of being an abusive husband; was he jealous that Naomie & Shep can have rational conversations?

Moving along, Austen, Thomas, Shep, & the most glorious mullet meet up for a Boys Night Out.  Mullet

We found out that Thomas & Shep, who are cousins, have a lot of cross pollination when it comes to women.  These guys are animals talking about their conquests. cross pollination

Shep & Austen make a good wing man duo, but this is all too weird – these are girls, not women.  The worst part was that these same girls moved on to Thomas once Shep left.  Even Whitney & Austen were skeeved out.  Let me remind you that most of this “bar trash” were celebrating a 21st birthday.Gross

Finally, we reach the night of the big silent auction.  Mr. Craig was so obnoxious; however, they were both super unprofessional during setup at the event.  “F you, no F you!”  Now, when Naomie speaks French = not gross.  Craig, learn to delegate. Naomie, you mean well, but Craig sees it as nagging.

In the only smart move Thomas has ever made regarding a woman, he opted not to attend the silent auction in case Kathryn was there.  He didn’t want to cause a scene.

What the hell was that belly dancing gold chain in Landon’s hair?  Chelsea looked hot in that green dress.  It’s episode 3, & we’ve now seen Bam twice.  That’s two too many.

We end the episode with Austen hitting on Chelsea & getting her number.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E3.1SC4E3.2SC4E3.3SC4E3.4

What did y’all think of this episode?  I think this season has been a slow build so far, which means it’s going to get real good, real soon.

RHONY Recap will be up on Wednesday night.  I’ll also be posting a new playlist, my first one since Christmas, later this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Roaming to The Bar

As per ushe, the cast began this episode with their morning routine.  Craig woke up allergic to his cat, Shep got ghosted by his mom, & so on and so forth.

Whitney stopped by for coffee (???) with Thomas; Whitney states that he is single again.  Thomas says that he should hookup with girls in the bathroom at the bar, “What are public bathrooms for?”  He solidified his old Republican Congressman roots right there; if I’m not mistaken there was a scandal a few years ago about Congressmen hooking up in airport bathrooms, specifically Republicans?  Not too sure, as I was about 15 years old, right in T-Rav’s wheel house, & didn’t care about the news back then.

During this whole scene, I was singing:

“‘Cause the boyz n tha hood are always hard
You come talking that trash we’ll pull your card
Knowing nothing in life but to be legit
Don’t quote me boy, ’cause I ain’t said shit”

Not sure why, but that popped in my head.  Bonus points if you know that song…brings me way back to my high school days.  Y’all, how gross is Thomas? Thomas is gross

Kathryn visited Danni; did Danni look different to anyone else?  Our dear Kathryn revealed that she was humiliated & disappointed in herself to fail her drug test & losing custody of her kids.  She spent the summer in rehab, working on herself.  Danni, like the rest of #TeamKathryn, admire Kathryn for her bravery & tenacity for trying to better herself.  Kathryn is hopeful that she will regain joint-custody with Thomas.  She does admit that she is leery to reconnect with some former friends – ahem, Jennifer Snowden, ahem.

Y’all, I’d forgotten than Jenn had an affair with Thomas at some point…

Which moves us right along to Cameran visiting Jenn after having given birth to Baby Ascher 4 weeks prior.  Cam is still uncertain about her own desire to have children, but she looked like a natural holding the baby.   I will say that I think Cameran ultimately will decide that she wants to meet the child that her & Jason can create, but perhaps she is dreading being pregnant.  I get it.  It’s hot 10 months out of the year in Charleston, so being pregnant sounds extra miserable in the South…not to mention the changes to your body.  Although, I hear pregnancy clothes are like pajamas…silver lining?Cameran

Jenn says that newborn’s poop doesn’t stink – lies.  However, she seems to be doing well as a new mom…I’m sure the nanny helps.

BLandon is still keeping up the facade that her website is real…it’s roaming out there somewhere.  I think she’s trying to channel Sonja Morgan in every way…fake businesses, interns, younger men… Landon

Shep & Craig meet up at the batting cages, I guess for Shep to harass him. I don’t blame Shep for questioning Craig, but there’s an obvious answer since Craig isn’t a practicing lawyer.  I think at this point Craig has not taken The Bar, but has instead taken to the bar. Just kidding, those blood shot eyes are from allergies.  Craig thinks Shep is jealous of him, thus Shep removes him from the group text.  Basically, Shep, Cam, & Whit think Craig is full of shit.

Y’all, personal antidote, I HATE group texts & always remove myself.

We move along to a “Firends Who Lunch” montage.  Cameran wants Shep & Chelsea to fall in love.  Meanwhile, Shep, Whitney, & Austen just want to have fun.  The boys talk about Landon’s abysmal attempt to gain investors for her blog.  We now despise Landon even more.

“Nomi” comes home from a long day of working towards her Master’s degree to find Craig doing a whole lot of nothin’.  What happened to Gentry Bourbon?  Didn’t Craig invest in it?  Naomie secretly agrees with Shep & wishes Craig would figure himself out.  I think Craig really wants to be Martha Stewart?  On Twitter last night, I asked Craig to build me a container garden – he sent me photos of his.  I have to say, I’m jealous of his produce & his product. Craig's GardenLooks at those tomatoes!  Is that a melon?

Landon decided to throw a launch party for ROAM.  She should have named her blog something else, there are just too many jokes to make with this one.  In fact, I’d rather roam away from this lame party & hang out with Kathryn.  Y’all this was the dumbest get together; none of the guests even bothered to check out the blog without being dragged to an iPad by her intern or Bam.  Mama J hates the name Bam…in my head I say it like Emril.

Whitney brought a Daisy as his date, let’s just say that she was overly enthusiastic & leave it at that.  She was also dressed as a flapper. Whitney's Date

Craig told Cameran that he knows that they have a group text making fun of him.  Cameran promises that they only make fun of his Instagram.  Hahaha.  This conversation had me knee-slappin’-laughin’ (KSL).

Shep pulled Landon aside to give her feedback, which was the point of this shindig I thought?  Shep explained that Lando was gettin’ too big for her britches & that her potential investors couldn’t stand her.  Same.  Landon, just being Landon, blamed all her woes on them.  “If I’m not bitchy, then I get walked all over.  If I am a bitch, then they call me a bitch.”  Well, the investors see your for the pot & kettle you are, honey child.  She stormed out of her own party because Sheppy was a big meanie head.  Pouting

In her confessional, Landon told Shep “to go F himself,” & that he had never had a job. Correct if I’m wrong, but Shep owns two bars in Charleston, has Shep Gear (I bought a corduroy cap that is too hot to wear in Texas – I’ve got to support my man right?), & according to this episode has invested in an app.  I think those things qualify as jobs…  Owning a business is a job, maybe not a 9-5 kind of job, but that’s just good business.

We ended the episode with Cameran as the third wheel to Shep & Chelsea’s date.  I’m undecided on Chelsea – she is infringing on my claim to Shep, after all.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E2.1

What did you all think of the episode?  There was not enough Kathryn for my taste, but I digress.  Why does T-Rav always talk to himself in French?

See you back here on Wednesday for RHONY!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Kathryn On My Mind

Whew!  This episode went by so quickly!  Since much doesn’t happen in the first episode of any season, this will be just a few thought of what we’ve seen so far.  I bet “Kathryn” will be the word for the Drinking Game tonight on WWHL.

The opening scene was obnoxious because my two least favorite people were pretentiously walking about town pretending they never hooked up.  Vom.

Craig still hasn’t taken the Bar, but has turned in his thesis.  He is now a handyman?  Patricia would probably pay him to clean her pool shirtless.  Cameran got the lowdown for us. Handyman Craig

Thomas now has full custody of his & Kathryn’s children.  Because kids are messy & gross, he makes them live in his guest house because God forbid they drool on a $30,000 rug.  Could Thomas be a more deplorable human?  I wonder if Kathryn can take Thomas to court over this?    Thomas

Now, as the best mother to no children, I do agree that kids are gross…but it is your responsibility, as a parent, to teach them to be responsible humans.  This means having them pick up after themselves, clean, balance a checkbook, etc.  Again, I’m the best mother to no children.

Landon is still the worst human alive…next to Thomas of course.  She is still super judgmental, & talking about Kathryn & the fact that she can’t even do rehab correctly.  If Kathryn is on a road to a better, healthy life then who are you to judge?Closed mouth

We are introduced to Austen…seriously is he the lovechild of Shep & Craig?  Y’all, he actually has a job!  The only other one besides Cameran.

We are also introduced to Eliza – did anyone else think she was Thomas’ granddaughter? I think it is so weird that he hangs out with his friend’s daughter.  Real cringe-worthy, y’all.

How amazing is Cameran looking?  So gorgeous!  I believe my beloved Cam has left the Mean Girls table is back to her lovable self of yore.

Is Thomas is too stupid to realize that he is the creepy, old horn-dog at the kids co-ed’s party.

For Kathryn not showing up until the last few minutes of the show, she sure was the topic of conversation among everyone.   Kathryn’s cousin Shelby is the worst.  Someone is definitely seeking her 15 minutes… Shelby

Did I miss anything?  What did y’all think?  I loved that the episode ended with Kathryn getting her D&A…that ought to shut everyone up, but you know how that goes…

My favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E1.1SC4E1.2

Check back in for the RHONY recap on Wednesday!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Updated Cast Analysis

Southern Charm Cast
Heavens to Betsy!  By now, most of you know that Southern Charm is my GOAT of the Bravo shows.  I can’t adequately express my love for this show & most of the cast.  Season 4 premiers on April 3rd, but here are few facts if you’re tuning in for the first time, & also the trailer for the upcoming season!  I’m so excited!!!  This is my excited dance. Excitement Dance

Austen:

Okay, so Austen looks like the lovechild of Craig & Shep; from the previews it looks like he may be an “Old Craig” from Season 2 kind of bro.  I do somewhat enjoy that his name spelled wrong like Jane Austen’s…  Based on Bravo’s website, we know that Shep brought him into the group…looks like that friendship may be going south.  He also loves to travel, because who doesn’t, right?  He works for a local brewery, which I think is how he met Shep???  Austen likes football, Phish, blah, blah, blah.  Austin Kroll

Cameran:

Now, our beloved Cameran was my favorite until Season 3.  She is beautiful as always, but she sat at the Mean Girls table last season; if the Season 4 trailer & Kathryn’s interviews are to be believed, then she has come back to being sweetly narky – not ugly snarky.  There is a difference y’all.  Last season she struggled with her indecision to have a baby, but this season she has thrown out her birth control…  Cam also has a super fun IG, so check that out.Cameran

Craig:

Last season Craig seemed to clean up his act & became known as “New Craig.”  I’m not convinced that it will last, but we shall see.  I believe he has finally passed the Bar, so that is exciting.  I really appreciated that Craig was the only one to defend Kathryn last season; not only that, but he also dropped multiple truth bombs all season long…looking forward of more of that.  Looks like Craig’s wrath will be directed at Shep this season…he thinks Shep is jealous or something.  Southern Charm - Season 4

Kathryn:

I know this may be controversial, but I am ride-or-die for Kathryn, especially when to it comes to her vs. Landon.  However, I’m not afraid to call her on her shit when the occasion calls for it…in my recaps, of course.  Of the cast, Kathryn seems receptive to constructive criticism & can admit when she’s wrong.  Her confessional one-liners are to die for.  Do I want her to be with Thomas – absolutely not, she can do better!  Do I want her to figure herself out – DUH.  I loved when she & Whitney hugged it out on last season’s reunion.  Hope that frosty water stays under the bridge.  My hope for Kathryn this season is that she can rise above the fray, & by fray I mean T-Rav & Blandon.Kathryn

Landon:

Ugh, BLandon.  Not only does she have the most annoying whiny voice on earth, but I think she gets off on being mean.  She clearly has a thing for stealing men from other women, no job with no hopes of getting one, & she’s a gold digger.  Her “travel blog” is no closer to being up & running than it was last season.  You can’t even google the blog – the only thing that shows up is the article from Reality Tea saying it hasn’t made it off the ground yet.  Cue the dolphin laughs eye rolls around the world.  Landon

Shep:

Okay, so we all know my love for Shepard.  He can do no wrong…except he’s always cheating on me.  Joking, joking…  The trailer leads us to believe, which I do, that Shep is still the endearing party boy we all know & love.  However, if his IG is to be believed, he’s a pretty savvy business guy too & takes cool vacations.  Just doing my research…  He convinced me to order a cap from Shep Gear.  Didn’t need the cap, but I ordered it.  In my delusional mind, he handmade the it just for me.  My love note must have gotten lost int he mail…  The only smudge on my affection for Shep is that he has recently become chummy with Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules.  With the exclusion of last week’s episode (flights for Schwartz-y’s brothers), Jax leaves a lot to be desired as a decent human.  Be careful Shep, Jax will sleep with your lady… Southern Charm - Season 4

Thomas:

I think T-Rav is super creepy…borderline pedophile.  I really have a hard time deciding who I dislike more: Thomas or Landon.  Last season, in the beginning, I thought Kathryn & Thomas deserved each other – crazy attracts crazy & all, but Landon & Thomas can have each other & hopefully disappear from my TV.  Thomas has a clear case of age but zero wisdom, maybe it was all the cocaine he does did.  I think he is a disgusting excuse for a man & father, & I wouldn’t be shocked if he set Kathryn up somehow in their ongoing custody battle.  He is the ultimate Tool McDouche Schnozzle. Southern Charm - Season 4

It looks like Whitney will officially be behind the scenes this season; however, Miss Patricia will be back to disparage Kathryn while sipping Michael’s perfect martini.

Are y’all excited for the season to start in a couple weeks?  Are you ready for all my Southern sayings to come out?  Agree or disagree, but please leave it in the comments – I love the interaction.

This spring I promise to stay caught up on recapping Southern Charm (starts April 3rd), RHONY (starts April 5th), & The Bachelorette (starts May 22nd).

Kiss Hug,

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