Southern Charm Recap: Model Behavior

Y’all, I forgot how much I missed the Ba-Ba-Doo theme song!  As they always do, the episode started with the Charmers doing their morning things.  Austen ran ran along a river (???) with his hair floppin’ in the wind.  Landon rolled out of bed.  Thomas was already at the office complaining about bills – see the blue bloods are just like us blue collar folks.  What were those lime green glasses with dinosaur spots?  They can be seen from outer space.  eyes

Cameran & Chelsea met up at the gym to workout their skinny fat problems.  For one day in my life, I’d like to have skinny fat problems.  We do have proof that Cam does indeed live off gas station food, but somehow I think it’s more like once or twice during filming to “keep it real”.  Apparently Shep & Chelsea had a “PG” sleepover.  I’m not sure I buy that.  They are just havin’ fun y’all.

Craig & Landon meet up for a charcuterie plate…and to bitch about Shep.  Craig did mention that he & Naomie are working on a “charity thing”.  Landon advised us all that philanthropy is the way to be a socialite…like she knows.  The fact that Craig consistently called a Step & Repeat a Step & Release, shows that he has a long way to go.  #stepandrelease

Shep is at home packing for a trip for the weekend, & Naomie stopped by to pick up a silent auction item.  Naomie talked about Craig not knowing if a tsunami hit Haiti or an earthquake.  But, in the next breath told Shep not to talk badly about him…it was a little strange.  However, it was a constructive argument.  Shep is tough on his friends.

Life advice: if you can’t be honest in a friendship, then it’s a one-sided friendship (to your disadvantage) & you need to move on.

You guys, after texting with Mama J about who on this show has jobs, I realized that Craig & Landon (and Kathryn, but where is she?) are the only ones without jobs.  Yet, they complain about my Sheppy-Poo not working.  Let’s make a list, shall we?
Cameran – Realtor
Thomas – Realty Business Owner
Whitney – Producer
Austen – Beer Guy
Shep – Bar Owner
Kathryn – Jewelry Maker?
Craig – Gardener?  Investor in Gentry Bourbon?
Landon – gold digger Blogger

Moving on to Miss Patricia, she is heading out of town.  “You can never be over-educated or over-dressed.”  Whitney is dog sitting as Michael in on a much deserved vacay.

Meanwhile, Kathryn met with a potential modeling agency.  Why didn’t she wear makeup?  Kathryn, my friend, we both suffer from blonde eyelashes – NEVER leave home without mascara.  I love that Kathryn is self-reflective & openly shares her struggles with us.  This makes me love her even more.  #TeamKathryn

I feel like I say this every week, but Thomas speaking French to himself gives me the heebie-jeebies.  He is so disgusting.  Thomas thinks that if he had pursued an older woman, his life would be different.  DUH.  But, Thomas you don’t look at age appropriate women; quite frankly age appropriate women wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Landon swung by Thomas’ house for yet another charity event – a polo match.  Landon has always been annoying, but never have I thought she sounded more like a robot. Does she read cue cards?  Is she trying to remember her script? robot

Naomie has realized that #NewCraig is regressing back into #OldCraig.  He was such an ass this episode.  Does he still work for Gentry Bourbon?  Craig says that he reasons any worry out of his brain, thus he doesn’t get stressed.  Craig, dear, you have no problems as you have no responsibilities.  Craig then accused Shep of being an abusive husband; was he jealous that Naomie & Shep can have rational conversations?

Moving along, Austen, Thomas, Shep, & the most glorious mullet meet up for a Boys Night Out.  Mullet

We found out that Thomas & Shep, who are cousins, have a lot of cross pollination when it comes to women.  These guys are animals talking about their conquests. cross pollination

Shep & Austen make a good wing man duo, but this is all too weird – these are girls, not women.  The worst part was that these same girls moved on to Thomas once Shep left.  Even Whitney & Austen were skeeved out.  Let me remind you that most of this “bar trash” were celebrating a 21st birthday.Gross

Finally, we reach the night of the big silent auction.  Mr. Craig was so obnoxious; however, they were both super unprofessional during setup at the event.  “F you, no F you!”  Now, when Naomie speaks French = not gross.  Craig, learn to delegate. Naomie, you mean well, but Craig sees it as nagging.

In the only smart move Thomas has ever made regarding a woman, he opted not to attend the silent auction in case Kathryn was there.  He didn’t want to cause a scene.

What the hell was that belly dancing gold chain in Landon’s hair?  Chelsea looked hot in that green dress.  It’s episode 3, & we’ve now seen Bam twice.  That’s two too many.

We end the episode with Austen hitting on Chelsea & getting her number.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E3.1SC4E3.2SC4E3.3SC4E3.4

What did y’all think of this episode?  I think this season has been a slow build so far, which means it’s going to get real good, real soon.

RHONY Recap will be up on Wednesday night.  I’ll also be posting a new playlist, my first one since Christmas, later this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Roaming to The Bar

As per ushe, the cast began this episode with their morning routine.  Craig woke up allergic to his cat, Shep got ghosted by his mom, & so on and so forth.

Whitney stopped by for coffee (???) with Thomas; Whitney states that he is single again.  Thomas says that he should hookup with girls in the bathroom at the bar, “What are public bathrooms for?”  He solidified his old Republican Congressman roots right there; if I’m not mistaken there was a scandal a few years ago about Congressmen hooking up in airport bathrooms, specifically Republicans?  Not too sure, as I was about 15 years old, right in T-Rav’s wheel house, & didn’t care about the news back then.

During this whole scene, I was singing:

“‘Cause the boyz n tha hood are always hard
You come talking that trash we’ll pull your card
Knowing nothing in life but to be legit
Don’t quote me boy, ’cause I ain’t said shit”

Not sure why, but that popped in my head.  Bonus points if you know that song…brings me way back to my high school days.  Y’all, how gross is Thomas? Thomas is gross

Kathryn visited Danni; did Danni look different to anyone else?  Our dear Kathryn revealed that she was humiliated & disappointed in herself to fail her drug test & losing custody of her kids.  She spent the summer in rehab, working on herself.  Danni, like the rest of #TeamKathryn, admire Kathryn for her bravery & tenacity for trying to better herself.  Kathryn is hopeful that she will regain joint-custody with Thomas.  She does admit that she is leery to reconnect with some former friends – ahem, Jennifer Snowden, ahem.

Y’all, I’d forgotten than Jenn had an affair with Thomas at some point…

Which moves us right along to Cameran visiting Jenn after having given birth to Baby Ascher 4 weeks prior.  Cam is still uncertain about her own desire to have children, but she looked like a natural holding the baby.   I will say that I think Cameran ultimately will decide that she wants to meet the child that her & Jason can create, but perhaps she is dreading being pregnant.  I get it.  It’s hot 10 months out of the year in Charleston, so being pregnant sounds extra miserable in the South…not to mention the changes to your body.  Although, I hear pregnancy clothes are like pajamas…silver lining?Cameran

Jenn says that newborn’s poop doesn’t stink – lies.  However, she seems to be doing well as a new mom…I’m sure the nanny helps.

BLandon is still keeping up the facade that her website is real…it’s roaming out there somewhere.  I think she’s trying to channel Sonja Morgan in every way…fake businesses, interns, younger men… Landon

Shep & Craig meet up at the batting cages, I guess for Shep to harass him. I don’t blame Shep for questioning Craig, but there’s an obvious answer since Craig isn’t a practicing lawyer.  I think at this point Craig has not taken The Bar, but has instead taken to the bar. Just kidding, those blood shot eyes are from allergies.  Craig thinks Shep is jealous of him, thus Shep removes him from the group text.  Basically, Shep, Cam, & Whit think Craig is full of shit.

Y’all, personal antidote, I HATE group texts & always remove myself.

We move along to a “Firends Who Lunch” montage.  Cameran wants Shep & Chelsea to fall in love.  Meanwhile, Shep, Whitney, & Austen just want to have fun.  The boys talk about Landon’s abysmal attempt to gain investors for her blog.  We now despise Landon even more.

“Nomi” comes home from a long day of working towards her Master’s degree to find Craig doing a whole lot of nothin’.  What happened to Gentry Bourbon?  Didn’t Craig invest in it?  Naomie secretly agrees with Shep & wishes Craig would figure himself out.  I think Craig really wants to be Martha Stewart?  On Twitter last night, I asked Craig to build me a container garden – he sent me photos of his.  I have to say, I’m jealous of his produce & his product. Craig's GardenLooks at those tomatoes!  Is that a melon?

Landon decided to throw a launch party for ROAM.  She should have named her blog something else, there are just too many jokes to make with this one.  In fact, I’d rather roam away from this lame party & hang out with Kathryn.  Y’all this was the dumbest get together; none of the guests even bothered to check out the blog without being dragged to an iPad by her intern or Bam.  Mama J hates the name Bam…in my head I say it like Emril.

Whitney brought a Daisy as his date, let’s just say that she was overly enthusiastic & leave it at that.  She was also dressed as a flapper. Whitney's Date

Craig told Cameran that he knows that they have a group text making fun of him.  Cameran promises that they only make fun of his Instagram.  Hahaha.  This conversation had me knee-slappin’-laughin’ (KSL).

Shep pulled Landon aside to give her feedback, which was the point of this shindig I thought?  Shep explained that Lando was gettin’ too big for her britches & that her potential investors couldn’t stand her.  Same.  Landon, just being Landon, blamed all her woes on them.  “If I’m not bitchy, then I get walked all over.  If I am a bitch, then they call me a bitch.”  Well, the investors see your for the pot & kettle you are, honey child.  She stormed out of her own party because Sheppy was a big meanie head.  Pouting

In her confessional, Landon told Shep “to go F himself,” & that he had never had a job. Correct if I’m wrong, but Shep owns two bars in Charleston, has Shep Gear (I bought a corduroy cap that is too hot to wear in Texas – I’ve got to support my man right?), & according to this episode has invested in an app.  I think those things qualify as jobs…  Owning a business is a job, maybe not a 9-5 kind of job, but that’s just good business.

We ended the episode with Cameran as the third wheel to Shep & Chelsea’s date.  I’m undecided on Chelsea – she is infringing on my claim to Shep, after all.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E2.1

What did you all think of the episode?  There was not enough Kathryn for my taste, but I digress.  Why does T-Rav always talk to himself in French?

See you back here on Wednesday for RHONY!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Kathryn On My Mind

Whew!  This episode went by so quickly!  Since much doesn’t happen in the first episode of any season, this will be just a few thought of what we’ve seen so far.  I bet “Kathryn” will be the word for the Drinking Game tonight on WWHL.

The opening scene was obnoxious because my two least favorite people were pretentiously walking about town pretending they never hooked up.  Vom.

Craig still hasn’t taken the Bar, but has turned in his thesis.  He is now a handyman?  Patricia would probably pay him to clean her pool shirtless.  Cameran got the lowdown for us. Handyman Craig

Thomas now has full custody of his & Kathryn’s children.  Because kids are messy & gross, he makes them live in his guest house because God forbid they drool on a $30,000 rug.  Could Thomas be a more deplorable human?  I wonder if Kathryn can take Thomas to court over this?    Thomas

Now, as the best mother to no children, I do agree that kids are gross…but it is your responsibility, as a parent, to teach them to be responsible humans.  This means having them pick up after themselves, clean, balance a checkbook, etc.  Again, I’m the best mother to no children.

Landon is still the worst human alive…next to Thomas of course.  She is still super judgmental, & talking about Kathryn & the fact that she can’t even do rehab correctly.  If Kathryn is on a road to a better, healthy life then who are you to judge?Closed mouth

We are introduced to Austen…seriously is he the lovechild of Shep & Craig?  Y’all, he actually has a job!  The only other one besides Cameran.

We are also introduced to Eliza – did anyone else think she was Thomas’ granddaughter? I think it is so weird that he hangs out with his friend’s daughter.  Real cringe-worthy, y’all.

How amazing is Cameran looking?  So gorgeous!  I believe my beloved Cam has left the Mean Girls table is back to her lovable self of yore.

Is Thomas is too stupid to realize that he is the creepy, old horn-dog at the kids co-ed’s party.

For Kathryn not showing up until the last few minutes of the show, she sure was the topic of conversation among everyone.   Kathryn’s cousin Shelby is the worst.  Someone is definitely seeking her 15 minutes… Shelby

Did I miss anything?  What did y’all think?  I loved that the episode ended with Kathryn getting her D&A…that ought to shut everyone up, but you know how that goes…

My favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E1.1SC4E1.2

Check back in for the RHONY recap on Wednesday!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Updated Cast Analysis

Southern Charm Cast
Heavens to Betsy!  By now, most of you know that Southern Charm is my GOAT of the Bravo shows.  I can’t adequately express my love for this show & most of the cast.  Season 4 premiers on April 3rd, but here are few facts if you’re tuning in for the first time, & also the trailer for the upcoming season!  I’m so excited!!!  This is my excited dance. Excitement Dance

Austen:

Okay, so Austen looks like the lovechild of Craig & Shep; from the previews it looks like he may be an “Old Craig” from Season 2 kind of bro.  I do somewhat enjoy that his name spelled wrong like Jane Austen’s…  Based on Bravo’s website, we know that Shep brought him into the group…looks like that friendship may be going south.  He also loves to travel, because who doesn’t, right?  He works for a local brewery, which I think is how he met Shep???  Austen likes football, Phish, blah, blah, blah.  Austin Kroll

Cameran:

Now, our beloved Cameran was my favorite until Season 3.  She is beautiful as always, but she sat at the Mean Girls table last season; if the Season 4 trailer & Kathryn’s interviews are to be believed, then she has come back to being sweetly narky – not ugly snarky.  There is a difference y’all.  Last season she struggled with her indecision to have a baby, but this season she has thrown out her birth control…  Cam also has a super fun IG, so check that out.Cameran

Craig:

Last season Craig seemed to clean up his act & became known as “New Craig.”  I’m not convinced that it will last, but we shall see.  I believe he has finally passed the Bar, so that is exciting.  I really appreciated that Craig was the only one to defend Kathryn last season; not only that, but he also dropped multiple truth bombs all season long…looking forward of more of that.  Looks like Craig’s wrath will be directed at Shep this season…he thinks Shep is jealous or something.  Southern Charm - Season 4

Kathryn:

I know this may be controversial, but I am ride-or-die for Kathryn, especially when to it comes to her vs. Landon.  However, I’m not afraid to call her on her shit when the occasion calls for it…in my recaps, of course.  Of the cast, Kathryn seems receptive to constructive criticism & can admit when she’s wrong.  Her confessional one-liners are to die for.  Do I want her to be with Thomas – absolutely not, she can do better!  Do I want her to figure herself out – DUH.  I loved when she & Whitney hugged it out on last season’s reunion.  Hope that frosty water stays under the bridge.  My hope for Kathryn this season is that she can rise above the fray, & by fray I mean T-Rav & Blandon.Kathryn

Landon:

Ugh, BLandon.  Not only does she have the most annoying whiny voice on earth, but I think she gets off on being mean.  She clearly has a thing for stealing men from other women, no job with no hopes of getting one, & she’s a gold digger.  Her “travel blog” is no closer to being up & running than it was last season.  You can’t even google the blog – the only thing that shows up is the article from Reality Tea saying it hasn’t made it off the ground yet.  Cue the dolphin laughs eye rolls around the world.  Landon

Shep:

Okay, so we all know my love for Shepard.  He can do no wrong…except he’s always cheating on me.  Joking, joking…  The trailer leads us to believe, which I do, that Shep is still the endearing party boy we all know & love.  However, if his IG is to be believed, he’s a pretty savvy business guy too & takes cool vacations.  Just doing my research…  He convinced me to order a cap from Shep Gear.  Didn’t need the cap, but I ordered it.  In my delusional mind, he handmade the it just for me.  My love note must have gotten lost int he mail…  The only smudge on my affection for Shep is that he has recently become chummy with Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules.  With the exclusion of last week’s episode (flights for Schwartz-y’s brothers), Jax leaves a lot to be desired as a decent human.  Be careful Shep, Jax will sleep with your lady… Southern Charm - Season 4

Thomas:

I think T-Rav is super creepy…borderline pedophile.  I really have a hard time deciding who I dislike more: Thomas or Landon.  Last season, in the beginning, I thought Kathryn & Thomas deserved each other – crazy attracts crazy & all, but Landon & Thomas can have each other & hopefully disappear from my TV.  Thomas has a clear case of age but zero wisdom, maybe it was all the cocaine he does did.  I think he is a disgusting excuse for a man & father, & I wouldn’t be shocked if he set Kathryn up somehow in their ongoing custody battle.  He is the ultimate Tool McDouche Schnozzle. Southern Charm - Season 4

It looks like Whitney will officially be behind the scenes this season; however, Miss Patricia will be back to disparage Kathryn while sipping Michael’s perfect martini.

Are y’all excited for the season to start in a couple weeks?  Are you ready for all my Southern sayings to come out?  Agree or disagree, but please leave it in the comments – I love the interaction.

This spring I promise to stay caught up on recapping Southern Charm (starts April 3rd), RHONY (starts April 5th), & The Bachelorette (starts May 22nd).

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Jenn for the Win!

The reunion picked up right where we left off with Kathryn leaving the set.  Naturally, I blame Landon.  It was absolutely below the belt for Landon to bring up the custody battle & drug test, which by the way is not apart of the show.  Landon sure is acting the bitter current wife towards the ex…  I honestly think Kathryn just needed a moment to collect herself.

Apparently Thomas did not get the same hair drug test as Kathryn.  I 100% do not believe that Thomas would be able to pass a drug test that goes back 6 months.  See his dinner party from Hell; you can not tell me that that wasn’t on a drug fueled rage as Whitney would say.  We also learn the Kathryn’s main issue with Thomas is his lack of child support.  I will say that he does pay her rent, but I’m sure two children are expensive.  I have no children & I’m expensive; I couldn’t imagine trying to support any dependents on my own.  I think it boils down to Thomas not meeting the expectations that he set forth with Kathryn.  Kathryn did say that she has a few business endeavors that she is pursuing, so I guess her SC salary is going towards the startup?  Landon, Miss Fails at Life, had the nerve to mock Kathryn’s necklace/business while wearing the most hideous earrings ever created.  Seriously, what is wrong with her – other than being a BIG TIME BITCH?!?!  Big time bitch

On to the Polo Match… Kathryn’s meltdown was a result of the pirate porn star that Thomas was running around with.  Due to the pirate’s blatant drug use, etc. she didn’t want Kensie around that.  Rational thought, case closed.  Does anyone else feel like Craig is Kathryn’s lawyer/PR guy at this reunion?  Despite JD & Landon’s assertions to the contrary, Thomas does not think that Kathryn created any pregnancy issues for his attention, money, or sympathy.  Me when Landon speaks:Every time Landon talks.gif

Thomas reveals that he has done a 180 in his opinion of Jennifer because she is pregnant with a special needs child.  My opinion has changed as well, but for totally different reasons.  A few blogs back, I totally thought she was meddling in Kathryn’s relationship & wasn’t very kind; however, I now realize that Jenn & Coop were the only ones looking out for her.  Jenn is a delight!  The cast has decided that Thomas & Kathryn are the modern day Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell…that might be a stretch.  But if Kensie develops a line of athletic wear, TRav & Kathryn will never have to work again! #upsidetonevergettinghitched

Jennifer joined the group in defense of Kathryn.  YEA!  Andy asked about the father of her baby, Jenn coyly said he was excited.  Andy then asked if it was Thomas – y’all Mama J actually thought TRav was the baby daddy.  Kathryn has been a huge support for Jennifer during her pregnancy.  Jennifer kept it classy, & only said that she did nothing while T & K were together, & did not reveal if she has slept with any man.  Immaculate conception?  Shep asked why Jenn & Kat can be friends but not with Landon.  Jennifer said that Landon antagonizes Kathryn intentionally by flaunting her relationship friendship with Thomas on social media.  Cameran had it right when she said that if they are not dating, then Landon doesn’t need to sensor herself.  Jennifer became emotional when the cast said that she was wrongly villain-ized.  Oddly, Landon seemed to be on the verge of tears along with Jennifer.

Back from the commercial, the focus moved onto Whitney.  He admitted that he primarily lives in Los Angeles.  He & Larissa are on a break.  Surprisingly, Kathryn chimed in saying that Larissa was really sweet & good for Whitney.  Thomas & Whitney also take breaks when T & K are together.

Thomas admitted that the dinner party from Hell was in reaction to Julien’s “questionable” paternity.  It was so obvious that Kathryn was trying to finish their conversation when Thomas crawled out the window.  Landon didn’t seem to understand this & unrelentingly brought it up over & over.  Cameran, adult that she is, admitted that she can come off sanctimonious & that perhaps she has some personal growth to do.  A win for adulting!  On the opposite end of the spectrum, Landon cannot fathom that she needs any self-improvement.  Shep is the obvious winner of this dinner party – if mailbox money exists, I want to get in on that.  Cameran said that Thomas was having a nervous breakdown.  I think that is code for a drug fueled rage.  Thomas did concede that he was raised better than that, as most Southerners are.

Oddly, the sanctimonious one, Cameran, accidentally hosted a Girls Gone Wild while she was on the Real World.  It was also revealed that Landon was almost on The Hills but ultimately she didn’t want to be manipulated by reality producers.  Andy snarked that it was scripted.

Andy moved on to ask Kathryn why Thomas’ relationship with Landon bothers her so much.  Cameran interrupted to tell Kathryn that she is too reactionary…how is Landon not reactionary as well?  Jekyll Island came up, which set Kathryn off.  Andy chimed in to tell Landon to shut it or he’ll murder himself.  That’s how we all feel, Andy.

Moving on to the Founder’s Ball, Craig wondered exactly why there is so much animosity between K & L?  Kathryn has been told by many spies sources that Landon & Thomas slept together.  She cannot accept the lying about said indiscretions.  Whitney, Shep, & Cameran think that Thomas can’t keep a secret & TRav would’ve admitted it by now.  Craig & Shep on WWHL intimated that something could have happened in London.  I want the truth

At the end of the Ball, Landon’s friend Robyn asked Shep when he thought Landon would admit to sleeping with Thomas?  Y’all, I totally believe Robyn.  She had her back to the cameras & didn’t realize they were filming.  Mic drop.  If she wanted her 15 minutes of fame, as Landon claims, she would have been comically obvious about it…just sayin’.  Landon & Thomas maintain their lackluster innocence.Liars

Shocker of all SHOCKERS – Whitney & Kathryn hugged it out during a commercial break.  Is there a truce in our midst?!?!

A few remaining observations from the reunion… Were Cameran’s eyelashes falling off or something?  Lots of blinking going on.  Why was Shep’s birthday party glossed over?  I wish Kathryn was more eloquent; I think it’ll come with age. Was Landon intentionally lowering her voice?  On Social Media, Landon intimated that she would be vindicated, but only succeeded in gaining more hate mail.  Landon The only person who got vindicated at this reunion was Jennifer Snowden.  By the end of the reunion, even Whitney seemed fed up with Landon’s unrelenting attacks on Kathryn.  Whitney

I feel like if Kathryn, Cameran, Landon, Naomie, Danni, Jennifer, & Elizabeth took a Girl’s Trip to Dollywood then all would be right in their world.

Favorite Tweets of the night:  SCR2.1SCR2.2SCR2.3SCR2.4SCR2.5SCR2.6

This was exhausting, but a great season.  I still love Shep.

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Southern Charm Recap: TRav is a Patty Loveless Song

Y’all this will be a relatively short recap, as Reunions rarely offer up new information.  Of course, leave it to Kathryn to ruin that theory…

Here are my thoughts from last night:

  1. Cameran looked beautiful!  She is never completely on trend, but is always stunning regardless. Landon looked like a raisin in the sun/beef jerky/a piece of leather with dream catcher earrings.  She went WAY too far on the spray tan.  Anyone on TV should know that too much spray tan ages you…just ask Whitney, he knows.  Do you think she’s hiding her lies in those earrings?  Kathryn thought she was at the Renaissance Fair or a Victorian photo booth at an amusement park.  Kathryn
  2. Kathryn is so obviously younger than the rest of the Charmers, which is not an insult.  She just has NO poker face – her expressions last night had me laughing so hard.  Y’all she acts like the 24-year-old that she is.  Take her children out of the equation, & she’s a typical young twenty-something.  I was that reckless at that age.  I get that Cam doesn’t want that drama in her life, or coffee breath, but Kathryn so obviously needed a friendly face.
  3. Kathryn was spot on when she asked the bunch how they behaved at 21 – the camera panned over to Cameran (deer in the headlights) reminding us all that she was on Real World in her early 20’s making out with other girls on national TV.  Fun stuff.
  4. My beautiful Sheppy-Poo is a fun-loving, man-whore, but in the most endearing way possible.  The mushrooms/wiffle ball story was amazing.  Shep always puts a smile on my face & in my heart.  As Cameran would say, I ❤ Shep.   SHep
  5. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again.  This is all TRav’s fault.  He reminds me of the Patty Loveless song, “Blame It On Your Heart.”  Blame It On Your Heart  He is playing Kathryn & Landon for fools…and they fall for it, which is the worst part.  Come on ladies, you’re better than this!!!Patty Loveless
  6. Once again, Whitney’s reaction to Kathryn’s, very detailed, account of their “relationship” was disproportionate for someone who gives zero fucks.  Kathryn even said that she has nothing to gain from sharing this as it has tarnished her reputation (even more) & she has been dragged through the mud.  I believe Kathryn 100%. #TeamKathryn  She had nothing to gain by sharing this info.
  7. I don’t think #NewCriag or #OldCraig will ever be a man of the law.  Who knew you had to write a thesis to graduate Law School.
  8. What about Kathryn’s bombshell that Thomas took Landon on the Valentine trip that they had planned for each other?  Best part of the night…the devastated look on Landon’s face at that little nugget was the only time she seemed contrite.
  9. I thought Landon was a real piece of shit for bringing up Kathryn’s drug test.  It was totally unnecessary & none of her business.
  10. What was with Whitney’s super creepy, Alfred Hitchcock, smile throughout the Reunion?  It gave me the heebie jeebies.  creepy smile

Side Note: I have a theory about Cameran’s blind allegiance to Whitney.  She is his realtor.  Think about it – she sold him his first loft/house/whatever on Season 1.  He has had a different residence each season; she is obviously trying to keep a past, present, & future client in Whitney.  It also doesn’t hurt that he is the EP of the show.  Just something to ponder…

Favorite Tweets from the night:  SCR1.1SCR1.2SCR1.3SCR1.4SCR1.5SCR1.6SCR1.7

What did y’all think of the reunion?

My Bachelorette Recap will be up later today.  I’m undecided about posting a RHONY Recap this week, but will definitely live Tweet it.  I am having a #staycation the rest of the week, which basically entails me lounging by the pool, reading, & drinking margaritas.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Wait What?!?!

The season finale picked up right where we left off last week.  The “insulted ones” made their great golf cart escape & headed over to Landon’s for some pizza & to drunkenly recap.  You can’t have unraveled without a Ravenel.  Shep said that he didn’t fight TRav because he hated to pay for dry cleaning…samesies.  Craig & Shep both claimed that Landon was a part of the problem, which she squeakily denied.  Side note: I’m slightly appalled that her voice can reach a Mariah Carey high decibel…it truly defies human nature, gravity, & all that.  Back at TRav’s house Thomas said the funniest thing when he asked Cooper if reptiles had vertebrae.  Do they?  Kathryn clumsily tried to quote Tennessee Williams & spent the night at Thomas’.

The next morning dawned bright & clear, without a care in the world, & then the Charmers woke up…  Landon hit snooze 87 times (the only thing we have in common), Whitney juiced, Shep chose shirts for his dive bars.  Where can I get a t-shirt?  I want to support my boyfriend.  After discussing it with JD, Craig went from full-time employee to part-time with JD’s blessing, to focus on studying for the Bar. #abouttime  Across town, Cameran met with her therapist.  Her homework was to make a Pro/Con List about having a baby; Jason hijacked the assignment & “really opened Cam’s eyes” nice & wide.  As usual, Cam’s issues stem from her childhood – doesn’t everyone’s?  Jason has essentially made Cameran consider children sooner rather than later…maybe.  She still seems scared to me.babies

Sheppy-Poo met with Landon at The Commodore, his newest dive bar endeavor, to basically tell her the he’s just not that into her. #duh  I’m not convinced that Shep should have that beard.  I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it.  You guys, I swear Trump & Landon have the same eyes.  Over at Craig & Nomi’s house, she modeled Founder’s Ball options for him.  She looks hot – Craig is a lucky dude.  He then broke the dramatic news that he took a step back from Gentry to focus on the Law.  Craig hemmed & hawed until finally Naomie told him to spit it out, but she ultimately was very supportive.  They are super cute lovesluts!  Her best line of the night was, “I’m wearing a helmet,” to news that T & K would be in attendance at the Ball.

Later that night, Whitney & JD had HH with Thomas to box his ears…aka talk some sense into him.  TRav basically blamed his outburst on the stress of having two kids at 50+ years of age.  Really?  REALLY?  How about you were shitfaced & high as a kite?  They basically told him to fix it.  TRav then quoted Michael Jackson…is that really a legit quotable source?TRAV

Next morning, Kathryn dropped the kiddos off at Thomas’ house – he finally got that play date he was after, or rather Dawn got to have a play date with the munchkins.  We head over to Patricia’s humble abode to find her sleeping with a face transplanting machine hooked up to her while she napped.  In all seriousness, where can I get one?  Shep, Craig, & JD are being groomed at the man-spa & the beard is gone. #hallelujah  A makeup artist arrived at Landon’s to transform her to Patricia’s specifications…too bad it didn’t help her ugly black heart personality.  Kathryn & TRav decided to attend the Founder’s Ball together.  Whitney showed up at his mom’s during mid-transplant; we learned that it was her oxygen rejuvenating therapy – aka making sure her face lift stays in place.

Back at the man-spa, Shep revealed that Thomas “textologized” (text + apologize) to him.  He made a good point when he said that TRav was attacking the girls, so Sheppy felt he had to intervene.  Craig agreed.  Meanwhile at Landon’s, she apparently is still harboring hope that Shep really does love her & this makeover will snag him.  Girl, get a ticket to the clue bus.  Over at TRav’s, Kathryn reminded Thomas that Landon changed the tone of the dinner party, asked Cooper to meet all his rich friends, etc.  Y’all, I think Kathryn smells a gold digger…she would know.  Am I right?  KDen pretty much gave Thomas an ultimatum, to which Thomas agreed as way to placate her.  He’s total scum.  liar.gif

After the commercial break, we get to see the Charmers putting on their final touches & attire for the Founder’s Ball.  Landon heads over to Patricia’s to borrow fur, diamonds, & Dior.  Pat had many a back-handed compliments for Landon.  Did the Purple People Eater swallow her?!?!  Over at Ravenel Manor, Little Red Riding Hood Kathryn glided down the stairs, a la She’s All That, & pre-drank with Thomas to loosen up.  Did they drink Gentry Bourbon?

Finally!  We arrived at the Ball.  Whitney tried to hook Landon up with one of his friends.  I secretly think they would perfect for each other.  Craig & Naomie arrived, & Naomie looked smokin’ HOTT!  Shep brought Landon’s friend, Robyn, as his date (matching no less!), Landon cried, & I silently cheered in my head a little bit.  ughDoes that make me a horrible person?  I think Cameran & Danni were each other’s dates?  Did anyone else notice that Kathryn referred to herself as TRav’s girlfriend in the limo?

Once the Hot Mess Express arrived to the ball things got really interesting.  I now have new-found respect for Jennifer Snowden.  She hit the nail on the head when talking about Thomas’ involvement with Kathryn’s cold shoulder treatment.  I take back everything I said earlier in the season.  Thomas made an obvious beeline straight for Old Squinty Eyes (Landon, obvi.) once KDen parked herself at a table, which was so blatantly obvious & no one missed it.  Kathryn then made the first move by pulling Landon aside to hash out their issues – very mature of her.  OSE ruined the moment by claiming she couldn’t hear Kathryn – it was really loud, so I’ll give her that one.  KDen’s reaction was a bit more dramatic than the situation warranted.  It’s never going to be pleasant when the convo starts with, “This isn’t going to be a mean conversation.”  I don’t think Kathryn can handle Landon’s nails on the chalkboard voice, so her hyperventilating/screeching immediately pissed her off.  Landon ran off to tattle to Thomas that Kathryn was being a big meanie head.  Poor Danni got stuck in the middle, literally.  Nomi & Jenn’s faces when Landon said she was afraid of Kathryn gave me LIFE!  Nomi

As usual, Thomas was absolutely no help to anyone & stood there like a moron.  Shep & Craig had to intervene in the attempt to resurrect the night.  Landon’s voice is too much when she is calm & collected, but when she gets agitated it is unbearable, not to mention at a decibel only dogs can hear.  Wasn’t Landon’s Cheshire cat smile so eerie & creepy?  The finale ended with Shep’s date saying, “Do you think Landon’s going to admit that she slept with Thomas?”  Last line was Shep, after a shocked pause, saying, “What?”  BEST. FINALE. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tweets from the night:  12.112.212.312.412.512.612.712.812.912.10

What did y’all think of the finale?  I thought this whole season knocked it out of the park!

I’ll see you back here for #TheBachelorette Recap on Tuesday & a #RHONY Recap on Wednesday.  BREAKING NEWS: My new DVR did not record The Bachelorette, so I’ll have to figure out OnDemand…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: the Wrath of TRav

First off I want to apologize for being a bit absent on the blog front last week.  I work a full time job & babysit to earn extra fun money & I never turn down an opportunity to earn extra moo-la.  I was house sitting/dog sitting & there was bad reception.  😦  Therefore, blogging sometimes takes a back seat…unless someone would like to start paying me for this blog?  Bueller?  Bueller?

On to our episode…it was the highly anticipated TRav dinner party from Hell.  Let me tell you, it did not disappoint!

Whitney gave Mama P a new pug puppy – so cute!  Did anyone else recall the scene from Friends, with Phoebe & the pug? phoebe

Thomas confronted JD on the paternity questioning – for once Thomas was 100% right.  JD should be a better friend than that. He should know that a dinner party was not the right time or place, especially considering how much hate Whitney & Patricia have for Kathryn. #notcoolbro  This time Thomas decides he’s going to host the party to celebrate Julien’s birth.  Meanwhile, Landon stops by Bam’s house to get naked wasted.  Bam’s has some good advice for her big sis & some not so good advice.  Good: get a real job & earn a steady paycheck like a normal person.  Bad: get drunk & bang Shep to see if he loves her back.  Shep has a similar convo with Cameran, but she adamantly says that he should not shove her in a closet for heavy petting.  Bam

TRav headed over to Kathryn’s to discuss the party guest list.  Whitney & Ms. Pat are not invited because they have been ugly to Kathryn, She mentally cheers!  But, Landon already has her monogrammed invitation sent by courier pigeons.  Thomas thinks Blandon & KDen should be BFF & need to move past their issues.  Kathryn is maintains that she is not fluent in dolphin, & therefore it is never gonna happen.  KDen refuses to go to the party if Landon is going to be there, which turns Thomas into T-Rex.  He storms out the window, yes the window.  You read that correctly.  This was just so absurd to me.  Kathryn calmly (for her) talked TRav off the ledge (roof? bush?) & back into the room.  What floor were they on?  Kathryn maturely capitulates to TRav’s wishes & says Landon can come.

There was a boring part here…my boyfriend Shep wasn’t on the screen so I played Spite & Malice on my phone.  Oh, but Landon was invited to Patricia’s for her condolences for Shep’s lack of requited love.  Pat then offered Thomas up a backup.  My favortie line that Landon has ever uttered, “Being sexy makes me uncomfortable.”  Side bar: I would watch an entire show of Patricia giving True Southern Debutantes makeovers, starting with Landon.

Shepperoni’s mom is the best!  He was a jerk for making her face the sun during lunch, but I’m going to pretend it was so they both could enjoy the view.  Shep seems to still be baffled, dare I say appalled, by Landon’s confession of love.  I will be so upset if they end up together.  Sheppy – the love of your life resides in Texas. #callme  Shephard’s mom, Mama Fran, gave him solid advice & said to not to rush or force anything.  She’s happy if he’s happy. #aww #kisshug

Now for the good stuff, Thomas’ dinner party.  He gave tours of the house – once again Kensie’s periwinkle room is the least periwinkle ever.  Kathryn basically avoids everyone but Elizabeth.  At this point, wasn’t Julien only a few weeks old?  Why was she smoking?  They all sit down to dinner, but of course Thomas being Thomas, he had to make a speech before dinner could be served.  Y’all the head swivels were like a tennis match & it. was. awesome.  He referred to himself in third person, which Sheppy hilariously pointed out.  Kathryn received praise for birthing his children.  Cameran was called out for being self-righteous, judgmental, & sanctimonious.  Next Craig got scolded for being a phony.  Loved when Craig said, “Let’s not come to me.”  Shep interrupted again, which quickly turned the roast speech to him.  Thomas calls him out for sleeping with all of Charleston when he could have Landon anytime he wanted.  Landon giggled like a dolphin, so then TRav called her vindictive towards Kathryn.  He wasn’t wrong on that one.  Shep jumps back into the fray accusing Thomas of stirring it up between Landon & Kathryn.  He wasn’t wrong on that one either.  I believe Thomas called Shep a pussy, to which he replied “You are what you eat, right?”  So gross, but so funny.  My favorite part was when Cooper, arguably the smallest man there, kept trying to restore a modicum of decency & civility.  You can’t tame the beast.

My only question remaining is did the entire party get roasted, or only the Charmers?

Favorite tweets from the night:  SC - Week 11.1SC - Week 11.2SC - Week 11.3SC - Week 11.4SC - Week 11.5

I’ll be live tweeting RHONY in just a few short hours & the blog will be up in the morning.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: #OldCraig is Back?

Y’all, to be honest I was flipping back & forth between Southern Charm & The Bachelorette.  Watched the first hour of JoJo, then flipped over to SC, & then back to Crazy Chad.  I knew Kathryn’s baby wouldn’t come until the end & that the rest of the episode would be fairly lame tame.

A few things stood out to me:

  1. Craig’s work ethic seems to be taking a longer vacation than his trip to LA.
  2. Cameran totally set Landon up to fail regarding confessing her love for Shep, which will make amazing TV.
  3. Whitney & Larissa still have no chemistry.
  4. JD’s laugh is still creepy.
  5. RIP to Shep’s grandpa.  I bet the stars looked a little different that day.
  6. I worry about the Charmers always mixing their alcohol.  “Liquor before beer in the clear.  Beer before liquor never been sicker.”  DUH.

Here are my favorite Tweets of the night:  SC- Week 9.1SC - Week 9.2SC - Week 9.3

I promise to do better next week!

I’ll have #TheBachelorette recap/tweets up tomorrow.  Warning: It will be similar to this recap as there are still so many guys & I keep asking who Derek is.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Pinky Rings are a Deal Breaker

This episode picked up where we left off last week with the infamous, “Look, I would be mad too if a girl slept with my best friend a week after she slept with me.”  Cam immediately jumped to Whitney’s defense; #NewCraig easily put Cam in her place.  “You can’t come up with a reason why you hate Kathryn.”  Craig pointed out that Whitney & Cameran are dividing the group over their petty treatment of KDen.  Whit’s defense was that he slept with her wwwaaayyy before TRav…is this a legit defense?  I think not.  Whitney informed Craig that this would affect their friendship.  Craig smoothly pointed out that this has gone on long enough, 3 years now, & he is still pissed about the Delaware trip.  Shep actually agreed with Craig, but not in the group setting.  I’m not a fan of Naomie’s interjection, siding with Whitney…like she would even know.  She’s new, y’all.  Shep finally spoke up telling Whitney to shut up, which Whit totally glossed over, yet he thanked him for saying “Shut the fuck up, this is my house.”  I think he thought Shep was talking to Craig…maybe he was talking to both?  Okay, so Craig was actually right, but he ruined his credibility when he said to Whitney, “Did you really think the parents thing wouldn’t come back up again?”  I think we all bowed our heads in disgust at that point.  Whit’s vehement reaction was so dramatic & he utterly denied everything & basically had a tantrum…makes me think he doth protest too much???

Why would Kathryn lie about sluttin’ it up with both Whitney & Thomas, especially after everyone knew she’d hooked up with Sheppy-Poo?  This makes her look worse, so Cam’s horrible treatment & Whit’s unrelenting hatred has me totally dumbfounded.  I also can’t wait for the reunion when they have to defend themselves against video footage.  Shep calls for champagne (I always support this); meanwhile Danni called out the group, specifically Cam, for treating KDen like shit & continuing a friendship with Thomas.  Double-standards, much???  “If you’re going to blast Kathryn, then blast Thomas too.”  Cam thinks that both Kathryn & TRav are going through a nervous breakdown, & she doesn’t want to be around it.  Okayyyy, then don’t associate with TRav either.  I think Cameran may be having a nervous breakdown herself.  Loved the kitchen talk between Shep & Craig.  Since when does Craig dip?  #gross  Cameran tells Craig to apologize to Whitney.  PS – WTF is on Whitney’s lip?  I’m hiding behind my pillow now for fear of catching it through my TV.  Craig basically explained his theory again in a much calmer tone, to which Cam & Whit stared at him in utter disbelief.  #theyreallmorons  Once again, Naomie made Craig feel worse, as she was embarrassed; Craig ruined her night.  I might be done with her.

The next morning, most of the Charmers left Linville early.  Danni went to Austin, sad that I missed her.  Whitney & Cam headed back to Charleston early.  I do not understand why Cameran so adamantly defends Whitney, almost blindly so.  Craig is no longer in her circle of trust.  Once again, I cannot wait for the reunion!  Meanwhile back home, Kathryn & Dawn are trying to wrangle Kensie into wearing a bow.  They FaceTime’d with TRav, as Kathryn oddly called him; she also informed him that her due date has been moved up 3 weeks.  Thomas volunteered to assemble the changing table.  It was a kinda sweet moment.  Back in Linville, Shep & Landon made breakfast for the final four.  Shep pointed out that, “Craig isn’t a menace to society, just a menace to himself.”  I think this applies to ALL of the Charmers from time to time.  Over at Ms. Pat’s house (long time no see) she rang her bell for Michael to bring her martini satchel.  Get it, a satchel for an Altschul…hahaha!  She’s on her way to visit Whitney in his ISIS prison camp new loft.  He was busy cranking metal…whatever that means.  I guess that was music?  She asked about the trip to Linville, clearly fishing for gossip.  Whit was more focused on seeing Larissa, as he hasn’t seen her for months.  Ms. Pat has 4 engagements rings collecting dust waiting for Whitney to make a move…I think they’ll be there for a long time yet.  I didn’t realize Patricia had been married so many times.  Whitney is planning a Guy’s Trip to LA with Shep & Thomas…Craig has been conveniently left out.  Randomly Pat & JD were at the bank, I didn’t know anyone still did this, & JD told Patricia that Craig is his bitch…yeah, a bitch with a stake-hold in the company.  Whit & Mama P had a good laugh over this.

Sometime later, Thomas spent a significant amount of time trying to get a hold of Kathryn.  He finally resorted to calling Dawn to figure out what the deal was.  Turns out KDen was pissed that TRav made plans to go to LA for a Boy’s Weekend.  Y’all this trip was planned the same week Kathryn was due to give birth; she had every right to be infuriated.  Thomas makes such a showing of being the concerned father, & always being there for his children, blah, blah, blah.  This proves what kind of Dad he is…absentee.  My friend is pregnant right now, & I’m on standby for the month surrounding her due date.  Thomas claimed to be thinking rationally, but really he was just thinking douchey.  Dawn is like the Kathryn & Thomas whisperer…she definitely needs a raise.  Over at Craig & Naomie’s, Naomie once again took Whitney & Cam’s side of the issue.  Guess we know which team she’s on…not #TeamCraig.  She is sick of hearing about it…we all are Naomie, we all are.  Naomie did advise Craig to be Elsa in the case of Kathryn vs. the Southern Wasps.

Switching coasts to Whitney’s LA pad, which is a mid-century modern abode.  He actually washed his own windows…color me shocked!  Thomas called Whitney, while he was “doing his chores,” to decline the Boy’s Trip invitation blaming it on Kathryn’s volatile reaction.  I understand that Whitney despises Kathryn, but to invite TRav out-of-town during the final month of pregnancy is uncouth even for him.  Didn’t she bust his blue balls for this last season?  Maybe in his blind hatred for KDen, Whitney subconsciously schedules clandestine outings that would take Thomas away from the birth of his children???  Thomas feels manipulated by Kathryn…umm, I beg to differ.  I think Whit is equally manipulative.  Back in the Holy City, Cam & Craig met up for the most awkward lunch.  Side note, I love that Cameran eats like a 9 year old.  Cam still maintains that Craig spewed lies & rumors.  The only thing I agreed with Cameran on, during this episode, is that “Kathryn is a hot button for Whitney, not because he has the hots for her but because he simply doesn’t like her.”  Truer words may never have been spoken this season, but what is the reason that Whitney doesn’t like Kathryn???  #Craigstheory  Random question, did they eat lunch in a convenience store?  Did Cameran join the Junior League or something to become such a snob towards Kathryn & Craig?

After the commercial break, we finally got to see their morning routines.  Look at Bravo always bringing us back to basics.  We settle on Kathryn opening her door to a flower delivery, where she somehow managed to spill “flower juice” all over herself.  What exactly is flower juice?  Can it be used for a cleanse?  Where can I buy said cleanse? They were from Thomas, & the note simply said “I’m very sorry.”  I’ll go ahead & say that that is not a real apology & mostly just a platitude.  But, I guess it worked.  Whitney called Shep about the Boyz Trip; Sheppy basically invited Craig along claiming that he would vouch for him.  In his confessional, Whitney said that Craig would “have to get down on all fours, which he’s good at, & beg for forgiveness.”  Could Whit be anymore of a Tool McDouche Nugget?  Shep said it best, “Grudges are for losers.”  Craig stopped by Kathryn’s to gossip about the mountain.  He confessed to stirring it up & confronting Whitney about their relationship, but basically told KDen that there was no hope for her & the friend circle.  I’m firmly on #TeamKathryn & think this whole thing is stupid. #Munchhausenanyone  Craig has decided to wash his hands of it, & Kathryn is focusing on her babies.

Larissa, the mystical girlfriend, finally made her seasonal appearance.  Whit made stir fry for them & and performed a horrible song, which she laughed through.  Was he singing for real?  Was he channeling Elvis?  Why does he wear a hideous pinky ring?  That is a deal breaker.  Yikes, Whitney is trying so hard to make this relationship real & Larissa could not be less interested.  Back on the East Coast, Shep waxes on poetically about Monday Night Football.  Sadly, this may be where Shep & I fall out of love, or the one night we have separate interests. 😉  Craig met up with Shep for a drink.  Once again, they rehashed the mountain trip.  Shep has officially garnered an invite for Craig to LA…Guy’s Trip is back on!  Basically Craig best be on good behavior. #behaveyourself

Thomas showed up at Kathryn’s to assemble a changing table.  TRav basically greeted Kensie before she left for the park…that’s his parenting style y’all.  15 second intervals.  Thomas basically ignored Kathryn’s attempts at an adult conversation, & she finally called him out on his lack of eye contact & attention.  Thomas had the audacity to tell KDen that the Guy’s Trip was Whit’s celebration of the birth of his baby boy.  Kathryn was having none of it.  #actionsdefinereality  So awkward…

My favorite Tweets from the night are below.  Disclaimer: I may have missed a few as I was trying to avoid #TheBachelorette Tweets.  SC - Week 8.1SC - Week 8.2SC - Week 8.3

What did y’all think of tonight’s show?  Looks like Landon finally admits her feelings for Shep in the previews.  Run Shep, run…to my waiting arms!

Look back Tuesday evening for my thoughts on Night One of The Bachelorette.

Until next time, have a great week.

Kiss Hug,

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