The Bachelorette: Karma is Karma

So, I made the tragic mistake of watching Episode 2 right before Episode 3, & they are running together in my head!  I can’t remember what happened on which date, so hang in there with me.

First Date: Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, Jean Blanc, Colton

The guys gave Becca & her girlfriends some pampering at the least spa-like spa I’ve ever seen.  Do you think the real spa was going through a renovation & so they filmed in the holding room for all the chairs?  Did they spend this episode’s budget on Richard Mark & the rights to Right Here Waiting?

So, Tia & Colton know each other & it’s super awkward.  Becca, clearly uncomfortable, addressed the issue with Tia almost immediately.  I loved that TinkerBekah asked if Colton though Tia was going to be The Bachelorette.  Ouch.  Becca basically wanted to know if they slept together, & according to both parties they did not.  Colton is back in Becca’s top 4 now.  Too bad she forgot Jason, I mean Joel Maisel, I mean Jason’s name.

Tell me these aren’t the same guy.

I’m betting some of these people will once again get the chance to paint each other’s nails in Paradise.

At the evening portion of the date, Jordan had some real quotable gems.

“He’s a dried up chicken.” – talking about David (the Chicken).

“You’re a skeleton of a man.” – speaking to David.  Jordan, I think you meant shell.

“Karma is Karma.” – referring to David tattling (cardinal sin) to Becca about Jordan’s 4,000 Tinder matches.

Let’s discuss the Tinder thing for a sec…
4,000 Tinder matches / 365 days per year = 10.958 matches per day
4,000 Tinder matches / 52 weeks per year = 76.923 matches per week
That’s a lot of time spent swiping right.  “Modeling” might be his career, but Jordan Tinders like it is his job.

Back to the quotes…

“You are something I would like to see myself next to.” – talking to Becca.  Jordan, that’s not how you speak to women.

“Attached to me is professionality.  It’s in the way I walk; it’s in the way I talk.  Okay?  If you want to try and wreck my image, you’ll never succeed.  And, you want to know why? Because my image is me.  Hey — cheers to you being a bitch.” – once again fighting with David.

Wills is all of us.
Wills

The best part of this entire group date was the reactions to the various Jordan/David arguments from Jason & Wills. Wills & Jason

Colton reconfirmed that he is here for Becca & didn’t sleep with Tia, so naturally they madeout a few times & he got the group date rose.

Second Date: Chris

They go to Capitol Records where Richard Marx was right there waiting for them.  Y’all they totally didn’t know who he was, right?  Also, has Richard had some work done???  Richard Marx

PS – what is Becca wearing?  That look is not cute, girl.

This date was kinda lame.  They had to write a song.  Chris’ daddy issues bubbled to the surface.  I don’t think Becca is that into him, I just can’t get past his similarity to Chandler Bing’s roommate with the goldfish.

Chris got the sympathy rose.

Meanwhile back at the house, we are greeted with lots of blood…David’s blood to be exact.  We see him being gurney’d out of the house.  Chris Harrison informs us all, including Becca, that David fell off the top bunk, face first on the tile floor, & that he is in ICU.  To be fair, top bunks suck & face wounds always bleed a lot.  Bunk beds

Third Date: Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, & Blake

Football.  Lincoln sucks at drills & kinda cheats his way through them just like he did on the obstacle course from last week.  Clay, being the only player on his team, injures his wrist tying up the game.  I don’t quite understand how he did this, but he too had to be taken to the hospital  in an ambulance.

Two ambulances in one episode?  Mike Fleiss must have had such a hard-on.

Clay managed to get his wrist in a sling & headed back to the group date, which ultimately got him the rose.

Cocktail Party: Clay told Becca that he needs to have surgery on his wrist, & has to leave because his football “career” takes care of him & his entire family.  Que the convulsing ovaries heard ’round Bachelor Nation.  I suspect we’ll see this gentle giant again.

Favorite Tweets from the night: BSE3.1BSE3.2BSE3.3

My favorite part from the previews for next week is when David returns, just in the nick of time for the Rose Ceremony, with his face blurred out.  Jordan eloquently points out that David “looks like a chicken that crossed the road & got hit by a bus.”

What did y’all think of the episode?  Are we tired of Jordan yet?  I still enjoy laughing at him.  I suspect David & Jordan will e on the 2-on-1 date in two-ish weeks.

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Retire the “Damn Thing”

BeccaLet me start this recap by saying a few things:

  1. I really struggled with wanting to recap this season because I have not forgiven Mike Fleiss & ABC for basically turning Arie’s breakup with Becca into a #MeToo moment.  They handled it so poorly.  Did they steal the idea from UnREAL?
  2. Was it just me, or did they release the men’s bios really late?
  3. My mom got married Sunday, so I didn’t have the time to look at the bios beforehand, but I’ve listened to the Popcast, Here to Make Friends, & Will You Accept This Rose podcasts analyze the guys.  I feel like I have pretty good handle on the situation.  All of these podcasts have fantastic recaps as well, so you should definitely listen – after you read this of course.
  4. Garrett is this season’s Lee from Rachel’s Season…at least he is in real life.  He has deleted his IG account, but checkout this article.  He’s a real gem.  Racist.  Homophobic. Anti-women. I could go on and on.  Thank you to Ashley Spivey, Claire Fallon, & Emma Gray for keeping us informed!

With that said, I’m here for y’all, & I’m here for Becca.  She did nothing wrong last season, except saying “Let’s do the damn thing” twice.  We can now retire that saying.  I love Becca and hope her season is everything Arie’s wasn’t.  I will now never say the A-word again.

Limo One:
Colton: I love confetti.  I love a blonde with brown eyes.  Colton is definitely one to watch.
Grant: He is cute!  Love his dimples.  Grant looks like Matt Damon & Jason Bateman had a love child. Grant's LovechildClay: seems like a gentle giant.
Jean Blanc: He said “let’s do the damn thing” in French, who knew it could be worse?
Conner: He pulled Becca’s move from last season.  Conner looks like Dean & Juan Pablo had a love child. Conner's Lovechild

These guys were nervous.

Limo Two:
Joe: I love Joe!  He looks just like someone I went to school with; Dustin S. is that you???
John: The token Asian, but he is impressive.  I have him to thank for Venmo.
Leo: He has Alex the Russian’s face & Jason Mamoa’s hair.Leo's LovechildJordan: Seems like a Tool McDouche Nugget of the highest order.  You can see his dick through his pants, eww.
Rickey: He’s into grammar & adjectives.  I kind of love that.

Limo Three:
Alex: He’s much cuter in person; he brought a jar for all his roses.  I’m not sure what to make of that.
Nick: He arrived in a race car driver outfit (uniform?), then stripped it off to reveal his suit.  I’m undecided on him.
Mike: He brought the A-word in cut-out form.  Can we burn it?
Garrett: He drove up in a minivan; Garrett looks like Becca’s ex, Ross.  She’s totally loving him.  For all I know about him, he is very smooth & think he is Final Four, if not the One. Becca's Ex

Limo Four:
Blake: He road up on an ox this time? His feelings are “as strong as an ox.”  Is this okay?
Lincoln: Brought cake for his birthday?  I’m not even going to mention the awful story circulating about him right now…
Chase: He said “it’s all about the chase.”  Barf.
Darius: I missed his entrance somehow, but he went home…
Ryan: Is he wearing drapery as a jacket?  I love Ryan!

Limo Five:
Christon: He is tall, dark, & handsome.  He dunked over Becca, which was so cool.
Wills: Claims to be a closeted nerd; is that code for something else?  Is he Lincoln’s twin? TwinsiesJason: Gave Becca a secret handshake.  Jason looks like the husband from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. JasonKamil: I don’t like the way he speaks to her.  Is he the coke addicted Russian dancer from UnREAL last season?
Jake: They know each other; she was weirded out that he was there & dubious of his intentions.  Jake looks like Andrew Keegan & Ryan Reynolds had a love child. Jake's Lovechild

Limo Six:
Trent: He arrived in a Hearst, yet didn’t say “I’ve been dying to meet you.”
Christian: Becca said he was suave, & the we promptly never heard from him again.
David: He arrived as Big Bird? A chicken?  He really kept up the bird act all night.  I love David!
Chris: Chandler’s roommate is here.  He brought a gospel choir; Uncle Gary would have approved…too bad he turned out to be the Tattler.  Chris

Overall, I’m not too impressed with the men so far.  I think Colton, Garrett, 7 Lincoln on ones to watch based on the previews.

Favorite Tweets from the night: BSE1.1BSE1.2BSE1.3

What did y’all think?  Any stand outs?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Hometown Bores

You guys, this will be a Tweet-Cap as this week was uninspired.  The only things I learned were that 1) I love Aunt Verna; 2) Eric for the next Bachelor; and 3) ABC/Mike Fleiss really love to exploit peoples’ vulnerabilities.  Rachel really shouldn’t have been put in a situation that she had to mediate between Dean & his dad.  Ugly.  Sloppy.  Lazy.

Without further ado… E8.1E8.2E8.3E8.4E8.5

I’m not sure why, but I always seem to lose interest during this part of the season.  I would like for all females int his franchise to stop with the run & jumps. run & jumps

We were left with these men as the final three, no one was shocked. Final 3

So, here’s how I’d like to see the rest of the season play out:
Dean for Paradise or Winter Games
Bryan for Rachel
Eric for Bachelor
Peter for me

I don’t think that’s asking too much?  I find Peters salt & pepper hair a real turn on.  Hubba hubba!

What did y’all think of last night’s episode?  Bryan’s mom was pretty scary, but exactly as I thought she’d be.  Peter’s mom & Nick’s mom clearly have the same hair stylist.  We should have met Dean’s friends instead of his family…or maybe just his siblings.  Thoughts?

Later this week, I’ll post my final thoughts on Southern Charm.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Swiss Cheese

The gang moved on to Geneva, Switzerland.  Rachel informed the guys that there will not be a rose ceremony; seriously, what does ABC have against ending an episode properly???  She told them that there would be three 1-on-1 dates & a 3-on-1 date.  If you don’t get a rose – syanara.

First 1-on-1: Bryan

Bryan reminds me of Ari from Emily Maynard’s season.  He has nothing to say, so he just makes out with Rachel.  Not much to say about this date.  Bryan doesn’t care about the United Nations, they drove a fancy car, they got fancy watches, & then made out for eleventy million years.  Their lips must be so chapped, & Rachel’s face probably has a rash from his beard.

Rachel said she’s sees a different side of Bryan every time she’s with him.  I only see the side of his tongue as he rams it down her throat… BryanJosh Murray called, he wants his gross schtick back.  Luckily for Bryan he’s not quite as gross as Josh, but he’s not as smooth as Ari either.  He’s stuck between a tongue & a hard place.

Bryan got a hometown date.

Second 1-on-1: Dean

Rachel took Dean to a French Catholic mass…worst date ever?  I really only ever want to be at church if I get to sing Christmas music, but I digress…  ChurchDean totally pulled a Will – he was in his head worrying about hometowns.  Rachel basically had to be his therapist.

Dean confided that his dad wasn’t able to be the father he needed him to be after his mom passed away.  I get it.  He is so leery of Rachel meeting the fam.

Dean got the rose – hometown bound.

Third 1-on-1: Peter

They toured Switzerland in a helicopter & dog sled.  The madeout in a blizzard & Peter had half up-half down bangs…still hot AF.  Peter told a sad story about his ex.  Peter is taking Rachel home – duh! Peter

Group Date: Adam, Eric, Matt

Boat ride, big waves.  Adam hates difficult things.  Eric thinks Rachel works hard, but she doesn’t give herself enough credit.  Matt made Rachel cry because he’s her BFF in the house, but she sent him home.  I feel like a date with Adam is always going to be a 2-on-1 date with Adam Jr.

Eric got the rose; Adam was surprised he went home – how?  I actually liked Adam’s personality, at least the two seconds we saw.

I called this weeks ago, but the Final Four are: Final 4

Favorite tweets from the night: E7.1E7.2E7.3E7.4

What did y’all think of this week’s episode?  Rachel was starting to lose her shit, right?  The previews for hometowns look CRAZY!

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Snakey ReptiLEEan LEEzard

Sorry for no blog posts last week…and late this week.  Better late than never, right?  I got a new laptop & things took a while to load & work properly.  Plus, I was super swamped with work.

Quickly to recap last week’s episode… On the first 1-on-1 date, Dean was terrified of heights & blimps.  He also had a sad childhood.  Dean got the rose.  On the group date we learned that the guys can’t spell, except for Josiah.  He was very modest about it.  Lee is still a racist jackass, & Iggy is not far behind him in the drama arena.  Lee took great pleasure in provoking all the guys Kenny by making him seem like the stereotypical “angry black man.”  I find it so irresponsible of the producers to perpetuate this…Kenny thus far has been nothing but nice; he’s also a father of a young daughter – this could have damaging effects on his real life.  Not to mention that they are allowing Lee to make a fool of everyone, but most importantly Rachel every week they make her keep him around.

At the start of the episode, we are left with the guys below:Beginning

Monday Night:

This week picked up still on the Spelling Bee group date.  Four minutes in, Rachel & Bryan are making out.  While Lee made all the other guys super uncomfortable.  Never trust a man who willing orders champagne while not at brunch.

Bryan got the group date rose.

Jack got the last one-on-one.  Rachel said they have a lot in common on paper. They went Shuckin’ & Shaggin’ in Hilton Head.  Jack Stone proved to be a special kind of dancer. Jack Stone

Back at the hotel, Will very thoughtfully schooled Lee in the basics of racism.  Lee doesn’t understand the “race card.”

Jack did not get the rose.

No rose ceremony, which I agreed wasn’t necessary.  They all suck at this point, except for Peter, Bryan, & Dean. E5 Men End

Iggy & Tickle Monster go home…rightfully so.  However, we never did learn from Iggy if steroids in the nuts is a new form of birth control for men.

Moving on to Oslo, Norway:

1-on-1 Date: Bryan

Dean & Bryan have a rivalry.  Bryan & Rachel repelled 187′ the Ski Jump of one of the Winter Olympics; 1-8-7 is apparently code for murder.  Surprisingly Rachel was terrified & Bryan easily calmed her down – by smacking lips with her.  He is in it to win it y’all.  Final four contender for sure.

Back at the hotel, Eric expressed his concern that 1 out of the 5 1-on-1’s was with a black guy – Anthony.  Wise ol’ Anthony pointed out that the “brothas” are not interchangeable in her mind, but that she needs to build trust slowly.

Bryan got the rose.

Group Date: Adam, Dean, Anthony, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, Eric, Josiah “I’m looking for a man that’s good with his hands.”

They play handball…a combo of basketball, soccer, & buns up?  I wish, just once, they’d play a fun round of SPOONS, Sardines, or Heads Up 7 Up…maybe a domino tournament, you know good old fashion fun.  Will was the best ever at handball.  They basically ran around the gym in Spanx while we all hid from TMI.

At the cocktail portion of the group date, Rachel pointed out to Josiah the he talks at her, but never asks questions & definitely doesn’t listen.  He didn’t seem to get the hint.  I LOVE Peter!!! She always pursues Peter, which I think bodes well for him.  Don’t we all want to get in the bone zone with Peter?

Will got the rose.

2-on-1 Date: Kenny & Lee “Your fate is up in the air.”

I could easily skip this date.  Call me crazy, but it just doesn’t seem right for ABC to put two black people in the woods with a white racist who works out in jeans & boots.  Isn’t Get Out based on something kinda similar?  Rachel’s inclination is to trust Kenny; Lee’s inclination is to ruin that.  I’m disgusted by Lee, he makes my skin crawl.

Favorite tweets from Monday Night: E5.1e5.2E5.3

Tuesday Night:

We pick up with the 2-on-1 date.  Oddly enough, this was our first helicopter of the season.

Rose Ceremony: The Men E6

Josiah – take notes from Anthony…such a graceful exit.

Moving on to Denmark.

Rachel has a view of a castle that was Shakespeare’s inspiration for Hamlet.  Ummm, wasn’t Hamlet a dark play?

1-on-1 Date: Eric “‘Copen’ to Love”

Eric is still so dance-y.  This is where Josiah failed, Eric asks real questions & is genuinely interested in Rachel.  They just played around the city of Copenhagen.  This is my favorite date so far.  Shockingly, this was our first date with a hot tub.  These Bachelor staples are crippling my fantasy league.

Group Date: Dean, Kenny, Bryan, Alex, Matt, Peter, Adam “I’ve taken a viking to you guys”

The guys are forced by Tom & Morton to play some kind of Larping game where they dance fight in Viking gear. larping

Kenny & Adam got hurt, but ultimately Kenny won the challenge.  During his time with Rachel, she & Kenny agreed that he should go be with his daughter.  All that drama with Lee only for Kenny to take himself out of the running…what the what?

1-on-1 Date: Will

We head to the land of IKEA…wouldn’t that be a fun group date challenge?  Make them all assemble IKEA furniture.  Where are Ashton & Mila to make this happen?

Will forgot how to talk on this date, so Rachel sent him home.

Rose Ceremony: Final 6

Is everyone shocked that Adam & Matt are staying over Alex????  What am I missing?  Rachel only spoke to Matt about how Kenny’s eye was doing.

Favorite tweets from the night: E6.1

What did y’all think of the two night event?  I could have done without Tuesday’s episode.  I’m so glad we’re back to our regularly scheduled Rose Ceremonies.  Who are in your Final Four?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Rachel “Left Eye” Lindsay

Sorry for the delay in getting this post up!  So, let’s just dig right in, shall we?

We open right back up where we left off last week; Paulie holding DeMario back from the gate, & Chris Harrison finally doing some real work – holding the guys back so that Rachel can have a private(ish) conversation with DeMario.  His character was assassinated – not to self don’t try to use that kind of talk with a lawyer.  Rachel told him, “I need a man, & what I saw was a boy.”  She sent him home again.

Cocktail Party Continues:
Blake is apparently in love with Lucas & stands over his bed, eating bananas, as told to Rachel by WhaBoom.  This is obviously a lie because Blake is on a Ketogenic diet & doesn’t eat carbs.  Lucas & Blake are so annoying.

Luckily for us, Rachel sends them both home to save our weary souls.

Men left standing after the Rose Ceremony: First Rose Ceremony

Afterwards, Blake & Lucas have the dumbest fake fight.  Seemed real rehearsed to me.

Group Date 1: Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, Fred
Date Card: Lights, Camera, Action

They went on the Ellen Show.  Rachel claims Ellen is her spirit animal.  The guys strip, why again?  Alex twerked.  What the hell were those pants? Group Date 1

The guys played Never Have I Ever on Ellen.  Alex said something weird about Rachel looking him in the eye, left eye to left eye.  I found a few interesting articles regarding eye contact…you can check them out here & here.

Fred is so sweet, but kind of a sad sack Eeyore.  Three of the six guys kissed Rachel, which made Fred insecure.   He finally kissed her & it was the most awkward…and loud, very smack-y.  Rachel said she felt like she was kissing a boy.  She couldn’t get “bad Freddy” out of her mind.  Rachel did the only decent thing she could & sent Fred home…while holding the Group Date rose, which was kinda cruel.  Alex got the group date rose.

1-on-1 Date: Anthony
Date Card: Meet Me at the Rodeo

They went horseback riding on Rodeo Dr.  They rode their horses into a store to get boots with the spurs, big buckles, & cowboy hats.  This is not the OK Corral, it’s more like the Not Okay Corral.  Anthony's Date

As much as I like Anthony, this date was boring.  Anthony got the rose.

Group Date 2: Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, Eric
Date Card: Sometimes in Relationships, Women Have to Take Charge

Waiting for the group date, Eric’s insecurity is showing.  He attacked Iggy, though a producer Iggy egged him on.

Rachel’s girls from last season showed up & planned the date – Raven, Jasmine, Corinne, & Alexis.  Rachel said “my girls” 11, 234, 987 times…I counted.  I was so uncomfortable with this date.  Mud wrestling.  Bryce won, beating poor, tired Kenny.  Not going to lie, for most of this date I was hiding behind my laptop laughing hysterically…similar to how I behave in front of strippers. group 2

Surprisingly, Eric got the group date rose.

Cocktail Party:
Iggy questions Eric’s fit for Rachel…to Rachel.  Iggy is the Evan of this season.  Lee talks shit about Eric screaming at Iggy.   Okay, so based on Lee’s social media, we learned this past week that he is racist…unapologetically.  But, is he not an equal opportunity racist?  He has a problem with Eric, but not Iggy.  Looks like he’ll have more issues with Will & Josiah (or was it Kenny?).

To Be Continued…

There were a lot of fantastic Tweets from the night; these were my faves: E3.1E3.2E3.3E3.4E3.5E3.6E3.7E3.8E3.9

I hate when we don’t get a rose ceremony, it really throws off my bracket picks.  Who are we loving?  We obviously hate Lee & Tickle Monster, right?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Kareemed by an Ex

Ugh!  I had internet issues last night, it wasn’t even storming, so this couldn’t be posted last night.  Some of my observations are based on my reactions as I watched in real-time. Overall, last night’s episode was pretty good…drama wasted no time!  As per ushe, we started with Chris Harrison greeting the men after a quick wardrobe change to make us think it was a new day after the first rose ceremony.

Group Date: Dean, Jack, Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Fred, Lucas

Ashton & Mila!  OMG!!!  Kelso & Jackie arrived to greet the guys & let them know that they would be competing for Rachel on the Ultimate Dad obstacle course.  Ashton said Rachel is looking for a real man…with health insurance.  He could not be more correct. Whaboom, Blake, & Dean definitely don’t have health insurance…probably not a 401k either.

Shocking everyone, Lucas won the race!  He beat out Kenny by shoving him out of the way.  Blake cried about it.  I think WhaBoom’s baby was probably dead by the end, but he won.  Ashton, Mila, & Rachel’s reactions were the best!  Somehow I think Rachel would rather have spent extra time with Kenny.Lucas

Lucas wasn’t as annoying during his 1-on-1 time, although he wore a hideous, distracting suit.  Fred told her that he has grown up & matured.  Jonathan taught her how to change a diaper – gross…why was he showing her this?  He doesn’t have children (as far as we know).  Rachel thought all the convos were mundane…until Dean sat down with her. Kenny did well too.  I love Kenny!

Blake’s obsession with Lucas is more annoying than Lucas being here.  The other guys are so unimpressed with Blake & Lucas.  I think it was Kenny that mentioned that the “white guys” were giving them all a bad name – I paraphrased.

Dean got the rose.  He sealed it with a kiss…which Rachel was in to!  Thank god he didn’t eat her face like Bryan did on night one.

1-on-1: Peter

Copper joined their date to Palm Springs.  I love all the dogs!!!  Barkfest looks fun!  But, seriously, what happened to Copper’s leg?  Did he have a cast last episode?  Peter is so hot! Rachel called it, Peter is dreamy.

Rachel’s dinner dress was beautiful.  If she doesn’t pick Peter, I’ll take him.  They talk about the gap in their teeth…if that was my only problem with my teeth, I’d keep it too.  They are so cute together.  They also talked about going to therapy after really bad breakups.  Have we ever had such real talk this early in season?

Peter got the rose. Peter

Group Date 2: Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, DeMario

Basketball with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!  Who cares about the actual basketball game, get to the girlfriend!  Rachel was annoyed by Eric’s antics to get noticed.  I loved that Rachel got bored by the game & started dancing with the band…me too girl, me too.  Rachel is smitten with DeMario, which means the girlfriend is his right? Called it.  She sent DeMario home.  Lexi & DeMario annoyed me so much – they wouldn’t let Rachel talk.  Lawyer Rachel had to come out & give DeMario a reckoning.

Before heading to the Group Date cocktail party, Rachel needed a few minutes to collect herself.  She totally bi-passed Chris Harrison – so much for his pep talk.  Anyway, the show must go on right?  I think Rachel handled herself really well with the guys.

I thought Diggy, Eric, & Josiah had the most impressive 1-on-1’s with Rachel.

Josiah got the rose.

Of course this took the entire two hours, so no rose ceremony – this royally pisses me off as most of you know.  DeMario showed back up to ruin the Rose Ceremony…I think the guys are planning to lynch him.

Current men left (I use the term men loosely) & who got date roses: The Men E2

Favorite Tweets from the night: E2.1E2.2E2.3E2.4E2.5

What did y’all think of last night’s episode?  I thought Blake was far more annoying than Whaboom.  I’m okay that DeMario is gone because he’s a douche & Diggy looks just like him.  For some reason I get Iggy & Will mixed up…they looking nothing alike, but I’m always surprised to see them.

The Southern Charm recap will be up later today & RHONY later this week.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: WhaBoo

This post is a recap of my first impressions of the guys as they came out of the limo.  As y’all know, Night One is my least favorite due to the sheer number of people I’m expected to remember.  Why was 31 guys the magic number?  All The Men

Without further ado…

In order out of the limo:
Peter: 30: WI – Holy Hottie McHot Pants!  He is much better looking in person, & he was hot in his bio.  They have the same gap in their teeth.
Josiah: 28: FL – Legal terms! “See you later litigator.”
Bryan: 37: FL – Same outfit as Josiah? Speaks Spanish. Rachel flirted with him.
Kenny: 35: NV – He reminds me of Terry from Brooklyn 99.
Rob: 29: TX – He’s from Houston, based on his bio I thought he’d be from the UK or Canada.
Iggy: 30: IL – Iggy was not the body shape I anticipated, but I called it on the hipster.
Bryce: 30: FL – He literally picked her up.  Wore his uniform.
Will: 28: FL – Just say no to Urkel.
Diggy: 31: IL – He wants to teach her how to Diggy.  Can you dig it?
Kyle: 26: CA – He can bake…apparently.
Blake K.: 29: CA – Hot Asian.  i still think he looks like Craig Conover from Southern Charm.
Brady: 29: FL – So many guys from Florida!  He looks like he’s been workin’ on the railroad all the live long day.
Dean: 26: CA – Rachel actually remembered him.  He is better looking in person.
Eric: 29: CA – he looks so much like the character from Get Out that was with the old white lady.  Dancing is their thing.
DeMario: 30: CA – He is good looking.  These guys love a bow tie.  Over-confident.
Blake E.: 31: CA – Hired a marching band.  So, the aspiring drummer wants to be in Drum Line. Nick Cannon should be afraid.
Fred: 27: TX – He knew Rachel from childhood – he was kinda creepy about it.  Rachel calls him “Fredrick, the bad little boy.”
Jonathan: 31: FL – Ewww, tickle monster.
Lee: 30: TN – He’s not as good as Wes from Jillian’s season, but already as annoying.
Alex: 28: MI – Vacuum cleaner?
Milton: 31: FL – He took a selfie with Rachel & purred at her.  Gross.
Adam: 26: TX – He brought a puppet, Adam Jr.
Matt: 32: CT – Dressed as a penguin. Waddling right into her heart.
Grant: 29: NY – Arrived in an ambulance.
Anthony: 26: IL – His head wasn’t as misshapen in person.  Wears an earring.
Jamey: 32: CA – Seemed a little effeminate.
Jack Stone: 31: TX – Has she ever seen him in court?
Mohit: 26: CA – Reminds me of Mike from Shahs of Sunset.
Jedidiah: 35: GA – He went biblical on her, shocker.
Michael: 26: IL – Lots of Chicago guys too!
Lucas: 30: CA – Testicle talk through Kenya Moore’s megaphone.  I wish she really could send him back to the limo.  Is Whaboom a rip-off of the Tasmanian Devil?  Does it give him a migraine to yell & shake like that?

Observations:

  • First make out sesh goes to Bryan.
  • DeMario knows A LOT about pop culture.
    • Might have a thing for Justin Timberlake related obsession.
  • Mo is d-runk…the Mike from Shahs comparison holds up.
  • Milton sounds like Josh Murray…I can’t handle the purring.
  • Fun Fact: Blake E. & Lucas were on a previous reality show together & they did not get along.
  • Kenny is kinda sweet.
  • Rachel is walking like her feet hurt.
  • Josiah is wearing on my nerves.  He & DeMario egg each other on.

First Impression Rose: Bryan

Roses awarded to: Survivors

Would you guys prefer me to keep all the guys & change their photo to B &W when they go, or just remove them (like above)?

Favorite Tweets from the night: E1.1E1.2E1.3E1.4E1.5

What did y’all think of Rachel’s guys?  Are any of them a keeper?  How annoying was Lucas?

My Southern Charm recap will be up later today.  RHONY up on Wednesday/Thursday.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Meet & Greet

Y’all, as I’m sure you know, the beautiful Rachel Lindsay is back as the Bachelorette! Rachel In Case you’ve forgotten, or live under a rock, Rachel is the 32 yo lawyer from Dallas, that got dumped by Nick…he’s a moron.

This is my typical,  first impression post about the contestants.
Vocabulary to know:
IBB: Impression Before Bio – this is my initial first reaction to the guys’ pictures.
IAB: Impression After Bio – obviously this is what I think after I read their bios.

Meet the guys! G1G2G3G4G5G6G7G8

These guys are obsessed with Dwyane “The Rock” Johnson, Denzel Washington, & Matthew McConaughey like last season’s girls were obsessed with mermaids, dolphins, & Olivia Pope.

I’m still trying to decide if I will focus more on recapping my beloved Southern Charm or The Bachelorette.  Southern Charm needs to kick this season into gear because so far it have been a snooze fest with way too much Landon & Craig.  I will definitely recap both, but I may skip the boring episodes.

What were your first impressions of the guys?  Will you be doing a fantasy league?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: Jordan Finally Won

Well, the outcome was exactly what everyone had been saying from night one.  The worst kept secret in Bachelorette History???  I secretly wanted JoJo to pull a Brad Womack (his first time) & choose no one.  I was Team JoJo more than any of the guys.

The episode starts in Phuket, Thailand with Jordan meeting her family first.  I love that he brought funny hats for everyone to wear.  There is nothing I love more than a game to change an awkward family gathering.  Apples to Apples is a staple at my family gatherings, along with booze of course.  Jordan’s interactions with her parents seemed to go well; he was charming as he’s ever been.  He did neglect to ask her father for JoJo’s hand, but I felt that he made his intentions very clear.

Side note: the internet really poo-pooed on this tradition, but the thing is that JoJo told the guys that asking her father’s permission was extremely important to her.  It’s a Southern thing that maybe everyone doesn’t understand.  I’m a proud feminist, but I too love this tradition.

Next up Robby met the fam.  He made a fantastic impression on all of them, basically blew Jordan out of the water!  To me, he was trying too hard & seemed insincere, but he was in it to win it.  Robby managed to ask both her parents for their blessings, which he got in spades.  The entire family fell for Robby, even the brothers…too bad JoJo wasn’t interested.

JoJo met back with her family to discuss the guys; she was devastated to learn that they all preferred Robby to Jordan.  Cue the tears…  Where were the creepy, possessive, kiss-on-the-mouth brothers from last season?  brothers

Does JoJo have a sister?  I have never seen that gal before!  sister

Her brother brought up a valid point that she was vehemently defending Jordan, which made it pretty clear to him that she loved Jordan.

The next day, Robby & Joelle had their final date.  Honestly, I tune out during all the mushy, love-slut stuff.  Robby drives me insane by calling JoJo by her full name, Joelle, or worse shortening her nickname to Jo.  Something about Robby is really icky, for lack of a better word – he’s just off putting.  He’s a snazzy dresser, his hair defies all logic, but there is just something icky about him, right?

The final day is spent with Jordan (y’all, for some reason I almost wrote Luke – Freudian slip).  JoJo is trying too hard to make it work with Jordan.  She is clearly aggravated with him & is passive aggressively trying to figure out why he didn’t ask for her hand.  His answer was very logical, which was that he isn’t the only one left.  JoJo keeps referring to the fact that she is scared to get her heart broken, or that these guys aren’t ready for marriage, blah blah blah.  JoJo conveniently forgets that she is going to break one of their hearts, theoretically.  This date did not really end on the best of terms.

Finally Neil Lane arrived for the men to pick out JoJo’s ring.  Neil Lane

Now, I have a question.  Does Neil bring his current line as options, or does JoJo get to provide some preference?  Robby picked out a ring that was so unlike JoJo, so he was obviously the one going home.  Before Jordan went ring shopping he call JoJo’s parents & asked for their blessing.  They happily gave it.   Jordan picked out a classic oval ring, which is always the way to go.  Jordan got an A+ for his choice, while Robby got a D in my grade book.  I do keep score.  proposal

Robby was first out of the limo & first to go.  JoJo & Jordan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  We all knew Jordan would be the final guy.  Now the race is on for The Bachelor, will it be Luke or Chase?  Does Chase know enough words to sustain us for an entire season?

Favorite Tweets from the night:  9.19.29.39.49.59.69.79.89.99.109.119.129.139.14

What did y’all think of this season of The Bachelorette?  Did you love JoJo, or love to hate JoJo?  I’m so excited for#BachelorinParadise starting tonight!  I am babysitting though, so the recap will be delayed by a day or so.

Check back later this week for #BIP & #RHONY.

Kiss Hug,

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