Bachelor Recap: Harsh Hometowns

Not gonna lie, I am so ready for this season to be over.  I am so not invested in any of these women, or Nick for that matter.  Major let down.  I see an open letter to Mike Fleiss in my future.  bummed

I’m going to skip past the irrelevant rose ceremony leftover from last week.

Raven’s Hometown:
Raven took Nick muddin’ & to the grain mills.  The mill was very reminiscent of That 70s Show & the water tower.  I bet you’re singing the theme song now.  Cops showed up…turned out it was Raven’s brother.  Anyone else notice that his bullet proof vest was frayed?!?  FRAYED?  Like coming apart.  Clearly the PD budget is going elsewhere.  Moving on they decided to play bouncy castle in the marsh (wetlands, swamp, drainage ditch???).  All I could think about was the creepy-crawlies swimming around in there.  Ewww.  I also thought about Nick’s skinny jeans & how hard they would be to take off. nick-after-the-mud

Raven had a very touching moment with her family (and Nick) when she learned that her dad is now cancer free.  As someone who has lost their father, this gave me all the feels.  At this point, Raven is my favorite & I would not be mad if she beat Vanessa.

Rachel’s Hometown:
We didn’t get to meet Judge Lindsay due to work obligations.  I had to wonder if this was around the time of the Dallas Police Shooting, which could explain his absence.  Rachel took Nick to church…a typical Madea gospel church.  Nick was super awkward.  gospel.gif

He says he is the most himself when he is with Rachel.  Aww.  I find it interesting that Nick seeks validation from Rachel, when all the other women seek it from him.

I thought this date was a bit superfluous.  It felt more like Rachel’s Bachelorette reel.  I’m glad race was discussed; however, her family may have been a bit overzealous considering Rachel’s sister is married to a white guy.  Since I’m not racist, race was a non-issue for me. Two things happened on this date that I loved: a) Nick saying he wasn’t from Mars & could clearly identify everything on his dinner plate.  Is okra really such an anomaly?  b) loved when Nick told Rachel’s mom &/or sister that yes, he does have eyes & he realizes that they are different colors.  Did anyone else think Nick was uncomfortable saying “black woman”?  His voice got quieter on those two specific words.

Would anyone else be surprised if Nick showed up on Rachel’s season, half-way through, hoping for another chance?

Corinne’s Hometown:
Corrine & Nick went shopping.  Gross.  I felt like she “pretty Woman’d” Nick.  She spent almost $4000 on an outfit he was uncomfortable with her buying for him.  corinne

Oddly, Corinne & her family live in a high-rise condo.  I was expecting a multi-million dollar home to match her multi-million dollar business.  Kind of a let down.  We finally met the infamous Raquel; she grilled Nick harder than Corinne’s parents.  How dare they not serve Raquel’s famous cheese pasta!  Nick was less than enthused by her dad’s fancy marinated olives…I get it.  Super underwhelmed by Corinne’s hometown, although I thought her dad looked like The Fonz from Happy Days.  Corinne's Dad.gif

Vanessa’s Hometown:
You guys, is Vanessa a special ed teacher or something?  vanessa

I think we’ve heard about her profession a bazillion times now, but we finally got to meet her sweet students.  I didn’t expect them to be older.  Nick & Nessy made her students a scrapbook…weird.

She then explained that her parents were divorced, so they would be splitting their time.  Vanessa took him to her mom’s house first.  87 people were there, which should make Nick feel right at home.  So many accents going on here. Vanessa’s family was super harsh on Nick.  They would not let him tell them that he thought she was beautiful.  Maybe this makes me callous, but if you do not initially like the way someone looks, you will not even talk to them – so yeah, looks matter at least in the first impression.  Vanessa has obviously been through some kind of tragedy because her family would allude to it, but never come right out & say it.  I believe it was a bad breakup.

They moved on to her dad’s house.  He grilled Nick long & hard before finally consenting to give his blessing for a potential proposal.  Y’all I thought Vanessa’s family seemed overly dramatic, then I found out she had an IMDb page.  Does this make her untrustworthy?  Is she there for the right reasons?  Yeah, I said it. Tell me again how she doesn’t want to move to the US, Melissa.  Vanessa’s IMDb Page

The episode ended at a hotel in Williamsburg, which had the perfect balcony for pulling a Mesnick.  Of course they leave us with a Vanessa knocking on his door fake out, which turned out to be Andi.  F’ing To Be Continued…

Favorite Tweets from the night: s21e8-1s21e8-2s21e8-3s21e8-4s21e8-5s21e8-6s21e8-7

I’m soooooo jealous they go to Finland during the Northern Lights…they’ve been on my wishlist for ages!

Whose hometown was your favorite?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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Bachelor Recap: It’s My Party & I’ll Cry If I Want To

This recap will be short & sweet because, to be honest, I am losing interest in this season.  I was thrilled Nick was selected to be The Bachelor, but this season as a whole has been a let down.  The producers are focusing too much on the drama surrounding Corinne, which was fine the first couple episodes, but it has worn thin.  We are about to go to hometowns, & I don’t feel like I know any of the girls, or Nick, or their “love” stories.

Without further ado…

  1. I am THRILLED that Rachel is the next Bachelorette!!!  I don’t even mind that the season has been somewhat spoiled, although I always thought Rachel would come in second to Vanessa.  It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if Raven beat Vanessa though…rachel
  2. Vanessa got the first 1 on 1.  It was pretty tame until she confessed her love, & Nick basically shaded Ben Higgins for telling more than one girl that he loved her.  Vanessa’s fragile ego heart can’t handle that, y’all.  Oh, they also went snorkeling in a shipwreck…The Little Mermaid much? vanessa
  3. Corinne, Kristina, & Raven got the Group Date.  I felt like Nick played “Are you nervous yet?” while applying sunscreen to Kristina’s inner thigh…very close to the promise land.  They swam with sharks; Raven was the only one excited about it – that’s on brand for her.  Raven got the rose…cue Corinne’s impending meltdown.  shark-date
  4. Corinne felt like she was the third wheel to Nick & Kristina.  Welcome to every group date with you Corinne.  I honestly hadn’t realized that Corinne has yet to have a true 1 on 1; that just goes to show that Nick is only interested in getting into the bone zone with her. corinnes-1-on-1
  5. Danielle went on the second 1 on 1.  They rode bikes on the world’s most boring date.  Here’s the thing: I really like Danielle, but I don’t think she was cast for Nick & she’s too introverted for this atmosphere.  She is a horrible conversationalist (Nick isn’t great either)…I don’t think she asked Nick one question about himself or his life.  It was like pulling teeth getting her to give him more than one word answers…to opened ended questions mind you.  Danielle got sent home from the date.  I believe a few Bachelor alum live in Nashville that would be happy to date Danielle.  I’m looking at your Luke, Wells, & James Taylor.
  6. In the midst of Corinne’s spiral, she has the genius idea to seduce Nick.  We finally get to her Platinum Vagine bit they’ve been teasing all season!  This does not go according to plan for many, many reasons…a) Nick’s just not that into you, b) you can’t walk in 6″ Louboutins, c) you were too aggressive, & d) Nick has got villain-ized for this in the past.  corinne-seduction
  7. Did anyone else notice that on Corinne’s walk of shame, she walked past the automatic doors (that opened) in lieu of the push door?  Bizarre. corinnes-walk
  8. Rachel received the last 1 on 1, which was the shortest date ever.  They went to a locals only bar.  Where can I get those rattan koozies?  Rachel came home from the date in daylight hours!!!  Such a rarity.
  9. I feel like that bartender was angling for Jorge’s job in Paradise…I think I heard a rumor that he won’t be on this summer.
  10. Where was Vanessa during the rest of the episode?  Was she napping?
  11. Kristina went home.  Nick did not make her suffer through a Rose Ceremony, because apparently Nick is allergic to roses &/or ceremonies.
  12. Nick cried more this episode than all the past Bachelors combined…or me on my period.  He’s a walking, talking Lesley Gore song.

My favorite tweets from the night: s21e7-1s21e7-2s21e7-3s21e7-4s21e7-5

The one thing I was happy about during this episode was that we got some of the old Chris Harrison back.  I miss days of yore, when Chris was around (looking alive), doling out advice, & actually doing his job instead of phoning it in.

Here’s a funny text exchange between Mama J & me. text-from-mom

What did y’all think of the episode?  My bracket is so screwed.  I thought this week’s dates would have been perfect for Alexis…can’t wait to see her in Paradise.

Kiss Hug,

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Bachelor Recap: Motor Mouth

Picking up where we left off, Taylor showed up at Nick & Corinne’s date & called out the corn husk.  Let’s be real, Nick is only keeping Corinne around until he can bone her without looking like a douche & a half. “What I’ve learned today is that cats have nine lives & bitches have two.” – Corinne

Rose Ceremony: Josephine (finally!), Jaimi, & Alexis (sad face) went home.  They were all in the friend zone.  This is the most Whitney has spoken all season.  Mandy sees a lot of Luke in Whitney.whitney

They head to St. Thomas – got that wrong in my bracket.

1 on 1: Kristina got the date; where she’ll finally get to tell her story.  I got this one right on my bracket.  Surprisingly, Kristina didn’t seem too keen to share with Nick.  Perhaps because Nick shut her down last time she tried to talk to him.

Back at the hotel, a nanny just showed up in the hotel room.  Corinne immediately called dibs on Lorna.  You some fancy resorts have butlers for the hotel room, I wonder if that was really what Lorna was there for.  Corinne replace Raquel real fast.lorna

He kept pressing Kristina to open up – she confessed to eating lipstick for lack of food as a child.  Her mom kicked her out of the house at something like 8yo; luckily, she found her way to an orphanage (in Russia this is a really lucky thing) where she lived for 8 years.  She did this to avoid being a prostitute.  Kristina showed such, strength, vulnerability, poise, & class…too good for Nick?  Kristina got the rose.

Side note: I was really worried her story would be that she was one of the Russia orphans that couldn’t form attachments.  Look it up – it’s really sad.  You hear about it a lot with American adoptions of Russian children from the 90s.

Group Date: Rachel, Raven, Vanessa, Corinne, Danielle M, Jasmine

They take a boat for a beach day, where they play volleyball, corn hole, drink, & work on their tans.  Somehow all the fun games made the women dissolve into tears one by one.  I honestly think Nick instigated this because he chased after Corinne, in front of the women, when she opted to leave the volleyball game.  Volleyball.gif

The cocktail party portion of the group date was SOMBER & super awkward.   Rachel got one-on-one time first.  She let Nick have it.  Good girl.  Vanessa went next…she cried.  Jasmine is complained about being on a group date. the. entire. time.  All the other women tolerated & rolled their eyes.  Raven got some time.  Jasmine was still going strong.  No one likes a complainer.  She also offered threatened to hit & choke Nick.

Jasmine went home.  Raven got the rose, although we didn’t see it.

Y’all, I think Nick really doesn’t know how to date.  I guess it is a redeeming quality that he doesn’t really seem to be good at juggling multiple women; we need Papa Chris Harrison to give our guy a pep talk.

2 on 1: Danielle L. & Whitney – This is the weirdest date.  We know Danielle fairly well, but who is Whitney?  Nick sent Whitney home after about 1 minute…quickest 2 on 1 EVER.  It soon became a 1 on 1.  See you in Paradise, Whitney.  I guess there was a reason I didn’t know who you were.

DLo rambled on & on about their connection…mostly because Nick did not contribute to the conversation.  Nick looked like he was on the verge of tears all night.  Danielle went home. Whitney bye.gif

Nick took all these “breakups” really hard, & is now questioning if he’ll find love at all.  He should have taken advice from Andrew Firestone (my favorite season), instead of Farmer Chris.  I do kinda feel bad for him, because he truly doesn’t seem to be connecting with any of the women…not even Corinne.

My favorite tweets from the night: s21e6-1s21e6-2s21e6-3s21e6-4s21e6-5s21e6-6s21e6-7

This was the harshest episode, by far.  Do you feel like they focused on the Corinne story line so much that we are missing so much more going on in the house?  I also feel like they need to focus more on the love stories than the drama.  I’m left feeling confused.

We’re down to six ladies.  Who do you think makes it to the final four?

I’ll see y’all back here later this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Bachelor Recap: A Romp in the Swamp

Sorry I didn’t post this last night after the show, but my eyes were hurting so bad.  I took this as  sure fire sign that I needed sleep…y’all, I slept like the dead until my alarm went off at 5:08am.

Anyways…

This episode picked back up in the middle of Corinne & Taylor’s fight where nothing of value is actually said.  Taylor kept her composure-ish, while Corinne interrupted & rambled on & on.  The short of it is that they are both horrible.  I’ve never cared less about “emotional intelligence.” rolling-eyes

Rose Ceremony: Astrid & Sarah go home.  No, not Sarah!  Was Astrid super drunk or does she have lazy eyes or heavy lids?  How is Josephine still there?  Who the hell is Whitney…I thought she was Astrid???

The group moves on to New Orleans…they’ll probably ruin it.

1 on 1: Rachel

Rachel & Nick are very smoochy-smoochy while they stroll around New Orleans & lead a random parade.  I now understand why you’re not allowed to eat on The Bachelor…beignets & powdered sugar all over that beard.  They have so much chemistry & are so cute!  Nick asked Rachel about what a hometown date would be like, which seems a little early.  He obviously hearts her. Rachel got the rose – duh.

Group Date: Josephine, Kristina, Alexis, Raven, Jaimi, Vanessa, Danielle M, Whitney, Jasmine, Danielle L.

They group visited the Houssa House, which is supposedly haunted by Mae, an 8yo girl.  I feel like the interns went through a lot of trouble to set this up, but it was so bad & WAY too long.  They played with a Quija board, & Jasmine basically did everything the tour guide said not to do.

When I was younger, my best friend & I would always play with a Quija board when we went to her grandparents’ farm.  Their farm had the town’s cemetery & city hall on the property.  We used to always try & figure out how this one little boy, in the cemetery, died.  Eventually we would spook ourselves so much that we switched light-hearted questions like who we were going to marry, etc.  The Quija board was wrong, by the way.  The one important factor that made the Quija board real to us was that when we forced it to move we could hear it, but when we asked a question & concentrated you could not hear it move.  I have goosebumps now.  quija

During her short one on one, Raven on purpose accidentally blurted that she loved Nick.  Danielle L. & Danielle M. looked for reassurance.  Alexis got to makeout with Nicholas Cage.  Danielle M. got the rose.

2 on 1: Corinne & Taylor – the Duh heard round the world.

Let me preface this by saying that I was in & out on this date because major political shit was going down at the time.

The premise of the date was actually kind of interesting.  They took a swamp tour to a voodoo ceremony (I think that’s what it was).  I, for one, would prefer to have Betty White & Sandra Bullock perform my voodoo dance.  To the window, to the wall.

The voodoo priestess took Taylor aside first to read her tarot cards.  Meanwhile, Nick & Corinne went off for alone time.  Corinne did lie exaggerate her story to Nick.  Corinne’s cocky confessionals were too much for me to stomach.  She came off like a total whiny brat.

Corinne & Taylor switch places with the priestess.  Corinne asked for a voodoo doll – she’s gutsy, I’ll give her that.  voodooI often wish I had a voodoo doll of some people.  Nick confronted Taylor about Corinne’s claims, to which Taylor cold & dead-like calmly gave Nick her version of the story.

Nick gave the rose to Corinne…like her ego needed any inflation.  I wish he had sent them both home.  corinne

We end the episode with Taylor coming back to interrupt Nick & Corinne’s date, because Lord knows we’re never getting another normal rose ceremony again.  I blame Kaitlyn Bristow’s vagina for this.

Favorite Tweets from the night: s21e5-1s21e5-2s21e5-3s21e5-4

What did y’all think of last night’s episode?  That haunted house date went on for 11 years, right?

Tonight is Bingo!  I’ll see you back here later this week!

Kiss Hug,

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Bachelor Recap: Waukesha On My Mind

Starting back with the pool party & the Rose Ceremony: Brittany & Christen go home.

First 1 on 1: Danielle L – They tour Waukesha, eat “Nickerdoodles”, run into an ex, go on a treasure map of every teenage romantic/sexual experience Nick had.  Weird.

Danielle shared with Nick that her parents divorced when she was 17, & she was blind sided by it.  naturally, it has made her weary of falling in love.  Que the awkward concert with Chris Lang.  How Nick could say this is a “Bucket List thing” is mis-leading, seeing as how he has been to at least one on each of his previous seasons.

I missed the spark between these two, yet Danielle got the rose.  It must of been her boobs.

Group Date 1: Taylor, Rachel, Alexis, Vanessa, Jasmine, Jaimi, Sarah, Whitney, Kristina, Astrid, Josephine, Danielle M, Corinne

The girls have a Charlotte’s Web moment…maybe more of a Templeton moment.  Jaimi is awesome at milking cows.  This seemed like the perfect opportunity for Alexis to done another costume.  cow-costume
Next they clean out the stalls.  Josephine didn’t get the memo on no white pants.  Corinne is really obsessed with shit, but couldn’t shovel it due to a “serious hand injury.”

Corinne confronted the women, they pushed back.  She apologized for napping…then later called it a panic attack when confronted by Kristina. corinne

Kristina got the rose.  Corrine was pissed.

Second 1 on 1: Raven – They went to Bella’s soccer game!  She met Nick’s parents too! Raven is a really talented skater.  Nick too!  How hard is it to makeout while roller skating. They had great conversation throughout the entire date.  She confessed that she in on her ex-boyfriend thrusting into another woman.  Nick should never cross Raven.  raven

Raven gets the rose.

Back at the house, Taylor & Danielle M. talk about confronting Corinne…while wearing bathing suits in the bath tub?

Cocktail Party:

Danielle L. steals Nick first, but promised to leave him alone the rest of the night.  The women are pissed.

Taylor for takes the first steal.  She stood awkwardly off to the side to let Danielle finish.  Nick called her girl – bad omen?  However, he did snuggle with her.

Back in the house, Corinne & Josephine bitch about Taylor while stuffing their faces with chicken nuggets. j-c

By the campfire, Corinne confronts Taylor while wagging her finger in her face.  Taylor is concerned that she is not mature enough for a healthy, committed relationship.  Corinne doesn’t want to play “Ms. Proper” because Corinne runs a multi-million dollar company. She also thinks Taylor is stuck up & superior.

Y’all, they both seem right about the other, & let’s be honest – neither will win.

To Be Continued…

Favorite tweets from the night:  s21e4-1s21e4-2s21e4-3s21e4-4s21e4-5s21e4-6s21e4-7

I don’t know about y’all, but Corinne makes for good TV…however, her antics wear thin quickly.  Alexis, on the other hand, is genuinely hilarious!  I too am terrified of Nicholas Cage.  Although, I think she’s gone soon.  Nick always seems baffled by Alexis, which I quite enjoy.

Looks like next week will be the 2 on 1 date from Hell, with Taylor & Corinne.

What do y’all think about the season so far.  Shockingly, we’re almost half way through.

Tomorrow night I plan to play BINGO!  I’m 85 on the inside…love it.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Public Displays of Seduction

This week’s episode picked up right where we left off last week.  The ladies on the second group date went back to the house & told the rest of the women about Liz.  Being the mature adults they are, they all handled it with grace & decorum like betrayed lovers.

At the cocktail party, Nick addressed the “situation” head on; his speech was quite nice I thought.  He didn’t really throw Liz under the bus, but didn’t sugar coat anything either.  I think, overall, the women appreciated this.  Corinne clearly could not stand anyone out-sexing her, so she decided to re-enact the whipped cream bikini scene from Varsity Blues. However, Nick seemed somewhat uncomfortable to be licking whipped cream from Corinne’s nipple where all the other girls could see.  She ran off crying & then passed out…missed the Rose Ceremony.

Rose Ceremony: Lacey, Elizabeth, & Hailey went home.  Anyone else notice that Alexis said, “Move, bitches” when getting her rose.

Group Date 1: Danielle L, Christen, Kristina, Whitney, Taylor, Jasmine, Corinne

The Backstreet Boys stopped by the house to announce that the group date would be them being their backup dancers.  As an avid boy band (*NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, 98°, LFO, O-Town, all of them) fan as a teenager – this was such a cool date!  bsbThe best dancer won a slow dance with Nick while BSB awkwardly serenaded them.  Corinne whined the entire time about not being a skilled dancer.  Girl, just do the chicken dance if you forget a step.  Jasmine expected to win, but Danielle pulled it off.

Side Note: how old did BSB seem?  Were they out of breath?

The best part of this whole date was when Corinne confessed to the other women that she had a Raquel…her nanny.  Not gonna lie, she made having a nanny sound nice.

Danielle got the rose.

1 on 1: Vanessa

This was another cool date.  Nick took Vanessa on a zero gravity plane.  They were perfect new lovesluts…until Vanessa got bubble guts & needed a barf bag.  Nick was really sweet & rubbed her foot & back, although I would’ve liked to see him hold her hair back.  Is it true love?  Nick kissed Vanessa after she puked. nick-vanessa

Vanessa seems like the first girl that Nick really is genuinely interested in.  I feel like Vanessa makes him think this could actually work.  Of course, she gets the rose.

Group Date 2: Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jaimi, Sarah, Brittany, Dominique

This group date would be my worst nightmare.  They had to do a “Nickathalon” – I wouldn’t even run from an ax murderer.  Just kill me now.  nickathalonIt was really cool to see truly talented athletes.  After doing several different competitions the group was narrowed down to Rachel, Alexis, & Astrid and her boobs.  They had to a do the 100 meter dash & whoever grabbed the giant diamond ring won hot tub time with Nick.  Meanwhile, Dominique was melting down over not getting any time with Nick.  At the cocktail party, she actually confronted Nick about this.  However, Dominique placed all the blame squarely on Nick; he was very honest & said he didn’t think they were going to progress quickly enough & sent her home.

Rachel got the rose.

So, instead of a cocktail party, Nick opted to have a pool party.  Just when he started to redeem himself…  Once again, Corinne takes things to the next level within range of the other women.  Corinne basically loudly molested Nick in a bouncy house.  All the women saw this, & took it upon themselves to end the pool party.  Many of the women were pissed.   Raven was the ring leader that let Nick know that Corinne is “not for him.”  I love that Vanessa called out Nick for his shenanigans with Corinne.  Vanessa specifically told him that she was judging him, not Corinne & that if that was his behavior then send her home.  The End.  To Be Continued…

Favorite tweets of the night: s21e3-1s21e3-2s21e3-3s21e3-4s21e3-5s21e3-6s21e3-7

What did y’all think of Nick this episode?  Do you have any favorites yet?

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Lovechild Part 1

Okay y’all, to get you in the mood for tonight’s episode, I thought I’d post a few lovechild discoveries.  I figure I better post it now before some of these girls go home.

Just a reminder – Lovechild is basically the two doppelgangers I think a contestant looks like.

alexis-lcastrid-lcchristen-lccorinne-lcdanielle-l-lcdanielle-m-lcdominique-lcelizabeth-lc

I can’t seem to figure out who Brittany looks like.  What do you all think of my picks thus far?  Do you think any of the remaining girls look like anyone specific?

The recap will be up later tonight or early tomorrow.  The Vanderpump Rules Recap will be up sometime on Wednesday.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: So Many Boobs

In protest of there not being a rose ceremony & this being kind of snooze-y, this will be a tweet cap.  A few thoughts first, though.

First Group Date: Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hailey, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle L., Taylor, Elizabeth W.

The group has a bizarre themed wedding photo shoot.  Corrine is jealous, catty, drunk & naked.  She took her top off in front of Nick & the women, then had Nick recreate the Janet Jackson Super Bowl  fiasco.  Corinne got the date rose.  Corinne.gif

1 on 1: Danielle M.

First helicopter of the season, the first yacht of the season, & the first yachtub.  Danielle is so quiet, sweet & demur.  She confessed to Nick that she found her fiance dead from an overdose, & didn’t know he was an addict.  Now I have the K’s Choice song stuck in my head.  She got the rose.  danielle-m

Second Group Date: Christen, Josephine, Astrid, Jaimi, Kristina, Liz.  They had to breakup with Nick.  Prior to the date, Liz confessed her sexual knowledge of Nick to Christen.  For once, a contestant did not spill the secret to the other women in the house.  Liz went home & that was then end of the episode.

To Be Continued…

Favorite Tweets of the night:  s21e2-1s21e2-2s21e2-3s21e2-4s21e2-5s21e2-6

What did y’all think of this episode?  Are you glad Liz went home?

Vanderpump Rules recap will be up tomorrow.

Kiss Hug,

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Bachelor Recap: First Impressions

The Bachelor is BACK!  Bach is back, alright!  Did you sing that like a Backstreet Boys song? nick-viall

Okay, by now most of you know that Night 1 is my least favorite episode of the entire season of The Bachelor – too many girls to keep track of.  This recap will be my first impressions as we met the women in their order out of the limos, & as we got to know them throughout the night.

Danielle L. – WHOA!  Tits out.  They both seemed nervous.  She has great hair.

Elizabeth – She has a very twangy accent. Is she wearing a wedding dress?

Rachel – I LOVE her.  She has gorgeous skin.  Cleaning never looked so fun.  She is a definite contender.  Got the First Impression Rose.

Christen – Just NO with the fan.  Yellow is not a good color for anyone to wear.  Taught him ballroom dancing, which was basically a box step.  She reminds me of my friend Ashley from college.

Taylor – She is beautiful, but she stuck her foot in her mouth by mentioning that her friends thought Nick was shitty, which didn’t go over too well.  God is fair.  Something about her looks like Caila to me.

Kristina – They showed her too fast.  Her accent was unexpected.  We didn’t see much of her until she was fretting over the Rose Ceremony.  She was better in her bio. 😦

Angela – So pretty – She quoted Carrie Bradshaw to Nick…yeesh.

Lauren – Viall-Hussy = disgusting slut.  HAHAHA

Michelle – She looks like Simone Biles

Dominique – They showed her introduction too fast, but apparently she’s horny.  She talks about sex A LOT.

Ida Marie – She looks like JoJo.  Did a trust fall.

Olivia – gave an eskimo kiss

Sarah – hahaha, a runner up.  She’s cute, I like her.

Jasmine G. – Her dress was a nice color on her.  Eww, she brought Neil Lane with her.  How is this the first time someone thought of this.

Hailey – Looks like she should be on Vanderpump Rules…possibly Lala’s replacement.  Her joke about not wearing underwear made Nick very uncomfortable, but at least she didn’t say panties.  I hate that word.  Not into Hailey. hailey

Astrid – She spoke in German – didn’t sound disgusting.  I like her better in person than on her bio.

Liz – Jade’s BFF.  Awkward.  Nick doesn’t remember her…maybe he does – he does!  Not a fan of hers…she is there only to cause drama in the house.

Corinne – She’s had work done, right?  Her nanny still babysits her.  She claims it’s so hard for her to find love; umm, perhaps that’s because you still live with your parents & a nanny.  She is horrible.  Villain.

Vanessa – I hate her dress.  She spoke French.  They showed her a lot, so she must be a contender.

Danielle M – Brought Nick homemade maple syrup.  I like her.  Seems a little quiet.  She may turn out to be like Kelsey (dead fiance).

Raven – Did she just do a cheer out of the limo?  Nick’s “wooo” was higher pitched.  I’m not sure how I feel about her yet.  She seems so young.

Jaimi – She was the only one in a short dress. Has balls…in her nose.  I don’t think she’ll make it past week 3.

Briana – Listened to his heart.

Susannah – Massaged his beard.

Josephine – She looks a bit like Taylor Armstrong & Erica Rose had a lovechild.  Ate a raw hot dog…gross.  She’s out after Week 2 or 3, right?

Brittany – She gave him some kind of weird test, he had to bend over.  She panicked a little during the Rose Ceremony.

Jasmine B. – Did they even show her?

Whitney – 8,000th girl in a red dress.  The producers should have fixed that.  They didn’t show her much, but she was better in person than in her bio.

Lacey – She came in on a camel – “everyone likes a good hump.”

Alexis – She was dressed as a shark dolphin – that costume had to be so hot.  She maintains that it is a dolphin.   Just to be clear – it’s a shark.  Look at the teeth & the placement of the mouth. alexis

The gals crossed out did not get roses.

My favorite Tweets from the night: s21e1-1s21e1-2s21e1-3s21e1-4s21e1-5s21e1-6s21e1-7

What did we think of last night’s episode?  Do you have any favorites yet?  I’m super excited to see how Nick does as The Bachelor.

Vanderpump Rules Recap will be up tonight.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Meet & Greet

It’s that time again…time to start gearing up for The Bachelor.  I, for one, am excited to see Nick get to choose instead of the other way around.  nick

ABC has announced the women vying for Nick’s affections; if you don’t have time to read all their bios I’ve done a Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma’am! Cheat Sheet for you below.  You’re welcome.  Before we get into the cheat sheet, I have a few thoughts on the women – duh!

  1. Nick is prettier that at least half.  I’m assuming some are not as photogenic as he is.
  2. I’d say 35% of the women said they’d be dolphin (for various stupid reasons) if they could be an animal…super original ladies.
  3. That same 35% would be Ariel from The Little Mermaid for a day if they could.  Really?  REALLY?  What about somebody important?  Michelle Obama?  Ivanka Trump if you’re into her?  HRC?  Shonda Rimes?  Chrissy Teigen would even be a better choice than The Little Mermaid.  I’m not sure they’ve seen the news ever in their lives.
  4. They are all also obsessed with Olivia Pope…not to be confused with Kerry Washington.
  5. With all that said (written?), I do feel a few ladies got the “producer” edit to make them seem intelligent, better, funnier, good – see if you think along the same lines as I do…

Without further ado: ladies-1ladies-2

Next week, I’ll post my favorite game: Lovechild!  I’ll match the women with their two celebrity doppelgangers, thus creating a lovechild.

Let me know what y’all think about the ladies in the comments.

Check back here tomorrow for another Christmas Playlist.

Kiss Hug,

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