Southern Charm: Birth Control Plan

Is it just me, or have we seen entirely too many bedroom scenes with Thomas?  He is not attractive and I don’t need to see him in any state of undress.  I also do not need to see him with whichever girl (yes, I mean girl) happened to share his bed from the night before.  This time it happened to be Ashley, at least he’s dating her, but the two of them talking about their sex life is all the birth control I need!!!!  Thomas on my tvI was utterly disgusted.  Looking at them makes me want to gouge my eyes out, & listening to them makes me want to cut my ears off…I was in a real conundrum last night.  Creepy Thomas

Moving along…  Is it weird that a host of a baby shower controls the guest list?  I would think the person of honor would get to invite whomever they want.  Not the case when Patricia is in charge, which segued nicely over to Kathryn with Kensie & Saint.  I’m actually really impressed by how articulate Kensie is; how old is she?  Three?

Y’all, I know we are only three episodes in, but can we give Kathryn the award for Most Improved?  She has grown by leaps & bounds.  I feel like a proud big sis or something.  Look how far she’s come!

I was equal parts tickled & grossed out by Cameran & Whitney’s session with the birthing coach.  All I could think about was that women poop when they give birth.  I know it’s supposed to be natural & beautiful & all that, but gross.  If I ever have children, they will be adopted.   I loved the look on Cameran’s face during the session, it was as horrified as it was excited.  Also, Elvis the neighbor’s dog, made his TV debut!

They chatted about the theme of the baby shower, which I totally don’t get.  Maybe I’m too young, at 34, to know?  Maybe I’m not WASP-y enough?  I am still confused, even after several people tried to very nicely to explain it to me on Twitter last night. Baby Shower 1 Baby Shower 2

I’m going to breeze through the bromance because it was boring.  Austen wants Craig to slut it up now that he is free from Naomie’s clutches.  Craig wishes he was gay.  Shep thinks Craig should now go by Grill Shakespeare.  Oh, and apparently all the bars in Charleston are Cheers to Austen…get it?  I think that covered it.

Chelsea joined Cam at her doctor’s appointment, & she was more emotionally invested than Cameran was.  I loved this friend moment!  Bravo is really playing up the women empowerment on this show.

I’m skipping over Thomas’ convo with his dad because that really made me want to fill my ears with acid.  However, while touring Craig’s new pad, Kathryn revealed that she & TRav hooked up after last season’s reunion.  I believe this is their M.O.  Paraphrasing Nene Leakes, “Close your legs to Thomas Ravenel.”  Kathryn, you are better than this.

We finally arrive at the baby shower…that Kathryn wasn’t invited to, yet somehow JD made the list.  Patricia was dressed like Big Bird’s drunk aunt.  I still don’t understand the theme?  Audrey Hepburn & Jackie O…if they wore colors?  Whitney had a super gross cake made for Cameran.  Craig monogrammed his gift.  Naomie chastised Craig, for what I don’t know.  JD & Liz did a “Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am” appearance.  Patricia had no time for Naomie.  Did I miss anything?  Oh yeah, Ashley looked like a damn fool.

Favorite Tweets: S5E3 Tweets

What did you think of the episode?  Are we loving Kathryn or what?

See y’all next week!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Good Ol’ Douches

Okay, the last two weeks have been crazy busy, so I haven’t gotten to watch Southern Charm in real time.  So, instead of a traditional recap, I want to RANT about Thomas, JD, & the other “Good Ol’ Boys Douches.”  Thomas & JD

Let’s first start with Ashley.  I have three things to say about her, so far:

  1. She’s trying too hard.  Take that as you will…I mean it in all the ways you are thinking.  Ashley Quote
  2. She’s loves her camera time; does this make her an opportunist?
  3. No offense to Chelsea, but Ashley looks like the lovechild of Chelsea & Landon. ChelAshDon

Now let’s move on to Thomas.  I’ve long said that TRav was a narcissist and master manipulator.  That opinion hasn’t changed.  I’ve also claimed that he is a sociopath and probably a contributor to the #MeToo movement in Charleston; I 100% believe he got Kathryn into drugs & then used it against her.  However, I want to throw something at you and see if it sticks.

Thomas is a functioning alcoholic & drug addict.  I think he targets younger women to manipulate date.  And, because they are much, much younger they are eager to please, and therefore, susceptible to trying “fun new things.”  Drugs.  Alcohol.  Sex.  Any combo of these.  Maybe they dabble with drugs & such in the bedroom?  Then these young, jaded women get addicted to drugs & Thomas, but associate both with love because they became addicted in the bedroom.  Once Thomas tires of them, he casts them aside, & then uses their addictions to either destroy their reputations or to reel them back into his web of crazy.

As much as I love Kathryn, she made a comment on last week’s episode that “she still loves Thomas.”  It wasn’t past tense, y’all.  She has come such a long way, and I feel like he could easily pull her back in.  I think Thomas is also playing Ashley for a fool, and if she’s not careful she will wind up as Kathryn 2.0.  Their date at the end of last week was proof of my theory.

JD Madison.  Where do I even start?  I don’t know much about him or Liz, or him & Liz.  However, in my experience is that if you hang out with Thomas trash long enough, eventually you too become trash.  I find it really hard to believe that JD didn’t cheat on Liz & lose all of her trust fund on bad business deal.  It now makes so much sense why Danni turned down working for Gentry Bourbon a couple seasons ago.  She knew what we didn’t know yet.  What happened to Craig’s money that he invested?

I personally came alive when Naomi skewered JD like the douche kabob he is.  I also give praise to Kathryn for calling Austen, Whitney, & JD out for looking at the women like they were crazy for not tolerating their behavior any longer.  The Good Ol’ Boys club is dying…I hope.  Cheering

Word on the street is that Liz is furious with Naomi for going after JD.

Austen falls into this Douche category as well, but to what extent I’m not yet sure.  He basically went after one of Chelsea’s friends & flaunted it in her face.  Classic douche move.

Favorite Tweets: S5E2 Tweets

What do y’all think of the season so far?  Shep is looking down right saintly right now.

My next Southern Charm post will be on Friday.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm – PreCap

Y’all, I am so excited!  May favorite Bravo show will be gracing our TVs in 3 days!!!  That’s right, I’m talking about Southern Charm, Season 5!  Cast

Instead of recapping the cast, as per ushe, I am going to precap (new term for y’all) my hopes for each cast member this season.

First off: ding dong, the dolphin is GONE!!!! Buh-bye Landon, I won’t miss you at all. Landon

Austen:
I’m kind of indifferent to Austen…I could take him or leave him.  I think in his second season his true colors will come out.  Hopefully more like an Erika Jayne & not an Aviva Drescher.

Cameran:
A great person to follow on Instagram!  Cam can really do no wrong in my book.  Her pregnancy will be fun to watch.

Chelsea:
I’m glad Chels is an official cast member!  It looks like she is still hung up on Austen, could he possibly be leading her on?  Sounds like a typical dude to me.  From the preview, it looks like Chelsea gets along well with the other women. Chelsea

Craig:
I’m so glad that Craig & Naomi break up this season; their relationship had become too toxic to watch.  Craig was a real dick when we ended last season.  I also hope he gets a real job, perhaps practicing law somewhere.  Here’s a picture of Gizmo taking Naomi’s side…I’m still neutral-ish. Gizmo

Kathryn:
Y’all, to be honest, I most excited see Kathryn…duh.  With her new bob, it seems like she has gained perspective, wisdom, friends, life lessons, you name it… She seems really put together for most of the preview.  Of course, her kids will always be her trigger, so I’m sure Thomas will manipulate that.

Shep:
Now, I couldn’t watch Relationshep because I didn’t want to ruin my illusions of my beloved Sheppy.  So, my hope is that he just keeps being Shep, but maybe a little less Shep.  You hear what I’m screaming?  Last season he left a sour taste in my mouth.  I hope he is more a man-adult this season, rather than a man-child.  I also hope he’s still single for my own selfish reasons…think he likes short, extra curvy women?

If you need a good person to follow on Twitter, he’s a great choice.

Thomas:
God, can we get this douche canoe off my TV.  Landon’s gone, so can he go next?  Thomas

Looks like he has a new girlfriend that loves to torture Kathryn as much as he does.  I’m already annoyed with him, just by looking at his stupid face in the cast photo.

B Cast (Danni, JD, Jennifer, Liz, Naomi, Whitney?):
Danni: I wish they’d go ahead & make her a full-time cast member; I love her!  She’s also a fantastic artist, check out her IG, who knew? Danni

JD: I really hope he didn’t cheat on Liz, but if you hang around Thomas trash long enough, eventually you become trash.

Jennifer: Is she back to her stirring ways?  She looks great in the preview.

Liz: She is such a kind woman.  If JD did cheat on her, I hope she takes everything he is worth.

Naomi: She lost about 100 pounds of uselessness…I’m obviously talking about Craig.  She also got a new nose & it looks fab!  Naomi

Whitney: I want the same Whitney we had last season back!  I adored that Whitney!

Are y’all as excited as I am for Southern Charm to return?

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Final Thoughts on Season 4

Okay, so I kinda failed big time at blogging Southern Charm this season.  I felt like I was saying the same thing every week…you know – they aren’t that charming, Craig & Naomie need to break up, Landon is awful, Shep is an old frat boy, blah, blah, blah.  I basically got sick of myself & them, so I focused on The Bachelorette instead.

But, after the finale I decided to recap my thoughts of the season as whole, by individual.

Austen:
I honestly thought Austen was a very “safe” addition to the cast.  If he lasts another season, I think we’ll see his real personality – hopefully not the was we saw Landon’s on her second season.  I get what people say, he is the younger version of Shep; they do look kinda similar & clearly have the same taste in women.

Cameran:
I’m back on board the Cameran Express.  It doesn’t bother me that her husband isn’t a part of the show, but I do hope we get to see her mothering skills next season. I feel like she allowed herself to open up to Kathryn, & perhaps see a different side of her. However, in the same breath she bulldozed Shep & Chelsea into getting together.

Chelsea:
Oh Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea…  I like her, but there is something about her that annoys the shit out of me.  I do feel like she kinda played Shep & Austen against each other because she liked being pursued – what women doesn’t?  I loved that she was on #TeamKathryn as opposed to #TeamLandon.  Chelsea may be a “champion” for Kathryn.

Craig:
I have NEVER disliked Craig more than I did this season.  I think he has a drug problem, I suspect Adderall…he has lost an astonishing amount of weight.  He was angry all the time, the way he treated & spoke to Naomie was disgusting. Craig seems like a lost soul, but he’s also the worst Type A ever.  Craig’s ambition is waning.

Jennifer:
So, at the end of last season I decided I liked Jennifer after all.  Well, I’m a fair weather foe because I’m back to distrusting her.  I do not trust anyone so buddy buddy with Landon.  I’m delighted that Ascher is a happy healthy baby, but as a 30-something woman, she leaves a lot to desire in a friend.

Kathryn:
I’m so proud of Kathryn this season.  She’s definitely not out of the woods, but she has made huge strides in her recovery.  I think she handled herself well with the entire cast; although, I do still wish she could eloquently say what’s on her mind in the heat of the moment.

Landon:
Ugh, nothing nice to say about Landon…except that I slightly liked her better than Craig. She’s just not a girl’s girl.  She only cares about herself, & will knock out anyone in her way, especially on the way to steal your man.  She’s gross & I wish this would be her last season.

Naomie:
I pretty much agreed with everything she said to Craig this season, but she came off as a nagging brat.  Her delivery wasn’t great.  However, she never “gossiped” about Craig, she was simply venting to her friends.

Shep:
Whew, Shep!  Talk about someone who’s a lost soul…  He got a deservedly bad edit this season, which I was surprised by since he is getting his own show. Now, most of y’all know that I am ride or die for Shep, but even I was a little disenchanted with him.  Mama J was not impressed at all!  I do get annoyed when people say that Shep only gets “mailbox money,” which by the way, how can I get some of that?  Shep does own a couple bars & a cap/t-shirt line, so I assume he makes money from that?  Shep might be a bit full of himself, but I thought his analysis of Craig & Landon was spot on.  His comment about the Bay of Pigs was hilarious.

Thomas:
Yuck!  Thomas is the scum of the earth, always & forever.  He fathering skills did not impress me.  His human skills did not impress me either.  I find him to be a vile human being.  He can have Landon.

Whitney:
I found Whitney to be very charming this season.  That is all.

What did y’all think of Season 4?  Who do you love? Hate? Love to hate?

Until next season…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Emotional Rollercoaster

Y’all, this episode was so emotional!  I legit cried myself to sleep because it brought up unexpected feelings for me.  I found myself relating to Cameran, Shep, & Landon – words I never thought I’d write about Landon.  I thought this particular episode seemed to be shown out of order & referred to things off camera, so instead of following the episode like I normally do, I will recap by situation.

Cameran & Chelsea:
Cam called Chelsea to get together for HH, but Chels was already planning to meet Kathryn to pick out outfits for a photo shoot.  FashionChelsea invited Cameran along, which she seemed happy to accept.  I think my girl Cam has really turned a corner from her bad attitude last season towards Kathryn…at least for now.  On the other hand, did Chelsea & Kathryn’s budding friendship not get filmed? I’m a little confused.

Landon & her Dad:
Landon drove out to some properties that her dad wants to develop.  He’s clearly showing her this because he’s tired of footing her bills; he’d rather have Landon on his payroll.  Daddy Clements is still real confused about “Roam” that has no name, us too dude, us too.  The only nice thing I’ll say about Landon, & I’ll deny it if you ask me, is that I appreciate that she wants to make it on her own.  I don’t have family that bank rolls my lifestyle, but I can definitely relate to wanting to be successful without the help of my parents.  Ugh, how dare Bravo make me feel sympathy for BLandon!

Kathryn, Cameran, & Chelsea:
Chelsea met up with Kathryn at a boutique so that she could become a “J. Crew Bitch,” which is now my new favorite thing.  Kathryn adamantly states that she is anything but in her confessional…pretty sure her outfit to Saint’s birthday party could’ve been straight out of the latest J. Crew catalog.  Hey, who am I to judge if you want to pay $180+ for a sweater.

Cameran showed up, grabbed a glass of wine, & demanded a fashion show…she also invited both gals to her birthday weekend in Key West..  Fashion Show

Chelsea & the Love Triangle:
Okay, here’s where I also get so confused…  It seems to me that Chelsea neither confirms nor denies when Shep &/or Cameran has point blank asked her about her status with Austen.  Austen will also not confirm if they are dating.

Chelsea tells Austen that Shep tried to kiss her a few times the night before; which infuriates Austen.  They were all three out together at Commodore, & Shep also said what he really thought of her & Austen – they don’t got it.

Shep & Austen…and Craig:
This was just bro by blow!  So, Craig, Whitney, Austen, Shep, & Shep’s friend Beau (how you doin’?) got together for drinks.

Oh hey, Beau: Beau

Sorry Sheppy, you’ll have to move on & forget about me.  Somehow, I think you’ll live. Can we still be friends?

Anyways, enough of my mooning over my new beau, Beau.  Austen laid into Shep immediately; the producers did a horrible job trying to villain-ize Shepparoni, as he had a reasonable comeback to each of Austen’s accusations & he apologized.  They seemed to bro it out, until that stinky weasel of man, Craig, just had to add his two cents.  He kept telling Austen that Shep was an awful friend & tried to fck Naomie, which obviously means he also tried fck Chelsea…blah, blah, blah.  I am hating Craig this season.  Does anyone else feel like Craig is still mad at Shep for sleeping with Kathryn season 1? Whitney, being his charming self, & my new boyfriend Beau tried to diffuse the situation. They both basically thought Austen was a diva & Craig was a shit-stirrer.  Shep ended up walking away with Austen no longer a friend…at least until next week. The Broforce is broken.  broforce

Just so we are clear, if you neither confirm nor deny your relationship status with a person I think that means anyone can keep pursuing you until you shut it down.

Kathryn & Kensie (and the father):
Over in the civilized world, Kathryn & Kensie enjoyed the cutest, sweetest, most lovely photoshoot.  I thought this was a really special scene for Kathryn, maybe even Thomas.  K & K

This part got me so emotional.  Kensie did not want to leave Kathryn’s side & essentially threw a tantrum, as Kathryn so eloquently put it – Kensie can’t express in words how she’s feeling, so crying it is.  Kensie was cognizant enough to go to Kathryn’s SUV & try to get in to go home with her.  This was so heartbreaking.  I bet they all just felt so helpless.

Shep & Cameran:
After Shep’s little incident last week, Cam checked in on her pal.  Shep was up, eating, & reading all before noon!  Once again Cameran encourages Shep to pursue Chelsea – I can see why Shep would be confused – mixed signals everywhere!  Cameran also pointed out that she & Shep were a lot alike – she has trouble with opening herself up to the possibility of motherhood & Shep has trouble opening himself up to love.  Sheppy disagrees & says, “I’m not afraid of getting hurt; I’m afraid of doing the hurting.  I have no connection.”  I totally related to Shep on the connection thing; the longer you go being single the easier it is to close yourself off.

Side note: Cam did admit to both Chelsea & Shep that she encouraged him where perhaps she should have let it be.  She just wants her friends to be in love y’all.  We all need a “my angel” in our lives, right?

Craig & Naomie:
These two morons head back to therapy to bitch at each other.  I honestly think this is the only time they actually communicate with each other.  Craig is right in saying that Naomie should have his back; however, in private Naomie should be able to voice differing opinions freely without retribution from Craig.  It’s a two-way street that neither seem to be able to navigation.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E10.1SC4E10.2

Cameran gets my vote for “Most Improved” since last season, Whitney is a close second.  What do you all think?  Is Shep a villain?  Is Cameran meddling too much? Where do we stand on Chelsea?

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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