The Bachelorette: Karma is Karma

So, I made the tragic mistake of watching Episode 2 right before Episode 3, & they are running together in my head!  I can’t remember what happened on which date, so hang in there with me.

First Date: Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, Jean Blanc, Colton

The guys gave Becca & her girlfriends some pampering at the least spa-like spa I’ve ever seen.  Do you think the real spa was going through a renovation & so they filmed in the holding room for all the chairs?  Did they spend this episode’s budget on Richard Mark & the rights to Right Here Waiting?

So, Tia & Colton know each other & it’s super awkward.  Becca, clearly uncomfortable, addressed the issue with Tia almost immediately.  I loved that TinkerBekah asked if Colton though Tia was going to be The Bachelorette.  Ouch.  Becca basically wanted to know if they slept together, & according to both parties they did not.  Colton is back in Becca’s top 4 now.  Too bad she forgot Jason, I mean Joel Maisel, I mean Jason’s name.

Tell me these aren’t the same guy.

I’m betting some of these people will once again get the chance to paint each other’s nails in Paradise.

At the evening portion of the date, Jordan had some real quotable gems.

“He’s a dried up chicken.” – talking about David (the Chicken).

“You’re a skeleton of a man.” – speaking to David.  Jordan, I think you meant shell.

“Karma is Karma.” – referring to David tattling (cardinal sin) to Becca about Jordan’s 4,000 Tinder matches.

Let’s discuss the Tinder thing for a sec…
4,000 Tinder matches / 365 days per year = 10.958 matches per day
4,000 Tinder matches / 52 weeks per year = 76.923 matches per week
That’s a lot of time spent swiping right.  “Modeling” might be his career, but Jordan Tinders like it is his job.

Back to the quotes…

“You are something I would like to see myself next to.” – talking to Becca.  Jordan, that’s not how you speak to women.

“Attached to me is professionality.  It’s in the way I walk; it’s in the way I talk.  Okay?  If you want to try and wreck my image, you’ll never succeed.  And, you want to know why? Because my image is me.  Hey — cheers to you being a bitch.” – once again fighting with David.

Wills is all of us.
Wills

The best part of this entire group date was the reactions to the various Jordan/David arguments from Jason & Wills. Wills & Jason

Colton reconfirmed that he is here for Becca & didn’t sleep with Tia, so naturally they madeout a few times & he got the group date rose.

Second Date: Chris

They go to Capitol Records where Richard Marx was right there waiting for them.  Y’all they totally didn’t know who he was, right?  Also, has Richard had some work done???  Richard Marx

PS – what is Becca wearing?  That look is not cute, girl.

This date was kinda lame.  They had to write a song.  Chris’ daddy issues bubbled to the surface.  I don’t think Becca is that into him, I just can’t get past his similarity to Chandler Bing’s roommate with the goldfish.

Chris got the sympathy rose.

Meanwhile back at the house, we are greeted with lots of blood…David’s blood to be exact.  We see him being gurney’d out of the house.  Chris Harrison informs us all, including Becca, that David fell off the top bunk, face first on the tile floor, & that he is in ICU.  To be fair, top bunks suck & face wounds always bleed a lot.  Bunk beds

Third Date: Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, & Blake

Football.  Lincoln sucks at drills & kinda cheats his way through them just like he did on the obstacle course from last week.  Clay, being the only player on his team, injures his wrist tying up the game.  I don’t quite understand how he did this, but he too had to be taken to the hospital  in an ambulance.

Two ambulances in one episode?  Mike Fleiss must have had such a hard-on.

Clay managed to get his wrist in a sling & headed back to the group date, which ultimately got him the rose.

Cocktail Party: Clay told Becca that he needs to have surgery on his wrist, & has to leave because his football “career” takes care of him & his entire family.  Que the convulsing ovaries heard ’round Bachelor Nation.  I suspect we’ll see this gentle giant again.

Favorite Tweets from the night: BSE3.1BSE3.2BSE3.3

My favorite part from the previews for next week is when David returns, just in the nick of time for the Rose Ceremony, with his face blurred out.  Jordan eloquently points out that David “looks like a chicken that crossed the road & got hit by a bus.”

What did y’all think of the episode?  Are we tired of Jordan yet?  I still enjoy laughing at him.  I suspect David & Jordan will e on the 2-on-1 date in two-ish weeks.

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Retire the “Damn Thing”

BeccaLet me start this recap by saying a few things:

  1. I really struggled with wanting to recap this season because I have not forgiven Mike Fleiss & ABC for basically turning Arie’s breakup with Becca into a #MeToo moment.  They handled it so poorly.  Did they steal the idea from UnREAL?
  2. Was it just me, or did they release the men’s bios really late?
  3. My mom got married Sunday, so I didn’t have the time to look at the bios beforehand, but I’ve listened to the Popcast, Here to Make Friends, & Will You Accept This Rose podcasts analyze the guys.  I feel like I have pretty good handle on the situation.  All of these podcasts have fantastic recaps as well, so you should definitely listen – after you read this of course.
  4. Garrett is this season’s Lee from Rachel’s Season…at least he is in real life.  He has deleted his IG account, but checkout this article.  He’s a real gem.  Racist.  Homophobic. Anti-women. I could go on and on.  Thank you to Ashley Spivey, Claire Fallon, & Emma Gray for keeping us informed!

With that said, I’m here for y’all, & I’m here for Becca.  She did nothing wrong last season, except saying “Let’s do the damn thing” twice.  We can now retire that saying.  I love Becca and hope her season is everything Arie’s wasn’t.  I will now never say the A-word again.

Limo One:
Colton: I love confetti.  I love a blonde with brown eyes.  Colton is definitely one to watch.
Grant: He is cute!  Love his dimples.  Grant looks like Matt Damon & Jason Bateman had a love child. Grant's LovechildClay: seems like a gentle giant.
Jean Blanc: He said “let’s do the damn thing” in French, who knew it could be worse?
Conner: He pulled Becca’s move from last season.  Conner looks like Dean & Juan Pablo had a love child. Conner's Lovechild

These guys were nervous.

Limo Two:
Joe: I love Joe!  He looks just like someone I went to school with; Dustin S. is that you???
John: The token Asian, but he is impressive.  I have him to thank for Venmo.
Leo: He has Alex the Russian’s face & Jason Mamoa’s hair.Leo's LovechildJordan: Seems like a Tool McDouche Nugget of the highest order.  You can see his dick through his pants, eww.
Rickey: He’s into grammar & adjectives.  I kind of love that.

Limo Three:
Alex: He’s much cuter in person; he brought a jar for all his roses.  I’m not sure what to make of that.
Nick: He arrived in a race car driver outfit (uniform?), then stripped it off to reveal his suit.  I’m undecided on him.
Mike: He brought the A-word in cut-out form.  Can we burn it?
Garrett: He drove up in a minivan; Garrett looks like Becca’s ex, Ross.  She’s totally loving him.  For all I know about him, he is very smooth & think he is Final Four, if not the One. Becca's Ex

Limo Four:
Blake: He road up on an ox this time? His feelings are “as strong as an ox.”  Is this okay?
Lincoln: Brought cake for his birthday?  I’m not even going to mention the awful story circulating about him right now…
Chase: He said “it’s all about the chase.”  Barf.
Darius: I missed his entrance somehow, but he went home…
Ryan: Is he wearing drapery as a jacket?  I love Ryan!

Limo Five:
Christon: He is tall, dark, & handsome.  He dunked over Becca, which was so cool.
Wills: Claims to be a closeted nerd; is that code for something else?  Is he Lincoln’s twin? TwinsiesJason: Gave Becca a secret handshake.  Jason looks like the husband from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. JasonKamil: I don’t like the way he speaks to her.  Is he the coke addicted Russian dancer from UnREAL last season?
Jake: They know each other; she was weirded out that he was there & dubious of his intentions.  Jake looks like Andrew Keegan & Ryan Reynolds had a love child. Jake's Lovechild

Limo Six:
Trent: He arrived in a Hearst, yet didn’t say “I’ve been dying to meet you.”
Christian: Becca said he was suave, & the we promptly never heard from him again.
David: He arrived as Big Bird? A chicken?  He really kept up the bird act all night.  I love David!
Chris: Chandler’s roommate is here.  He brought a gospel choir; Uncle Gary would have approved…too bad he turned out to be the Tattler.  Chris

Overall, I’m not too impressed with the men so far.  I think Colton, Garrett, 7 Lincoln on ones to watch based on the previews.

Favorite Tweets from the night: BSE1.1BSE1.2BSE1.3

What did y’all think?  Any stand outs?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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