Southern Charm Recap: Model Behavior

Y’all, I forgot how much I missed the Ba-Ba-Doo theme song!  As they always do, the episode started with the Charmers doing their morning things.  Austen ran ran along a river (???) with his hair floppin’ in the wind.  Landon rolled out of bed.  Thomas was already at the office complaining about bills – see the blue bloods are just like us blue collar folks.  What were those lime green glasses with dinosaur spots?  They can be seen from outer space.  eyes

Cameran & Chelsea met up at the gym to workout their skinny fat problems.  For one day in my life, I’d like to have skinny fat problems.  We do have proof that Cam does indeed live off gas station food, but somehow I think it’s more like once or twice during filming to “keep it real”.  Apparently Shep & Chelsea had a “PG” sleepover.  I’m not sure I buy that.  They are just havin’ fun y’all.

Craig & Landon meet up for a charcuterie plate…and to bitch about Shep.  Craig did mention that he & Naomie are working on a “charity thing”.  Landon advised us all that philanthropy is the way to be a socialite…like she knows.  The fact that Craig consistently called a Step & Repeat a Step & Release, shows that he has a long way to go.  #stepandrelease

Shep is at home packing for a trip for the weekend, & Naomie stopped by to pick up a silent auction item.  Naomie talked about Craig not knowing if a tsunami hit Haiti or an earthquake.  But, in the next breath told Shep not to talk badly about him…it was a little strange.  However, it was a constructive argument.  Shep is tough on his friends.

Life advice: if you can’t be honest in a friendship, then it’s a one-sided friendship (to your disadvantage) & you need to move on.

You guys, after texting with Mama J about who on this show has jobs, I realized that Craig & Landon (and Kathryn, but where is she?) are the only ones without jobs.  Yet, they complain about my Sheppy-Poo not working.  Let’s make a list, shall we?
Cameran – Realtor
Thomas – Realty Business Owner
Whitney – Producer
Austen – Beer Guy
Shep – Bar Owner
Kathryn – Jewelry Maker?
Craig – Gardener?  Investor in Gentry Bourbon?
Landon – gold digger Blogger

Moving on to Miss Patricia, she is heading out of town.  “You can never be over-educated or over-dressed.”  Whitney is dog sitting as Michael in on a much deserved vacay.

Meanwhile, Kathryn met with a potential modeling agency.  Why didn’t she wear makeup?  Kathryn, my friend, we both suffer from blonde eyelashes – NEVER leave home without mascara.  I love that Kathryn is self-reflective & openly shares her struggles with us.  This makes me love her even more.  #TeamKathryn

I feel like I say this every week, but Thomas speaking French to himself gives me the heebie-jeebies.  He is so disgusting.  Thomas thinks that if he had pursued an older woman, his life would be different.  DUH.  But, Thomas you don’t look at age appropriate women; quite frankly age appropriate women wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Landon swung by Thomas’ house for yet another charity event – a polo match.  Landon has always been annoying, but never have I thought she sounded more like a robot. Does she read cue cards?  Is she trying to remember her script? robot

Naomie has realized that #NewCraig is regressing back into #OldCraig.  He was such an ass this episode.  Does he still work for Gentry Bourbon?  Craig says that he reasons any worry out of his brain, thus he doesn’t get stressed.  Craig, dear, you have no problems as you have no responsibilities.  Craig then accused Shep of being an abusive husband; was he jealous that Naomie & Shep can have rational conversations?

Moving along, Austen, Thomas, Shep, & the most glorious mullet meet up for a Boys Night Out.  Mullet

We found out that Thomas & Shep, who are cousins, have a lot of cross pollination when it comes to women.  These guys are animals talking about their conquests. cross pollination

Shep & Austen make a good wing man duo, but this is all too weird – these are girls, not women.  The worst part was that these same girls moved on to Thomas once Shep left.  Even Whitney & Austen were skeeved out.  Let me remind you that most of this “bar trash” were celebrating a 21st birthday.Gross

Finally, we reach the night of the big silent auction.  Mr. Craig was so obnoxious; however, they were both super unprofessional during setup at the event.  “F you, no F you!”  Now, when Naomie speaks French = not gross.  Craig, learn to delegate. Naomie, you mean well, but Craig sees it as nagging.

In the only smart move Thomas has ever made regarding a woman, he opted not to attend the silent auction in case Kathryn was there.  He didn’t want to cause a scene.

What the hell was that belly dancing gold chain in Landon’s hair?  Chelsea looked hot in that green dress.  It’s episode 3, & we’ve now seen Bam twice.  That’s two too many.

We end the episode with Austen hitting on Chelsea & getting her number.

Favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E3.1SC4E3.2SC4E3.3SC4E3.4

What did y’all think of this episode?  I think this season has been a slow build so far, which means it’s going to get real good, real soon.

RHONY Recap will be up on Wednesday night.  I’ll also be posting a new playlist, my first one since Christmas, later this week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Kathryn On My Mind

Whew!  This episode went by so quickly!  Since much doesn’t happen in the first episode of any season, this will be just a few thought of what we’ve seen so far.  I bet “Kathryn” will be the word for the Drinking Game tonight on WWHL.

The opening scene was obnoxious because my two least favorite people were pretentiously walking about town pretending they never hooked up.  Vom.

Craig still hasn’t taken the Bar, but has turned in his thesis.  He is now a handyman?  Patricia would probably pay him to clean her pool shirtless.  Cameran got the lowdown for us. Handyman Craig

Thomas now has full custody of his & Kathryn’s children.  Because kids are messy & gross, he makes them live in his guest house because God forbid they drool on a $30,000 rug.  Could Thomas be a more deplorable human?  I wonder if Kathryn can take Thomas to court over this?    Thomas

Now, as the best mother to no children, I do agree that kids are gross…but it is your responsibility, as a parent, to teach them to be responsible humans.  This means having them pick up after themselves, clean, balance a checkbook, etc.  Again, I’m the best mother to no children.

Landon is still the worst human alive…next to Thomas of course.  She is still super judgmental, & talking about Kathryn & the fact that she can’t even do rehab correctly.  If Kathryn is on a road to a better, healthy life then who are you to judge?Closed mouth

We are introduced to Austen…seriously is he the lovechild of Shep & Craig?  Y’all, he actually has a job!  The only other one besides Cameran.

We are also introduced to Eliza – did anyone else think she was Thomas’ granddaughter? I think it is so weird that he hangs out with his friend’s daughter.  Real cringe-worthy, y’all.

How amazing is Cameran looking?  So gorgeous!  I believe my beloved Cam has left the Mean Girls table is back to her lovable self of yore.

Is Thomas is too stupid to realize that he is the creepy, old horn-dog at the kids co-ed’s party.

For Kathryn not showing up until the last few minutes of the show, she sure was the topic of conversation among everyone.   Kathryn’s cousin Shelby is the worst.  Someone is definitely seeking her 15 minutes… Shelby

Did I miss anything?  What did y’all think?  I loved that the episode ended with Kathryn getting her D&A…that ought to shut everyone up, but you know how that goes…

My favorite Tweets from the night: SC4E1.1SC4E1.2

Check back in for the RHONY recap on Wednesday!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm: Updated Cast Analysis

Southern Charm Cast
Heavens to Betsy!  By now, most of you know that Southern Charm is my GOAT of the Bravo shows.  I can’t adequately express my love for this show & most of the cast.  Season 4 premiers on April 3rd, but here are few facts if you’re tuning in for the first time, & also the trailer for the upcoming season!  I’m so excited!!!  This is my excited dance. Excitement Dance

Austen:

Okay, so Austen looks like the lovechild of Craig & Shep; from the previews it looks like he may be an “Old Craig” from Season 2 kind of bro.  I do somewhat enjoy that his name spelled wrong like Jane Austen’s…  Based on Bravo’s website, we know that Shep brought him into the group…looks like that friendship may be going south.  He also loves to travel, because who doesn’t, right?  He works for a local brewery, which I think is how he met Shep???  Austen likes football, Phish, blah, blah, blah.  Austin Kroll

Cameran:

Now, our beloved Cameran was my favorite until Season 3.  She is beautiful as always, but she sat at the Mean Girls table last season; if the Season 4 trailer & Kathryn’s interviews are to be believed, then she has come back to being sweetly narky – not ugly snarky.  There is a difference y’all.  Last season she struggled with her indecision to have a baby, but this season she has thrown out her birth control…  Cam also has a super fun IG, so check that out.Cameran

Craig:

Last season Craig seemed to clean up his act & became known as “New Craig.”  I’m not convinced that it will last, but we shall see.  I believe he has finally passed the Bar, so that is exciting.  I really appreciated that Craig was the only one to defend Kathryn last season; not only that, but he also dropped multiple truth bombs all season long…looking forward of more of that.  Looks like Craig’s wrath will be directed at Shep this season…he thinks Shep is jealous or something.  Southern Charm - Season 4

Kathryn:

I know this may be controversial, but I am ride-or-die for Kathryn, especially when to it comes to her vs. Landon.  However, I’m not afraid to call her on her shit when the occasion calls for it…in my recaps, of course.  Of the cast, Kathryn seems receptive to constructive criticism & can admit when she’s wrong.  Her confessional one-liners are to die for.  Do I want her to be with Thomas – absolutely not, she can do better!  Do I want her to figure herself out – DUH.  I loved when she & Whitney hugged it out on last season’s reunion.  Hope that frosty water stays under the bridge.  My hope for Kathryn this season is that she can rise above the fray, & by fray I mean T-Rav & Blandon.Kathryn

Landon:

Ugh, BLandon.  Not only does she have the most annoying whiny voice on earth, but I think she gets off on being mean.  She clearly has a thing for stealing men from other women, no job with no hopes of getting one, & she’s a gold digger.  Her “travel blog” is no closer to being up & running than it was last season.  You can’t even google the blog – the only thing that shows up is the article from Reality Tea saying it hasn’t made it off the ground yet.  Cue the dolphin laughs eye rolls around the world.  Landon

Shep:

Okay, so we all know my love for Shepard.  He can do no wrong…except he’s always cheating on me.  Joking, joking…  The trailer leads us to believe, which I do, that Shep is still the endearing party boy we all know & love.  However, if his IG is to be believed, he’s a pretty savvy business guy too & takes cool vacations.  Just doing my research…  He convinced me to order a cap from Shep Gear.  Didn’t need the cap, but I ordered it.  In my delusional mind, he handmade the it just for me.  My love note must have gotten lost int he mail…  The only smudge on my affection for Shep is that he has recently become chummy with Jax Taylor from Vanderpump Rules.  With the exclusion of last week’s episode (flights for Schwartz-y’s brothers), Jax leaves a lot to be desired as a decent human.  Be careful Shep, Jax will sleep with your lady… Southern Charm - Season 4

Thomas:

I think T-Rav is super creepy…borderline pedophile.  I really have a hard time deciding who I dislike more: Thomas or Landon.  Last season, in the beginning, I thought Kathryn & Thomas deserved each other – crazy attracts crazy & all, but Landon & Thomas can have each other & hopefully disappear from my TV.  Thomas has a clear case of age but zero wisdom, maybe it was all the cocaine he does did.  I think he is a disgusting excuse for a man & father, & I wouldn’t be shocked if he set Kathryn up somehow in their ongoing custody battle.  He is the ultimate Tool McDouche Schnozzle. Southern Charm - Season 4

It looks like Whitney will officially be behind the scenes this season; however, Miss Patricia will be back to disparage Kathryn while sipping Michael’s perfect martini.

Are y’all excited for the season to start in a couple weeks?  Are you ready for all my Southern sayings to come out?  Agree or disagree, but please leave it in the comments – I love the interaction.

This spring I promise to stay caught up on recapping Southern Charm (starts April 3rd), RHONY (starts April 5th), & The Bachelorette (starts May 22nd).

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Jenn for the Win!

The reunion picked up right where we left off with Kathryn leaving the set.  Naturally, I blame Landon.  It was absolutely below the belt for Landon to bring up the custody battle & drug test, which by the way is not apart of the show.  Landon sure is acting the bitter current wife towards the ex…  I honestly think Kathryn just needed a moment to collect herself.

Apparently Thomas did not get the same hair drug test as Kathryn.  I 100% do not believe that Thomas would be able to pass a drug test that goes back 6 months.  See his dinner party from Hell; you can not tell me that that wasn’t on a drug fueled rage as Whitney would say.  We also learn the Kathryn’s main issue with Thomas is his lack of child support.  I will say that he does pay her rent, but I’m sure two children are expensive.  I have no children & I’m expensive; I couldn’t imagine trying to support any dependents on my own.  I think it boils down to Thomas not meeting the expectations that he set forth with Kathryn.  Kathryn did say that she has a few business endeavors that she is pursuing, so I guess her SC salary is going towards the startup?  Landon, Miss Fails at Life, had the nerve to mock Kathryn’s necklace/business while wearing the most hideous earrings ever created.  Seriously, what is wrong with her – other than being a BIG TIME BITCH?!?!  Big time bitch

On to the Polo Match… Kathryn’s meltdown was a result of the pirate porn star that Thomas was running around with.  Due to the pirate’s blatant drug use, etc. she didn’t want Kensie around that.  Rational thought, case closed.  Does anyone else feel like Craig is Kathryn’s lawyer/PR guy at this reunion?  Despite JD & Landon’s assertions to the contrary, Thomas does not think that Kathryn created any pregnancy issues for his attention, money, or sympathy.  Me when Landon speaks:Every time Landon talks.gif

Thomas reveals that he has done a 180 in his opinion of Jennifer because she is pregnant with a special needs child.  My opinion has changed as well, but for totally different reasons.  A few blogs back, I totally thought she was meddling in Kathryn’s relationship & wasn’t very kind; however, I now realize that Jenn & Coop were the only ones looking out for her.  Jenn is a delight!  The cast has decided that Thomas & Kathryn are the modern day Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell…that might be a stretch.  But if Kensie develops a line of athletic wear, TRav & Kathryn will never have to work again! #upsidetonevergettinghitched

Jennifer joined the group in defense of Kathryn.  YEA!  Andy asked about the father of her baby, Jenn coyly said he was excited.  Andy then asked if it was Thomas – y’all Mama J actually thought TRav was the baby daddy.  Kathryn has been a huge support for Jennifer during her pregnancy.  Jennifer kept it classy, & only said that she did nothing while T & K were together, & did not reveal if she has slept with any man.  Immaculate conception?  Shep asked why Jenn & Kat can be friends but not with Landon.  Jennifer said that Landon antagonizes Kathryn intentionally by flaunting her relationship friendship with Thomas on social media.  Cameran had it right when she said that if they are not dating, then Landon doesn’t need to sensor herself.  Jennifer became emotional when the cast said that she was wrongly villain-ized.  Oddly, Landon seemed to be on the verge of tears along with Jennifer.

Back from the commercial, the focus moved onto Whitney.  He admitted that he primarily lives in Los Angeles.  He & Larissa are on a break.  Surprisingly, Kathryn chimed in saying that Larissa was really sweet & good for Whitney.  Thomas & Whitney also take breaks when T & K are together.

Thomas admitted that the dinner party from Hell was in reaction to Julien’s “questionable” paternity.  It was so obvious that Kathryn was trying to finish their conversation when Thomas crawled out the window.  Landon didn’t seem to understand this & unrelentingly brought it up over & over.  Cameran, adult that she is, admitted that she can come off sanctimonious & that perhaps she has some personal growth to do.  A win for adulting!  On the opposite end of the spectrum, Landon cannot fathom that she needs any self-improvement.  Shep is the obvious winner of this dinner party – if mailbox money exists, I want to get in on that.  Cameran said that Thomas was having a nervous breakdown.  I think that is code for a drug fueled rage.  Thomas did concede that he was raised better than that, as most Southerners are.

Oddly, the sanctimonious one, Cameran, accidentally hosted a Girls Gone Wild while she was on the Real World.  It was also revealed that Landon was almost on The Hills but ultimately she didn’t want to be manipulated by reality producers.  Andy snarked that it was scripted.

Andy moved on to ask Kathryn why Thomas’ relationship with Landon bothers her so much.  Cameran interrupted to tell Kathryn that she is too reactionary…how is Landon not reactionary as well?  Jekyll Island came up, which set Kathryn off.  Andy chimed in to tell Landon to shut it or he’ll murder himself.  That’s how we all feel, Andy.

Moving on to the Founder’s Ball, Craig wondered exactly why there is so much animosity between K & L?  Kathryn has been told by many spies sources that Landon & Thomas slept together.  She cannot accept the lying about said indiscretions.  Whitney, Shep, & Cameran think that Thomas can’t keep a secret & TRav would’ve admitted it by now.  Craig & Shep on WWHL intimated that something could have happened in London.  I want the truth

At the end of the Ball, Landon’s friend Robyn asked Shep when he thought Landon would admit to sleeping with Thomas?  Y’all, I totally believe Robyn.  She had her back to the cameras & didn’t realize they were filming.  Mic drop.  If she wanted her 15 minutes of fame, as Landon claims, she would have been comically obvious about it…just sayin’.  Landon & Thomas maintain their lackluster innocence.Liars

Shocker of all SHOCKERS – Whitney & Kathryn hugged it out during a commercial break.  Is there a truce in our midst?!?!

A few remaining observations from the reunion… Were Cameran’s eyelashes falling off or something?  Lots of blinking going on.  Why was Shep’s birthday party glossed over?  I wish Kathryn was more eloquent; I think it’ll come with age. Was Landon intentionally lowering her voice?  On Social Media, Landon intimated that she would be vindicated, but only succeeded in gaining more hate mail.  Landon The only person who got vindicated at this reunion was Jennifer Snowden.  By the end of the reunion, even Whitney seemed fed up with Landon’s unrelenting attacks on Kathryn.  Whitney

I feel like if Kathryn, Cameran, Landon, Naomie, Danni, Jennifer, & Elizabeth took a Girl’s Trip to Dollywood then all would be right in their world.

Favorite Tweets of the night:  SCR2.1SCR2.2SCR2.3SCR2.4SCR2.5SCR2.6

This was exhausting, but a great season.  I still love Shep.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Wait What?!?!

The season finale picked up right where we left off last week.  The “insulted ones” made their great golf cart escape & headed over to Landon’s for some pizza & to drunkenly recap.  You can’t have unraveled without a Ravenel.  Shep said that he didn’t fight TRav because he hated to pay for dry cleaning…samesies.  Craig & Shep both claimed that Landon was a part of the problem, which she squeakily denied.  Side note: I’m slightly appalled that her voice can reach a Mariah Carey high decibel…it truly defies human nature, gravity, & all that.  Back at TRav’s house Thomas said the funniest thing when he asked Cooper if reptiles had vertebrae.  Do they?  Kathryn clumsily tried to quote Tennessee Williams & spent the night at Thomas’.

The next morning dawned bright & clear, without a care in the world, & then the Charmers woke up…  Landon hit snooze 87 times (the only thing we have in common), Whitney juiced, Shep chose shirts for his dive bars.  Where can I get a t-shirt?  I want to support my boyfriend.  After discussing it with JD, Craig went from full-time employee to part-time with JD’s blessing, to focus on studying for the Bar. #abouttime  Across town, Cameran met with her therapist.  Her homework was to make a Pro/Con List about having a baby; Jason hijacked the assignment & “really opened Cam’s eyes” nice & wide.  As usual, Cam’s issues stem from her childhood – doesn’t everyone’s?  Jason has essentially made Cameran consider children sooner rather than later…maybe.  She still seems scared to me.babies

Sheppy-Poo met with Landon at The Commodore, his newest dive bar endeavor, to basically tell her the he’s just not that into her. #duh  I’m not convinced that Shep should have that beard.  I don’t love it, but I don’t hate it.  You guys, I swear Trump & Landon have the same eyes.  Over at Craig & Nomi’s house, she modeled Founder’s Ball options for him.  She looks hot – Craig is a lucky dude.  He then broke the dramatic news that he took a step back from Gentry to focus on the Law.  Craig hemmed & hawed until finally Naomie told him to spit it out, but she ultimately was very supportive.  They are super cute lovesluts!  Her best line of the night was, “I’m wearing a helmet,” to news that T & K would be in attendance at the Ball.

Later that night, Whitney & JD had HH with Thomas to box his ears…aka talk some sense into him.  TRav basically blamed his outburst on the stress of having two kids at 50+ years of age.  Really?  REALLY?  How about you were shitfaced & high as a kite?  They basically told him to fix it.  TRav then quoted Michael Jackson…is that really a legit quotable source?TRAV

Next morning, Kathryn dropped the kiddos off at Thomas’ house – he finally got that play date he was after, or rather Dawn got to have a play date with the munchkins.  We head over to Patricia’s humble abode to find her sleeping with a face transplanting machine hooked up to her while she napped.  In all seriousness, where can I get one?  Shep, Craig, & JD are being groomed at the man-spa & the beard is gone. #hallelujah  A makeup artist arrived at Landon’s to transform her to Patricia’s specifications…too bad it didn’t help her ugly black heart personality.  Kathryn & TRav decided to attend the Founder’s Ball together.  Whitney showed up at his mom’s during mid-transplant; we learned that it was her oxygen rejuvenating therapy – aka making sure her face lift stays in place.

Back at the man-spa, Shep revealed that Thomas “textologized” (text + apologize) to him.  He made a good point when he said that TRav was attacking the girls, so Sheppy felt he had to intervene.  Craig agreed.  Meanwhile at Landon’s, she apparently is still harboring hope that Shep really does love her & this makeover will snag him.  Girl, get a ticket to the clue bus.  Over at TRav’s, Kathryn reminded Thomas that Landon changed the tone of the dinner party, asked Cooper to meet all his rich friends, etc.  Y’all, I think Kathryn smells a gold digger…she would know.  Am I right?  KDen pretty much gave Thomas an ultimatum, to which Thomas agreed as way to placate her.  He’s total scum.  liar.gif

After the commercial break, we get to see the Charmers putting on their final touches & attire for the Founder’s Ball.  Landon heads over to Patricia’s to borrow fur, diamonds, & Dior.  Pat had many a back-handed compliments for Landon.  Did the Purple People Eater swallow her?!?!  Over at Ravenel Manor, Little Red Riding Hood Kathryn glided down the stairs, a la She’s All That, & pre-drank with Thomas to loosen up.  Did they drink Gentry Bourbon?

Finally!  We arrived at the Ball.  Whitney tried to hook Landon up with one of his friends.  I secretly think they would perfect for each other.  Craig & Naomie arrived, & Naomie looked smokin’ HOTT!  Shep brought Landon’s friend, Robyn, as his date (matching no less!), Landon cried, & I silently cheered in my head a little bit.  ughDoes that make me a horrible person?  I think Cameran & Danni were each other’s dates?  Did anyone else notice that Kathryn referred to herself as TRav’s girlfriend in the limo?

Once the Hot Mess Express arrived to the ball things got really interesting.  I now have new-found respect for Jennifer Snowden.  She hit the nail on the head when talking about Thomas’ involvement with Kathryn’s cold shoulder treatment.  I take back everything I said earlier in the season.  Thomas made an obvious beeline straight for Old Squinty Eyes (Landon, obvi.) once KDen parked herself at a table, which was so blatantly obvious & no one missed it.  Kathryn then made the first move by pulling Landon aside to hash out their issues – very mature of her.  OSE ruined the moment by claiming she couldn’t hear Kathryn – it was really loud, so I’ll give her that one.  KDen’s reaction was a bit more dramatic than the situation warranted.  It’s never going to be pleasant when the convo starts with, “This isn’t going to be a mean conversation.”  I don’t think Kathryn can handle Landon’s nails on the chalkboard voice, so her hyperventilating/screeching immediately pissed her off.  Landon ran off to tattle to Thomas that Kathryn was being a big meanie head.  Poor Danni got stuck in the middle, literally.  Nomi & Jenn’s faces when Landon said she was afraid of Kathryn gave me LIFE!  Nomi

As usual, Thomas was absolutely no help to anyone & stood there like a moron.  Shep & Craig had to intervene in the attempt to resurrect the night.  Landon’s voice is too much when she is calm & collected, but when she gets agitated it is unbearable, not to mention at a decibel only dogs can hear.  Wasn’t Landon’s Cheshire cat smile so eerie & creepy?  The finale ended with Shep’s date saying, “Do you think Landon’s going to admit that she slept with Thomas?”  Last line was Shep, after a shocked pause, saying, “What?”  BEST. FINALE. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tweets from the night:  12.112.212.312.412.512.612.712.812.912.10

What did y’all think of the finale?  I thought this whole season knocked it out of the park!

I’ll see you back here for #TheBachelorette Recap on Tuesday & a #RHONY Recap on Wednesday.  BREAKING NEWS: My new DVR did not record The Bachelorette, so I’ll have to figure out OnDemand…

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: the Wrath of TRav

First off I want to apologize for being a bit absent on the blog front last week.  I work a full time job & babysit to earn extra fun money & I never turn down an opportunity to earn extra moo-la.  I was house sitting/dog sitting & there was bad reception.  😦  Therefore, blogging sometimes takes a back seat…unless someone would like to start paying me for this blog?  Bueller?  Bueller?

On to our episode…it was the highly anticipated TRav dinner party from Hell.  Let me tell you, it did not disappoint!

Whitney gave Mama P a new pug puppy – so cute!  Did anyone else recall the scene from Friends, with Phoebe & the pug? phoebe

Thomas confronted JD on the paternity questioning – for once Thomas was 100% right.  JD should be a better friend than that. He should know that a dinner party was not the right time or place, especially considering how much hate Whitney & Patricia have for Kathryn. #notcoolbro  This time Thomas decides he’s going to host the party to celebrate Julien’s birth.  Meanwhile, Landon stops by Bam’s house to get naked wasted.  Bam’s has some good advice for her big sis & some not so good advice.  Good: get a real job & earn a steady paycheck like a normal person.  Bad: get drunk & bang Shep to see if he loves her back.  Shep has a similar convo with Cameran, but she adamantly says that he should not shove her in a closet for heavy petting.  Bam

TRav headed over to Kathryn’s to discuss the party guest list.  Whitney & Ms. Pat are not invited because they have been ugly to Kathryn, She mentally cheers!  But, Landon already has her monogrammed invitation sent by courier pigeons.  Thomas thinks Blandon & KDen should be BFF & need to move past their issues.  Kathryn is maintains that she is not fluent in dolphin, & therefore it is never gonna happen.  KDen refuses to go to the party if Landon is going to be there, which turns Thomas into T-Rex.  He storms out the window, yes the window.  You read that correctly.  This was just so absurd to me.  Kathryn calmly (for her) talked TRav off the ledge (roof? bush?) & back into the room.  What floor were they on?  Kathryn maturely capitulates to TRav’s wishes & says Landon can come.

There was a boring part here…my boyfriend Shep wasn’t on the screen so I played Spite & Malice on my phone.  Oh, but Landon was invited to Patricia’s for her condolences for Shep’s lack of requited love.  Pat then offered Thomas up a backup.  My favortie line that Landon has ever uttered, “Being sexy makes me uncomfortable.”  Side bar: I would watch an entire show of Patricia giving True Southern Debutantes makeovers, starting with Landon.

Shepperoni’s mom is the best!  He was a jerk for making her face the sun during lunch, but I’m going to pretend it was so they both could enjoy the view.  Shep seems to still be baffled, dare I say appalled, by Landon’s confession of love.  I will be so upset if they end up together.  Sheppy – the love of your life resides in Texas. #callme  Shephard’s mom, Mama Fran, gave him solid advice & said to not to rush or force anything.  She’s happy if he’s happy. #aww #kisshug

Now for the good stuff, Thomas’ dinner party.  He gave tours of the house – once again Kensie’s periwinkle room is the least periwinkle ever.  Kathryn basically avoids everyone but Elizabeth.  At this point, wasn’t Julien only a few weeks old?  Why was she smoking?  They all sit down to dinner, but of course Thomas being Thomas, he had to make a speech before dinner could be served.  Y’all the head swivels were like a tennis match & it. was. awesome.  He referred to himself in third person, which Sheppy hilariously pointed out.  Kathryn received praise for birthing his children.  Cameran was called out for being self-righteous, judgmental, & sanctimonious.  Next Craig got scolded for being a phony.  Loved when Craig said, “Let’s not come to me.”  Shep interrupted again, which quickly turned the roast speech to him.  Thomas calls him out for sleeping with all of Charleston when he could have Landon anytime he wanted.  Landon giggled like a dolphin, so then TRav called her vindictive towards Kathryn.  He wasn’t wrong on that one.  Shep jumps back into the fray accusing Thomas of stirring it up between Landon & Kathryn.  He wasn’t wrong on that one either.  I believe Thomas called Shep a pussy, to which he replied “You are what you eat, right?”  So gross, but so funny.  My favorite part was when Cooper, arguably the smallest man there, kept trying to restore a modicum of decency & civility.  You can’t tame the beast.

My only question remaining is did the entire party get roasted, or only the Charmers?

Favorite tweets from the night:  SC - Week 11.1SC - Week 11.2SC - Week 11.3SC - Week 11.4SC - Week 11.5

I’ll be live tweeting RHONY in just a few short hours & the blog will be up in the morning.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: #OldCraig is Back?

Y’all, to be honest I was flipping back & forth between Southern Charm & The Bachelorette.  Watched the first hour of JoJo, then flipped over to SC, & then back to Crazy Chad.  I knew Kathryn’s baby wouldn’t come until the end & that the rest of the episode would be fairly lame tame.

A few things stood out to me:

  1. Craig’s work ethic seems to be taking a longer vacation than his trip to LA.
  2. Cameran totally set Landon up to fail regarding confessing her love for Shep, which will make amazing TV.
  3. Whitney & Larissa still have no chemistry.
  4. JD’s laugh is still creepy.
  5. RIP to Shep’s grandpa.  I bet the stars looked a little different that day.
  6. I worry about the Charmers always mixing their alcohol.  “Liquor before beer in the clear.  Beer before liquor never been sicker.”  DUH.

Here are my favorite Tweets of the night:  SC- Week 9.1SC - Week 9.2SC - Week 9.3

I promise to do better next week!

I’ll have #TheBachelorette recap/tweets up tomorrow.  Warning: It will be similar to this recap as there are still so many guys & I keep asking who Derek is.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Pinky Rings are a Deal Breaker

This episode picked up where we left off last week with the infamous, “Look, I would be mad too if a girl slept with my best friend a week after she slept with me.”  Cam immediately jumped to Whitney’s defense; #NewCraig easily put Cam in her place.  “You can’t come up with a reason why you hate Kathryn.”  Craig pointed out that Whitney & Cameran are dividing the group over their petty treatment of KDen.  Whit’s defense was that he slept with her wwwaaayyy before TRav…is this a legit defense?  I think not.  Whitney informed Craig that this would affect their friendship.  Craig smoothly pointed out that this has gone on long enough, 3 years now, & he is still pissed about the Delaware trip.  Shep actually agreed with Craig, but not in the group setting.  I’m not a fan of Naomie’s interjection, siding with Whitney…like she would even know.  She’s new, y’all.  Shep finally spoke up telling Whitney to shut up, which Whit totally glossed over, yet he thanked him for saying “Shut the fuck up, this is my house.”  I think he thought Shep was talking to Craig…maybe he was talking to both?  Okay, so Craig was actually right, but he ruined his credibility when he said to Whitney, “Did you really think the parents thing wouldn’t come back up again?”  I think we all bowed our heads in disgust at that point.  Whit’s vehement reaction was so dramatic & he utterly denied everything & basically had a tantrum…makes me think he doth protest too much???

Why would Kathryn lie about sluttin’ it up with both Whitney & Thomas, especially after everyone knew she’d hooked up with Sheppy-Poo?  This makes her look worse, so Cam’s horrible treatment & Whit’s unrelenting hatred has me totally dumbfounded.  I also can’t wait for the reunion when they have to defend themselves against video footage.  Shep calls for champagne (I always support this); meanwhile Danni called out the group, specifically Cam, for treating KDen like shit & continuing a friendship with Thomas.  Double-standards, much???  “If you’re going to blast Kathryn, then blast Thomas too.”  Cam thinks that both Kathryn & TRav are going through a nervous breakdown, & she doesn’t want to be around it.  Okayyyy, then don’t associate with TRav either.  I think Cameran may be having a nervous breakdown herself.  Loved the kitchen talk between Shep & Craig.  Since when does Craig dip?  #gross  Cameran tells Craig to apologize to Whitney.  PS – WTF is on Whitney’s lip?  I’m hiding behind my pillow now for fear of catching it through my TV.  Craig basically explained his theory again in a much calmer tone, to which Cam & Whit stared at him in utter disbelief.  #theyreallmorons  Once again, Naomie made Craig feel worse, as she was embarrassed; Craig ruined her night.  I might be done with her.

The next morning, most of the Charmers left Linville early.  Danni went to Austin, sad that I missed her.  Whitney & Cam headed back to Charleston early.  I do not understand why Cameran so adamantly defends Whitney, almost blindly so.  Craig is no longer in her circle of trust.  Once again, I cannot wait for the reunion!  Meanwhile back home, Kathryn & Dawn are trying to wrangle Kensie into wearing a bow.  They FaceTime’d with TRav, as Kathryn oddly called him; she also informed him that her due date has been moved up 3 weeks.  Thomas volunteered to assemble the changing table.  It was a kinda sweet moment.  Back in Linville, Shep & Landon made breakfast for the final four.  Shep pointed out that, “Craig isn’t a menace to society, just a menace to himself.”  I think this applies to ALL of the Charmers from time to time.  Over at Ms. Pat’s house (long time no see) she rang her bell for Michael to bring her martini satchel.  Get it, a satchel for an Altschul…hahaha!  She’s on her way to visit Whitney in his ISIS prison camp new loft.  He was busy cranking metal…whatever that means.  I guess that was music?  She asked about the trip to Linville, clearly fishing for gossip.  Whit was more focused on seeing Larissa, as he hasn’t seen her for months.  Ms. Pat has 4 engagements rings collecting dust waiting for Whitney to make a move…I think they’ll be there for a long time yet.  I didn’t realize Patricia had been married so many times.  Whitney is planning a Guy’s Trip to LA with Shep & Thomas…Craig has been conveniently left out.  Randomly Pat & JD were at the bank, I didn’t know anyone still did this, & JD told Patricia that Craig is his bitch…yeah, a bitch with a stake-hold in the company.  Whit & Mama P had a good laugh over this.

Sometime later, Thomas spent a significant amount of time trying to get a hold of Kathryn.  He finally resorted to calling Dawn to figure out what the deal was.  Turns out KDen was pissed that TRav made plans to go to LA for a Boy’s Weekend.  Y’all this trip was planned the same week Kathryn was due to give birth; she had every right to be infuriated.  Thomas makes such a showing of being the concerned father, & always being there for his children, blah, blah, blah.  This proves what kind of Dad he is…absentee.  My friend is pregnant right now, & I’m on standby for the month surrounding her due date.  Thomas claimed to be thinking rationally, but really he was just thinking douchey.  Dawn is like the Kathryn & Thomas whisperer…she definitely needs a raise.  Over at Craig & Naomie’s, Naomie once again took Whitney & Cam’s side of the issue.  Guess we know which team she’s on…not #TeamCraig.  She is sick of hearing about it…we all are Naomie, we all are.  Naomie did advise Craig to be Elsa in the case of Kathryn vs. the Southern Wasps.

Switching coasts to Whitney’s LA pad, which is a mid-century modern abode.  He actually washed his own windows…color me shocked!  Thomas called Whitney, while he was “doing his chores,” to decline the Boy’s Trip invitation blaming it on Kathryn’s volatile reaction.  I understand that Whitney despises Kathryn, but to invite TRav out-of-town during the final month of pregnancy is uncouth even for him.  Didn’t she bust his blue balls for this last season?  Maybe in his blind hatred for KDen, Whitney subconsciously schedules clandestine outings that would take Thomas away from the birth of his children???  Thomas feels manipulated by Kathryn…umm, I beg to differ.  I think Whit is equally manipulative.  Back in the Holy City, Cam & Craig met up for the most awkward lunch.  Side note, I love that Cameran eats like a 9 year old.  Cam still maintains that Craig spewed lies & rumors.  The only thing I agreed with Cameran on, during this episode, is that “Kathryn is a hot button for Whitney, not because he has the hots for her but because he simply doesn’t like her.”  Truer words may never have been spoken this season, but what is the reason that Whitney doesn’t like Kathryn???  #Craigstheory  Random question, did they eat lunch in a convenience store?  Did Cameran join the Junior League or something to become such a snob towards Kathryn & Craig?

After the commercial break, we finally got to see their morning routines.  Look at Bravo always bringing us back to basics.  We settle on Kathryn opening her door to a flower delivery, where she somehow managed to spill “flower juice” all over herself.  What exactly is flower juice?  Can it be used for a cleanse?  Where can I buy said cleanse? They were from Thomas, & the note simply said “I’m very sorry.”  I’ll go ahead & say that that is not a real apology & mostly just a platitude.  But, I guess it worked.  Whitney called Shep about the Boyz Trip; Sheppy basically invited Craig along claiming that he would vouch for him.  In his confessional, Whitney said that Craig would “have to get down on all fours, which he’s good at, & beg for forgiveness.”  Could Whit be anymore of a Tool McDouche Nugget?  Shep said it best, “Grudges are for losers.”  Craig stopped by Kathryn’s to gossip about the mountain.  He confessed to stirring it up & confronting Whitney about their relationship, but basically told KDen that there was no hope for her & the friend circle.  I’m firmly on #TeamKathryn & think this whole thing is stupid. #Munchhausenanyone  Craig has decided to wash his hands of it, & Kathryn is focusing on her babies.

Larissa, the mystical girlfriend, finally made her seasonal appearance.  Whit made stir fry for them & and performed a horrible song, which she laughed through.  Was he singing for real?  Was he channeling Elvis?  Why does he wear a hideous pinky ring?  That is a deal breaker.  Yikes, Whitney is trying so hard to make this relationship real & Larissa could not be less interested.  Back on the East Coast, Shep waxes on poetically about Monday Night Football.  Sadly, this may be where Shep & I fall out of love, or the one night we have separate interests. 😉  Craig met up with Shep for a drink.  Once again, they rehashed the mountain trip.  Shep has officially garnered an invite for Craig to LA…Guy’s Trip is back on!  Basically Craig best be on good behavior. #behaveyourself

Thomas showed up at Kathryn’s to assemble a changing table.  TRav basically greeted Kensie before she left for the park…that’s his parenting style y’all.  15 second intervals.  Thomas basically ignored Kathryn’s attempts at an adult conversation, & she finally called him out on his lack of eye contact & attention.  Thomas had the audacity to tell KDen that the Guy’s Trip was Whit’s celebration of the birth of his baby boy.  Kathryn was having none of it.  #actionsdefinereality  So awkward…

My favorite Tweets from the night are below.  Disclaimer: I may have missed a few as I was trying to avoid #TheBachelorette Tweets.  SC - Week 8.1SC - Week 8.2SC - Week 8.3

What did y’all think of tonight’s show?  Looks like Landon finally admits her feelings for Shep in the previews.  Run Shep, run…to my waiting arms!

Look back Tuesday evening for my thoughts on Night One of The Bachelorette.

Until next time, have a great week.

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Landon Lied & Whitney Cried

As per ushe, we began with everyone’s morning rituals.  Did anyone else notice TRav’s neon polka dot glasses, or Cameran cringing while cooking put chicken in the crock-pot?  Whit ate some egg whites (I’m guessing it was two whites with one yolk), Kathryn tickled Kensie, & Shep & Craig met for a bro-brunch.  Shep ordered a pina coloda to chase away his bourbon fog?  Craigy-Poo & Sheppy-Poo rehashed the Gentry Bourbon tasting; Shep basically told Craig that he wasn’t ready for that much responsibility & should be studying for the Bar Exam…he’s not wrong.  Shep invited Craig & Naomie to his mountain home in Linville, NC.  Craig asked if it was to cheer him up…seriously?  I don’t think Shep is quite that interested in his life.  Shep clearly struggled with being Mr. Inclusive & inviting Kathryn to the cabin, but he took his favorite high road & lucky for his guilty conscience the group she was on bed rest & couldn’t go.  Saved by doctor’s orders!  If it were me, I would have invited everyone regardless of what Whitney & Cam wanted.  As my dad used to say, “They can get glad in the same britches they got mad in.”  This week Craig was Kissinger of the group.  Over across the Ravenel Bridge, Thomas arrived at KDen’s place to put the new baby’s crib together.  They actually had a civil, sweet moment as he put it together.  She actually said that he should go to the mountains, aww kiss hug.  Look at them adulting…so cute.  However, Thomas ruined the moment in his confessional calling himself TRav & Kathryn T-Rex.  Ugh, with this man-child!

Next up Cameran had a counseling session to discuss her mothering fears.  Okay, so I think every woman in their early 30’s has had the internal “should I or should I not” battle.  If you make it to 30 without having a child, you are really set in your ways, know what you want out of life (for the most part), & more readily realize what you’d be “giving up” for motherhood…maybe that’s just me?  On the one hand, kids are sweet & innocent (especially when they snuggle), but on the other hand they are so gross (when they’re eating & pooping).  Cam is worried that she is either not maternal or her lack of her maternal instinct is based in fear.  She basically doesn’t want to give up control (a result from her parents’ divorce), but her husband’s clock is ticking.

On the phone with his mom, Shep checked in on the “condition” of the mountain home.  It needs to be enough to impress Whitney.  Meanwhile, Landon stopped by her sister Bam’s house & went straight for the wine.  Seriously, WTF are these names about?  Bam looks nothing like Landon, but never the less, she asked about Landon’s trip to NYC to which she replied that it went well.  Really???  Was she at the same meeting I watched, while peeking around the pillow over my face from embarrassment for her?  Like, she totally failed that interview, right?  Is it my imagination, or is Landon’s online travel magazine awfully similar to Conde NastTown&Country?  Switching topics, Landon asked Bam if she had met Craig’s girlfriend; then compared Naomie to Kathryn basically slut shaming KDen by saying she’s only good at one thing.  Shame, shame, I know your name Landon.  Pot meet kettle.  Side note:  I think Landon would be a perfect contestant on The Bachelor.

Over at Kathryn’s, Craig stopped by to chat/do some investigative questioning.  Did anyone notice that Craig drank out of a WWHL Mazel glass?  Big Boss Andy should be thrilled.  So, did Craig stop by just to stir the pot by telling KDen that Whitney refused to go to the country if Kathryn came?  Was that really necessary?  However, it lead us to the truth; therefore, I am greatful for #newCraig’s meddling ways!  Way to be that almost lawyer!  So here’s the low-down: Kathryn had a one night stand with Thomas first.  A week later she hooked up with Whitney & essentially moved into Patricia’s for another week or so.  Ms. Pat, Whit, & house guest Robert loved, & approved, of Kathryn’s Calhoun lineage.  Are we in a Jane Austen novel?  I guess I’m not a TSD…  So, during this week long affair Whitney developed strong feelings for our favorite redhead.  Cue to a pool party, where she went as Whitney’s date, but left with TRav.  Kathryn intentionally went to that party with Thomas’ BFF to get revenge…worked like a charm.  Whitney tossed her to the curb quicker than a Texas tornado.  He also made it clear that he didn’t want anyone to know about their affair, so Kathryn has kept mum all this time about the specifics, which effectively made her the pariah of the group.  KDen confessed to Craig that what she did was screwed up, but I think if she was following Whitney’s lead then she did no more damage than he did.  He is clearly just butt hurt over the situation…still.  If Whitney didn’t want to deal with her on some level, then I would think as Executive Producer of the show, she would be gone.  He’s now using her, equally as much, for a paycheck.  Although, I do feel his distaste for Kathryn is somewhat more justified now…egos & all that.  #newCraigcalledit

On a side note, I have a theory about Thomas & Kathryn.  When all of this started Kathryn was a wee young babe of 21.  Thomas being a 50-something year old politician swindled charmed young Kathryn.  Once she realized what happened, a) it was too late as she was already pregnant; b) she reacted as someone her age would react.  Not that Thomas has come off looking like an angel, but he has taken far less damage to his standing in the group & his reputation as a whole & has actively campaigned to make Kathryn look crazy, when really she just acted her age.  Whitney’s ego took a bruising because Kathryn chose his friend; his feelings are justified but his treatment, of KDen, 3 years later…not so much.  We were all horrible in our early 20’s.  Some of this group, ahem Whitney & Thomas, are still horrible well into their 40’s & 50’s.  #TeamKathryn

Next we see the Charmer’s packing rituals…surprisingly minimalistic.  “In true Shep fashion” they headed to the mountains on a party bus.  Craig & Naomie were the only ones to over pack “for a trip to Siberia.”  On the bus, they immediately started drinking, as expected.  #fratboylifestyle  Landon is excited JD is coming, “because he’s wild,” completely ignoring the fact that Craig is uncomfortable.  Talk turns to Shep’s relationship with Bailey; as much as I love Sheppy & dislike Bailey, this conversation makes my heart smile because Landon is SO green with envy.  As a viewer, I love to watch her squirm when being confronted with Shep’s love life.  Craig then makes the mistake of confusing Asheville, NC with Nashville, TN.  Y’all give him a break – he’s new, he doesn’t know what to do.  He is a Yankee after all…  Loved Shep’s confessional snark. #runningabourbonbusiness  At the hotel, I think Whitney called ahead & stole Shep’s room with a mountain view…typical Whit.  Thomas met up with the group & they all hit the booming metropolis of Asheville.  TRav promptly disgusted us all by hitting on two children young girls.  Thomas & Whitney drunkenly discussed their hatred for Bluegrass…us too guys, us too.  Who knew Jenga could be a euphemism for sex?  My delicate sensibilities may never recover.  JD & Elizabeth joined the group…why does JD slap so many asses?  The group asked Thomas to order something in French…y’all, after 3 years of Spanish, I speak better French than Thomas.  Shep’s friend John told Cameran that he didn’t think Shep could settle down.  Landon forcefully laughed the loudest, which caught Cam’s attention because as everyone can see, Landon hearts Shep.

Craig asked TRav why he wasn’t staying the entire weekend, within Whitney’s hearing range, which mildly set both guys off.  Craig nailed it when he said Whit is “completely irrational when it comes to Kathryn.”  Thomas was actually trying to be a decent adult, by not staying the night since he knew it would upset KDen.  Cue rolling eyes from Whitney, Landon, & Cameran.  The guys & Landon moved on to another bar to see a cool band.  TRav danced with a woman who promptly dumped him for Shep.  Thomas slapped her on the ass, she threatened to cut him with a knife, & something else happened relating to vampires (I couldn’t quite catch what they were saying).  I can now say I’ve watched Twilight.  The next morning, before Thomas left, he told Shep that Landon admitted to excluding Kathryn from his birthday party.  TRav is no longer interested in Landon (for now)…there goes that money train.  In the clear light of day, Cameran & Whitney decided to rent a car.  According to Cam, they realized just how skinny those mountain roads are.

Y’all, Linville only has one stop light – I think that’s what we call a one horse town in Texas.  Shep shared some really sweet memories from growing in the country.  He totally downplayed the magnificence of this “cabin”…mountain chateau might be more accurate.  Best quote of the night came from Craig, “I’m so glad you’re not poor.”  I died!  Even Whitney was impressed.  Landon & Danni promptly headed out to the porch for a nap.  JD pulled Craig aside for a little chat about Gentry.  JD basically said that Craig needs some more apprenticeship, & that they really need Danni on board to move Gentry to the forefront of bourbon.  Back in Charleston, JSnow swung by Kathryn’s to catch up on all the gossip.  Jennifer basically stirred up a bunch of shit…quietly.  She is surprised by every nice thing Thomas does for KDen & voices those opinions, putting doubts in Kathryn’s head.  #yeahthatsnice

Back in the Appalachians, who knew Craig was such a cook?  Why the hell is Landon walking around in an over sized sweat shirt & nothing else? #desperate  Shep quietly confronted Landon about invite-gate.  She was proven to be a liar.  At dinner, they ate, drank, & Craig confronted the Kathryn situation.  As usual, everyone accused Kathryn of manipulating Thomas with the children, then Craig dropped a bomb on the group & called Whitney out for being butt hurt. #amazing  Naomie was less than impressed.

My favorite Tweets from the night: SC - Week 7.1SC - Week 7.2

What did y’all think of tonight’s episode?  We seemed to take along time to get to the good stuff this week!

Kiss Hug,

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Southern Charm Recap: Promise Ring Dream Crusher

This episode was clearly tossed in the mix to provide a little relief from all the drama.  Although it was dull, I shall recap for y’all anyway because I’m a giver.

As per ushe, the show begins with the Charmers starting their day.  Shep awakens around 1p, Whitney is attempting to put together an IKEA table, Thomas is adding to his lamp graveyard, Cameran is kicking yoga’s ass, & Craig’s alarm is going off.  Craig reaches over to wake Naomie; y’all, he clearly doesn’t live by the mantra “True love means letting her sleep.”  What is with their house?  Have they moved?  Are they still packing?  I can’t with the mess & chaos.  Craig slips Naomie’s promise ring into his watch jewelry box for her to find.  She immediately spots it & cries; on a side note, Craig has seen (& wants to be in) every romantic comedy…maybe he’d make it on the Hallmark Channel?  He proceeded to boast that JD will soon name him Head of the Bourbon Division of Gentry…Craig, Craig, Craig…so delusional.  “You are crushing life right now,” says Naomie (I say on opposite day).

Cameran arrives at a house evaluation/showing that Shep is also supposed to be at.  He’s at home making breakfast, horribly cracking eggs into a bowl with the barcode still on it.  Does anyone on this show use the stuff in their kitchens?  He just needs my domestic touch. 😉  On the phone, Cam screeches incoherently at him to get his booty in gear, but Shep is “schloshed,” according to Cam.  Shep to the viewers, “I’m always a little hungover.”  When he arrived at the mansion, Shepperoni questioned Cameran on her convo with Kathryn.  They both want to stay out of it, but Cam doesn’t mind being harsh whereas my dreamboat wants to be inclusive.

Cue to Kathryn attempting to pull Kensie out of a tantrum, good luck Mama!  The nanny’s head shake at the sink was awesome.  KDen reconsiders those she has cut out of her life, & sought to reconcile with Elizabeth.  Kathryn admitted that she distanced herself from Elizabeth because JD is TRav’s BFF; Kathryn got a lot of heat for this on Twitter, but I would have done the same thing in her situation.  It wasn’t personal, it was for the sanity of her family.  Anyways, Lizzy-Lou was thrilled to hear from KDen.

Back on the real estate trail, Cam is schooling Shep by explaining that people paint their porch ceiling light blue, aka the color of Heaven to “keep the evil spirits away.”  As someone who had a short career in Interior Design, I call BS – I paint the ceiling blue to keep bugs & birds from building nests.  It tricks the critters into thinking it is the sky.  Inside the beautiful home, Cameran introduces Shep to pocket doors.  I LOVE pockets doors!  For real.  For real.  I was, however, educated on what a Charleston Window is…great concept.  Are those still made?  I want them.  Shep questioned Cam’s pricing technique in front of the client – not cool buddy.  She handled him with tact.

Over at Landon’s McMansion, she is packing for her trip to NYC while on the phone with her Dad.  She is planning to meet with Lockhart (such interesting names on this show) to pitch her online magazine.  Landon is impressed with herself…too bad she’s the only one.  Her dad tells her not to use this as an excuse to buy new clothes while in the Big Apple.  Little does he know that that was probably the only good thing she did while she was there.  Meanwhile, over at Gentry Craig & JD meet to discuss the Hotel renovation & a Bourbon Tasting.  JD basically wants Craig to send out an evite for the Tasting, & bring on Danni as a consultant as she is booze royalty (I knew I liked her).  JD maniacally laughs while telling Craig “not to reinvent the wheel, just add air to the tires.”  #thatlaughtho   JD seems to forget that Craig has bought into this company & deserves more than being his gopher.

Kathryn stops by Elizabeth’s for a chat.  How do those boys stay so clean?  Liz points out, to her son Levi, that Kathryn has a baby in her belly.  He promptly asks how it got there, haha!  Kathryn oddly got shy once the boys went inside; perhaps shy isn’t the right word – she was contrite.  Elizabeth asked why she was shunned by KDen.  Kathryn admitted that she went through a phase of pushing people away because it was easier & safer for her at the time.  I get that…especially with this crew.  Lizzy-Lou reminds her that she will never turn her back on Kathryn or Kensie.  I believe her.  Elizabeth is such a class act.  They cry & hug it out.  This scene was heart-felt, heart-warming, & probably the most genuine thing we’ve seen thus far this season.

Shep popped over to check out Thomas’ new house.  Yolanda’s Fridge is cringing at TRav’s basic GE.  Love that Thomas insists on using coasters for their beers in his formal parlor.  Thomas spouts some nonsense to Shep about caring for Kathryn & oxygen not getting to the baby if she gets riled up.  The look on Sheppy-Poo’s face is hysterical.  However, Shep is trying to be Kissinger, & mediate among the group even though he thinks TRav is being a little melodramatic.  Nice Kissinger reference, Sheppy.   They wonder if there will ever be peace between Thomas & Kathryn, much like the Middle East.  In New York, Landon arrived to meet with Lockhart.  He could not be less interested in this pitch.  Landon basically wants to create a lovechild of People Magazine & Twitter, but as an online magazine with a subscription.  Lockhart quickly gives it a hard pass & dismisses Landon as a legit business person.

Cameran, Whitney, & Shep met for Bloody Mary’s.  Who knew Shepperoni didn’t do Bloody’s – we have that in common, it’s fate y’all.  Apparently, Craig is worried they won’t show to the Tasting.  They all question what he’s doing…is he a whiskey maker?  A hotelier?  An almost lawyer?  I would make a fantastic hotelier, & bourbon taster for that matter.  Also, Shep wants to plan an Appalachian (never heard it pronounced that way) weekend in Linville, North Carolina.  My friend Paige insisted that Appa-Lach-in is the proper way to pronounce & I am saying it wrong.  I would like everyone to come to Texas & say for me Bexar County, Waxahachie, Mexia, Nacogdoches, Kuykendahl Rd, Manchaca Rd. & tell me how they think it should be pronounced.  Just sayin…  Cam & Whitney promptly shoot down the idea of hiking.  They also balk at the idea of having to drive 4 1/2 hours to get there.  I’ll go – hand raised!  Cameran & Whitney insist on Kathryn not being invited (not sure if this was only a stipulation if Thomas was going); Shep reminds them that he is sympathetic towards KDen.  Do they like anyone or anything at this point?

It’s Tasting time & Craig had lots of questions regarding the barrels.  He is like a kid in a candy store, or a frat guy at the bar.  What the hell is JD wearing on his head?  Is that a cowboy hat?  A safari hat?  A fedora?  All three?  Craig questions JD about the amount of stock they have, why that was his first time to see it, were there purchase orders, etc.  All valid questions for a co-owner.  The Charmers slowly arrived.  #NewCraig wants to be a bourbon distiller, not a hotelier & proceeded to make that known.  Cameran compares bourbon tasting to “rating a chick.”  Is this Hot or Not?  Craig corners Danni to pick her brain about the booze industry.  JD puts Danni in charge of Craig’s table, which makes everyone super uncomfortable.

As the night wears on, Craig becomes more & more agitated by his treatment from JD.  Whitney clearly does not like bourbon as he compared it to the smell of napalm.  Is he allowed to say that?  Yikes.  Okay, so Craig is somewhat justified being annoyed with JD.  However, he doesn’t even know the difference between whiskey & bourbon.  How in the world he thought he could run the division in just 6 episodes is nuts.  Naomie doesn’t seem to be thrilled that Craig is turning to Danni for advice.  Danni’s advice is spot on, as she points out that it is not about just “knowing the bartender.”  After sensing frustration, Shep pulled Craig aside to give him some brotherly props & advice to “shoe-horning his way into the business.”  You have to bring something to the table to get rewarded with more responsibility.  Aww, Craig thought he was apart of the team, but feels like he doesn’t even have an assigned seat.  Sad face.  JD approached Danni to be the VP of Gentry Bourbon, seemingly behind Craig’s back, but in plain sight.  Danni was clearly uncomfortable & not that interested.

Over at the other table, Shep & Naomie disect his birthday debacle & Landon’s thought process.  Verdict – they think she’s a loveable ding-bat.  JD pulled Craig aside to explain to him that he needs to slow his roll.  Craig pointed out that he planned the Tasting, which in the real world would not qualify him for running the division, but maybe running the PR.  As ushe, Craig put the cart before the horse.  Naomie questions Craig’s bruised ego.  Basically, he is not crushing at life right now.  She cried as she realized her promise ring dreams got crushed.  Does Craig have pink eye?  One eye is totally bloodshot.

My favorite Tweets from the night are below: SC - Week 6.1SC - Week 6.2

What did y’all think about the previews for the rest of the season?  Sheptastic or Landumb?

Check back on Wednesday/Thursday morning for my RHONY recap, & again on Saturday for my Take It or Leave It of the week.

Kiss Hug,

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