The Bachelorette Recap: Jordan Finally Won

Well, the outcome was exactly what everyone had been saying from night one.  The worst kept secret in Bachelorette History???  I secretly wanted JoJo to pull a Brad Womack (his first time) & choose no one.  I was Team JoJo more than any of the guys.

The episode starts in Phuket, Thailand with Jordan meeting her family first.  I love that he brought funny hats for everyone to wear.  There is nothing I love more than a game to change an awkward family gathering.  Apples to Apples is a staple at my family gatherings, along with booze of course.  Jordan’s interactions with her parents seemed to go well; he was charming as he’s ever been.  He did neglect to ask her father for JoJo’s hand, but I felt that he made his intentions very clear.

Side note: the internet really poo-pooed on this tradition, but the thing is that JoJo told the guys that asking her father’s permission was extremely important to her.  It’s a Southern thing that maybe everyone doesn’t understand.  I’m a proud feminist, but I too love this tradition.

Next up Robby met the fam.  He made a fantastic impression on all of them, basically blew Jordan out of the water!  To me, he was trying too hard & seemed insincere, but he was in it to win it.  Robby managed to ask both her parents for their blessings, which he got in spades.  The entire family fell for Robby, even the brothers…too bad JoJo wasn’t interested.

JoJo met back with her family to discuss the guys; she was devastated to learn that they all preferred Robby to Jordan.  Cue the tears…  Where were the creepy, possessive, kiss-on-the-mouth brothers from last season?  brothers

Does JoJo have a sister?  I have never seen that gal before!  sister

Her brother brought up a valid point that she was vehemently defending Jordan, which made it pretty clear to him that she loved Jordan.

The next day, Robby & Joelle had their final date.  Honestly, I tune out during all the mushy, love-slut stuff.  Robby drives me insane by calling JoJo by her full name, Joelle, or worse shortening her nickname to Jo.  Something about Robby is really icky, for lack of a better word – he’s just off putting.  He’s a snazzy dresser, his hair defies all logic, but there is just something icky about him, right?

The final day is spent with Jordan (y’all, for some reason I almost wrote Luke – Freudian slip).  JoJo is trying too hard to make it work with Jordan.  She is clearly aggravated with him & is passive aggressively trying to figure out why he didn’t ask for her hand.  His answer was very logical, which was that he isn’t the only one left.  JoJo keeps referring to the fact that she is scared to get her heart broken, or that these guys aren’t ready for marriage, blah blah blah.  JoJo conveniently forgets that she is going to break one of their hearts, theoretically.  This date did not really end on the best of terms.

Finally Neil Lane arrived for the men to pick out JoJo’s ring.  Neil Lane

Now, I have a question.  Does Neil bring his current line as options, or does JoJo get to provide some preference?  Robby picked out a ring that was so unlike JoJo, so he was obviously the one going home.  Before Jordan went ring shopping he call JoJo’s parents & asked for their blessing.  They happily gave it.   Jordan picked out a classic oval ring, which is always the way to go.  Jordan got an A+ for his choice, while Robby got a D in my grade book.  I do keep score.  proposal

Robby was first out of the limo & first to go.  JoJo & Jordan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  We all knew Jordan would be the final guy.  Now the race is on for The Bachelor, will it be Luke or Chase?  Does Chase know enough words to sustain us for an entire season?

Favorite Tweets from the night:  9.19.29.39.49.59.69.79.89.99.109.119.129.139.14

What did y’all think of this season of The Bachelorette?  Did you love JoJo, or love to hate JoJo?  I’m so excited for#BachelorinParadise starting tonight!  I am babysitting though, so the recap will be delayed by a day or so.

Check back later this week for #BIP & #RHONY.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: Is JoJo Here For The Right Reasons

I’m trying to write this blog while dealing with a migraine, so bear with me…

Okay, I’ll say it…JoJo is disappointing me.  In the beginning I adored her, & I thought ABC made a fantastic choice in choosing her as The Bachelorette.  But, ever since she let Wells go, & I’m not even a Wells fan, she has been making terrible decisions.  Now, Wells wasn’t anything special to me but I know Twitter loves him.  Perhaps he didn’t get enough airtime?  My main issue with JoJo is her constantly allowing these men to confess their love, then dumping them, & expecting them to comfort her because she feels bad.  Last night she brought Ben’s betrayal up MULTIPLE times, yet she is doing the same thing to all of these guys.  My respect for JoJo is dwindling…  JoJo expects comfort

Since Luke got fourth place does that take him out of the running for the next Bachelor?  I really hope ABC & Mike Fleiss take this opportunity to start over with an unknown Bachelor or someone from a past season.  None of the men from JoJo’s cast are Bachelor worthy.  Remember back in the days of Andrew Firestone (my favorite of all time), & they all were a little older, with their lives kind of in order, & some wealth?  I miss those days.  These fools are all looking for fame, social media followers, or people to help jump start their music/TV careers.

So, this episode started with last week’s rose ceremony.  JoJo got rid of Luke.  Fine, whatever, she got rid of the only decent one left, BUT she should have done it when he pulled her aside & before he confessed his love.  That is so disrespectful.  She got Luke’s hopes up by allowing him to return to the firing squad rose ceremony.  Luke was understandably, and justifiably, upset, shocked, & angry.  I love that he didn’t hold back in telling JoJo that she was wrong in the way she handled the situation, but remained a gentleman.  #flabbergastedLuke is gone

My philosophy is that Luke looked least like Robby, Jordan, & Chase so he got cut.  She definitely has a thing for douchey Ken doll-type guys.  Do y’all think Chase looks like the lovechild of Jordan & Robby?  JRC

Moving on to Thailand, Robby got the first date.  I’ve said it once, & I’ll say it again – Robby is not marriage material…his family is not in-law material either.  Didn’t his mom seem like she would constantly be meddling in his relationships?  I honestly can’t tell you anything about their date because I don’t care & I don’t like Robby.  He went to fantasy suite, JoJo hearts him, he loves her, they definitely boned.  The End.

Next up: Jordan’s date.  They went on a hike, which sounded boring, but I was cracking up that they needed multiple breaks.  I know its hot & humid in Thailand, but come on JoJo – you’re from Texas.  It’s always hot & humid!  She should’ve been used to this.  JoJo should have looked like this: Humidity

Instead we get this: hik

Life just isn’t fair sometimes, ya know?!?  Anyhow, they continue their hike down into a temple cave.  She had to cover up & Jordan wasn’t allowed to thrust her against a wall & kiss the living daylights out of her.  She really seemed to miss that.  At dinner, JoJo kinda grilled Jordan, & compared him often to Ben. #uncomfortable  He dodged the questions mostly by telling her what she wanted to hear to seal his fate for the Fantasy Suite.  Same outcome as Robby’s Fantasy Suite.

The final date is with Chase.  Y’all he was the most animated he’s ever been!  He actually seemed to be having fun, & actually showed some personality.  There was a monkey named Chad.  JoJo didn’t seemed particularly interested – it kinda came & went throughout the date.  However, she enjoyed another tantric yoga makeout session with Chase, this time on the beach.  As JoJo was getting ready for the dinner portion of the date, Robby stopped by her room because he “missed” her.  Y’all, I think Robby was just trying to play mind games & get in her head…like Chase is real competition for him, puh-lease.  However, it totally worked.  JoJo was so closed off from Chase at dinner, yet she gave him the Fantasy Suite card from our favorite host, Chris Harrison.  Man I miss Chris; JoJo could really use his pep talks, but not like the fake note Robby’s dad wrote!  Anyways, in the suite Chase really opened up & professed his love for JoJo.  Her reaction was less that desired.  Chase FS

She waited a few minutes, collected herself, then dumped his ass & sent him home.  As was deserved, Chase let her have it.  He was understandably mad, as she made a fool out of him.  I liked this Chase.  Who knew he had emotion?  She loves the drama.  drama.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chase did show up at the Rose Ceremony to apologize for his anger, & didn’t expect a rose.  He didn’t want that to be her last impression of him.  #respect  I love when a person can admit that they handled a situation poorly.

At this point JoJo would be better off pulling a Brad Womack & picking no one.  Isn’t it interesting that both Jordan & Robby have had similar scandals this season with their exes?  JoJo is either not looking for a long-term relationship, OR she is attracted to the drama surrounding them.  Jordan & Robby’s situation reminds me of that Patty Loveless song from ’93, Blame It On Your Heart  JoJo theme song

Favorite Tweets from the night:  8.18.28.38.48.58.68.78.88.98.108.118.128.13

I can’t wait to watch the Men Tell All, but I will be a bit delayed & not live tweeting tonight – I’ll be babysitting 4 kiddos!  However, I will post a Caption Crunch edition on Friday!  If y’all like it, I will promise to do some throughout Bachelor in Paradise.

Feel free to leave feedback anytime!  The only way to improve is with constructive criticism.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: Hometown Zeros

Once again I am house/dog sitting & forgot to record the Bachelorette as I watched it.  So, my bright idea of going back to re-watch did not happen; thus, this recap will be more of a Tweet-cap.

I did manage to remember…  Chase had super cute house that was in the middle of a remodel?  Where was that stair railing?!?  This is the most personality we’ve gotten out of him thus far; however, I do think it’s a red flag for him to have not moved on from his parents’ divorce 20+ years ago.  I’m not a child of divorce, so what do I know???

Jordan’s hometown was in Chico, CA, although he lives in Nashville (I think I heard him say that?) with all the other Bachelor Alums.  JoJo was very excited by all the deer.  Girl, you are from Texas – I know you’ve seen deer.  His family all had the same flock of seagulls hair thing going.  Birds of a feather & all that…  This entire date was about Aaron Rodgers & the void he has left (empty chairs).  Shout out to his brother’s girlfriend’s June Carter side-pouf!

Moving on to Robby… His family is HUGE.  I had no idea he had so many siblings.  Where Meemaw?  His mom really stirred the shit, huh?  Apparently, Robby’s ex’s roommate leaked to the tabloids that he dumped Hope to go on the show.  Don’t several people do this each season?  Why is this any different now?  I get that it’s douchey, but why are they making such a big deal about this particular case?  Robby seemed very pressured during this date, like he was trying too hard to convince JoJo of his truth.

Luke’s date in Texas made me long for the Hill Country.  The entire town of Burnet, TX (pronounced Burn-it, not Burn-net) showed up to support Luke & welcome JoJo.  Luke’s dad is the best, might even beat out Sean Lowe’s dad.  I distinctly remember Luke telling his dad, something to the effect of, he knew he needed to say the L-word to JoJo but he hesitated because he’s not the only guy.  I feel like this is a very rational thought to have.  I wouldn’t want to tell someone I loved them until we were in an exclusive relationship & they could vocally reciprocate.  Luke surprised JoJo with a journey to a hay couch…this is where things got awkward to me.  She randomly stared crying & seemed to close herself off from Luke.  You’d think with all their chemistry that she would eat this romantic shit up!  The date was great, but I feel like JoJo left it feeling down.  Luke is totally getting the Bachelor edit.

At the Rose Ceremony, in a terrifying airport hangar, JoJo announced in her confessional that she would be getting rid of Luke.  Luke is going home

To Be Continued…

Best Tweets from the Night (at least in the Central Time Zone):  7.17.27.37.47.57.67.77.87.97.107.117.127.137.14

What did y’all think of this week’s episode?  My theory is that JoJo keeps Jordan & Robby around because she is secretly attracted to their drama.  I thought with her sexual chemistry with Luke that he’d be no-brainer for the Fantasy Suites, but I guess the Bachelor Gods have another plan?

I’ll be Tweeting #RHONY tonight!

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: The Bubble Guts of Dates

No offense to JoJo, but I am so ready for her season to end so we can move on to my FAVORITE Bachelor franchise, Bachelor in Paradise!  Can Jorge please publish a BIP Bartending/Tell All book?

Side Note: have any of you seen the comparisons of the guys to food &/or animals?  Hilarious.  Here are a few, but there are soooo many more.

Alex got the first one on one date.  I may not always agree with JoJo’s decisions (ie. I would’ve sent Alex home last week), but she is always fair.  Since Alex was the only guy left without a one on one, he got the first date this week.  Still in Argentina, Alex & JoJo got to take a luxury car ride to the country side, while the other guys had to take a questionable bus.  I loved the guys rap!  This is such a musical bunch & I hope it is showcased at the Men Tell All.  Alex & JoJo went on a gaucho yoga date with horses.  This was so bizaare…I’d rather watch weird Tantric yoga.  JoJo’s gaucho outfit = HOT; Alex’s outfit = Lord Farquaad.  They basically watched a real gaucho whisper the horse into a nap & then joined the horse.  Poor horse.gaucho 2Alex is actually very attractive…until he speaks or stands up or wears a gaucho getup.  He definitely has “Little Man Syndrome,” which is the most unattractive quality.  At dinner he over-confidently told JoJo that he was falling for her, after spending about a day total with her.  JoJo’s body language was very closed off , which of course Alex was completely oblivious to.  Alex’s downfall was that he was just too smug to realize that JoJo wasn’t interested & he was going home.

Jordan, aka the front runner, got the second date card.  I don’t know what it is about this guy, but I can’t stand him.  Confidence is so sexy, but he is flat out arrogant?  Insincere?  I can’t put my finger on it.  Maybe it’s all the negative press he’s gotten, which I see here & there…  Anyways, he & JoJo went on a Lucy & Ethel  date making wine.  Then they drank it..from each other’s feet y’all.  #grossJoJo & Jordan

At dinner Jordan excitedly told JoJo that he was ready to bring her home to meet his mama.  Our girl was obviously fishing for info about Aaron Rogers, to which Jordan said they do not speak & that he wouldn’t be there.  I found this to be suspicious because the tabloids insinuate that his ex-girlfriend is BFF with Olivia Munn (Aaron’s girlfriend).  Regardless, JoJo had stars in her eyes when Jordan said he loved her.  Take notes Alex.

Chase, James, & Robby got the group date this week.  Because there was inclement weather, JoJo decided to host a slumber party in her suite.  They played games, gave each other massages, James played Chubby Bunnies with french fries, Robby stripped down to his boxer briefs & apologized to his meemaw.  James Taylor took it to a weird place when he randomly threw Robby under the bus for having eyes looking at other girls.  Keep in mind that JoJo is dating six men.  James reminds me a little of Jeb Bush.  James Taylor

Robby got the rose & the group date continued as a one on one.

Luke went on the last one on one.  His date was surprisingly short, but JoJo seems the most confident in her relationship with Luke.  So many people think he gives off a creepy vibe, but Luke is still my favorite.  Can you tell me this is not a cute Texan couple?  JoJo & Luke

They seem real & down to earth.

James Taylor was sent home at the Rose Ceremony.  I think JoJo & JT were equally upset about it.  They both balled like babies…very different from Alex’s departure.  JoJo's Suitors - Week 6

Now that Alex & James are gone, which we knew would happen last week do we even need to watch the rest of the Season?  All of the guys left are easily interchangeable.  It’s also obvious to anyone with eyes that JoJo will pick Jordan & it won’t work out (I smell an Andi/Josh situation brewing with those two), Jordan will get the notoriety/ESPN job that he is seeking, & JoJo will manage to come out smelling like a rose (no pun intended), perhaps hooking up with a fellow Bachelor Alumni from past seasons.  I think Arie is still single…

My favorite Tweets from the night: 6.16.26.36.46.56.66.76.86.96.106.116.126.13

What did you guys this of the episode this week?  Do you think James & Carly will sing a duet in Paradise?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: Naked & Afraid (Night 2)

Honestly, I loved last night’s episode even though I didn’t get a rose ceremony at the end, but the most interesting part of the night was that Hillary Clinton made history by winning the Democratic nomination.  It’s pretty cool regardless of your political affiliation – don’t send me hate messages, as I don’t care who you vote for as long as you VOTE!  no voting = no complaining.  Sorry to get political, but I like to read & talk smart things.

Thoughts from the night:

  1. The pool party was more like a quick dip before the Rose Ceremony.  And, where was my sing-along?!?!  I’m dying to hear that song again.
  2. What is with Evan’s nose bleeds?  It’s not like they are in high altitude.  Is he secretly Rachel Green?
  3. I’m actually a little bummed that Saint Nick got the boot.  JoJo gets coal for sure.  I could see him on Bachelor in Paradise…
  4. Luke is hot; I don’t know why the folks on Twitter thinks he’s creepy.  I have more of an issue with his voice than his face.  I think he has been through some shit in his life, which has turned him into a quiet, dare I say introspective, person…I guess that comes off creepy?
  5. The group date was lame; with all the Brock Turner stuff in the news lately, I thought it was in really poor taste for ABC to air an episode with Ben Rothlisberger (an alleged rapist).  Big Ben even ate the Cheeto Puffs – umm, it’s all about the Extra Crunchy Cheetos or Flaming Hot Cheetos.  DUH!
  6. Chad & Alex got the 2-on-1 date.  Alex was pumped & proceeded to tell Chad how excited he was that The Chad would be going home.  Alex was so cocky that I was worried.  Don’t poke the Chad Bear.Chad bear.gif
  7. Did anyone else notice that Alex, Luke, & Chad were left at the hotel; all are military or ex-military.  All three behave so differently when The Chad’s antics were questioned.  Luke was calm, cool, & collected.  Alex is a good guy, but a bit antagonistic.  Chad deflected & blamed everyone else for his actions.  #narcissist
  8. Before Chad & Alex left for their date, The Chad threatened to find Jordan after the show to kick his ass.
  9. Why the hell was this 2-on-1 the scariest date on Earth?  And, why the hell would you give Chad a machete?  I think JoJo was scared for her life; she kinda seemed to phone this one in (not that I blame her).  JoJo confronted Chad regarding the situations in the house.  He denied none of the accusations (because they’re all true), & basically told JoJo that he had no other choice but to get physical.  Umm, no, no, no (NO, NO, NO!) – unless you are sweatin’ to the oldies then there is no reason to get physical.  Violence is not the answer.  As we tell children, “Use your words.”Chad & Alex
  10. How creepy was Chad’s whistling?  I’ve never heard anything scarier in my life.  The preview made it look like Chad found his way out of the woods, & back to the hotel to seek his revenge.

These are the guys left after last night’s episode.  The hearts are guys that got the date rose.  Jojo's Suitors Week 3

My favorite tweets from the night are below.  Week 3.2.1Week 3.2.2Week 3.2.3Week 3.2.4Week 3.2.5Week 3.2.6Week 3.2.7Week 3.2.8Week 3.2.9Week 3.2.10Week 3.2.11Week 3.2.12Week 3.2.13

I’m so bummed the NBA Finals will not allow for The Bachelorette next week, but it does give me one week to focus back on #SouthernCharm for the much anticipated dinner party from Hell.

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: We Meat The Chad

Okay y’all, last night’s episode was a pretty crazy Week 2.  Am I right?  Usually it takes at least three episodes to know who the long-term Villain is.  #Villainsgottavil  Since there are still so many guys left, & I’m still hardcore watching Southern Charm, this recap will be short & sweet.

I have a few thoughts about last night’s episode:

  1.  JoJo looks hot in a fireman’s uniform.
  2. Luke may becoming a little whiny for my taste.
  3. Wells has a great sense of humor.
  4. LOVED the poolside sing-a-long!
  5. Chad is so hot…until he opens his mouth.  I feel like it is a lot of work to be that big of a prick.
  6. Derek looks exactly like John Krasinski & Marcus (the one that married Lacey from BiP).  Derek LC
  7. Loved Nick’s shower dance.
  8. Did they ever sing the song for JoJo?
  9. Chad gives new definition to the term “meat head.”
  10. Evan is also too needy.

I think it is very interesting that Chad is ex-Marine, Alex is active Marine, & Luke is ex-Army.  Did anyone else notice that the Marines were much quicker to anger.  Maybe they were just hangry.

Here are my favorite Tweets from the night:  Wk - 2.1Wk - 2.2Wk - 2.3Wk 2.4Wk 2.5Wk - 2.6Wk - 2.7Wk - 2.8Wk - 2.9Wk - 2.10Wk - 2.11Wk - 2.12

What did you all think of last night’s episode?  Do you think JoJo handled The Chad correctly?

Check back after RHONY on Wednesday for a fresh recap!

Kiss Hug,

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