RHONY: Kindergarten

Y’all, I am so happy!  RHONY is back baby!  Those of us that love Bravo really need and deserve this in these trying times.

As most season premiers go, it was fairly tame for the NY ladies.  However. we. have. got. a. season.

We open on the ladies finding out that Bethenny left the show.  Everyone’s reactions were predictable for each gal – Dorinda & Sonja were sad, Tinsley was indifferent, Ramona & Luann were all too happy to say good riddance.  Okay, now that’s out of the way…

Luann emerges from the court house, as the Countess has wrapped up her rap sheet by completing probation.  Sonja, her emotional support housewife, was in tow with a fun flask for moral support.AA96E43B-D3FA-4AE8-A466-50024043E4E6Anyone else find it weird that the coffee cart guy knew Luann?  The ladies sit on a bench and immediately start b*tching about old stuff.  They quickly hugged it out while Sonja ate a sandwich over Lu’s shoulder.  Oh Sonja!

Down the road Tinsley meets up with new housewife Leah.  They do a boxing workout with someone that looks like the guy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest that had the lobotomy.  So, it sounds like Tinz is dating a new guy named Bruce that has kids, which she talks to like dogs.  Y’all, is Tinsley going to be like the stepmom from The Parent Trap? B1B7B3B5-74BE-4105-8115-4A92CBA87671_4_5005_c
Meanwhile across town, Johns stops by Dorinda’s for date night in.  I thought Dorinda & John broke up?  We learned that Carson Kressley broke Dorinda’s rib, but she is on the mend!  This scene made me cringe so much.  Dorinda clearly hates John, but doesn’t want to give up that dry cleaning discount…  To let your man burn his hand on a hot pan is sure fire sign this relationship isn’t gonna work out.

Do we like Dorinda’s new haircut?  I kinda think she looks like Lance Bass…

Across town Ramona meets up with some of her old friends, that look younger each time we seem them.  As always, Mo orders a simple cocktail, but asks for it to be made as complicated as possible.  She basically asked for a mojito with the mint & limes on the side.  Your cocktail shouldn’t need a tray!  Ramona starts crying, no actual tears, to her friends because she sold her apartment & hates her new one – get this, because she’s alone there too.  Must be so tough to live on the Upper East Side…  How often do you think bartenders spit in Ramona’s drinks?

Seemingly the next day, we meet Leah’s 12yo daughter, Kier.  They stroll to coffee where Leah committed one of the biggest housewives sins – telling a the server “I’m going to have…”  Always, always treat waitstaff with the utmost respect.  “May I please have…”

Anyway, Leah informs us that she & Kier are soul mates, life partners, best friends, and also mother/daughter.  This smells like a Kelly Dodd/Jolie situation in the making.

Meanwhile, at the townhouse Stuart Little’s House Sonja’s apartment looks like an episode of Hoarders.  Her place is my nightmare.  She opened the door to Ramona, and immediately started rambling about having a concussion, falling off platform sneakers, & shock that Ramona’s dog is still alive.  Ramona cut her to the quick, & pointed out that Sonja was sad & deflecting about her daughter going off to college.  Call me crazy, but how is this any different from when she was at boarding school?

Dorinda is getting her makeup done by Caroline Stanbury’s (oh, how I miss Ladies of London) sycophant, Luke, for an End of Summer party.  Dorinda is still peeved at Tinsley for not opening up to her.  Y’all, I just don’t think Tinsley is that deep.  Every city needs a housewife like Tinsley, she’s there to support, hangout, & have a good time.  Dorinda’s feud is super weird.

Sonja, Leah, & Tinsley arrive at the party & do a pre-drink, except Sonja isn’t drinking yet & Leah doesn’t drink?  I don’t think Leah even knows if she is sober or not.  Did anyone else see Ramona walk right past the women?  Cold.

Dorinda started the evening by surprising the guests with a drag queen performing Luann’s song, “Feelin’ Jovani.”  I kinda thought it was a dig, but Lu took it as “let bygones be bygones.”  Who am I to argue with the Countess.  Ramona & Luann interrogated got to know Leah.  Leah & Lu compared probation sentences as our new friend is no stranger to the 5-0-5-0. 79B11CDE-7F8A-44DF-89A1-A24B46C13C51

Y’all, I think Leah might be the right amount of crazy we need this season.

For some god awful reason, Tinsley thought it would be wise to pull Dorinda aside to tell her that they would talk later about their issue.  This of course set Dorinda off.   I just don’t get it.  What does it matter if Tinsley dates Scott?  Why is the source of Tinsley’s money anyone’s business? Who cares if Scott buys her sh*t?  She’s on TV show, I assume a large portion of her income comes from Bravo?  We also know that she is a wealthy socialite from Virginia.  Why is any of it Dorinda’s business?  By going after Tinsley, Dorinda is punching down.  Not a good look.

Meanwhile, Sonja is either trying to hook Leah up with Ramona’s sloppy seconds, William.  Or, she’s trying to somehow use Leah to hook up with William herself.  Oh, Sonja – please never change.

We end the episode with Tinsley & Dorinda still arguing about nothing.  Dorinda goes too far, telling Tinsley that she got her shoes on her back & that she needs to go back to kindergarten.  Like Leah, we were all appalled.

What did you think of the premier?  Do we have a good season ahead of us?  Do we like Leah, or is the jury still out?

I also posted my Friday Five this morning, so please check that out.  I hope you all have great weekend six feet away from everyone else.

Kiss Hug,

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East Coast Road Trip – October 2017

Okay y’all, I am so fired!  My intention was always to post my East Coast Road Trip!  I mean it was on my Bucket List after all.  I’ve always wanted to see New England in the Fall…I blame Gilmore Girls.  Fall in TX

So, when I started getting Facebook “Memories” from this trip, I realized I never did an actual blog post!  I’m the worst.  So fired!  But, as they say, better late than never!  Right?  RIGHT?

This trip was with my friends Brigitte & Jessica, and we met up with our friend Norma – we all used to work together.  You’ll see how this all works out as you read down.  After many, many phone calls & emails to plan this trip, Brigitte & I flew to Fayetteville, NC to meet up with Jessica.  From there, our adventure began.  Keep in mind, until New Hampshire, we spent >24 hours in each city.

Here is a picture of our planned itinerary. Planned Calendar

Someone (me) over planned, so this is what we actually ended up doing.  Actual Calendar

Once we landed in Fayetteville, we basically hit the ground running.  We took off for Washington DC.  Map 1We really tried to stay at inns instead of big box chain hotels, & the Tabard Inn fit the bill perfectly.  It was old & historical, there was no elevator, our room had antique furniture, the floors creaked…it was so quaint.  Hotel Tabard Inn

Our view from the room.

After we hauled our luggage up to the 4th floor, we had a light dinner & a bottle of wine at the Inn’s restaurant.  They also had a wedding reception in progress while we were there.

The next morning we got up early & went to the Smithsonian museum.  Y’all, this was easily my favorite museum from our trip.  EASILY.   We each chose at least 1 museum/educational venture on this trip that we really wanted to see.  The Smithsonian was my pick & it did not disappoint!

Full disclosure, I’m much more of a history & art buff than science, so the Smithsonian was right up my alley.  There was so much to see & I didn’t take a ton of pictures here…I was learning.

My take away from DC, was that I’d like to go back (maybe in the spring), & go on a National monuments tour.   Also, the traffic round-a-bouts are nuts.

We left Washington DC mid-afternoon & headed north to New York City!  Map 2

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Here we stayed at the Courtyard Marriott Upper East Side.  It was the most affordable option & had parking, which was a must for us being on a road trip & all.  It was clean, it was nice, & we felt safe.Courtyard Marriott

See the red building in picture?  We had a super inexpensive, but tasty, sushi dinner there.  It was just a neighborhood sushi joint.  Not going to lie, having never been to NYC, I was super underwhelmed.  I thought it was really dirty.  That being said, there were lots of cute dogs, as Brigitte pointed out.  HA!

The next morning we got up, packed the car, & headed to the National Science & History Museum (Brigitte’s pick).  This place was massive.  It was also a school holiday, so LOTS of kids.

After awhile, I was kinda like “you’ve seen one dinosaur, you’ve seen them all.”  Then, I happened upon this view.

Those trees are Central Park!  This museum took us all day, & I know we didn’t see all of it, but we needed to get on the road to Mystic, CT.

I need to go back to NYC, that should be a trip on it’s own, not a stop over.  Note to self for your future road trip!

During our drive to Connecticut, it was the first time we thought it looked like Fall.  Map 3It became a running joke that every time we saw Fall colored leaves, we’d say something along the lines of “Oh look, there’s Fall.”  Over and over.  IMG_0276

One of my favorite movies is Mystic Pizza, so I asked Brigitte & Jessica if we could eat there.  I had heard that the pizza wasn’t great, but I personally thought it was really good.  What does a Texan know about good pizza though?

We stayed at the Inn at Mystic.  The Inn at Mystic

The next morning we got up early & headed to the Mystic Aquarium (Jessica’s pick).  The beluga whales were a big hit!

Mystic was quintessential New England.  I could have stayed in Mystic the rest of the time.  Definitely going back & exploring the town some more.

But, we had places to be in Boston, so off we went…to our Air BnB.  Map 4Y’all, this place was a fun house.  It was an old walk-up on the edge of Chinatown.  Obviously our apartment was on the top floor, because we never do things easy.  Every surface was slanted one way or another.  I slept on a futon & kept rolling off because the floors were so wonky.  Boston lodging is very, very expensive, but I recommend paying for an actual hotel.

We quickly dropped our bags & headed to Cheers!  Oddly enough, no one knew our names.  Sad day.  However, we did meet up with Samantha & Amanda, my now step-sisters.  I feel too old to say that.

They gave us a great walking tour of Boston from Cheers to the North End (aka Little Italy).   On our walk, we came upon the New England Holocaust Memorial, which you can walk through.  To say it was stunning is an understatement.  The noise of the city fell away.  Holocaust Memorial

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These six columns represent the six million Jews killed in concentration camps & the six main camps (there were more than 6); you walk along a path that looks like grates over embers, which periodically release steam to mimic the gas chambers.  Each victim’s tattooed number is etched in the glass.  Just writing about this is making me tear up.  This little spot in the middle of Boston was more meaningful & educational to me than anything I saw in a museum on this whole trip.  You can learn more about it here: NEHM

Once in Little Italy, we waited, along with everyone else, to eat at cute Italian restaurant that held maybe 40 people.  Samantha’s boyfriend Jay met up with us…he was the token guy.  While we waited Samantha took us to Mike’s Pastry for a cannoli, my first!  I got almond…I’m not a huge fan of anything with a cream filling, but this was amazing!

After Boston, we headed to Kennebunkport, Maine & made a pit stop in Salem, Massachusetts on the way.  Map 5We didn’t really have any agenda in Salem.  We were going to take a tour of the Witch Trials museum, but there was a long wait.  We accidentally (maybe fortuitously) saw that there was a psychic convention going on, I use that term VERY loosely.  By convention, I mean that there were three psychics in the weird arts & crafts mall.  One for each of us!  During this time Jessica lost her iPhone, funnily enough the psychic couldn’t tell us where it was.  Hmmm.

We asked a local for a good place to eat lunch, after searching for an hour or so for the phone.  We were ready for a cocktail.  I mostly remember that B & I shared really good nachos, & Jessica had a really good Fall mimosa…

You could probably skip Salem.  It was fun…until it wasn’t.

Next up, we got back on the road to Kennebunkport, Maine.  Map 6Y’all, I literally looked into how I could move here before we even got checked in at our Inn.  We all agreed that KBP was our FAVORITE stop.  We stayed at the cutest inn, The Lodge on the Cove, & it was amazing!!!  I’d like to move in permanently.

We arrived around dinner time, & we were hangry so we headed to the Clam Shack, which was closed.  We ended up eating a mediocre dinner at a place behind the Clam Shack that was less than memorable.  Sorry!  We also found one store in town that was still open, & we stocked up on Christmas ornaments!

The next morning, we had breakfast at the inn before heading into town for some shopping.  We were barely starting to feel some Fall weather here.  This town was sooooo cute!  Everyone told us to eat lunch at Alison’s, so we promptly put ourselves on the list.  Y’all, one word…LAHBSTER.  Each of us orders a dish with lobster, plus lobster poutine as an appetizer.  I’m pretty sure we ate everything, licked our fingers & the plates clean.  Run, don’t walk, to Alison’s.  You will not be sorry.

Somehow, we managed to squeeze in ice cream too from Rococo Ice Cream.  IMG_0312

After eating our way through Kennebunkport, we opted to take the scenic route to Lincoln, New Hampshire to Norma’s House!  To know me is to know that I love a scenic route.  Map 7

We stopped along the way to take pictures of pretty rocks, or shale as Brigitte, the geologist, informed us.  This was somewhere in the White Mountains.

We continued on to Norma’s house in Lincoln, a perfectly quaint New Hampshire town.

Since, it’s been over a year I can’t remember exactly what order we did things, so here’s a list:

  1. We ate our weight in pancakes at Poll’y Pancake Parlor Polly's Pankcake Parlor
  2. We hiked up a mountain.
  3. We shopped in town.
  4. We hiked near a river.
  5. We went Moose Calling.  We were looking for this: IMG_0332 (1)Norma’s friends had seen these beauties the evening we got into town.  We went looking too, but instead we learned that Brigitte doesn’t know the difference between a deer, a donkey & a llama, nor a goat & a cat.  Jessica is also the best at animal calls.  We laughed so hard in Norma’s car, I think we all left a little pee behind.  Hahaha!
  6. We did a quick little hike from Norma’s house…2 miles later…  Guess who didn’t bring tennis shoes or hiking boots?  I’m raising my hand.
  7. I collected a lot of leaves.
  8. Jessica cooked us an authentic Italian dinner.
  9. We learned that pork rinds with lime juice is pretty good. IMG_0333
  10. We found a covered bridge!

Before leaving New Hampshire, we had a few discussions about going back to some of our favorite places, instead of going back to DC.  We nixed all of that, & on the recommendation of one of Norma’s friends, we drove to Tom’s River, NJ.  He said it was one of the most beautiful places he’d been – that was a direct quote.  Now, I’m not sure I fully agree with that, but we did stalk Bon Jovi & saw some really fancy houses.

Less than 24 hours later, we were back on the road to Jessica’s house in North Carolina.  We picked up her dog Waffles from the kennel, order Thai food, & gave ourselves facials.  It was exactly the way a long trip should end.

Lessons learned from our trip:

  1. Maybe just start in Connecticut.
  2. You can pay tolls with pennies.
  3. Don’t attempt to move heavy furniture by yourself.

Next time I go to the East Coast, I will be making my way around Connecticut for a Gilmore Girls experience…I’ll probably be on that trip alone.

Once again, I apologize that this is soooooooooooo late.  If you have great places I should see the next time I go to the East Coast, please share!

Kiss Hug,

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