The Bachelor: Women Tell All

My favorite episode is upon us, The Women Tell All!!!  I love this episode because the women are forced to face all the awful things they’ve said behind backs, in confessionals, to faces, etc.  Last night was no exception in that regard, everyone came in salty.

I thought there were some, shall we say, interesting outfits…  Caroline with the tube bra top under a blazer.  Seinne’s weird collar/halter dress.  TinkerBekah’s earrings.  Lauren G’s lingerie.  See picture below.  Questionable Outfits

So, we learned a few things from the WTA:

  • Krystal’s voice wasn’t near as grating…until you listened to what she said.
  • She has zero remorse for her deplorable behavior.
    • Her bleeped subtitles looked like Mad Libs.
  • TinkerBekah said it best, “We’d like you a lot better if you’d just say ‘Yeah, I was a bitch and I’m sorry.'”
    • Krystal is convinced that she was not the problem.
  • I legit applauded, from my couch, when What’s-Her-Name in the green dress (Olivia?) asked Krystal what happened to her voice.
    • Krystal said that she lost her voice.  Maybe that’s God’s way of saying STFU.
  • Her update on her brother (he’s no longer homeless) was ruined by her use of the word “like” every fifth word.
  • TinkerBekah loves earrings.
    • Do you think she wears such big earrings because she secretly wishes her hair was longer? TinkerBekah
    • She was very well spoken on the WTA.  If she didn’t confirm that she was going to Paradise, I almost think she could’ve been a contender for Bachelorette.
  • Seinne got a Bachelorette edit.
    • Do you think Peter would come back to be on her season?  Seinne & Peter
  • I would like Jenna’s Botox regime, stat.
    • The girl’s eyebrows do not move, & I want to get me some of that.  Her skin is flawless.
  • Tia got the biggest Bachelorette edit.
    • Yet, she still couldn’t apologize for throwing women under the bus in her moments of insecurity.
  • Caroline is my new favorite to be the Bachelorette, although it is a long shot.
    • She is fierce, and salty, and in your face.  I am here for it!
    • She was so salty to Arie; the rumor mill is saying that Caroline & Becca became besties & Arie did Becca dirty somehow.  I think she’s the one crying in the promos that we don’t see, but hear.
    • Do you think Arie will pull a Mesnick?
  • The Arie we had on the Women Tell All, is the Arie I wish we’d had all season.
  • Same goes for Chris Harrison.

Favorite Tweets: S22E9.1S22E9.2S22E9.3S22E9.4S22E9.5

My list of Bachelorette Contenders (in my preferred order):

Contenders for Paradise:
Annaliese – how fun would her phobias be in Paradise?

Who do you want to see as The Bachelorette?  Who’s going to Paradise with TinkerBekah?

We have another episode tonight, which looks so good.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Doe, A Dear

Okay, so it’s Sunday afternoon before Women Tell All.  It’s been raining cats & dogs here in Houston, TX…so what better time to recap Arie’s hometowns while finishing up Bachelor: Winter Games.

This is going to be quick because I refuse to re-watch this boring episode.

Kendall’s hometown: Los Angeles, CA

  • Arie & Kendall stuffed Stuart Little & Templeton and then made them get married.
  • We met Kendall’s twin sister Kylie – the original Kendall & Kylie!  Kris Jenner really missed an opportunity to name Rob Kolton.
  • Kendall’s family is unimpressed with Arie.  Her dad told him that Kendall is not the one for him & didn’t give his “blessing.”

Tia’s hometown: Weiner, AR

  • Tia has a cousin named Rhonda – this is the most Tia thing I’ve ever learned.
  • Apparently, Tia & Arie had dinner with Raven & Adam.  Why didn’t we see this?
  • Tia’s dad is going to learn how to Google if Arie hurts Tia.
  • Is it really a party if pigs in a blanket are not served?

Becca’s hometown: Minneapolis, MN

  • Becca takes Arie apple picking, which looked delightful but so cold.
  • I love Becca’s family…even though I was initially scared of Uncle Gary.
  • Arie seemed the most relaxed on this date.
  • Arie & Becca have a lot of sexual innuendos in their conversations.

Becca: My uncle is a pastor.
Arie: Any advice on how I make that conversation go good?
Me: Learn some f*cking grammar.

Lauren’s hometown: Virgina Beach, VA

  • The saying, “I got it from my mama,” has never been more true than Lauren & her mother.
  • Arie is super nervous.
  • Lauren was brave to wear denim on the beach.  Who does that?
  • Based on this super boring hometown, I think Arie & Lauren will be happily boring after.

Rose Ceremony:

Arie pulls Kendall aside at the beginning of the Rose Ceremony.  Tia, insecure, says that “Kendall makes the least sense.”  She’s not wrong, but I hate that these comments only come out in her moments of insecurity.  S22E8 Rose Ceremony

Tia went home, ugly crying all the way.  She got the Bachelorette edit.  Did the right woman go home?

Favorite Tweets: S22E8.1S22E8.2S22E8.3S22E8.4S22E8.5S22E8.6

Tonight is my favorite episode of the Season, Women Tell All.  I hope the women are savage to Krystal!  I can’t wait to see TinkerBekah again.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: The Tell Tale Heart

I can’t lie…no blog post from of Episode 6.  I had a super crazy week at work, that started out shitty but ended okay, & fell asleep on my couch every night by 8pm.  Considering that Krystal went home, I thought the episode as a whole was pretty bland & boring…Lauren Borin’.  Way to ruin Paris.  I did hear that the house boat thing the women stayed on was the first time all season that each lady had her own room.  Good for them.

Episode 7’s recap will be quick & dirty…more a Tweetcap if you will.  I’ve decided Arie is basically about as fun as Melba toast lately.  He’s also getting more & more orange base face.

Side note: the bell chimes were very aggressive in this episode…much like the heartbeat in the Tell Tale Heart.

First date: Becca “Let’s fall in love under the Tuscan Sun”

What the f*ck is she wearing?  They went to Barga.  An old breadmaker (???) tried wooing Becca away from Arie.   As much as I love Becca, there was a lot of ex-boyfriend talk.  At this point, I would have rather  have watched that Diane Lane movie instead.

Becca got the rose/hometown.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel Jacqueline was spiraling…  Her breakup convo with Arie went a little something like this:

Knocking on Arie’s hotel door.  Jacqueline cries.  She steals Arie’s wine.  Arie is pissed & pours Jacqueline her own glass of wine.  Kissy face.  Kissy face.  Tears.  “I can’t see myself introducing you to my parents.”  Kissy face. Crying. Guzzle the wine.  “I don’t want to go on two dates with you & wake up in Scottsdale married a few years from now.”  Cries.  Kissy face.  Arie says, “Are you scared of me?”  Kissy face.  Cries.  Kissy face. Goodbye.  “Come back if you change your mind.”

Second date: Lauren “Let’s break down our walls.”

They go to Luca.  This is the most she has ever spoken.  She confessed her love for Arie.  Arie walked away, just long enough to make her super insecure, then came back & said he was falling for her too.

I don’t read spoilers, so I could be way off, but my theory is that for some odd reason we haven’t seen Arie is totally in love with Lauren.  He had to walk away to ask for permission to tell her how he feels.

Lauren got the rose/hometown.

Third date: Seinne “I’m searching for the one.”

Truffle hunting & made pasta & pizza.  Seinne & Arie were mostly split up during this date & you could hear bells all throughout…foreshadowing.  All I can think about is the movie Ever After on this date.  Ever After

He sent Seinne home.

Group date: TinkerBekah, Tia, & Kendall “Meet me at the love rail.”

They go to Villa Royale, which looked like a really bad movie prop.  Bell chimes again.  Tia broke the cardinal rule of not talking about another girl to the lead.  Tia warned Arie that TinkerBekah “just isn’t ready for marriage.”  Bell chimes.  At least Tia did tell TinkerBekah that she talked about her.

Are gave Kendall a rose/hometown, turning the 3-on-1 date to a 2-on-1.  Tia ultimately got the rose/hometown.

Hometowns: S22E7 Rose Ceremony

Favorite Tweets: S22E7.1S22E7.2S22E7.3S22E7.4

So I have a theory, ABC really wanted Raven to be last season’s Bachelorette, but they got in hot water for the lack of diversity.  This, Raven 2.0, Tia will be the next Bachelorette.

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Glitter Bombed

Okay, since I seem to suck at getting my recaps out in a reasonable time, this one will be quick & dirty.

The Bachelor goes to Ft. Lauderdale…basically the Scottsdale of Florida.  Did Arie have to get rid of Caroline because she’s from Ft. Lauderdale?

First Date: Chelsea

So, this is basically Gilligan & Ginger on a date on a boat.  Ginger wishes it was The Professor, but still manages to say “I’m on a dream boat, with a dreamboat.”  Vom.  Chelsea pulled a super dangerous stunt by straddling Arie while he drove the jet ski.  She’s mom, in case you forgot, she should know better!  Side note:  what the hell is Arie’s giant amoeba tattoo??? (I couldn’t get a clear picture of this).

At dinner, Chelsea explained that her ex-husband (baby daddy?) was a real charmer, & left her when Sammy was 6 months old.  I kinda felt like she alluded to it being an abusive relationship, but she didn’t expressly say those words so I digress.  Her ex did her dirty, & Arie tried so hard not to say “awesome” or “amazing.”  Note to Arie, expand your vocabulary, perhaps learn some “a” words to express empathy, etc.  For example, awful, atrocious would even be appropriate in this instance.

Keeping with the Gilligan’s Island theme, Captain (& Tenille) performed a ballad for them to awkwardly slow dance together.  Chelsea got the rose.

Group Date: Maquel (she’s back…for a bit), Krystal, Becca, TinkerBekah, Jenna, Seinne, Kendall, Ashley, Marikh, Jacqueline, & Lauren. “There’s not a moment to spare.”

Arie spared (see what I did there?) no time showing us his Big Lebowski impression.  My eyes may never recover.Arie - Big Lebowski

Arie split the women into two teams: Rizzo’s team & the Blue Team & the losing team would be heading back to the hotel.  The Blue Team basically got shitfaced, which I find to improve my bowling skills personally.  Because Jenna was obnoxious awesome (and amazing), the Blue Team won.  They were real gracious about it.

Arie had a change of heart, & allowed the pink team to join the after party mostly because he wanted to suck face with TinkerBekah.  As you can imagine, Krystal took this real well.  On the bus ride back to the hotel, they all needed to done their cocktail attire, Krystal went off.  For some God forsaken reason, there were no cameras rolling on the bus.  Has the Real Housewives taught us nothing?  You always keep the camera rolling!!!!  All the other women were shocked and pissed at Krystal.

Kendall, the unsung hero of the night, confronted Krystal about the bus ride.  Krystal said her bags were packed…don’t tease us!  Basically the rest of the episode was Arie & the women playing right into Krystal’s manipulations.

At the cocktail party, Arie says “we’re all here.”  Either Jenna or Kendall piped up & said “not all of us.”  I really wanted to see how long it would’ve taken Arie to notice.  He went up to Krystal’s room & Arie basically put her in timeout.  Krystal

While Arie plays 20 21 Questions with Lauren, which I didn’t mind although he was a little too impressed with coconut milk in coffee.  Meanwhile, TinkerBekah gave the group her best Krystal impression.  Bekah - Sandra Dee

Of course this is timed perfectly for Krystal joining the party.  Rizzo

The women basically send her running back to her room.

Second Date: Tia

On the last one-on-one, we meet old as dirt Gilligan Gerald, tour guide of the Everglades.  I found this date to be a bit offensive on Tia’s behalf.  Arie loves to box her into the “good ole country gal” stereotype.  Gerald took Tia & Arie back to his place, which you too could rent for $99 per night.  Of course Gerald would be there.

At dinner, we learn that Tia lives in the city, has a PhD, & is in love with Arie.  This confession guarantees her a spot int he final four.  I’m calling it here – Tia will be the next Bachelorette.

Cocktail Party: we learn that Kendall would dabble in cannibalism.  We also learn that Krystal was just so hurt, which I think is code for f*cking furious at Arie & the women.  She claimed it was her & Arie’s first fight, which she seemed oddly happy about.  To her, that just showed that they were progressing as a couple.  Arie, on the other hand, is hoping that it will be their last fight.  Thus, we get imaginary glitter bombed. Krystal 2

Rose Ceremony: S22E5 Rose Ceremony

Favorite Tweets from the night: S22E5.1S22E5.2S22E5.3S22E5.4S22E5.5S22E5.6S22E5.7

What did you think of Episode 5?  Krystal is obviously going on the two-on-one date.  Can you believe Maquel came back, only to be sent home?  At least she looked beautiful.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: The “Bekah-ning”

You guys!  This episode was so much better than last week!  Arie has upgraded from human oatmeal to human Greek yogurt.  I would have said cottage cheese, but I hate cottage cheese.  Plain Greek yogurt isn’t great either, but when you add stuff to it it gets so much better.  Maybe by the end of the season we’ll have a parfait?  Although, he still likes to go to bed early, drink wine, & kiss, but he finally said more than “amazing” & “awesome.”

Chris Harrison showed up early to announce that they were traveling…to South Lake Tahoe, basically the Cancun of Lake Tahoe.  Arie stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, while the women stayed in Kendall’s dream house.

First One-on-One Date: Seinne “Let’s Let Our Love Soar.”

Y’all I love Seinne!  I’ve taken tow Bachelor quizzes recently & got Seinne both times.  Does this mean we’re destined to be best friends?  So, Arie & Seinne go parasailing over Lake Tahoe, which I have to think was super chilly as this was filmed in November-ish.  Meanwhile, back at the lodge the ladies spy on them because the producers conveniently left binoculars out on the balcony.  Seinne really did the heavy lifting until Arie finished his meal & he finally started reciprocating the conversation.  However, I think she is far too good for Arie, & I hope she becomes the next Bachelorette or leaves the franchise all together.

During their date, Maquel got a call that her grandpa passed away.  Sad face.  I’m always curious as to why people use the term “passed away” versus “died.”  Personally, I use both but in different context.  If someone is sick or old, they pass away.  But, if there was an accident or something more gruesome, they died.  For example:
– My dad passed away, when I was 24, from a rare fungal pneumonia.
– Two kids died in a school shooting in Kentucky last week.
PS – both of these things actually happened.

Group Date: Chelsea, Krystal, Becca, Marikh, Ashley, Jacqueline, Jenna, Tia, Kendall, Lauren, Brittany, Caroline “Will Our Love Survive?”

I kinda loved this date, which is weird because nature stuff is not my thing.  I’m more of a look at the pretty nature through the window kind of a gal.  I’m not going to wipe my ass with a leaf, I’m not going to eat bugs, not for me.  Sorry Kendall.  So, ABC brought in a really high profile survivor expert & his wife to teach the women about survival in the forest.  They were supposed to pee in a canteen & drink, but Arie rescued them from having to “drink” it.

So, then women split into teams & had to navigate their way over the river & through the woods to find the chalet (was it a chalet?).  Arie’s team won, of course, & they celebrated by stripping down to itty bitty, teeny weeny, yellow polka-dot bikinis & getting in the heated pool.  Arie bee-lined for Krystal & showed her a smidge of PDA in front of Tia & Caroline.  Caroline & Tia poked fun at the situation by mimicking Arie & Krystal & joking around.  Of course Krystal took it personally, when they were really making fun of the situation as a whole & more directed towards Arie.

According to Krystal, all the women are desperate & aggressive for attention by being enthusiastic for the date.   Wasn’t she the one last week that claimed she’d be aggressive if needed?

Now, just sit right there, & let me tell you how Krystal became the villain of Bellaire The Bachelor.

  1. The ever changing voice was the first red flag.
  2. She is so obsessed with Arie, she acts as if she has already won him & the other women are just white noise.
  3. She also thinks she is better than all the other women because they are “so insecure.” Krystal
  4. Thanks to her one-on-one, she now knows where he lives.  Big mistake.  Huge.
  5. Her manipulation of situations & turning it in her favor as the victim.
  6. She’s a narcissist & possible sociopath.Narcissist DefinitionSociopth Definition
  7. She purposefully whispers, so people have to lean into her – giving her “the upper hand.”

I did appreciate that Arie did take charge a bit at the After Party, by singling women out for one-on-one time.  FINALLY!  Outside of that, Krystal stirred up drama with all the woman, but specifically singled out Tia & Caroline.  Tia was not having it & I was living for it!

Second One-on-One Date: TinkerBekah – I didn’t catch the date card on this one.

I have to confess, I am on Team TinkerBekah!  Actually, I love the other Becca too – she is giving me Katherine from Sean Lowe’s season vibes.  We kinda don’t see much of her & then she’ll wind up in the top 4.

So Arie takes TinkerBekah horseback riding.  He insisted on helping her on the horse, but I’m pretty sure he wanted an excuse to touch her butt.  Then they get “so naked” in a hot  barrel bucket tub.

At dinner, they were talking – you know as one does on a  date.  Then TinkerBekah says, “Wait, do you know how old I am?”  She confesses that she is only 22 & Arie is shocked-ish.  He says, “you are so young.  I mean, I knew you were young, but not this young.  Have you ever dated? (long pause) A guy my age?”

Let’s just recap the age gaps between the women & Arie:
Bekah, age 22 – 14 year age gap
Maquel, age 23 – 13 year age gap
Ashley & Lauren, age 25 – 11 year age gap
Jacqueline, Kendall, & Tia, age 26 – 10 year age gap
Becca, Marikh, & Seinne, age 27 – 9 year age gap
Jenna, age 28 – 8 year age gap
Chelsea & Krystal, age 29 – 7 year age gap

Please notice that the two closest in age to Arie, are the ones most of us like the least.  However, ABC tricked us into thinking Chelsea would be the “Olivia” villain on night one.  Obviously, Krystal is the lunatic this season…and in real life.

Now as someone whose parents were 10 years apart in age, big age differences are not a deal breaker for me.  However, my parents met when my dad was 40 & Mama J was 30.  I don’t think TinkerBekah’s age would be an issue if she was say 30 & he was 44, but I do agree that 22 is super young, compared to a 36 year old – mostly in life experience though.  I’m not sure TinkerBekah has ever had to pay bills, sign a contract, deal with the death of close family members, or any of the obstacles life may throw at you between 22 & 36, but I digress.

All of this was a waste of time though because Arie gave her the rose & made out with her.  We knew this would happen,as she has been in the Italy promos since the beginning.  Arie

At the cocktail party, Chris Harrison interrupts Krystal’s lecture speech to inform the ladies that there will be no cocktail party.  Hallelujah!

Rose Ceremony: S22E4 Rose Ceremony

The only 30yo left got sent home, RIP Brittany.  Caroline went home too, which I was shocked by.

Favorite Tweets: S22E4.1S22E4.2S22E4.3S22E4.4S22E4.5S22E4.6S22E4.7

What did y’all think of the episode?  We’re all hating Krystal, right?

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: “I Can’t Watch This”

In all honesty, I wasn’t going to post a recap of Episode 3 because I hated it so much.  I spent this entire episode either completely bored or incredibly angry at Arie.  What is wrong with Arie?  These women are so much more interesting than he is; Arie is basically a Muppet.  He is human oatmeal.  Boring

I’m going to do a speed round recap, as I think everything you need to know about this episode is summed up nicely in the SNL Car Hunk skit.

First Group Date: Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B, Tia, Marikh, TinkerBekah, Bibiana, Krystal – “It’s all about the ring.”

ABC brought in the founding members of GLOW to teach the women how to fake wrestle.  Some women were really into it, some not so much.  One of the GLOW ladies basically ridiculed Bibiana for having an “ethnic” name.  I was shocked that ABC & The Bachelor would allow this when they have been under such scrutiny for lack of diversity.  After Rachel’s season, I am flabbergasted that racial intolerance would once again be allowed.  unacceptable

They went to a cute little Air Stream trailer park for the after party.  The women all made out with Arie, as usual he asked none of them any questions.  Krystal was her normal psycho self, very manipulative.  TinkerBekah got the rose.

One-on-One: Lauren S. “You had me at merlot.”

They went wine tasting in Napa – this is my dream date y’all.  Lauren was very nervous, & because of that she could. not. stop. talking.  Arie ate his meal on the date…while Lauren was still talking.  She referred to herself in third person, as Lauren S.  This was so sad.   Lauren S. got sent home.

Second Group Date: Ashley, Becca K, Brittany, Jenna, Caroline, Chelsea, Annaliese “Love is ruff.”

Honestly, I tuned out on this date.  Chris Harrison & that guy from Best in Show were the commentators at a dog show for kids.  Annaliese was afraid of dogs, so she was the pooper scooper.  AnnalieseThe Bachelor did her dirty again this week.  They exploited Annaliese’s legit fear of dogs with another Rescue 911 montage, & they kept her focused on how she hadn’t kissed Arie yet.  Chelsea got the rose.

Cocktail Party: Annaliese spent the entire cocktail party trying to get a kiss from Aire, he sent her home early, & she is now traumatized by The Bachelor.  TinkerBekah kept saying “I can’t watch this.”  Me either, girl…me either.  At this point, Bibiana & Brittany are the only women over 30 left, & fore shawdowing from earlier told us that Bibiana was going home.  Bibiana created a cute little makeout pad for her & Aire, he blew her off & proceeded to take all the other women there to makeout.  Bibiana went home.  Brittany is now the only 30 year old left.

Rose Ceremony:  S22E3 Rose Ceremony

Favorite Tweets: S22E3.1S22E3.2S22E3.3S22E3.4S22E3.5

I personally do not think Arie is interested in any of the women, except to bone them.  Although, he does show some tepid interest in TinkerBekah & Becca because they are the only women he actually asks specific questions to during their time together…then they makeout.

Hopefully this week will be better…fingers crossed!

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Sugar Daddy Demolition

Y’all, what is wrong with me?  My intention was to get this post up Tuesday evening, but instead I fell asleep on my couch, sitting straight up, at 7:30 pm with a spicy potato taco from Taco Bell in my hand.  Y’all, I’m a real catch.

Okay, now that I’m awake…  Week 2 of The Bachelor!  There are still a lot of blondes.  Arie still seems a little uncomfortable; I think this will ease as the group gets smaller.  The subtitle for this episode could be called Planes, Trains, & Automobiles.  Automobile

The episode starts off with all the women sitting around outside talking about how dreamy Arie is, how hypnotic his eyes are, & who could forget those pillow lips? Barf.  Shockingly, Chris Harrison showed up to earn his paycheck with the first date card.

Chelsea assumes that she is going to get the date card because she is so mysterious & got the FIR.   You know what they say about assuming…  Drum roll…and the date card goes to Becca K; it said “Hold on Tight.”   Did anyone notice that Arie signs his name with the A as a star?  How very Lisa Frank of him. Arie's note

This was the Cinderella date of the season, which is weird because that is usually Episode 4-ish or the last date before they move out of the mansion.  Becca is easily my favorite so far this season.

Arie pulled up to pick up Becca, dressed like the Red Baron, but on a motorcycle.  Jenny thought they looked really cute together, and off they went.   Red Baron

Becca was very chatty on the back of that hog; personally, I’d be afraid of bugs.  Meanwhile back at the mansion, Seinne, Chelsea, & Krystal shared their thoughts prompted by a producer on the date.   Both Chelsea & Seinne were jealous that Becca got to touch & hold on to Arie.  Krystal mentioned that she wouldn’t like this date because her dad was in a bad accident.

They showed up to a random kitchen with a buffet & champagne.  Low & behold, Rachel Zoe was their to style Becca for the date.  Arie kept twirling Becca every time she showed him a new dress…creepy?  These were clearly not go out, stay up, twirl dresses.  Duh.  Then Arie presented her with Red Bottom shoes that were to die for!  While drinking champagne, Arie casually mentioned that he likes to spray champagne not drink it.  I know this is a racing thing, but eww.  Next thing we know, Jorge the Bartender comes over the cliff to deliver Neil Lane jewels.  Do you think Arie has a Pretty Woman fantasy or a Richard Gere fantasy?

Back at the house the women miss Arie.  Barf.  Obviously a producer sent Becca back to the mansion to get ready for the evening portion of the date to make all the girls jealous.  Bibiana hilariously said that she’d never seen Louboutins in real life.  She also thinks they’ll get married.

Why did Becca pick this particular dress?  It was my least favorite.  Arie thinks his grey hair makes him wiser than the last time around.  They actually have a pretty good conversation; this is the most we’ve seen Arie speak so far.

At the house, the women are discussing Arie’s pillow lips…again.  Thank God a date card arrived!  Krystal got the second one-on-one date, “Home is where the heart is.”  Her first response was, “What do you think it means?”  Seriously?

Back on the date, Becca revealed that she was in a seven year on-off relationship, & that that guy helped her through her dad’s death.  Side note – that guy is now the conditioning coach for Stanford & is super hot.  Deep dive her IG.  Becca’s father had brain cancer & struggled for five+ years, which made her very close to her mom & sister.  Arie is close with his family too & that puts Becca at ease.  She gets the rose – no brainer.

Krystal & Arie took a private plane to Scottsdale to see Arie’s hometown.  That was brave of him, I wouldn’t want her to know where I lived.  She cray…which of course he doesn’t see yet as he is too turned on by her flattery, creepy voice, & blonde hair.  Is it just me or does her voice completely change from confessional, to being around the women, to being around Arie?  I am so confused by her constant flattery of him; is this a method of deflection to keep the focus off of her?  Is it a form of manipulation?  I get Ursula vibes from her.

Arie took Krystal to the Pizza Hut he worked at when he was 16 & his high school, showed her where the “art nerds & band geeks” hung out.  Does anyone else compare hi high school self to James Spader’s character in Pretty in Pink?  Arie in High School

Then he took her to a model home his home & forced her to look at photo albums & home videos.  Krystal thought it was really special & meaningful, of course.  Apparently Arie had a mullet for most of his childhood.  Next up we learn that Arie has an Oedipus Complex…tell me that Krystal does not look just like his mom.  Oedipus ComplexMeeting his parents & brother seemed a little forced, but also way too early in the season.  Krystal kept harping on the fact that Arie’s parents have been married for 36 years.

Back at the house another date card arrived.  On what seemed like the biggest group date ever, the following women  were told “Let’s Hit Love Head On.”  Maquel, Marikh, Tia, Valerie, Annaliese, Lauren G, Kendall, TinkerBekah, Jenny, Seinne, Jenna, Caroline, Brittany, Bibiana, & Chelsea.  They are all bummed that 15 girls on the group date.

At dinner, Krystal told him about her “less-traditional” upbringing because her parents divorced when she was young.  That seems pretty traditional these days to me, but what do I know.  Krystal said that her dad wasn’t in her life, so I’m very confused by this timeline because earlier she said that he was in a bad accident.  Color me confused?  Her mom was emotionally unavailable; however, she then told a story about her mom not having financial means to get her a comforter.  These seem like conflicting stories?  Krystal told Arie about her brother getting attacked & living on the streets, but he didn’t want her help.  She’s sad y’all.

Arie’s response was “I hate to see you like this,” which makes me think he wasn’t actually listening to her because that was such a bizarre response.  He was looking at her boobs.  However, I did like that he said that did not reflect negatively on her & that it was not her fault, which is true.  It is very obvious that Arie has had a fairly easy life & hasn’t had to work hard, nor has he experienced real loss.  She got the rose, obviously.  Que the awkward concert.  Side note – Connor Duermit’s EP dropped the night of The Bachelor & is in the top 150 on iTunes.  That is some good marketing my friends.

The next morning the women interrogated Krystal, but she played coy & refused to share the details of her date.  And, that right there is why Krystal is the real villain & psycho in the house.  Ummm, you do know that you are dating the same guy as 20 other women, right?  She took great pleasure in creating jealousy & intrigue among the women.  Shady.gif

The group date women got bussed to a Demolition Derby, where they got to decorate their own demo car.  Tia’s commentary was the best, “this is some redneck shit & we’re going to get f*cked up.”  I kind of enjoy Jenna…not to be confused with Jenny.  She gives me Ashley Onion vibes.

Annaliese broke down in tears revealing that she had had a bumper car trauma as a child.  Jenny was ruthlessly making fun of her.  I do confess that it is a pretty funny phobia, but when you really break it down Annaliese is claustrophobic…that’s real common.   The Bachelor producers did her dirty when they showed the Rescue 911 reenactment.  AnnalieseYou could tell Annaliese was reluctant to share her story, as she too thought it was silly, but y’all she can’t help it that she’s scared.  I’d say she conquered her fear on this date.  Jenny was real ugly during her confessionals.

Salty Chris Harrison & Robby Gordon were the commentators & I was here for it!  “Could this be the first time Arie wins something on a racetrack.”  More please!

Brittany got whiplash…now who whipped their head back & forth (she said this about Maquel’s entrance last week)?  Annaliese did pretty well.  It came down to Tia & Seinne.  Seinne won!  I loved that she took a victory lap!  What was with the milk?  Seinne & Tia

At the after party, Arie was dressed as Mr. Rogers & for some reason all the women still wanted to makeout with him.  Brittany missed this part, as she was injured from the Derby.   Chelsea pulled Arie aside first to reveal that she “has another man in her life,” her 3yo son Sammy.  Mystery over.  The thing I noticed most was how bad Arie’s posture was…maybe his sweater was too chunky?  The women all argue that they’ve all given up something important to them to be on the show, so Chelsea isn’t special in that regard.

Arie is super intrigued by Seinne; her life is so much more interesting than his.  She went to Yale, y’all.  Bibiana basically unraveled by not getting to speak to Arie.  Snagaroo.  Caroline wants Bibiana to change her attitude, & Annaliese wants to hug her.

Meanwhile, Arie is drooling over TinkerBekah.  He’s a smitten kitten with her.  They definitely play a Wicked Game knock-off during their makeout session.  Rose went to Seinne after a brutal fake out to Chelsea.  Cold blooded.

At the cocktail party, I think it becomes pretty apparent the Krystal is villainous/crazy.  All the women kind of decided to allow the women without a date to have one-on-one time with Arie first, Krystal internally said hold my beer.

Aire checked on Brittany & friend zoned her, but she was the “Most Hardcore.”  Krystal tried to interrupt Arie & Lauren B, & he said no!!!  Krystal, by the way, is already calling him Baby.  BARF.  Kendall shared her taxidermy & wore another hideous dress.  During Bibiana’s time with Arie, Krystal tried to steal Arie again.  Bibiana told her no – it’s about time a woman does that in 22 seasons.

Then came what we’ve all been waiting for…the mic drop as Bibiana literally said.
B: I mean I really think that you have a lot balls just coming to sit down with us.
K: I wanted to come talk with you, to make sure that you had time.
B: I think that opening the door is not the way to ask.  Why would you even come to try to sit next to me, knowing that you already have a rose & you already had time with him earlier?
K: Well, I only literally had 2 minutes with him.
B: I don’t… I honestly… I think that when you learn to speak to me like a normal human being & not with a fake tone, then I can actually respect you and listen to what you to say.  But, if you really think that I’m going to fall for this la, la, la, la, la…  You have to be kidding me.
K: Well I think that you need to realize, is like, we’re in a situation & we’re here…
B: You already have a rose, & you already had a one-on-one.
K: …to have a connection & spend time with Arie, so I do have a rose & I did have 2 minutes earlier, it was very very brief.
B: I really don’t even understand how you think that it’s okay to steal that time away or anything from any of these women…
K: Well I meant it as no disrespect, & when I came in to check on you I asked if you had enough time…
B: To check on me?  Baby girl, it’s not about checking.  If I’m trying to talk to my man, you need to back the f*ck off.
K: Well I did, & I asked if you needed more time…
B: That’s all I gotta say.
K: …and I did & I gave that to you, & I let you come out.
B: You need to check yourself first before you try to check on other people.
K: Look, I don’t want to upset you or anyone else…
B: Well, you already did & I really think that you already upset me & everybody else, & honestly at this point, umm, nobody’s going to respect your time.  You just dug a big asshole big ass hole for yourself.  Good luck Krystal.  I’m done with you.  I think you really need to take some time.  Maybe tomorrow do your little workout, meditate a little, & reflect on what you just did, because there’s a lot of angry people here & I’m just the voice.
K: Well, I apologize.  I didn’t mean to offend anyone…

Krystal has zero self-awareness & clearly does not know how to genuinely apologize.  The whole cocktail party smelled of some intern producer running around riling up Bibiana & prompting Krystal to interrupt every single woman.

Valerie, Lauren G, & Jenny go home.  Jenny, being the brat she is, walked out without speaking to Arie.  She claims to never have been dumped before, uh you still haven’t.  You’ve only known Arie for all of 48 hours.  Arie chased after her, Jenny told him she was only sad to leave her new friends, not him.  She might be prime for Bachelor in Paradise.S22E2 The Women Left

Favorite tweets from the night:  S22E2.1S22E2.2S22E2.3S22E2.4S22E2.5

What did y’all think of this week’s episode?  Was it everything you’d hoped for?  Was it everything you need?  Are you TeamBibiana or TeamKrystal?

Until next week…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: Janu-Snorie

You guys, I’m so sorry this post is up so late!  My laptop died about 30 minutes into Monday night’s episode & I was house sitting at the time & didn’t have my battery.  So, now I’m finally back at my house for more than 10 minutes…to be honest I was more worried about my pipes freezing than JanuARIE.  Now I’m re-watching the episode to ensure that I give y’all a thorough recap…because I’m dedicated like that.

Okay, so it’s night 1 of The Bachelor and for some god forsaken reason ABC decided to make us suffer through the same “Road to The Bachelor” preview we got a few weeks ago.  EmilyDoes this mean we don’t have much this season?  Most likely.  Does this mean Arie is boring?  Yes.  Does this mean the women suck?  Probably.  How come we didn’t get an Arie shower scene?

As most of you know, this is my least favorite episode of the season; yes, I realize I’m in the minority here.  There’s just too many blondes at this point & I can’t tell them apart.

Before the limos, I have a few questions:

Why was Raven & Grey Suede not camera ready?  Why was Kendall singing & playing the ukulele to a seal in a tree?  That seems dangerous.  Why did the parents of TinkerBekah’s charge allow the baby to be in her package, but not themselves?  Also, I want to meet that baby’s mom; she is brave to hire a cute young pixie.  Why is Krystal feeding random guys?  I don’t think they’re homeless.  Why hasn’t she seen her brother in so long?  Also, why is Chris Harrison wearing the ugliest tie ever made?

Limo 1:
Caroline: She wore white latex-looking wedding dress & told Arie a lame realtor joke.
Chelsea: she had a great black dress & tried to be mysterious.
Kendall: she wore hideous baby pink shiny, wrinkled dress held together by strings.
Seinne: her name is pronounced See-inn.  She’s gorgeous & my front-runner so far.  She gave Arie elephant cuff links, which I liked because it wasn’t so gimmick-y.
Tia: she brought Arie a little wiener (gimmick-y).  I didn’t love her dress, but she looks like Becca Tilley & JoJo Fletcher’s lovechild, but sounds like Raven. Becca & JoJo

Inside the house the limo 1 ladies think Arie is “really, really, handsome & so comforting.”  That’s a direct quote.

Limo 2:
Bibiana: She did not give me much of a first impression; however, she was already talking babies in the confessional.
Bri: she threw a softball to him.  I was surprised he caught it.
Jenny: she wore a nice-ish dress.  Arie thinks she is very beautiful.
Brittane J: she put a bumper sticker on his butt that said “Nice Butt.”
Jacqueline: she is gorgeous!!! Front runner from this limo.  She gives me Carly vibes.

Limo 3:
Krystal: she wore a great red dress.  I hate her voice.  They did a weird meditation thing.  She has this weird Stepford Wives look on her face & that sickeningly sweet voice – she’s bat-shit crazy y’all.  You heard read it here first.
Nysha: she basically wore lingerie
Valerie: ugly yellow dress & purple hair

Inside the mansion during limo 3, the women start to freak out that there are so many women & that they are all so beautiful.  Have they seen this show???   Chelsea says, “Let’s just say that the hair is down & the boobs are out.”  She’s letting her insecurities show…

Bekah “TinkerBekah”: she pulled up in a classic car, 1965 Mustang.  Her dress was a hideous fluorescent yellow/green dress. I will only refer to her as TinkerBekah from here on.  Unfortunately, she is the front runner from this group.

The producers are obviously setting Chelsea up to be Olivia 2.0 from Ben Higgins season, & setting us up not to like her.  However, I think Krystal will be the real villain of the season…calling it now.

Limo 4:
Jenna: she has a strong accent.  Is she drunk?  Blue cut-out dress.
Jessica: she’s pretty cute.  Kinda reminds me of Arden Myrin.  She gave him a dust collector gratitude rock.
Marikh: she is ready for “some salt and pepper in her life.”
Olivia: She wore a seas green dress & talked about Emily…that cannot bode well for her.
Becca K: she had a great dress.  She made Arie get down on one knee & ask her “to do the damn thing.”  I’m not sure Arie knew which knew was his left knee.  She is one of my front runners…at least for the next episode.

Valerie is panicking at the number of women coming in behind her.  Again, has she not watched the show before?

Limo 5:
I love that ABC just said F it, put all the Laurens in one limo.
Lauren S: She wore a black dress with a weird cut-out & a tie between her boobs.  She is very peppy.
Lauren J: She wore a white dress.  Y’all this is a bold move because it could go bridal real quick.  She gave him huge Mardi Gras beads.
Lauren B: she wore a silver pageant dress.
Lauren G: they sped through her intro, blue & silver dress.  She did address the fact that Arie had just met a few other Laurens.

All the gals in the house are shocked to meet so many Laurens.  Chelsea quickly quipped, “Four Laurens walk into a room, b& none of them get chosen…”

Limo 6:
Ashley:  she wore a short champagne colored dress & brought a racing flag.
Brittany T: she wore a short black dress that was all boobies.  Her hometown changed from her bio?  She attempted to speak Dutch to Arie…kinda butchered it.
Amber: she owns a spray tan company – I totally thought the she would for sure own a pot dispensary in Denver.  She told Arie that in her line of work she sees a lot of “Bleep.”  Did she say dick or pussy?  Is this really a thing?

Meanwhile, in the house all the women are basically spying from the front door.  They would suck a playing Sardines.

Limo 6 Continued:
Ali: she asked Arie to smell her armpit, get it?  A pit stop…also disgusting.  However, from a chemistry perspective, smell & pheromones are important in the whole attraction thing.  She gives me Lala Kent vibes from Vanderpump Rules.
Annaliese: she came out dressed like a “kissing” bandit; it didn’t hurt my feelings.  He was very handsy with her.  Front runner from this limo.  That mask is so going to crease her hair.

Okay, inside the house TinkerBekah is rolling her eyes at Annaliese’s costume.  Now for a hot minute I wondered if TinkerBekah was a 105 yo pixie or 22 because she was drink whiskey…neat.  I’m 34 & can’t even do that without making a face.  Then I saw that she had a French manicure, so she’s definitely 22 years old.  She’s also really feeling her ’65 mustang entrance…the we hear the revving of another car…and slowly her smile fades.

Formula 1 Car:
Maquel: she came in a formula 1 car & shake her hair out or “Whip her head back & forth,” as Brittany T. said.

The women were jealous that they didn’t think of that dramatic entrance.  Ladies, if a race car driver is The Bachelor & you don’t think of a racing joke, gimmick, pun, etc. then this might not be the show for you…  You’ll have to get the flat tummy tea endorsement somewhere else.

I really want to know why ABC decided on 29 women?  That is such an odd number to me.  Why not 30?

Chelsea grabbed Arie first.  Let the bitterness ensue.  Arie is intrigued by Chelsea, & she wants it to remain that way.   Maquel quickly stole him from Chelsea.  She told the other women that the one that makes all the noise stole him.  Being photographer, Maquel decided to spend her time taking selfies with Arie.

I loved Jacqueline’s conversation with Arie…it was a real life conversation one should have on a first date.  She brought up the very valid point that Arie was more successful in a “Bachelor” type of environment as opposed to dating in the real world.   Y’all she “therapised” him.

Up nest, he spoke to Marikh.   Meanwhile, inside Nysha, Olivia, & Lauren G talk about interracial dating.   We then see Ali talking to Arie about Emily…not a good sign.

Brittany T. & Arie race in tiny toy cars & the winner got a kiss.  It turned into more of a bumper car situation as Arie had to push Brittany over the finish line.  Arie gave Brittany the most tepid “Arie” kiss.  The women were not happy that Brittany got the kiss…especially Chelsea.

Kendall plays a little tune for Arie on the ukulele.   Caroline seems a little drunk, but ordered a pizza for Arie.  Lauren G blindly feeds him pineapple, which she says is her safe word.   Apparently food is the way to Arie’s heart.  Jenna gave him a weird foot bath.  Arie says that Jenna is a little wild, he is confused & intrigued.  Annaliese finally removed her mask…drum roll – she looks the same.  Although, she’s not into nick names & neither is Arie.

Becca’s mom wrote down questions for her & Arie to answer.

Back in the house, some of the women are antsy that they haven’t had time with Arie, which of course is also when Chris Harrison brought in the FIR.  Do you think he waits in a room until someone complains that they haven’t gotten to talk to the lead, & that’s his cue to drop the First Impression Rose?  Also, I don’t understand not talking to the lead on the first night…they literally have ALL night to make a move.  I place a little blame on Arie, because if I was him I’d be very methodical & make sure I talk to every single person lest I send “the one” home.

Bri mentions that “the only thing that would make her mad is if people start going twice.”  Que a producer to send Chelsea back in while Arie is talking to Krystal.  At this point, Krystal deserved to be interrupted because when Arie said he wanted to know about her.  Krystal’s response was, “I’m a Libra.”  Like the rest of us, Arie does not care.  How the hell does Arie think Krystal’s voice is soothing???  I find it psychotic.  Krystal’s voice is completely different in her confessionals.

Chelsea & Arie made out, & I was totally grossed out by the visual & the noises.

Jenny drew a picture of Arie, & he LOVED it.  It was pretty good.  Jessica made the mistake of telling Arie the her deceased father has met him.  During his talk with TinkerBekah, she asked him to tell her 3 things that get him excited to be alive.  He said excitement, which she called him out on & he changed to adrenaline (is that the same thing?), pizza, & good company.  Can you feel me rolling my eyes all the way from Texas?

Chelsea got the first impression rose…we saw that setup coming a mile away, right? giphy.gif

The women’s pictures in b&w are who went home. S22E1 Women Left.PNG

Arie got rid of quite a few of the “older” women.  Let’s just say he got rid of only one of the 23 year olds, the rest are over 26.

My favorite tweets from the night: S22E1.1S22E1.2S22E1.3S22E1.4

So far this season, we have a lot of realtors, a lot of deep V dresses, a lot of blondes, & what looks to be a lot of cat fights.

What did y’all think of the season opener?  Were you sad to see anyone specific stay or go?  I personally would have liked to see Jessica stay, they were setting us up for that with the sob story.

An interesting tidbit for you…apparently Maquel had a starter marriage, as in she was married in May 2016.

I’ll be more timely with my recap next week…I promise!

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelor: The Women’s Bios

Okay, so I’m not going to lie…  The bios were so boring!  The women were all beautiful, & the photo quality has vastly improved, but there were no weird careers, no obvious red flags, etc.  I was pleasantly surprised by the ages, 7 our of 29 were over 30, I believe only 2 were under 25, & 1 refused to give her age (I hear she’s 22).  Their ages & the fact that one girl has a pixie cut & one has a bob is really the most diverse thing about this cast, sadly.  There are usually more people from Texas, this time we get one & her profile is lacking.

I finally watched The Bachelor intro from a couple weeks past…  I’m guessing that ABC is trying to trick us with the boring bios.  I have few comments: 1) Bekah will now be known as Tinkbekah.  She is basically Tinkerbell come to life & hates to wear a bra.  Tinkerbekah

2) Tia is Raven’s BFF & I low key love her.

3) Kendall has a warehouse full of taxidermy.

4) Chelsea is a mom, not a bitch… I don’t think that’s how that works???

I’d like to reiterate how boring the bios are.  The trailer looks much better, tears & all that.  I starred some women that I think are ones to watch.w1w2w3w4

Okay, so tomorrow is officially JanuARIE!  I’ll  be live Tweeting the premier & my recap will be up on Tuesday.

Happy New Year,

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The Bachelor: It’s Finally Arie’s Season!


Y’all, it’s that time again…Bachelor blogs will be restarting soon!  I know there are some mixed feelings about Arie as the Bachelor, but I have a few reasons why he’ll be great, or at least better than Nick Viall!

  1. He’s easy on the eyes!
  2. He knows how to throw a woman against a wall, in all the right ways.  You know what I mean.
  3. In case you don’t know what I mean, I’m talking makeout sessions against the wall.  Emily was a fan…so was I. arie & emily
  4. I personally love that he is not from the last two seasons.  We’ve had sufficient time to either miss him or forget him.  Perfect recipe for a good season.  It’s also allowed him time to self-reflect & mature, blah, blah, blah & all that.
  5. He’s from the Classic Bachelor era…you know when the dates were fun.  Helicopters, hot tubs, & heartache – oh my!
  6. He’s not an influencer, or trying to be a blogger, Instagram star, etc.  No flat tummy tea for him.
  7. Jef Holm is not a fan.  That’s right, one “f” Jef can’t stand him.  This speaks highly of Arie because Jef turned out to be a real Tool McDouche Nugget.  Google it.
  8. He’s a 6’2″ tall drink of water.  tall
  9. Arie is 35.  You know I love it when they’re older (as in my age)!
  10. Y’all, the best reason to watch is that Ashley Spivey has said she MAY come out of Recapping Retirement to blog this season!!!  You may remember her from Brad Womack’s second season, or as one of the HILARIOUS recappers from Emily’s season.  Ashley Spivey


I’ve taken the liberty of giving you all my very first impression of each of Arie’s contestants, before reading their bios.  I’ll post another blog post-bios.  PBFP1PBFP2PBFP3PBFP4PBFP5PBFP6PBFP7PBFP8PBFP9PBFP10

What do you think of my love for Arie?  Am I alone?  To be fair, I adored Nick until he became the Bachelor; hopefully, Arie will not disappoint.  Thoughts on the women?  Lots of weird names, & so many Laurens.  My thoughts on the women post-bio will be up tomorrow!

Kiss Hug,

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