BIP: Chad Bear is a Monster

I’m so excited that my favorite Bachelor Franchise show is back!  BIP opens with their amazing theme song.  This is obviously Chris Harrison’s favorite show too, because he actually shows up to more than the rose ceremonies.  He seems happy & back to his old self of Papa Chris/therapist/RA.

My first impression of the cast, in order of appearance:

Amanda: beautiful as ever, still loves an off-the-shoulder top

Nick: is it possible that he has gotten better looking?

  • Did he really ask Amanda if she’d ever madeout in a thunderstorm?

Jubilee: still love her!

Evan: he looks like such a dad.

  • Good to know he looks better in person, according to Jubilee & Amanda.

Vinny: I’m in “Porto Vallarty” & I’m ready to party.

Carly: I’m so glad Carly is back!  I hope it works out for her this time.

Grant: wearing the shortest shorts

  • Has he lost a little weight?

Daniel: came in wearing jean shorts

  • Grant said, “hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your belly button, Daniel’s here.”  BEST. QUOTE. EVER.
  • Daniel was such an ass in his confessional talking about the girls, comparing them to dogs & rotten fruit.  Daniel

Grant pointed out that there were a lot of birds swarming…bad omen?

Sarah: I hope she finds love more than anyone else in Paradise.

  • She would make a fantastic Bachelorette!

Emily & Haley: Daniel’s in love.

  • Daniel swooped in quickly on Emily.
  • Haley’s not so interested.

Izzy: who is Izzy?  Have I seen her before?

  • What this hell is this conversation she’s having with Daniel?

Lace: her extensions are HORRIBLE.

  • Grant thinks Lace is a mess, but is totally smitten.

Did anyone notice Daniel splashing in the ocean?  I heard an Amy Grant song playing in my head during this moment.

Jared: why does everyone drool over Jared?

  • Jubilee is in love, but turned shy instead of introducing herself.

Loved that Wells compared Chad to Piggy from Lord of the Flies at the MTA, & now Evan is comparing him to the whale in Moby Dick.  Spot on guys, spot on.

The lead in to Chad’s arrival was amazing.  Earthquake like tremors because he is such a monster.

Chad: only Daniel was happy to see him.

  • All the women thought he was good looking, but a bit scared as well.

Sarah thought Chad was onion that is misunderstood.  This makes Carly sad about life.  Lace & Chad had definite chemistry.  He did halfheartedly apologized to Evan.  Evan wasn’t buying what Chad was selling.  Daniel & Chad Bear were the first couple to hit it off in Paradise.  Daniel is planning to let the liquor do the driving  & put it in booze control.  bromance.gif

Chris Harrison showed up to explain what Paradise is about.  “The way this works best, is if everyone is sincerely here to find love.”  And, get shitfaced.  The gang proceeds to check out their sleeping arrangements.  The girls have a super cute room & the guys are at sleep-away camp.  Chad of course had to have a protein meat fix.

Jubilee received the first date card.  Who knew that she & Emily were best friends?  Emily could not be less excited for Jubilee…some friend.  Jared accepts.  Vinny yells, “have her home early.”  I’m loving BIP Vinny.  Gran & Lace seemed to be hitting it off, & by hitting it off I mean that Lace gave Grant “constructive criticism.”  She quickly moved on to Chad.

Okay, so Chad & Lace were kind of cute/funny at first.  They fought over cuddling.  The rest of the cast is wondering how quickly they’ll fizzle out.  Side note: are Vinny & Izzy (Vizzy) the new Kirkly?

Lace & Chad have a very peculiar relationship.  Fight, makeout, pour a drink on each other, dolla, dolla, bills, makeout.  And, repeat.  So weird.  Haley said it best, “They’re fighting with their faces, like kiss fighting.”  Lace somehow managed to wrap Chad around her finger.

Jubilee & Jared have dinner under a polo-pa full of pinatas.  They nerd out over LOTR…okay.  About halfway through the date Jubilee spies a clown through the pinatas & starts screaming.  This is a weird date, y’all.

Vinny & Izzy are THE couple right now.  Izzy was frustrated that Vinny hadn’t kissed her yet.  It kinda looked like he was giving her the Tina Fabulous treatment.  Anyone remember her?

Chad Bear proceeds to get more & more intoxicated, while Lace sobers up & comes out of her drunken stupor.  She no longer appreciates being called a “stupid bitch.”  Nick’s reactions were hilarious.  He said it best when he said, “God phoned it in when he made Chad.”

Poor Daniel tried to talk some sense into his friend, but he was too far gone.  In Chad’s drunken stupor he talks about murdering everyone.  Sarah stepped into the fray by defending Lace & all women.  Carly applauded.  Chad, stellar gentleman that he is, said, “F*** that one armed Bitch,” & “Suck a dick,” to everyone’s horror & disgust.  The group is officially over Chad.  Sarah

The next morning, Chad is very confused by how got in bed naked.  Apparently when Chad passed out on the beach he shit himself.  If there is a God, this really happened!!!  I choose to believe there is a God. 🙂  Chris called a meeting to confront Chad’s behavior.  Somehow, Lace feels bad for Chad because he is the “Old Lace” & has no self-awareness.  Chad is a misogynistic, disrespectful, narcissistic ass.  Chad blamed his behavior on the others not being able to handle his jokes.  Sheriff Chris kicked Chad out of Paradise because he was horrible to the cast & hotel staff.  Chad was shocked, & had the nerve to blame Lace.  Go Chris, Go Chris!  Suck a Dick

Not taking anything gracefully, Chad proceeded to berate our beloved Chris Harrison.  He yelled at Chris that he doesn’t know what happened because he was “in his hotel room in a robe drinking mimosas.”  I wish Chris has said that he was more of a Bloody Mary kind of guy.  CBH

Of course this all can’t end tonight, so as usual it is a TBC…  I want to hurt whoever made Jorge cry in the previews.

What did y’all think of the first episode of Season 3 of Bachelor in Paradise?

Until next week…  I’ll be live tweeting & recapping #RHONY tonight.

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: Naked & Afraid (Night 2)

Honestly, I loved last night’s episode even though I didn’t get a rose ceremony at the end, but the most interesting part of the night was that Hillary Clinton made history by winning the Democratic nomination.  It’s pretty cool regardless of your political affiliation – don’t send me hate messages, as I don’t care who you vote for as long as you VOTE!  no voting = no complaining.  Sorry to get political, but I like to read & talk smart things.

Thoughts from the night:

  1. The pool party was more like a quick dip before the Rose Ceremony.  And, where was my sing-along?!?!  I’m dying to hear that song again.
  2. What is with Evan’s nose bleeds?  It’s not like they are in high altitude.  Is he secretly Rachel Green?
  3. I’m actually a little bummed that Saint Nick got the boot.  JoJo gets coal for sure.  I could see him on Bachelor in Paradise…
  4. Luke is hot; I don’t know why the folks on Twitter thinks he’s creepy.  I have more of an issue with his voice than his face.  I think he has been through some shit in his life, which has turned him into a quiet, dare I say introspective, person…I guess that comes off creepy?
  5. The group date was lame; with all the Brock Turner stuff in the news lately, I thought it was in really poor taste for ABC to air an episode with Ben Rothlisberger (an alleged rapist).  Big Ben even ate the Cheeto Puffs – umm, it’s all about the Extra Crunchy Cheetos or Flaming Hot Cheetos.  DUH!
  6. Chad & Alex got the 2-on-1 date.  Alex was pumped & proceeded to tell Chad how excited he was that The Chad would be going home.  Alex was so cocky that I was worried.  Don’t poke the Chad Bear.Chad bear.gif
  7. Did anyone else notice that Alex, Luke, & Chad were left at the hotel; all are military or ex-military.  All three behave so differently when The Chad’s antics were questioned.  Luke was calm, cool, & collected.  Alex is a good guy, but a bit antagonistic.  Chad deflected & blamed everyone else for his actions.  #narcissist
  8. Before Chad & Alex left for their date, The Chad threatened to find Jordan after the show to kick his ass.
  9. Why the hell was this 2-on-1 the scariest date on Earth?  And, why the hell would you give Chad a machete?  I think JoJo was scared for her life; she kinda seemed to phone this one in (not that I blame her).  JoJo confronted Chad regarding the situations in the house.  He denied none of the accusations (because they’re all true), & basically told JoJo that he had no other choice but to get physical.  Umm, no, no, no (NO, NO, NO!) – unless you are sweatin’ to the oldies then there is no reason to get physical.  Violence is not the answer.  As we tell children, “Use your words.”Chad & Alex
  10. How creepy was Chad’s whistling?  I’ve never heard anything scarier in my life.  The preview made it look like Chad found his way out of the woods, & back to the hotel to seek his revenge.

These are the guys left after last night’s episode.  The hearts are guys that got the date rose.  Jojo's Suitors Week 3

My favorite tweets from the night are below.  Week 3.2.1Week 3.2.2Week 3.2.3Week 3.2.4Week 3.2.5Week 3.2.6Week 3.2.7Week 3.2.8Week 3.2.9Week 3.2.10Week 3.2.11Week 3.2.12Week 3.2.13

I’m so bummed the NBA Finals will not allow for The Bachelorette next week, but it does give me one week to focus back on #SouthernCharm for the much anticipated dinner party from Hell.

Until next time…

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette: Too Many ‘gasms (Night 1)

Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette was Ah-MAZING!  I loved every second of it…except the times I hid behind my laptop.  Since this is a two-parter, the recap will be short & sweet (similar to last week).

My thoughts from last night:

  1. Chase, Robby, & Jordan need to differentiate their looks – too similar.  Although, Chase has been my favorite of the 3 since the first night.  CJR
  2. That yoga date was familiar (Chris & Carly), but so much hotter!  Whew! (fanning myself right now).  I also hid behind my laptop once JoJo mounted Chase.  She looked way too comfortable for that to be her first time…  yoga
  3. I firmly believe that The Chad believes everything he says as Bible, but also he is totally auditioning for Bachelor in Paradise – which would make me so happy!!!
  4. The first two dates were very sexual in nature…like way overboard in the TMI department.  Nick’s story with the tongue visuals made me hide again.
  5. I loved Alex’s reaction every time something didn’t go Chad’s way!  It made my heart smile.
  6. Who knew Evan (the smallest guy there) would end up being the ballsiest one?  He ended up getting the group date rose to the shock of everyone!  What is happening on this show?!?
  7. Chad got denied a kiss in front of everyone.  All the viewers at home collectively cheered…I heard them.  kiss denied gaston
  8. James Taylor has a horrible name (that he chose, mind you), but he is a swell guy.  I loved, loved, loved his date with JoJo.  He’s definitely the Bob Guiney of this season, right?
  9. Paul Blart is now living at the Mansion because the guys all fear The Chad’s Roid Rage.  Tonight The Chad was compared to Hilter & then downgraded to Mussolini.  I’m liking Daniel more & more.
  10. I’m loving JoJo more & more each episode.  She does not let these guys get away with anything.  I can’t wait to see how the pool party goes.  I hope the guys serenade her with the song they worked on last week.  #poolsidesingalong  giphy

My favorite tweets from the night:  Week 3.1.1Week 3.1.2Week 3.1.3Week 3.1.4Week 3.1.5Week 3.1.6Week 3.1.7Week 3.1.8Week 3.1.9Week 3.1.10Week 3.1.11Week 3.1.12Week 3.1.13Week 3.1.14

I can’t wait for tonight’s pool party fiasco!  What do y’all think?

Check back tomorrow for my Night 2 recap!

Kiss Hug,

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The Bachelorette Recap: We Meat The Chad

Okay y’all, last night’s episode was a pretty crazy Week 2.  Am I right?  Usually it takes at least three episodes to know who the long-term Villain is.  #Villainsgottavil  Since there are still so many guys left, & I’m still hardcore watching Southern Charm, this recap will be short & sweet.

I have a few thoughts about last night’s episode:

  1.  JoJo looks hot in a fireman’s uniform.
  2. Luke may becoming a little whiny for my taste.
  3. Wells has a great sense of humor.
  4. LOVED the poolside sing-a-long!
  5. Chad is so hot…until he opens his mouth.  I feel like it is a lot of work to be that big of a prick.
  6. Derek looks exactly like John Krasinski & Marcus (the one that married Lacey from BiP).  Derek LC
  7. Loved Nick’s shower dance.
  8. Did they ever sing the song for JoJo?
  9. Chad gives new definition to the term “meat head.”
  10. Evan is also too needy.

I think it is very interesting that Chad is ex-Marine, Alex is active Marine, & Luke is ex-Army.  Did anyone else notice that the Marines were much quicker to anger.  Maybe they were just hangry.

Here are my favorite Tweets from the night:  Wk - 2.1Wk - 2.2Wk - 2.3Wk 2.4Wk 2.5Wk - 2.6Wk - 2.7Wk - 2.8Wk - 2.9Wk - 2.10Wk - 2.11Wk - 2.12

What did you all think of last night’s episode?  Do you think JoJo handled The Chad correctly?

Check back after RHONY on Wednesday for a fresh recap!

Kiss Hug,

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